“Nope, what’ve you got in mind?”
They headed to Wendy’s for a salad. It didn’t matter how tempting the fries and hamburgers were; Rachel knew that with her unofficial Weight Watchers coach with her, she’d stick to her diet.
“So any more appointments to look at apartments?” Finn asked once they were seated, her with a big salad with chicken and he with a side salad and chili.
Rachel shook her head as she chewed, wondering if he had deliberately waited to ask her the question until the exact moment she shoved a forkful of food into her mouth. She held up her finger until her mouth was clear enough to speak. “No, actually, I think I’m going to take over my friend Sheri’s place. She’s moving in with her new boyfriend.”
“That’s great, what’s the place like?”
“Well, it’s a one bedroom on the second floor of a three-floor walkup building. Nice living room, kitchen. You know, all the standard features.” She popped a tomato into her mouth. “And the best thing is that she’s going to leave her furniture, at least for now, so I can add things gradually. I’d like to settle in a bit before I decide what I would like to do to make it my own.”
“That’s great,” Finn said again, nodding as he stirred his chili. “I’d like to see it.”
Rachel glanced at her watch. “She’s probably home if you want to swing by there now…” Rachel felt bad for neglecting Sheri recently; although she had done it to Rachel dozens of times thanks to her intermittent bouts of NBS, Sheri wasn’t used to being on the receiving end. And knowing how desperate Sheri was to meet Finn, (anyone who would brave walking in on a Stern family dinner just to meet a new friend had to be desperate, in Rachel’s eyes) she thought dragging Finn over under the guise of seeing the apartment would be a good idea.
It seemed to take forever to get to the bottom of the massive salad, especially with Finn watching her after inhaling his own meal. But once she did, Rachel got out her cell and dialed Sheri’s number.
“Hey Sheri, I just finished my Aquafit class with, um, that new friend I told you about and we were thinking about dropping by. He’d like to see the apartment. If that’s okay, of course.”
“Oh!” Sheri squealed. “Yeah, come on over. I’m dying to meet him. Brian’s here too, but that’s okay, right?”
“For sure,” Rachel said, eager to get off the phone in case Sheri said something embarrassing that Finn might overhear. “Over in a bit.”
Once they were in Finn’s car, Rachel gave him directions to Sheri’s building.
“You know, if you need to paint or anything, I’d be happy to help,” Finn offered.
Rachel looked over at him. He was looking at the road but turned to see her staring at him.
“What?” he asked.
“Why? Why are you being so nice to me?” Rachel frowned.
“What do you mean?” he asked, taking his eyes off the road to glance at her again.
“The drives to the hospital, coming with me to look at apartments, offering to paint…What do you want from me?” It wasn’t a fair question. But if Rachel had had the guts to ask it in the past, maybe she could have avoided some heartache.
Before he spoke, Finn pulled into a 7-Eleven parking lot and stopped the car. Then he turned toward her, frowning. “I don’t want anything from you, Rachel. Nothing other than your company. I’m being nice to you because I like you. I like spending time with you.”
Rachel looked down at her hands. She suddenly felt very stupid. She didn’t want Finn to see how pathetic she was, but it was too late. She couldn’t stop the tears.
“What is happening? What’s the…why are you crying?” He reached out and lifted her chin with his finger, forcing her to look at him. His eyes were sad, he looked confused.
“Because I’m a loser. Guys don’t like me.” She sniffed, wiping at the tears with her sleeve.
“I like you. And I don’t think you’re a loser.”
“I’m tired of being used.” Rachel’s head dropped again.
“Rachel.” Finn paused, waiting for her to look at him. “Rachel, look at me.” She raised her head. “I have no intention of using you. I have no intention of hurting you, but I can see that you’ve obviously been hurt before. I picked you at the speed dating thing because I saw something in you. You were articulate, funny and talked to me like I was human.”
