“You were getting pretty good near the end there.”
It was her turn to look skeptical.
“I’m serious,” he said. “By the end of winter I’ll have you skiing like a pro.”
The end of winter? How long did he expect her to stay? Did he want her to stay? And even more important, did she want to?
Of course he didn’t. It was just an off-the-cuff remark that he probably hadn’t thought through.
They walked up the stairs—well, he walked and she limped—to her room.
“I’m going to dress for dinner,” he said. “Shall I pick you up on my way back down?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?”
“Not only am I not hungry, but I’m exhausted and everything hurts. I’d like to lie down for a while.”
“I’ll come by and check on you later.” He brushed a quick kiss across her lips, then headed to his room. She still wasn’t comfortable with him showing her physical affection where someone might see. Although she didn’t doubt that his family knew what was going on. They had just been kind enough not to say anything. She was sure they saw it for what it was. A fling. But she still didn’t feel comfortable advertising it.
She went into her room and limped to the bathroom, downing three ibuprofen tablets before she stepped into the shower. She blasted the water as hot as she could stand, then she toweled off and crawled into bed naked. She must have fallen asleep the instant her head hit the pillow because the next thing she remembered was Aaron sitting on the edge of the mattress.
“What time is it?” she asked, her voice gravelly with sleep.
“Nine.” He switched on the lamp beside the bed and she squinted against the sudden flood of light. “How do you feel?”
She tried to move and her muscles screamed in protest. “Awful,” she groaned. “Even my eyelids hurt.”
“Then you’re going to like what I found,” he said, holding up a small bottle.
“What is it?”
He flashed her one of his sexy, sizzling smiles. “Massage oil.”
He eased back the covers, and when he saw that she was naked, he growled deep in his throat. “I swear, you get more beautiful every day.”
He’d told her that so many times, so often that she was beginning to believe him, to see herself through his eyes. And in that instant in time everything was perfect.
He caressed her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “I love…”
Her heart jolted in her chest and she thought for sure that he was going to say he loved her. In that millisecond, she knew without a doubt that her honest reply would be, I love you, too.
“…just looking at you,” he said instead.
The disappointment she felt was like a crushing weight on her chest, making it difficult to breathe. Tell him you love him, you idiot! But she couldn’t do that. Love wasn’t part of this arrangement. Instead she didn’t say a word, she just wrapped her arms around him and pulled him down for a kiss. And when he made love to her, he was so sweet and gentle that it nearly brought her to tears.
She loved him so fiercely it made her chest ache, and she desperately wanted him to love her, too.
She wasn’t sure how much longer she could take this.
It took some convincing on his part, but Aaron talked Liv into another afternoon of skiing on Christmas Eve. And despite her reservations she did exceptionally well. So well that he looked forward to introducing her to other recreational activities, like biking and kayaking and even low-level rock climbing. The problem was, she probably wouldn’t be around long enough. He was sorry for that, but in a way relieved. He’d grown closer and more attached to Liv than he had any other woman in his life. Dangerously close. And even though he knew he was walking a very fine and precarious line, he wasn’t ready to let go yet.
Christmas morning he woke Liv at 5:45 a.m., despite the fact that they had been up half the night making love.
“It’s too early,” she groaned, shoving a pillow over her head.
He pulled it back off. “Come on, wake up. We’re gathering with everyone in the study at six.”
She squinted up at him. “Six? What for?”
“To open presents. Then afterward we have a huge breakfast. It’s been a tradition as long as I can remember.”
She groaned again and closed her eyes. “I’d rather sleep.”
“It’s Christmas. And you promised you would spend it with me and my family, remember?”
“I was thinking that you meant Christmas dinner.”
“I meant the entire day.” He tugged on her arm. “Now come on, get up.”
She grumbled about it, but let him pull her to an upright position. She yawned and rubbed her eyes and asked, “What should I wear?”
“Pajamas.” At her questioning look, he added, “It’s what everyone else will be wearing.”
She made him wait while she brushed her hair and teeth, and when they got to the study his siblings and sister-in-law were already gathered around the tree, waiting to open the piles of gifts stacked there. Their father sat in his favorite armchair and their mother beside him at the hearth. Geoffrey stood at the bar pouring hot cider. Christmas music played softly and a fire blazed in the fireplace.
“Hurry up, you two!” Louisa said excitedly.
“I shouldn’t be here,” Liv mumbled under her breath, standing stiffly beside him, looking as though she were about to go to the guillotine.
“Of course you should.” When she refused to move, he took her hand and pulled her over to the tree and sat her by Louisa. The second she was off her feet she pulled her hand from his.
“Merry Christmas!” Louisa gushed, giving Liv a warm hug, and after a slight hesitation, Liv hugged her back. If anyone could make Liv feel like part of the family, it was Louisa. Although right now she just looked overwhelmed. She looked downright stunned when Anne, who wore the santa hat and passed out the gifts, announced, “And here’s one for Olivia from the king and queen.”
Liv’s jaw actually dropped. “F-for me?”
Anne handed it to her. “That’s what the tag says.”
