She wiped the tears from her face, and as she stared at me, I could see the gears in her mind winding in thought.
“What do you say? Can we try and be a family?
“Okay,” she mumbled. “Okay.”
The apartment couldn’t have been more than the size of my bedroom back at the palace—which I’d admit, was larger than the average person’s bedroom—and all the signs pointed to the place being relatively lived-in. Family portraits in pretty little frames decorated almost every inch of wall space. There was an abundance of potted plants tucked away in corners, hanging from hooks that had been jammed into the ceiling, and placed on shelves for the dual purpose of serving as bookends. I had to admit that there was something incredibly charming about where Alison lived. If her sense of décor was at all a reflection of her personality—bold and lively—then it definitely suited her in every way.
She had apparently turned her office into Adam’s nursery. Her work desk had been tucked away against one of the walls, baby supplies like diapers, burping rags, and the like spread out all over the place. A cheap white crib had been constructed and placed in the center of the room beneath a hand-made paper mâché mobile of various marine animals. Various stuffed toys had been gathered up into a giant pile in the corner, and all of the hard corners in the room had been taped over in a thorough process of babyproofing. Adam lay on his back, fast asleep amongst a nest of soft knitted blankets.
Patrick and Kamrin had returned from their evening stroll for coffee, as the café has closed, and they were currently holed away in the kitchen, minding their own while Alison and I shared these moments with our son.
“Do you want to me to take him?” asked Alison. “You’ve been holding him for an hour.”
“I’m okay,” I answered, still looking down at my son. “I could do this forever.”
“What do we do now?” she asked softly, an edge to her words. She was choosing them carefully, thinking before she spoke. I didn’t know why she felt the need to be so guarded, but I didn’t think it wise to press her.
“The question is, what do you want?”
“I don’t follow.”
“You kept Adam a secret from me for a reason. I’m not trying to be accusatory—that’s just a fact. I only want to do what makes you feel comfortable the most. As Adam’s mother, I respect your decision completely.”
“You’re not taking him away?” she asked cautiously.
“What? No. Why would I do that?”
“Adam is a Prince. Isn’t there some protocol that says he needs to return to Wyvernbank? Away from me?”
I looked up, alarmed at the distress in Alison’s voice, which was so thin that it sounded like it was going to break at any given moment. I wanted to reach out and hold her hand. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and hold her close, to whisper reassurances into her hair and drown in her warmth. But I couldn’t. Things were different now. It wasn’t like we could just pick up where we left off, like she hadn’t left in the first place. It had been a little over nine months since I’d seen her last, but the hurt of her sudden absence still weighed heavily on my chest. Not only that, she’d kept my son a secret from me.
Regret ate away at my deepest thoughts. I’d missed out on so much because Alison was too afraid to reach out. I’d missed the first ultrasound, the first time the baby kicked, missed all of the doctor’s appointments. And now, the future was everything but uncertain. Alison was right. After me, Adam was next in line for the throne. The laws of succession were one thing, but determining what was going to happen to my son and his claim considering the fact that he was born outside of Wyvernbank was an entirely different can of worms. This wasn’t something I could just pass off onto Patrick to take care of. When it came to the well-being of my boy, I needed to deal with things myself. But whatever it was that I decided to do, I needed to make my decision quickly.
“Let me stay here,” I suggested.
“What?”
“Just for a week. I don’t want you to feel pressured into making any decisions right now. We’ll have plenty of time to work things out. And in the meantime, I’ll get to spend time with you and Adam. Does that sound reasonable?”
Alison nodded, suddenly looking exhausted. “Okay,” she whispered. “Yes, that sounds reasonable. But won’t people wonder where you are?”
“I’ll have Patrick tell them I’m on vacation.”
“You want to stay here? Like, in my apartment?”
“If that’s okay with you. I’d like to be as close to Adam as possible. If you’re comfortable with it, I’d very much like to help out.”
