by Shirley Wine
“Lacey?” he shouted, sprinting towards the sheds. “Lacey? Where the devil are you?”
Chapter Six
Winsome’s heart stopped and then began hammering; she fled hard on his heels, on feet that felt mired in mud. She looked right and left, there was no sign of the little girl. Winsome couldn’t see a glimpse of the scarlet jacket, or the shocking pink hat that clashed horribly with Lacey’s hair.
Her little girl loved that hat and insisted on wearing it at every opportunity.
Jared came out of a shed, one hand gripping Lacey’s shoulder. The sight of that shocking pink hat had never been so sweet.
The child’s eyes were wide and scared as she looked up into her father’s grim face. Jared crouched to her level, holding her shoulders with work-roughened hands.
Air found its way into Winsome’s lungs— her heart gradually resumed a more normal speed. The adrenalin crash left her weak at the knees.
“Don’t ever disappear like that.” His quiet, authoritative voice stopped the child’s protest. Fear gave his words an edge Winsome had never heard. “What would happen to you if you played on the road in front of your house in Tauranga?”
“I’d get runned over.” Tears stood out on her lashes but Winsome didn’t interfere. Lacey needed to understand that farms weren’t great big, safe backyards.
“Right.” Jared’s words were clipped. “There aren’t many cars here, Lacey, but there are other dangerous things. Cows with calves and bulls are very dangerous.”
Just imagining the child in a paddock of cows and calves was enough to make Winsome’s blood run cold. The enraged bellow of a cow setting to flight any intruder she thought was threatening her calf was the most terrifying sound.
He gave the little girl a slight shake to emphasise his words. “There are water troughs and drains that you can fall in and drown.”
Oh God, oh God, oh God, Winsome said in silent litany, feeling so faint she had to lean against the barn before she fell over.
Was Jared remembering another child too, another time? Their much loved child, water dribbling from slack lips and ghastly, sightless blue eyes.
“Matthew drowned in an itty bitty pond,” Winsome blurted on a harshly indrawn breath, gulping in more air until she thought her lungs would burst.
“There’s very big, noisy machinery that could squash you as flat as an ant.” Jared said fiercely, giving her another tiny shake. “You must never go away from your mother or me without asking us first. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” Tears trickled down Lacey’s cheeks.
“You won’t run ahead again?” he asked in a quieter voice.
“No,” Lacey quavered, her bottom lip trembling. She cast a piteous look up at Winsome, but this precious child’s safety was too important for petty recriminations.
“You do understand, Lacey?” Winsome seconded Jared’s question.
On this issue she and Jared were in complete accord. They knew first hand that once the unthinkable had happened you could never go back and change it. Together, they would do whatever it took to keep this child safe.
The little girl nodded.
“Good girl.” Jared lifted a hand and brushed the tears from her cheeks, then stood up, a hand firmly on her shoulder. “Would you like to see the puppies now?”
“Yes please.”
He led the way into another shed. “Come and meet Fly and her babies.”
Winsome followed, shaken by the speed with which Lacey had disappeared and the ghastly images Jared’s lecture had resurrected. He sat Lacey on a hay bale and went into the stall where a black and white bitch was nursing several similarly coloured puppies.
He put a gentle hand under the belly of one pup and lifted it off its mother’s nipple.
“Here.” He put the puppy in Lacey’s arms, showing her how to hold it so it didn’t get hurt. Lacey was entranced by the squirming bundle. “Stroke its head like this.”
She copied the way Jared stroked the soft fur. “It’s heavier than Casper.”
“Puppies are bigger than cats. You have to be very gentle, puppies’ bones break easily. How about we give him back to his mother now so he doesn’t miss out on his feed?”
As she watched them, Winsome was blindsided by bittersweet knowledge.
Jared was a nurturer, a natural caregiver, as gentle and firm with a child as with an animal. He would never have turned away from her had he known the secrets in her past. Jared, being Jared, would most probably have insisted she seek help, as his father had done, and they would now have two precious children to nurture and raise.
Guilt lanced through her. How can I expect Jared’s forgiveness?
This honesty and integrity was the reason he couldn’t see through his mother’s deceit. It would never occur to him to look for it.
Reluctantly Lacey handed over the puppy, watching as he carefully laid it down near its mother. Straight away it fought the other pups, nuzzling at Fly’s belly until it latched onto a nipple and began to nurse.
“Fly.” Jared called and gave a low whistle, snapping his fingers.
The bitch stood up, her puppies tumbling to the ground.
Entranced, Lacey laughed and clapped her hands as she watched the squirming, wriggling, whimpering puppies as they snuggled together in a living heap.
Jared called her over and introduced the dog to Lacey and Winsome. He instructed them to hold out a hand and let the bitch get their scent. Then he fetched Fly some food and put it down for her.
“You won’t come here without me will you, Lacey?” He asked hunkering down beside the little girl as she watched the bitch eat. “Fly is quiet and gentle, but if you hurt her puppies she’ll get upset and she will bite.”