She took it and just held it, as if she wasn’t sure what to do.
“Aren’t you going to open it?” Aaron asked.
“But I didn’t get anything for anyone.”
His mother surprised him by saying, “Your being here is the only gift we need.”
Liv bit her lip, picking gingerly at the taped edge of the paper, while everyone else tore into theirs enthusiastically. It was almost as though she had never opened a gift before or had forgotten how. What disturbed him most was that it might be true. When was the last time anyone had given her anything?
She finally got it open and pulled from the layers of gold tissue paper a deep blue cashmere cardigan.
“Oh,” she breathed. “It’s beautiful.”
“You keep the lab so dreadfully cold,” his mother said. “I thought it might come in handy.”
“Thank you so much.”
Anne passed out another round of gifts and this time there was one for Liv from Chris and Melissa, a pair of thick wool socks.
“For skiing,” Melissa told her.
Louisa got Liv a silver bracelet decorated with science-themed charms, and Anne gave her a matching cashmere mitten, scarf and hat set. Aaron had gotten her something, too, but she would have to wait until later to get it.
The last present under the tree was for the king and queen from Chris and Melissa. Their mother opened it and inside was what looked like an ultrasound photo. Did that mean…?
“What is this?” their mother asked, looking confused.
“Those are your grandchildren,” Chris said with a grin. “All three of them.”
“Three grandchildren!” his mother shrieked, while his father beamed proudly and said, “Congratulations!”
“They implanted five embryos,” Melissa said. “Three took. It’s still very early, but we couldn’t wait to tell you. My do
ctor said everything looks great.”
Aaron had never seen his mother look so proud or excited. She knelt down to hug them both, then everyone was hugging Chris and Melissa and congratulating them.
“Isn’t it great? I’m going to be an uncle,” Aaron said, turning to Liv, but she wasn’t smiling or laughing like the rest of them. In fact, she looked as though she might be sick. “Hey, are you okay?”
She shook her head and said, “Excuse me,” then she bolted from the room, seven startled pairs of eyes following her.
“What happened?” his mother asked, and Louisa said, “Did we do something wrong?”
“I don’t know,” Aaron said, but he was going to find out.
Fourteen
L iv reached her room, heart beating frantically and hands shaking, and went straight to the closet for her suitcase. She dropped it on the bed and opened it just as Aaron appeared in the doorway.
“What happened down there?” he asked, looking concerned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry. Please tell everyone that I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t take it another minute.”
He saw her suitcase and asked, “What are you doing?”
“Packing. I have to leave.”
He looked stunned. “Was being with my family really that awful?”
“No, it was absolutely wonderful. I had no idea it could be like that. I just…I can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean? I thought we were having fun.”
“I was. I am. The time we’ve spent together has been the best in my life.”
She started toward the closet to get her clothes, but he stepped in her way, looking so hopelessly confused she wanted to hug him. “So what’s the problem?”
Did he honestly have no idea what was going on? “I know it’s illogical and totally irrational, but I’ve fallen in love with you, Aaron.”
She gave him a few seconds to return the sentiment, but he only frowned, looking troubled, and it made her inexplicably sad. She hadn’t really believed he would share her feelings, but she had hoped. But as she had reminded herself over and over, the world just didn’t work that way. Not the world she lived in.
“We don’t have any further to go with this,” she said. “And I’m just not the kind of person who can tread water. I think it would be better for us both if I leave now. The work I have left to do, I can finish in my lab in the States.”
“You can’t leave,” he said, looking genuinely upset.
“I have to.”
“I do care about you.”
“I know you do.” Just not enough. Not enough for her, anyway. She wanted more. She wanted to be part of a family, to feel as if she belonged somewhere. And not just temporarily. She wanted forever. She wanted it so badly that she ached, but she would never have that with him.
His brow furrowed. “I just…I can’t…”
“I know,” she assured him. “This is not your fault. This is all me. I never meant to fall in love with you.”
“I…I don’t know what to say.”
Just tell me you love me, she wanted to tell him, but Aaron didn’t do love. He didn’t get serious and settle down. And even if he did, it wouldn’t be with someone like her. She didn’t fit in. She wasn’t good enough for someone like him.
“I’ll pack up the lab today,” she told him. “Can you arrange for a flight off the island tomorrow?”
“Won’t you at least have dinner with us? It’s Christmas.”
She shrugged. “It’s just another day for me.”
That was a lie. It used to be, but after this morning it would forever be a reminder of how wonderful it could be and everything she’d been missing out on, and so desperately wanted. In a way she wished she’d never met Aaron, that he’d never called for her help. She would still be living in blissful ignorance.
“You should get back to your family,” she told him.
“You’re sure I can’t convince you to spend the day with us?”
“I’m sure.”
He looked disappointed, but he didn’t push the issue, and she was relieved because she was this close to caving, to throwing herself into his arms and saying she would stay as long as he wanted. Even if he couldn’t love her.
“I’ll have Geoffrey bring your gifts up and inform you of your travel arrangements,” he said.