Alison pressed her lips into a thin line and remained silent, supposedly thinking things over. “Okay,” she eventually said. “I’d be okay with that.”
“Wonderful,” I sighed with relief.
“I can make up the couch, and you can take my bed.”
“No, that’s quite alright. I’ll take the couch. You’re the one who deserves a good night’s sleep.”
“Or,” said Kamrin, rounding the corner, “you can take my room. I can always stay with one of my friends for a week.”
“How long were you standing there?” demanded Alison.
Alison’s sister glanced at her wrist, even though she wasn’t wearing a watch. “Oh, a good ten minutes.”
I smiled. “That’s very kind of you, thank you.”
Kamrin waved a dismissive hand while giggling behind the other. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”
19
Alison
I didn’t realize how much of a handful raising Adam all by myself would be until Sebastian came crashing back into my life. I awoke around five in the morning out of pure habit to tend to Adam’s diaper change and feeding. Much to my surprise, Sebastian was already in our son’s nursery room, cradling Adam close as he held a baby bottle with prepared formula to the child’s lips. The soft glow of the morning sun seeped in through the crack in the curtain, casting golden rays upon father and child. It blew my mind how perfect they looked together, like the time they’d spent apart meant nothing at all. I leaned against the door frame and rested my head against the cool wood and sighed in relief. Sebastian looked up at the sound and offered me a small smile.
“Go back to sleep,” he whispered. “I’ve got things covered.”
I shook my head slowly. “It’s okay. I’d be up around now anyway.”
“After he’s had breakfast, what do you normally do afterward?”
“I usually lay him down in the playpen out in the living room while I make breakfast. Speaking of, would you like anything?”
“Why don’t you relax while I prepare something?”
I raised my eyebrows in minor surprise. “You’re going to cook breakfast?”
“Well, not so much cook as send Patrick for some delivery. Although, I’m not sure if he’s asleep or not.”
“You don’t have to do that. It’s really no trouble for me to–”
“I insist,” he interrupted gently. Sebastian looked down at Adam in his arms and chuckled, speaking in simple Wyvernian, “Even Mommy needs a day off.” The boy cooed, grasping at the bottle with his tiny hands as he ate.
I watched in warm amazement at how easily Sebastian took up the role of fatherhood. I had to admit that he hadn’t exactly struck me as the parent type, too busy with Princely responsibilities and enjoying the finer things in life to be concerned with children. But the mere sight of Sebastian rocking back and forth slowly with Adam in his arms, warm smile upon his lips and a twinkle in his eye made me realize how wrong I was. Maybe he’d turn out to be a great father, after all. For a brief moment, I was able to cast aside all of the politics and unanswered questions to enjoy the quiet of the morning. In another life, if Sebastian weren’t a Prince and I wasn’t a foreign dignitary, we would have been indistinguishable from any other happy family of three.
“Go on,” he whispered. “I’ll wake you when the food arrives.”
“Thank you. I re
ally appreciate it.”
Sebastian nodded once. It was a brief gesture, but it was loaded with endless significance. I wouldn’t describe the air between us as tense, just careful. We weren’t waltzing around one another in an awkward dance to get out of each other’s way. There was a silent understanding between us. When it came to Adam, we were a team. We had to work together for our son’s sake, no matter the history between us. A tiny voice in the back of my mind kept nagging me that maybe Sebastian would try to find a chance to run off to his country with Adam, but I pushed the voice aside. It was obvious to me how much Sebastian loved our boy, and I felt that I could trust him to Sebastian’s care.
I returned to bed and slipped beneath the warm duvet, exhaustion gripping at my body as I sank into the foam mattress. I’d spent every day since Adam’s birth up at ungodly hours to tend to him and his needs. It was almost ridiculous how tired I really was. I’d occasionally asked Kamrin to babysit, and was always grateful for the sporadic reprieve, but my little sister had a life of her own and her studies to focus on. Part of me was definitely thankful that Sebastian showed up when he did. Good help was hard to find, and I didn’t trust anybody enough to take care of my son, hence the reason why I decided not to hire a nanny.
