by Edward Aubry
"Glimmer," he said, his eyes still closed. "I do love you."
She sniffled. "I love you, too, shithead."
He smiled. He could feel his heart pounding. "If you want this to be a romance," he said softly, "we can do that."
With his eyes still shut, he waited for a response. Without warning, he felt a sharp jab in the center of his mouth. It tingled fiercely. He opened his eyes to see, too close for him to focus on it, the top of Glimmer's head. Her silver hair shimmered and rippled as she kissed him. Before he could figure out how to respond, she pulled back. Her face was covered in glittery pixie tears. But she was smiling.
"I don't," she said.
He was totally unprepared for the emotional response that cascaded through his heart. To his surprise, it did not begin with a sense of relief, but rather as a profound sadness. Neither of them had wanted that kind of relationship in any realistic sense, and yet, on a level he had not perceived before, he wished they could have wanted it, somehow. Washing over all of this was a rush of emotional connection, attachment, respect. They had, both of them, come out the other side of a tunnel neither had been able to define. For the first time, he understood the nature of their bond. The strength and the depth of it.
"Okay," he said, wiping away a tear of his own.
She touched his cheek. Zap. "It hardly seems fair," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"I just wish we could have done this before."
Harrison considered that it might have been easier to have this conversation if she hadn't always been so evasive about answering simple questions. Then he reminded himself that evasiveness was her nature. If anything, the fact that they were having this conversation at all must be a tremendous achievement for her. "Yeah," he said, "but we're good now, right?" He smiled, feeling purely happy about their friendship, for the first time since the Worm.
"We're great!" she said. "It's just that … well, the timing sucks."
Harrison's smile slowly faded. He had no need to ask. He knew what was coming.
"I didn't go into Faerie before because I was afraid of what I would do," she said, looking away. "When we get there, I won't be coming back out."
Chapter Thirty:
Bess
Shortly after sundown, Jeannette took Harrison aside and offered an unfortunate observation. "There are five fresh corpses on the ground out here," she said.
"Yes," he said. "I know." He was bothered by the description of two people he knew, one of whom he had been just starting to know well, as "fresh corpses." "We don't exactly have the resources to give them a proper burial," he said after a minute.
"I understand that," she said, her tone indicating her frustration that he was completely missing the point. "While I understand that ceremony is your prerogative, mine is health, and we have a problem in that regard."
Harrison gave her a puzzled look. He was no doctor, but he hardly saw the health risk. He had been trying not to think about it, but he knew they would be long gone before any serious decomposition started. Still, maybe he was missing something. "Disease?" he asked.
She shook her head. "Predation."
His stomach sank. She wasn't talking about them catching something from the dead; she was talking about the dead inviting something to come catch them. "Oh, damn! I didn't think about that at all." His main concern had been that they would suffer another attack. Hadley was stationed in the transport, monitoring a variety of long range detection devices and trying to cobble together some sort of stealth capability for the vehicle. Glimmer had cast a misdirection spell on the area around them and was flying periodic patrols. He had been so careful to protect them from their enemies that he had forgotten that some enemies would be natural ones.
"That's why I'm here," she said.
Harrison blew out a heavy sigh. Unbidden images raged through his head. Wild beasts of unknown origin tearing apart human flesh while they watched from the dubious protection of the transport. Monsters rending Claudia's mother to pieces before her eyes. Tearing the door open. Canned human, all around. "Christ," he whispered. "What the hell should we do?"
"I don't know. Push them into the river? Burn them? I'm not sure either is a viable option. I wish I had a better suggestion, but we have to do something, and do it pretty soon. And Harrison? Whatever you decide?"
"Yes?" he prompted, dreading what she was going to say.
"We'll have to take care of the bodies in the wrecked fliers, too."
He could feel his stomach spilling the whole way down his abdomen, where it dangled for a moment before breaking free and falling, splat. He watched it soak into the Earth. "We'll never get in them," he said, hoping it would somehow get him off the hook.
