So, Jake nearly lost his life over an altercation that happened when we were kids. This was stupid on so many levels. It made me think that Darrin knew more than he was letting on. I’m sure Rico had mentioned it to him a time or two. Which would be all the more reason for him not to like Jake. I was beginning to think that there were things about my fiancé that I didn’t know. Which was hurtful and scary at the same time.
When we arrived at the hospital I was hesitant to walk in. Not knowing what to expect or who would be there. I struggled to catch my breath on the elevator ride up to the sixth floor. The last time that I saw him was the night of the incident. There was blood everywhere. He had all kinds of tubes coming out of him and was completely unconscious. I didn’t want to see him like that again.
I walked into the room and was completely amazed. I was greeted by those light brown eyes and a big Kool Aid smile. Jake was sitting up in the bed with his left leg in a sling and all sorts of bandages everywhere. There were patches with cords coming from them attached to his bare chest.
“You just gone stand there and stare at me”, he said, “I’m good. You know I’m built Ford Tough”, he joked.
“Jake”, I said walking over to his bed, “Man, I thought you were gone. They said you had been shot like ten times. I was so s……
“You were the only thing on my mind girl. All I could think about was getting to you”, he said cutting me off.
He put his hand around my waist motioning for me to sit down. I sat on the side of the bed and as much as I tried to restrain myself, I couldn’t help but embrace him. He held me tight, kissing me on my forehead (that got me every time). I laid my head in his chest, listening to his heartbeat. It was music to my ears. I couldn’t imagine not ever being able to hear that sound again. He rested his hand on my thigh and asked me to look at him. Y’all know what those eyes do to me. I couldn’t look at him. I politely declined.
“Kammie. Look at me”. He said
Against my better judgement I looked at him, in those eyes.
“Do you love me”, he asked?
I was distracted by Kyle as he got up to leave the room. I guess he figured we needed some privacy.
“Kammie, do you love me”, Jake repeated.
“Of course, I love you, Jake”, I replied, “But you know my situation. I can’t just throw away what I’ve been building all this time with Darrin. He’s a good man. And he’s been nothing but good to me”.
“Yeah, that’s cool, Kam. I’m not asking you to choose. I would be wrong if I did that. I love you though and the only thing that kept me alive was thinking about not being able to ever see you again. Whether we are together or not, I still want to be a part of your life”.
“Well, that may be a problem”, I said standing to my feet, “Darrin knows about us. About New York”.
“Well, that explains why he tried to kill me”.
“Wait. You know who did this to you”?
“Yeah, I know. How do you think the police got your name? I told them to call my wife, Kamerai. Man, Rico been beefing with me and Brock since we was kids over some mess with his lil sister”.
“Kyle has enlightened me. That’s one thing you seemed to have left out of our many conversations”.
“Man. I didn’t do nothing with that girl. That was Brock and Terry.”
“So, I guess you gave the police their names”?
“Nope”.
“Why”?
“Should I”?
“I don’t know Jake. This whole thing is too much for me. And since we talking; my dad told me about y’alls little scheme”.
“Kammie, I told you, I was willing to do whatever I had to do to see you again. Girl, you are my soul mate. My soul can’t mate without you”.
I was in tears laughing at him. That’s what I loved about him. No matter how intense the situation was, he was always able to make me laugh. He was right though. We were connected and it was much deeper than any type of physical connection. Our souls were connected; they danced together; made love to one another. We had a vibe that was not gonna be easily broken.
“So, you gonna take care of me like you use to”, he said changing the subject, “You remember how you use to massage all my aches and pains after my basketball games”?
“We are not kids anymore, Jake, and you are not my man, so, I will not be rubbing you anywhere, sir”, I smiled.
“Whatever, I’ll always be your man, whether I’m your man or not. And you’ll always be my lady, regardless. You my baby. Now come show me some love”.
I shook my head as I walked over to his bed. He slid over (which wasn’t much because of the sling), so that I could get in with him. I laid down beside him with my head on his shoulder.
“Kamerai Jai Boykin. I like how that sounds”, he said.
And so did I.
4
It was no mystery. I was in love with two people at the same time and I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do. I really didn’t want to love Jake. I didn’t want to like Jake; but I did. We just fit, literally and figuratively. I wanted to be loyal to Darrin. I loved Darrin. I was in love with Darrin, but Jake had my heart.
On the way home from the hospital I got a text from Darrin telling me he was on the way to the house and wanted to know what I wanted from Starbucks. In my mind I figured if he was on his way to the house, asking for my Starbucks order, he must have assumed that I was still at the house. So I did what any other normal person would do. I told Kyle to step on it to make sure that I beat Darrin home.