Sleep took me quickly, dragging me under and dropping me in the middle of a foggy dream. I dreamt I was back in Wyvernbank, running around in secret to meet up with Sebastian. I met with him over and over again, arriving at a location just to discover that we had to meet somewhere else for his security. I dreamt I was running down a maze of hallways, opening door after door to find him. I could hear him calling out my name, laughing and teasing. When I finally found myself at a large door at the end of the hall and opened it, I was horrified to discover Ambassador Clavets. Except, it wasn’t really Ambassador Clavets. The man in my dream lacked a distinguishable face, visage blurred like a heavily pixelated image. He spoke no words, but the file he held out in his hands said plenty. I didn’t even have to peer inside the file to know what the documents inside said. The Ambassador was holding up my record, a silent threat to expose me and ruin absolutely everything.
I awoke with a start, jolting at the sound of the front door slamming shut. My heart was in my throat, pounding so hard I thought it was going to burst out of my chest. What if Sebastian had taken Adam while I’d slept? What if I’d let my guard down, and I’d lost my son to a foreign land? What if this was all part of Sebastian’s plan? What if he wanted me to feel at peace and relaxed around him so he could find an opportune moment to take advantage of? I threw the covers off and immediately dashed out of the bedroom into the living room, a sudden fear clawing its way into my spine. I was probably just delirious from my nightmare, panic still coursing through my veins, but I couldn’t shake the irrational feeling that Adam was in trouble.
I managed to take one step out into the living room before I froze. Sebastian was sitting on the couch, Adam still pressed to his chest, sucking on his tiny left thumb and cooing a string of bubbly nonsensical sounds. Patrick was in the kitchen rummaging through a large brown paper bag full of takeout breakfast. The door must have swung loudly behind him as he entered the apartment. Patrick had cut his hair short since the last time I saw him, and the dark circles beneath his eyes made him look extremely tired. He was probably jetlagged from the sudden last-minute trip Sebastian decided to take, powering through his exhaustion to continue to serve his Prince.
“I wasn’t sure what you wanted to eat,” said Sebastian from the couch. “I had Patrick grab you a little bit of everything from a restaurant around the corner.”
“You really shouldn’t have,” I mumbled, voice a little groggy with sleep.
“Think nothing of it. I highly recommend the strawberry waffles.”
“A recommendation from a Prince,” I hummed. “They must be good.”
Sebastian nodded, tossing me a casual grin. “I like to think I know a thing or two about fine dining.”
I made my way over to the kitchen and took a seat at the island, greeting Patrick with a quick nod of the head. He nodded back, verbal greeting unnecessary. To be honest, I didn’t really know what to say. On one hand, I felt like apologizing to both Sebastian and Patrick for causing them so much trouble. On the other hand, I knew I’d done what I had to do. I was just trying to protect myself, my son, and Sebastian. Leaving had been the only choice I’d had. I was sure Sebastian was angry with me, even if he wasn’t showing it, and the fact that I’d kept Adam a secret couldn’t have helped my cause.
“Did you have any plans today?” asked Sebastian.
I shook my head as Patrick handed me a plate full of buttered toast, scrambled eggs, and an assortment of freshly cut fruits. “I’m on maternity leave for another few weeks, so I’ve got nothing but free time. Did you have something in mind?”
“I’m not sure, to be honest. I was just hoping to spend some more time with you two.”
“There’s an aquarium not too far from here,” I explained. “We could maybe take Adam to look at the fish.”
A delighted sparkle flashed in Sebastian’s eyes. “That sounds like fun.”
Patrick cleared his throat. “Are you sure that’s wise, Your Royal Highness? Someone might recognize you if you’re out in public.”
Sebastian waved a dismissive hand. “It’ll be fine. I’ll wear a ball cap and sunglasses.”
“Ah, yes,” he snorted. “Because that will definitely make you invisible.”