His eyes had filled up and he turned away and took a breath before returning his gaze to her. “I’ve been there, too, you know. I’ve been the fat guy that no one will talk to. The big guy that no one would ever consider dating, that the girls just laugh at. I know how much it hurts, I know how shitty it makes you feel.” He swallowed. “Do you know that I was the booby prize at a high school girls’ dating competition?”
Rachel’s eyes widened.
“It’s true. I was the ‘last call guy.’ The one where the last girl who didn’t hook up by the end of the school dance had to pretend to like and make out with on the dance floor. Can you imagine what that was like? And you know how I found out?” He waited for her to shake her head. “They actually told me. They stood there in a group as the lights came on after the dance and laughed as they told me.” The pain was raw on his face, the tears now rolling unimpeded down his cheeks, landing on his khakis.
“Oh my God, Finn.” Rachel sobbed, her heart aching for him. “I’m so sorry.”
Finn grabbed some Kleenex from the console, handing Rachel one and taking one for himself. He took a breath as he wiped his face. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I didn’t tell you so you could feel sorry for me. I wanted you to know that I’ve walked in your shoes. I know how it feels.”
“I shouldn’t have doubted you.” Rachel shook her head, the guilt knotting her still-digesting stomach.
“It’s okay. When it’s been a recurring pattern in your life, it’s hard not to be paranoid. I, of all people, know that.” He dabbed at his eyes with the Kleenex. “But please know that I like you, Rachel. Not to use you for sex or whatever, not anything like that.”
Rachel nodded, suddenly feeling very warm inside. She looked up at him. “I like you too, Finn.”
Despite the awkwardness of the console and the ergonomically correct bucket seats, Finn leaned toward Rachel his hand landing lightly on her cheek.
Rachel closed her eyes and the second his lips touched hers, something exploded inside of her. All the pain and insecurity that had been a part of her for so long was suddenly replaced by something she hadn’t felt in so long she’d forgotten it existed.
Letting herself go, she leaned into Finn’s kiss, touching his face with her hand, tracing his jaw with her finger, his five o’clock shadow tickling her fingertip. She knew with every fragment of her being he meant what he said; he really did like her for her.
She was so absorbed with how right it felt, she didn’t even care if people saw them kissing, sitting in his car in the 7-Eleven parking lot. She was done with the lies, the desperate attempts to get someone to like her, no matter what it took. Finn liked her, Rachel Stern, and she didn’t care who knew it.
When the kiss ended, Rachel leaned back into her seat, biting her lip, and looked at Finn. He was smiling at her, his face still blotchy from his tears. She smiled back. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest, she was sure if he listened hard enough he’d hear it.
“There’s another reason I like you,” he said, a sheepish grin on his face.
Rachel raised her eyebrows, waiting.
“What drew me to you that first time I saw you at the shul. You’re beautiful.”
Rachel’s eyes dropped, she couldn’t look at him. He had said something she never thought she’d hear. He said she was beautiful; not “you have a beautiful face” but that she was beautiful. He had said she was beautiful. All of her.
She looked up at him. She had to say something but was afraid of choking on the words. Instead, she leaned toward him and kissed him again.
When she pulled away, he smiled. “I guess we’d bett
er go, your friend is waiting.”
Rachel nodded, still incapable of words.
She needed to talk to Sheri desperately.
* * *
The entire rest of the car ride to Sheri’s, Rachel felt like she was back in high school math class trying to suppress a terrible case of the giggles. She dared not look over at Finn, knowing that would set her off, and she didn’t want him thinking she was a stupid school girl. She was twenty-seven—an adult! People her age were married with kids.
They trudged up the two flights of stairs. “The stairs will help with the exercise,” Rachel noted as she knocked on Sheri’s door.
As though she had been standing behind the door waiting (she probably had been), Sheri flung the door open even before the knocking stopped echoing down the long corridor. Sunny was tucked under her arm, panting, his wagging tail slapping Sheri’s back, thump thump thump. Sheri smiled at Rachel, but her glance quickly darted to Finn.