By the time Darrin got home I was sitting on the sectional in the movie room wearing nothing but my undies, and eating a bowl of ice cream. He came in and did what he always does; laid his head in my lap (like a little puppy) for me to rub it. He said it helped him to relieve stress. And then came the question that I dreaded. “What have you been doing all day”, he asked.
“Kyle came and got me out of the house for a while”, I replied.
“Oh, ok. Did y’all go by the hospital”?
“We did. He’s awake and he knows it was you”.
“Oh really”?
“Yeah. But he said he didn’t turn y’all in”.
“Cool”.
“Cool. That’s it. Y’all could have killed that man. What are you not telling me”?
“Nothing”.
“So, I guess you had no idea that Rico’s sister accused Jake of raping her”?
“Man, that lil girl been fast. I figured if he did something with her she consented. That ain’t have nothing to do with me. I told you what my problem was. He crossed the line when he came for you. I don’t care what y’all had in the past, that’s dead. I’m glad he still breathing, now stay away from him. Rub my head”.
I had to take a moment to gather myself. I was trying to figure out who the hell he was talking to. ‘Stay away from him’. I guess he felt threatened. I could respect that. I mean, I did kind of step out on him without him knowing, but, it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t do it to hurt him. I just wasn’t used to him talking to me like that. In his defense, he wasn’t used to having to talk to me like that. Either way the situation was jacked up there was nothing I could do about it.
I did, however, plan to stay away from Jake, but, not before I asked him a few questions about what happened that night. Once I got the information that I needed, I’d stay away. Or at least I had planned to.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was in deep. Darrin was acting strange. Jake was talking about changing my last name. There was something that Darrin wasn’t telling me. I hoped it wasn’t the fact that he pulled the trigger and not Rico. He wasn’t that type. For the most part he was chill. I never really seen him riled up in a way that would make him want to shoot anybody. Darrin held on to me extra tight that night. Every time I moved he pulled me in closer.
He got up the next morning in a haste, saying that he and Lance had to go Texas to pick up a truck for the business. They also had to sto
p through Louisiana to look at a space to open another location. One thing about Darrin is that he was a hustler at heart. He was always on the grind. He didn’t wait around for anything to be put in his lap, if he wanted it, he went for it, period. I admired that about him.
He left my ‘allowance’, as he calls it, on the nightstand before he kissed me goodbye. As much as he was trying to act normal, I knew there was something going on with him besides what happened that night. Darrin had never showed any signs of aggression, not towards me, anyway. He was always so cool and laid back. Always on chill mode. Lately, he was anything but. I wasn’t going to wait around for him to tell me what was going on. The way I saw it, time was not on my side. I was willing to do whatever I needed to do in order to save my relationship and get my life back in order.
The answers that I needed would have to come from someone who knew Darrin even better than me; his mom. I decided to take her to lunch and have some much needed girl talk. Mrs. Harris was a very sweet lady. I knew that she would be straight up with me as long as I was straight up with her. He had hinted around once before about Darrin’s past relationships, but she wasn’t real specific about anything. She told me once that she was glad that he was finally able to live, for real.
We decided on Red Lobster because she liked their Cheddar Bay Biscuits. I didn’t waste any time getting to my purpose for bringing her there. I explained to her that Darrin had been acting strange and that he had been spending time with Rico which he hadn’t done in a while.
“Kamerai”, she said, “Darrin is a good man. I know you know about his lifestyle before he started his businesses. Well, my nephew came to live with us from Colorado. He looked up to Darrin, and Darrin took care of him; treated him like a son. They were leaving a basketball game one night when somebody started shooting. One of the bullets hit Peanut and he died in Darrin’s arms on the way to the hospital. He took it real hard, baby. He wasn’t the same after that. He started smoking weed and using cocaine. I hated seeing my baby like that. He knew the bullet was meant for him so he felt like he was to blame for what happened”.
At first I didn’t know what to say. I knew Darrin sold drugs before, but, I never knew he used drugs. Weed, I could see that, but, cocaine. That was on another level. The Darrin I knew didn’t seem like that type.
“Well, Mrs. Harris”, I said, “how could you tell that something was wrong. I mean, what kind of signs did he show”?
“His whole attitude changed. Darrin had always been a calm, laid back kind of person, you know. He just started having all kinds of mood swings, just going off on people for no apparent reason. Fighting all the time. He never did do well with death. I remember when his dog died when he was ten. I had the hardest time getting him to come out of his room”.
“He has been acting a little different. He told me he smoked the other night when he and Rico were together. I assumed it was just weed. I hope that’s all it was”.
“Rico is not all that bad. The boy just ain’t wrapped tight. Ever since his dad died he just ain’t been right, baby. Then that mess with his uncle raping his sister. Baby, the boy just ain’t right. Darrin used to try to help him, but, like I tell him all the time, you can’t help everybody”.