“I can call Klaus,” I offered. “I think his cousin works there. Maybe we can arrange something so we can visit after hours and avoid the crowds.”
Patrick visibly stiffened, casting his eyes down to the counter. “Will Klaus be coming too?” he mumbled sheepishly.
I stifled a wide, knowing smile. “I’m sure he’d make the time to see you. I mean, just to catch up, of course.”
Sebastian chuckled, not bothering to keep his amusement in check for Patrick’s sake. “Well, I think little Adam would really love to see some fish. Isn’t that right, little guy?”
Adam giggle-shrieked, waving his tiny hands in the air as though to say he agreed wholeheartedly.
20
Sebastian
Alison pushed little Adam ahead in the stroller as I walked alongside her, matching her slow pace as we looked about the space. We had the entire aquarium to ourselves, and Patrick and Klaus very graciously held back by a room or two to give us some privacy. Alison and I walked through a tunnel made of curving glass, colorful fish and crustaceans going about their business as blue mood lighting lit up our path and paved the way forward with wave patterns. Adam was silent for the most part, too amazed by the wonders of the sea to do much else other than stare. He occasionally giggled and cooed as he stared up at a stingray that would glide back and forth, almost as if it were putting on a show for him.
“Do you like that one?” Alison asked Adam, voice sweet and light. “I wonder if he’ll grow up to become a marine biologist.”
I smiled, but the muscles in my face felt stiff. I knew I couldn’t put off the conversation any longer, no matter how much the dread of it all was eating me alive. “Alison, I think we need to talk.”
Alison pressed her lips together and cast her eyes down at Adam. She didn’t come across as cold or distant. If anything, she looked conflicted and sad. I had to admit that motherhood had given her a radiant glow, a warmth that hadn’t been there before. I still thought she was gorgeous, and the fact that she looked down at our son like he was the brightest star in the night sky filled my chest with hope and pride. From what I’d seen, she was a great mother. Alison was attentive, calm, and caring. She was diligent, patient, and strong. The sharp edge she’d worn the first time I saw her at the conference was duller now, replaced instead with a maternal instinct to protect. She wasn’t looking out for herself anymore. I could tell her priorities had shifted, and Adam was the center of her universe.
“You want to bring him back to Wyvernbank,” she concluded softly.
We continued to walk side by side, taking a left at the end of the hall to head toward the jellyfish displays.
“I think it would be best for him,” I said. We approached a massive tank full of one type of jellyfish. They floated around in crystal clear water, illuminated by pink lights installed into the base of the tank.
“I don’t know, Sebastian,” she muttered. “It’s just so much to think about.”
“I know it’s complicated. Adam was born in this country, so that technically makes him a citizen. But as my son, he has a right to the Wyvernbank throne. I’d very much like to have him close. He needs to undergo a certain education, become familiar with our culture.”
“The same thing can be said for Sunyata. He should grow up to understand our history and our culture.” Alison reached down to stroke the top of Adam’s head, straightening a few of his fine hair. “And what about me? If you take him, where does that leave me? I don’t think I can be away from him, Sebastian.”
The pain was clear in her words, accompanied with worry and a great deal of stress. My heart twisted in my chest. I didn’t like this any more than she did. If only she’d told me the truth, if she hadn’t just disappeared. We could have worked something out. Things didn’t have to be this complicated.
As it stood, everything was rushed and last minute, and I wasn’t entirely sure if any of this even made sense. Adam was a dual citizen, which in and of itself wasn’t an uncommon thing. But to be of noble birth and to belong to two countries with a less than friendly past was another thing entirely. And Alison was right. If I did somehow manage to convince her to let Adam come with me, what was going to happen to her? Would we get back together? Would she even want that? After the way she’d left, I wasn’t sure if I could trust her. For the time being, I needed to think of a compromise, something that would give us time to organize our thoughts and work out a more concrete plan.
Royally Loved: The Royal Romances Books 1-5 Page 44