Rachel couldn’t help the stupid grin that had pasted itself on her face, feeling like she did the one time she had tried to smoke pot and couldn’t stop smiling for two solid hours. “Sheri, this is…”
Sheri’s smile dissolved. “Dr. Schwartz.”
Rachel blinked. She looked from Sheri to Finn. “You know each other?”
Sheri swallowed hard. “He’s my…gynecologist.” The last word was a whisper but Rachel heard it as though Sheri had yelled it into a megaphone.
She looked back at Finn. “You’re a gynecologist?”
Finn nodded slowly, his frown deepening.
“Am I missing the party out in the hallway?” Brian hollered from his position on the couch.
“I’m sorry. Um, please come in,” Sheri said, holding the door so Rachel and Finn could enter the apartment.
“Nice place,” Finn said awkwardly, looking around.
He’s a gynecologist? Seriously? Rachel thought, her head swimming. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. He looked different now: less appealing.
“Have a seat, Dr….er…I mean Finn. This is Brian.” Sheri absently pointed to her boyfriend, obviously distracted. “Um, Rachel, I have this fancy Christmas party coming up and I’m not sure what to wear, can you help me decide?”
“Sure,” Rachel said, abandoning Finn in the living room to follow Sheri down the hall.
“I think that’s woman code for something,” Rachel heard Brian say as she turned the corner into Sheri’s room.
Sheri closed the bedroom door and put Sunny down on the bed. “You seriously had no idea he was a gynecologist?”
Rachel shook her head. “No, I thought he was just a family doctor.” Her salad was threatening to come back up.
Sheri’s eyes were still wide, her voice bordered on hysterical. “You can’t date my gynecologist.”
Sheri’s panic was contagious. Rachel’s stomach heaved again. “Okay, um let’s get this straight, I can’t date anybody’s gynecologist.”
Sheri stepped over to her closet. “Think of the pressure!” She opened the door and began rifling through her wardrobe.
“What are you doing?” Rachel asked.
“I wasn’t making that up. I really do have a Christmas party. Help me find something.”
“Oh,” Rachel sat on the bed next to next to Sunny. “I mean, how could you possibly date someone who’s looking at that all day? That’s worse than dating a dentist.”
Sheri pulled a slinky black gown out of the closet and held it up against her body. “I know, and you even floss.”
Rachel shook her head at the dress. “What does that even mean—that I floss?”
“I don’t know.” Sheri returned the gown to the closet, pulling out a red number. She raised her eyebrows.
“Put it on,” Rachel said, leaning over onto her side, propping her head up on her elbow. “Do you think he’s cute though?” She rubbed Sunny’s exposed belly, smiling when the little dog grunted with pleasure.
Sheri stepped out of her scrub bottoms and pulled her cami top over her head, exposing her fuchsia bra and matching panties. Gutsy, Rachel thought, envious of Sheri’s confidence.
“Sure, he’s cute, and yeah, he’s a really nice guy. But he’s a gynecologist. Do you think you could ever get past that?” She paused to pull the dress on. “Do you like him?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I guess it’s like any job, right?” A smile snuck onto Rachel’s face. “He kissed me on the way over here.”
Sheri held her arms out. “What do you think of this?” The dress clung in all the right places. If it weren’t for Sheri’s slouchy gray sweat socks, she would have looked stunning, even with her hair messy and piled carelessly on top of her head. In a way, the messy hair made her look better.
“It’s perfect,” Rachel nodded approvingly. “Wear it for sure. Okay, back to me. What do you think?”
“He kissed you? What was it like?”
Rachel didn’t feel right about telling Sheri all the details of the conversation she and Finn had in the car. It was private, just between the two of them. But Sheri wasn’t asking about the conversation, she was asking about the kiss.
“It was nice. He’s really nice.”
“You want to be with a guy who gets that much pussy at the office every day?” Sheri asked as she pulled the dress over her head, her nonchalance appalling.
“You’re awful. I’m sure he doesn’t look at it that way. He’s been really nice to me, maybe he does really like me.”