"We're going to have to."
He tapped his foot nervously. "I'll go find Glimmer."
"Good idea."
It was a good idea, he realized. He had meant he was going to find Glimmer because he was desperate and needed reassurance, but after saying it, and hearing Jeannette's response, he decided that what he really meant was that he was going to ask her if there was any kind of magical solution to their dilemma. He had come across as decisive, but it was accidental. It amazed him just how far he could ride on the others' faith in him.
He found her inside the transport, talking to Apryl. They were laughing about something. Behind them, in the back, he saw Claudia and Jake, her head resting on his shoulder, the two youngest members of the group sitting in melancholy silence. He was glad Claudia had someone to comfort her, and he turned up the gain on his respect for Jake by one notch. Alec was sitting alone, as far from everyone else as he could get, looking out a window. Harrison sat down next to Apryl. He took a second to look at Glimmer and fix the image in his head. He already missed her.
"I need to ask you about something," he whispered, worried that Claudia might overhear. He did not want her dragged into this if he could help it.
Apryl suddenly looked serious. "Should I go?" she asked.
Harrison shook his head. "No, you can hear this. We have a problem with the bodies outside," he said.
"What kind of problem?" Glimmer asked.
"The kind where we need to get rid of them. And fast. Jeannette is afraid they're going to attract predators. Which is the last thing we need. I was hoping you could do something to them? Like, I don't know, shrink them or something?"
"Shrink them?" She looked skeptical. "I'm not sure I would do that even if I could. Are we planning to keep them?"
Apryl looked shocked, but Harrison assumed the question was sincere. "No," he said. "First choice would be to bury them, but we don't have the tools or the time. Can you freeze them or something?" He winced. His suggestion sounded both heartless and stupid.
"Well," she said, "I could ash them."
His eyebrows went up. "That sounds like something that might work. What does it entail?"
She rolled her eyes. "I touch them. They turn to ash. Not complicated."
Harrison's jaw dropped. "You can do that?"
She shrugged. "Sure. I can only do it to deaders, but, well, that's what we've got out there."
Harrison felt some of his tension drain away. For a moment, he had pictured her doing it to a living person. He had not enjoyed the image. "Okay, then," he said. "We better get on it."
Apryl grabbed his arm. "Wait!" she whispered, rolling her head in the direction of the two somber teens.
He put his hand over hers on his arm and nodded. "Thanks," he said. "I …" He shook his head in self-disgust. "Just thanks." She took her hand off him as he stood up. "Go do the bad guys," he said to Glimmer. "Save our people for last. We've got to try to do this respectfully."
"Aye, aye, Cap'n," she said, and flitted out.
"Captain?" Apryl sounded amused.
He shrugged. "She's called me that before."
She smiled mischievously. "I like it," she said. She tried it on. "Captain Cody. It sounds almost piratical, don't you think?"
"Uh," he said,
and then he paused, considering it. "I guess it does. Why don't you nudge Alec and head outside. Tell Hadley what we're doing. I'll be right out."
"Aye, aye, Captain," she whispered with a smile. He watched her tap Alec on the shoulder. He turned from the window and said something to her that she doubtless did not want to hear, but she only nodded politely and offered her hand. He took it and walked with her. On their way out, they collected Hadley from the driver's seat.
Harrison walked back to Claudia and Jake. Jake saw him coming and waved, but Claudia was too deep in her funk to acknowledge him. "Claudia? Jake?" he said. "We're going outside to, uh …" How to say it? "We're going to say goodbye."
She looked up. Her eyes were big. The eyes of a hurt child. "To Louise?"
He nodded. "And Sgt. Smith. I thought you'd want to be there."
She did not move. "I can't," she said.
He waited for her to say something else, but all she did was stare at him. He almost told her it was all right, but then he realized that she was pleading with her eyes for him to ask her again.
"Please?" he said.
"Okay," she whispered.