I was glad that I decided to take Mrs. Harris out. She was good company and easy to talk to. Being that my mom wasn’t around, it was refreshing to be able to talk to someone on a motherly level.
She had given me way more than I had bargained for. The last thing I wanted to believe was that Darrin was using drugs again. I definitely didn’t want to believe that I was the reason behind it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this situation had gotten way out of control.
5
Jake had been released from the hospital, but, was not cleared to travel back to New York. Darrin was still not back in town, so, I used his absence to my advantage. I wanted to honor his wish about staying away from Jake, but, not before I got to the bottom of what was going on with him. Jake was staying with his parents. I was reluctant to go by there because I feared what would happen once those old memories started stirring. Like old times, his parents were not there. They were always on the go.
It actually felt good to be back there. His bedroom was still the same as I remembered it. The blue chaise where he took my virginity was still there. The only things that had been changed were his bed and television. I guess the full sized bed he had as a kid was too small for his now full grown 6’6 frame. And the 32-inch big back television was simply out of style. I sat on the chaise and made small talk before I got down to my real reason for being there.
“You know what happened the last time you sat over there”, he joked.
“And it will not be happening again”, I snapped back.
“We’ll see. You ready to rub me down”?
“I will not be rubbing you anywhere, sir. Why are you trying to provoke me? I came by here to check on you and you ‘bout to make me beat you up in your own house; crippled leg and all”.
“Okay, I quit. So, everything good at home”?
“Why aren’t you pressing charges”?
“I’m not tripping over that. I’m good. I’m still breathing. Karma is something else. They’ll get it one way or another. I’m not wishing nothing bad on them, I’m just saying”.
“No, you just plotting. I know you Jake. You not gonna let this slide. As sneaky as you are. Don’t play with me”.
“For real Kammie. I’m not worried about that. If dude still hung up on that then that’s on him. It was squashed that night me and Brock hit him up at the club. I ain’t ‘bout that life no more”.
“Rico didn’t shoot you, Jake”.
“What? What you mean”?
“Don’t play with me, Jake. Darrin saw your famous ‘Kammie’ tattoo. How would he have gotten close enough to you to see your tattoo”?
“Why you asking all these questions. Let’s just chill, man. I said it’s cool”.
“Whatever, Jake. Just tell me the truth. Did he do it or not. He’s been acting real strange and I don’t know why. What happened that night that y’all are not telling me”?
“Darrin did not pull the trigger. Rico shot me. Dude came over to the car after everything happened though. I was trying to pull myself up on the lil roof handle, so I guess that’s how he saw my arm. But, he called me Peanut. He looked like he was spaced out. But, like I said, I’m not trippin’ over that”.
“Well, can you promise me that you’re not going to retaliate. I can’t have y’all going back and forth over this foolishness”.
“Kammie, I promise, I’m cool. I love you girl. I’m not gonna to do anything to bring any type of negativity to your life. You my baby Kam. I told you, until you say I do, you are a free agent which means I still have a chance”.
“Whatever, man”.
I felt so comfortable there. Like I was supposed to be there. I felt like I was at home. It just felt right.
“What are you thinking about, Kam”, Jake asked as I had gone completely silent.
“Just life in general”, I replied.
“Come lay with me. I promise I’m not gonna try anything. Just come lay with me like we used to do when we were kids. Before everything got so complicated”.
“Just for a minute”.
But minutes turned into hours. I laid in bed with him, in his arms as he held me close to him, rambling like he sometimes does.
“I know this will probably be the last time that we will be together like this”, he said, “Thank you for letting me reminisce”
I just smiled while he went on.
“I bet you would be so cute pregnant. I hate that we missed out on that opportunity. I hate that I wasn’t there for you. I wish that we could do it all over again. And my baby would look just like me. I would kiss and rub your belly all night long. I’d give you foot massages, and back rubs all the time. I’d run you bubble baths and bathe you. I love you so much Kammie. I can’t believe that I lost you. But, Darri
n seems like a good dude. Tell him he better not slip up because I will right there waiting”.
I got so comfortable that I had fallen asleep. I was awakened by my phone ringing. It was Darrin, of course, checking on me and seeing how I spent my day. I told him I spent the day with his mom. I mean, I wasn’t completely lying. I knew then that it was time to go. As much as I wanted to stay, it just wasn’t right. I helped Jake with his dinner and his meds and went home to an empty house.
Being home alone wasn’t so bad, it gave me a chance to think about my life and what I was doing. Darrin hadn’t given me any reason not to give him a chance. It wasn’t fair to leave him alone just because Jake was back in my life. I decided that whatever was left between Jake and I was going to stay in that room with the blue chaise and the new king size bed.
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