“Well then,” Sheri shrugged. “That’s your answer. I mean, someone out there has to be willing to marry a gynecologist. I guess I can always find another one. Maybe he can give me a referral.”
“Thanks.” Rachel smiled at her friend, relieved.
“Just one thing,” Sheri said, the right side of her mouth turning up into a wicked grin. “Let me know what it’s like doing it in the stirrups.”
Leaning over the side of the bed, Rachel picked up one of Sunny’s discarded squeaky toys and threw it at Sheri. “Ew. You’re disgusting.”
Sheri laughed. “I’m disgusting? I’m not the one dating the gynecologist!”
Once they decided on Sheri’s outfit and Rachel’s love life, the two women and the little dog rejoined the men in the living room.
“No, I disagree, I think McIlroy will lose his game this year. I’m all over Watson,” Brian said before taking a sip of his beer.
Rachel had no idea what they were talking about but it didn’t matter since the conversation seemed to dissolve as soon as she and Sheri walked into the room.
Finn looked up and smiled weakly at Rachel.
“So, I was just about to put the kettle on, can I get anyone a tea?” Sheri offered, suddenly the gracious host.
Rachel turned to Finn. “Sheri’s got some really nice strawberry tea.”
Finn nodded. “That would be great, thanks.”
“Me too,” Rachel said, “Do you need any help?”
“Nope, I think I can handle pouring hot water all on my own. Why don’t you give Doc…I mean Finn…the royal tour?”
“Good idea,” Finn agreed, getting up to his feet.
Feeling silly since there really wasn’t much to see, Rachel led Finn down the short hall to the bedroom and stepped through the doorway. “And so this obviously is the bedroom.”
Finn followed her in. “It’s lovely.” He looked behind him and then without warning put his hands on Rachel’s shoulders as he leaned in for another kiss.
Rachel thought her legs would give out. Although she was aware that her friend was barely a room away, she lost herself in Finn’s kiss. A shiver went through her from the bottom of her toes up through her entire body.
He pulled away first. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just couldn’t help myself.” He smiled down at her.
She swallowed. “We should…” she pointed toward the living room.
Finn nodded, following her out of the room.
Rachel stepped across the hall into the bathroom and tur
ned on the light. “And this is the bathroom.”
Finn peeked down the hall again and stole another kiss. This one just a peck, leaving her longing for more. Maybe her mother was right to ask her if she had considered birth control.
Ugh, she forced thoughts of her mother out of her head as she turned out the light and led Finn back down the hall to the kitchen.
“And this is the kitchen.”
Sheri stood leaning against the counter, waiting for the kettle to boil. Rachel was positive she wasn’t getting a kiss in this room.
“So what do you think?”
Finn smiled. “It’s really nice. I think you’ll be happy here.”
Rachel could only think of Finn kissing her.
“So when are you planning on moving?” Finn asked.
Rachel hadn’t even really thought about it. She turned to her friend. “When are you moving your stuff into Brian’s?”
Sheri shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess since I’m just going to be moving clothes for now, I can move anytime.”
Rachel suddenly wanted nothing more than to have her own place where she could entertain Finn in private. Where they could sit on the couch together and watch movies and maybe even make out all night if they wanted.
But there was a huge obstacle that she knew was going to present a problem. “When I went to the hospital today at lunch they said that Dad could come home tomorrow. So I’ll have to see what all that is going to be like. I can’t exactly bail on my mother if my dad needs round the clock care.”
Finn nodded.
The kettle began to whistle. Sheri unplugged it and poured the water into the three mugs.
“God I love that smell.” Rachel handed Finn a mug.
They retreated back into the living room. Sheri handed Brian another beer before sitting on the couch with her tea. “So Brian and I were talking before you guys got here and he’s going to introduce me to a Jewish tradition.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows, waiting.
“We’re going to go to a movie on Christmas Eve.” Sheri beamed. “Oh, hey, you two should come!”
Rachel and Finn exchanged glances.
“Fine by me,” Finn said. “I have no plans.”
Love for Scale Page 20