“Thank you.”
“You’re sure I can’t change your mind?”
There was an almost pleading look in his eyes, and she wanted so badly to give in, but her heart just couldn’t take it. “I can’t.”
“I’ll leave you alone to pack.”
He stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him, and though it felt so final, she knew she was doing the right thing.
She packed all of her clothes, leaving out one clean outfit for the following day, then she went down to the lab to start packing there, feeling utterly empty inside.
She never had seen the ghost again, but she’d made her presence known by occasionally stacking Liv’s papers, hiding her pen or opening the lab door. Maybe she should have felt uncomfortable knowing she wasn’t alone, but instead the presence was a comfort. She’d even caught herself talking to her, even though the conversation was always one-sided. She realized now that when she was gone she might even miss her elusive and unconventional companion.
She was going to miss everything about Thomas Isle.
Geoffrey came down around dinnertime with a plate of food. She wasn’t hungry, but she thanked him anyway. “I bet you’re happy not to have to deal with me anymore,” she joked, expecting him to emphatically agree.
Instead his expression was serious when he said, “Quite the contrary, miss.”
She was too stunned to say a word as he turned and left. And here she thought he viewed her as a nuisance. The fact that he hadn’t only made her feel worse.
She packed the last of her equipment by midnight, and when she went up to her room, waiting for her as promised were the gifts the family had given her and the itinerary for her trip. She sat down at the desk by the window writing them each a note of thanks, not only for the presents, but for accepting her into their home and treating her like family. She left them on the desk where Elise would find them when she cleaned the room.
She climbed under the covers around one-thirty, but tossed and turned and slept only an hour or two before her alarm buzzed at seven. She got out of bed feeling a grogginess that even a shower couldn’t wash away. At seven-forty-five someone came to fetch her luggage, then a few minutes later Flynn from security came to fetch her.
“It’s time to go to the airstrip, miss,” he said.
“Let’s do it,” she said, feeling both relieved and heartsick. She wanted so badly to change her mind, to stay just a little bit longer and hope that he would see he loved her. But it was too late to turn back now. Even if it wasn’t, she knew in her heart that it would be a bad idea.
She followed Flynn down the stairs to the foyer, and when she saw that the entire family lined up to say goodbye, the muscles in her throat contracted so tight that she could barely breathe. This was the last thing she’d expected. She had assumed her departure would be as uneventful as her arrival.
The king was first in line. If she had expected some cold and formal goodbye, a handshake and a “have a nice life,” she couldn’t have been more wrong. He hugged her warmly and said, “I’ve enjoyed our talks.”
“Me, too,” she said, realizing he was the closest thing she had ever had to a father figure. She hoped with all her being that the heart pump was successful and he lived a long, productive life. Long enough to see his daughters marry and his grandchildren grow. She wasn’t a crier, but she could feel the burn of tears in her throat and behind her eyes. All she could manage to squeak out was, “Thanks for everything.”
The queen was next. She took Liv’s hands and air kissed her cheek. “It’s been a pleasure having you with us,” she said, and actually looked as though she meant it.
Chris and Melissa stood beside the queen. Chris kissed Liv’s cheek and Melissa, with tears running in a steady river down her face—no doubt pregnancy hormones at work—hugged her hard. “Watch the mail for a baby shower invitation. I want you there.”
If only. It was a lovely thought, yet totally unrealistic. She was sure by then they would have forgotten all about her.
Louisa scooped her up into a bone-crushing embrace. “We’ll miss you,” she said. “Keep in touch.”
Anne hugged her, too, though not as enthusiastically. But she leaned close and Liv thought she was going to kiss her cheek, but instead she whispered, “My brother is a dolt.”
Of all the things anyone could have said to her, that was probably the sweetest, and the tears were hovering so close to the surface now that she couldn’t even reply.
Aaron was last, and the one she was least looking forward to saying goodbye to. He stood aside from his family by the door, hands in his pants pockets, eyes to the floor. As she approached he looked up at her.
The tears welled closer to the surface and she swallowed them back down. Please let this be quick and painless.
“You’ll contact me when you have results,” he said, all business.
She nodded. “Of course. And I’ll send you updates on my progress. At the rate it’s going, you should have it in plenty of time for the next growing season.”
“Excellent.” He was quiet for a second, then he said in a low voice, “I’m sorry. I just can’t—”
“It’s okay,” she said, even though it wasn’t. Even though it felt as though he was ripping her heart from her chest.
He nodded, looking remorseful. She had started to turn toward the door when he cursed under his breath, hooked a hand behind her neck, pulled her to him and kissed her—really kissed her—in front of his entire family. He finally pulled away, leaving her feeling breathless and dizzy, said, “Goodbye Liv,” then turned and walked away, taking her heart with him.
The flights to the U.S. couldn’t have been smoother or more uneventful, but when Liv got back to her apartment and let herself inside it almost didn’t feel like home. She’d barely been gone a month, but it felt as if everything had changed, and there was this nagging ache in the center of her chest that refused to go away.
Christmas with the Prince Page 11