Protective mothers. A farm was populated with them, Winsome thought with wry humour.
“I won’t,” Lacey promised then asked eagerly. “Can I come tomorrow?”
“I’ll bring you, okay?”
“‘Kay.” She danced across to Winsome. “Did you see the puppy? Daddy’s going to bring me to see it tomorrow, is that ‘kay?”
“Of course.” Winsome was as amused by the way Lacey latched onto Jared’s expressions, as she was impressed at his handling of her. Sugar-coated discipline, and their wilful daughter had taken it meekly.
As they walked past the empty machinery sheds, his expression turned grim. She laid a hand on his arm.
“We don’t need two cars.” She put the suggestion forward a little hesitantly, unsure how he would take it. “Why don’t you sell my car and use the money to buy a tractor.”
For a moment she thought he wasn’t going to answer, wasn’t going to acknowledge her offer of assistance then he looked at her and she shivered at the expression she saw in his eyes.
“I considered it but thought you would resent curtailing your freedom.”
Did he think she was that shallow?
A tiny whirlwind came around the end of the shed, picking up straw and feathers, sending them in an upwards spiral. From somewhere in the far distance the sound of cattle lowing only added to the unnatural silence that surrounded them.
Totara Park without livestock was like a city without people.
An eerie and ghostly place.
“I wasn’t happy that Harvey forced me to come back.” The sober admission was wrenched from her, allowing him a glimpse of her heart. “But I realise we’re in this together and both stand to lose heavily if the farm can’t pay its way. Isn’t it better to free up the capital and use it for stock and machinery?”
Last night she’d lain in Jared’s arms.
And discovered the passion still flared hotly even if the emotional connection was...tenuous at best. For better or worse, their marriage had resumed.
The capital tied up in her house and car was desperately needed here. This place was their livelihood, to survive they had to pool their resources, but this time around she intended to ensure her interests were well protected.
“You’re prepared
to commit yourself to staying here for two years?” It was a challenge, pure and simple.
“What about you? You’re the one suggesting we have another baby.” She met his challenge with cool aplomb. If he expected her to run away from a fight, he was in for a shock.
“Are we getting a new baby?” Lacey’s curious eyes darted from one parent to the other.
Damn. Too late Winsome realised the child had been intently following their conversation. The little girl was a sharp as a tack.
“Oh hell,” Jared muttered succinctly. She saw the colour seeping under his tan and knew he’d forgotten Lacey’s presence, too. “I forgot little pitchers have big ears. You would do that? Sell your house and car?”
“Yes, we need the money here.”
Meeting his amber gaze, Winsome viewed their situation with heightened perception. In his entire privileged life, Jared had never been forced to go cap in hand to anyone. And he didn’t much like doing it now.
Resentment was written large in his body language, and something else. Frowning thoughtfully, she tried to finger what it was in his attitude that got to her. His cynicism and mistrust she could understand, it was his veiled disgust that troubled her.
Did he think she was a party to Harvey’s manipulation?
Shaking her head, she dismissed that notion. Surely even Jared couldn’t suspect her of that?
They turned back towards the homestead, walking side by side in a silence that had become much more amicable.
“What have you decided to do until we can afford to re-stock?” Winsome stopped and looked at him. Jared was an excellent farmer with a well-earned reputation for superior stock and management practices.
“Dairy heifer grazing is our best option,” he said after a considered pause. This was the man she recognised.
“What about brood mares?”
“You are scared stiff of horses so we’re better sticking to cattle.” A wry grin accompanied this and she knew it didn’t need her soft, relieved breath to let him know she appreciated his consideration. “Besides horses do considerable damage to conventional fencing and it’s hardly economic to outlay such a huge expense in post and rail fencing for a short term venture.”
She realised that Jared had weighed the issue from all sides, not merely taking her phobia about horses into the equation. This both pleased her and left her slightly miffed.
Which was ridiculous.
“How does dairy heifer grazing work?” She was determined to get to grips with understanding the whole operation. Harvey may have manipulated her into this position but her own pride and self-respect demanded she not be found wanting.
Jared leaned one foot on the lower rung of the wooden gate and turned towards her. For long moments he eyed her steadily as if he was fighting some inner battle of his own. He looked away, watching Lacey as she climbed up and down the rails of the cattle yards, enjoying the freedom of her own climbing frame.
“Dairy farmers graze replacement heifers away from the home farms.”
“Why?”
“With the heifers grazed off, dairy farmers can carry more milking cows, produce more milk and make more money,” he explained succinctly. “The farmers pay us a fee per head per week. We in turn have to guarantee a minimum live-weight gain and a minimum number of empties.”
“Empties?” There were so many practical things about farming that she didn’t understand. Something she was determined to remedy.
Jared’s conviction that she was a handicap he was forced to carry had stung.
“An empty heifer is one that isn’t in calf.
He looked at her and a slow grin brought a sparkle to his eyes. Was that a gleam of devilment she saw? She didn’t understand how, but she sensed he was enjoying a joke at her expense.
“There’s a lot of paper work and records involved. Could you help with that?”