When they got outside, the very first thing Harrison noticed, and hoped that Claudia did not, were the roughly ovoid, flat piles of ash where before there had been the bodies of three strangers. The moon was gibbous, but not full enough to cast appreciable light, and he guessed that the piles would be easy enough to miss if she wasn't looking for them. Smith's body was still there, under a blanket, but again, the blanket was dark enough not to draw attention to itself.
He needn't have worried, as it turned out. Claudia's focus was decidedly somewhere else.
Louise was still lying where Claudia had last stroked her hair and told her that she loved her. She, too, was lying under a blanket. Apryl, Hadley, Jeannette, and Alec were standing around her, and Glimmer was hovering. When he and Claudia and Jake approached the group, Harrison turned to ask Claudia if she was going to be all right. Her chest was heaving silently, and moonlight reflected off the trails leading down her cheeks.
"Do you need a minute?" he whispered.
She shook her head, but as she did so, she squinted her entire face, and made a squeaky noise. He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder, and she grabbed him and sobbed into his chest. After a few seconds, she spun around and grabbed Jake, who put his arms around her.
"I have to do this now," she said. She let go. As she walked directly toward Louise, Jeannette and Apryl stood aside to let her pass. Falling to her knees, she pulled the blanket back from Louise's face. But she did not start crying again. She touched Louise's cheek, said something to her, and then bent over and kissed her mother's forehead. She stood up, Glimmer drifted in front of her, and they exchanged words. Claudia nodded. Harrison guessed that the pixie was explaining to her what she was about to do. Everyone stepped back a few paces.
Glimmer circled Louise's body once, then touched down on the blanket. She walked up to where Claudia had exposed Louise's face, and laid her undamaged hand on Louise's chin. There was a quick white light, like a camera flash, but no sound. When Harrison's eyes readjusted, he saw one more ovoid patch of ash on the ground. The process had consumed the blanket as well, but he hadn't really imagined using it again.
Claudia gasped, but she did not break down again.
Glimmer repeated the procedure with the body of Sergeant Smith. The rest of them stayed back a few feet, but they all stood facing him, out of a respect they would never be able to otherwise express to him. Then everyone but Harrison filed back into the transport. He lingered for a moment, wondering if there might be some way for him to ask advice of the recently deceased. He looked at the ashes of his president. He had not known her well, nor truly respected her, until the last two days of her life. He placed another tick mark on the growing tally of his regrets.
"Harry?" said Glimmer. He turned to face the glowing pixie, hovering nearby. "Should I do Roland?"
Harrison rubbed his eyes. Lt. Anderson deserved a service of some sort, too, but that wouldn't be possible. "Yeah, you'll have to do everyone you can find in that wreck. How many were there?"
"Only Roland in our bird. I counted two in theirs," she said. "There might be more."
"Okay," he said. "Do me a favor, will you?"
"What?"
He thought for a moment about what to ask of her. "Tell Roland for me …" He paused again, looking for the words. "Just … just tell him I said thank you."
She gave him a curious look. "He's dead, you know."
Harrison nodded. "That's why I owe him some gratitude. Just do it for me, would you? It's one of those things that only makes sense to a human."
She nodded and flew away. He looked at the site of the terrible crash. Nothing happened for a minute or so, and then he saw a tiny flash of white inside the wreck. For an instant, it illuminated the twisted metal, turning it from dark gray to maroon and olive. A few seconds later, he saw another flash, and a little while after that, another. Over the next two minutes, he saw three more. He imagined that it was very distant lightning, and counted silently, waiting for the thunder.
* * *
They got an early start the next morning. Harrison woke just before dawn and started up the transport, and they were well underway before most of them were even awake. Which was exactly what he wanted. The piles of ash would have a whole new look to them in the morning light. He did not want anyone to have the opportunity to explore that.
By mid-morning, everyone had gotten up and gone through some semblance of a morning routine. The transport was equipped with a tiny lavatory, only slightly less comfortable than what one might find in a restroom on an airplane or a passenger bus. They had all found ways to change their clothes in there, though.
Alec still sat apart from the rest of the group, as much by his choice as theirs. As Glimmer had now had to explain a number of times, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the Director's mental faculties. The problem lay entirely in his ability to communicate. Once they all understood that he was no immediate danger to himself, or others, and that he was perfectly capable of doing things like dressing himself, they had stopped trying to take care of him.
Around noon, Hadley relieved Harrison behind the wheel. On his way to sit down, Apryl handed him an omni. It was marked bacon cheddar cheeseburger and had his initials on it. He was grateful that no one had violated his dibs on that one. He had been saving it. He could use a little comfort food, and as he tore it open, he soaked up the savory aroma. He was delighted to find that sautéed mushrooms had been included. He had not mentioned mushrooms in his order when they were harvesting their provisions, and yet the tree had somehow just known.
After downing the first tangy, greasy mouthful, he asked the room, "Did anyone remember to get a fish and chips or something for Andy Capp, back there?"
"Who's Andy Capp?" Jake asked.
Harrison gave him a patronizing smile. "I was talking about Alec."
"Yeah? Duh. I just don't get the joke. Who's Andy Capp?"
Harrison swallowed his condescension, along with another bite of burger. "Andy Capp was an English comic strip character," he said. "Long time ago. Complete loser. Alcoholic, smoked too much, cheated on his wife, never paid his rent."
"Rude to the vicar," added Claudia. "Started brawls playing soccer, cheated at darts. The list goes on."
"Wow," said Harrison, as though just now realizing what he had said. "I guess he was just about the worst person ever to grace the funny pages."
"Worse than Hagar the Horrible?" Claudia asked.
"Maybe." Harrison was surprised that the girl even knew what he was talking about. "I mean, sure. Hagar was a Viking, and he probably got in his share of the pillaging and what have you, but that was the norm. People looked up to Hagar. No one ever admired Andy Capp."
Claudia was horrified. "So the fact that Andy Capp cheated on his wife makes him, in your eyes, a worse person than Hagar the-and let's not leave out this cru
cial detail-Horrible, who was almost certainly a murderer, and possibly a rapist? For God's sake, Harrison!"
"Okay." He started backpedaling. "Don't pull the word 'rapist' out unless you can support that. There's no evidence linking Hagar to any rapes, and only circumstantial evidence linking him to killings." He was starting to enjoy the debate now. "Secondly, you're judging him by the standards of twenty-first century America, where those things are obviously criminal, but in Hagar's time, those same things were part of what it meant to be a provider. He was raised in a culture where sacking and looting were a career. And a prestigious one at that!"
Apryl interrupted. "Did you just use cultural relativism as an apologia for Hagar the Horrible?"
"Uh …" he replayed his last few sentences in his head. "Yeah," he conceded, "I think I may have."
She shook her head. "I'm afraid the judges will have to rule this round in favor of de Queiroz," she said. She was smiling, knowing full well she had pulled the rug out from under him.
Harrison looked back at Claudia. She stuck out her tongue.
* * *
On the second day of their pilgrimage to Faerie, Harrison learned that Alec had written and produced a play when he was twenty, which had been very badly received. He also learned that Alec had a phobia of bees and had once spent over four hours hiding in a shed from a single such insect, too frightened to come out and see if it had gone. He had conquered his pathological fear over the years, but he still had bee-sting nightmares.
Around midday, when they came across a supermarket, Harrison ruled that they should stop for supplies. They had plenty of omnis left, but he made the case that they should conserve them. More to the point, they needed a travel break.
Once they were inside, the store seemed less than enchanting. The produce section, having had a full year to decay, was now mostly mushroom-covered topsoil, arranged in parallel displays. A few plants, doubtless sprung from seeds in the produce, had managed to eke out a tenuous existence in the rot, but being exposed to limited sunlight, they were feeble at best. The air was laced with a sweet, chaotic scent, much like Harrison imagined a jungle would smell. It was pleasant, but there was an undertone of peril.