Here at last was something she knew and understood. She loved the order and balance figures provided. Figures never tripped you up like people and emotions had a habit of doing. A clean balance sheet provided no surprises, just straightforward columns of figures.
She was studying business accounting by correspondence, working her way steadily towards a degree as a CPA. Her aim was to be qualified before Lacey was ready to start school. She had been determined that when she divorced Jared she would be in a position where she earned her way through life.
Never again would she be dependent on any man to provide for her.
“If you show me what sort of records you need to keep, I’ll do them,” she said with a fierce sense of pride, determined to prove her worth. “How many heifers will you graze?”
“We have eight hundred acres here and almost no stock. We should be able to run between seven and eight hundred dairy heifers.”
“How will you go about getting them?”
“I’ve rung the local Dairy Company rep, and stock agents of the two biggest stock firms notifying them we have grazing.” He was frowning and she realised he was thinking out loud. “They will be coming to see us within the next day or so to inspect our farm and feed supplies and spell out our legal obligations.”
Winsome listened intently, absorbing his words.
“On the subject of legal matters, Max Harpur needs us to sign a land transfer document so both our names are registered against the title deeds of Totara Park, partnership documents and tax papers. If you’ve got nothing else to do this afternoon we can get that over and done with.”
“What about my house and car?” She wasn’t prepared to let this drop.
“We can get Max to add the sale of those to the papers we sign,” Jared stopped and looked at her. “I’ve already contacted a broker about selling all my stocks and bonds.”
It was Winsome’s turn to frown. In her course she’d studied farming and farm financing. She’d also done considerable related reading under Harvey’s guidance, partly to increase her own understanding and partly because farming was such a huge industry. It offered the greatest potential to be her work base.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” she questioned, her seriousness underling her very real concern. “Don’t economists recommend having ten per cent of your capital in off-farm investments? Surely for our future security you shouldn’t cash in your stocks and bonds?”
Jared’s shock made her realise she’d taken him by surprise with her understanding of the basic premise of prudent fiscal management as it related to the farming industry.
“You have done your homework.” His grimace was rueful. “You’re right of course.”
“I know I’m right.” His condescension annoyed her intensely. She’d done more than homework. “Didn’t Harvey tell you I’ve all but finished an accounting degree?”
Jared’s look of stunned surprise was the best balm her bruised psyche had ever received.
“What?” He shook his head as if to clear his thinking. “Why would you do that?”
Winsome laughed but the sound had a hollow ring. “Did you think I couldn’t do it? Did you think I would always be dependent on you?”
“When did I ever imply you were dumb?” The steely question held an edge of warning. “When were you planning on using it?”
She gave him a look that held a good measure of self-mockery. “The day of Harvey’s funeral, my sole reason for coming, as requested, was to ask you for a divorce.”
“Divorce?” He gripped her arms, the pressure making her wince. As if he realised he was hurting her, he eased the force of his grip. “You intended to divorce me?”
“Is that so inconceivable? Our marriage was defunct.”
Something shifted in his eyes, his expression hardened and his mouth thinned to an aggressive line. “So why did you return?”
For several long moments she just looked at him. A slow smile curved her mouth and she began to enjoy his baffled anger. “Did you really think you were the only one with any pride, Jared? Or a sense of responsibility.”
“Responsibility?”
He spat the word out as if it tasted disgusting.
Suddenly, Winsome realised that what she was doing made her little better than Gaelen. And that recognition shocked her as nothing else had ever done.
“I could never live with myself if through me you were forced to sell Totara Park.” She gripped his arm, forcing him to meet her contrite gaze. “Don’t sell your stocks and bonds, Jared. Sell my house and car if we must, but leave the stocks as a buffer against any future disaster.”
For long fraught moments their gazes locked and she thought he was about to refuse when something shifted in his expression and the hard glitter in his eyes faded.
“Okay, we’ll do it your way,” he said with resignation, meeting her eyes. “Transfer all the stocks and bonds to our new partnership, and sell our surplus assets. Agreed?”
Suddenly the enormity of what she was about to do struck Winsome. Should she do so, there would be no turning back.
Silly, chided an impertinent inner voice. From the day Harvey died the die was cast and there was no turning back.
“It’s a deal,” she agreed in a husky voice.
For a moment Jared hesitated. Was he too, ambivalent about this whole situation? Then he held out his hand and Winsome solemnly put hers in it and they shook on it
She wasn’t foolish enough to underestimate his resentment and bitterness. Harvey willing her half of his birth right and Jared being compelled to sink his pride and seek her help to get the farm on its feet again was a huge blow to his self-esteem.
His acceptance of her help was a tiny start in creating a joint future.
Time had shown her how shallow their marriage had been. Now she needed much more than what they had once shared. Such a marriage wasn’t going to come easily. It would require hard work and commitment from them both.
“Is Totara Park in danger of foundering, Jared?”
“No, we’ll make it. It means watching expenses for a year or so. Grazers will generate an immediate cash flow and buy us time until we can get another herd of breeding cows together.”
