by Rachel Del
How To Be Someone Else
Rachel Del
Contents
Untitled
Untitled
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Epilogue - Alex
Epilogue - Penny
Acknowledgements
Other Books by Rachel Del
Other Books by Rachel Del
Other Books by Rachel Del
Untitled
About the Author
How To Be Someone Else
Copyright © 2016 Rachel Del
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any means without the prior written consent of the publisher, other than brief quotes for reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to business, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely incidental.
Cover Design by Eric C. Wilder
Cover Image via 123rf.com
How To Be Someone Else / Rachel Del. – 1st ed.
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Chapter 1
Penny
There were suitcases in the front hallway. Four of them, all perfectly matched and in impeccable shape, embossed with the letters TW. Tony Williams. My father. My hand slipped out of my boyfriend, Matt’s grip and fell limply against my side. My heart seemed to stop in my chest.
Not now. Not so soon.
I heard myself call out his name, though it sounded miles away and not at all like my voice. It was then I noticed the hum of voices coming from the kitchen. I glanced at Matt, my eyes telling him to stay.
I moved slowly, willing my legs to move forward. I was afraid of what I was walking into, of what I would see. I knew … but I didn’t want it to be true.
The first thing I saw was my dad’s expansive back. Over the past six months, he’d starting eating better and working out, and his body had grown and hardened. If I’d been paying better attention, I might have seen that as a red flag. A warning sign. Married men in their forties with two kids don’t just wake up one day and decide to get into shape unless something — or someone — has driven them to do it.
My mother spotted me. “Penny,” she said in a warning tone directed at my father. He turned to me, locking his matching hazel eyes on mine, his face hardened in resolve.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
“Penny,” my mother repeated, brushing past my father and rushing towards me. Her eyes were wide and wet, her breathing heavy as she pressed the palms of her hands against my shoulders.
I looked from her to my father, my eyes pleading the way my mouth couldn’t. Still, he said nothing, his gaze dropping to the floor.
Finally, I spoke. “Please, don’t go.”
The sound of my voice seemed to snap him to attention. My eyes were on his as he stepped towards me, his arm landing on my shoulder where my mother’s hands had been.
“I know this hurts, but it’s the right thing for your mother and I … for this family. Things will be better, you’ll see.”
That was it? That was all he had to say?
I blinked up at him, once, twice, unbelieving.
I turned on my heels to watch him walk away, heading for the door. After a furtive glance at my mother, who seemed unwilling or unable to move, I ran after him.
“What am I going to do without you?” I looked down at my shaking hands and then up at him, my father, the man who was supposed to protect me from hurt instead of being the one to cause it.
“Nothing’s really changing, Pen. I’m still your father and you’re still my little girl. Nothing can ever take that away from us.” He finally reached out and pulled me against him. His chest felt hard and foreign against my cheek. “Stay focused and be strong for your brother.”
He let go of me and turned, noticing Matt for the first time. His face betrayed nothing. He reached for the first of his suitcases, his long, slim fingers wrapping around its handle. He was grasping on firmly to a new life, letting the old one fade into the distance.
The smell of coffee pulled me from my fitful sleep just moments before there was a soft knock at my bedroom door. “Come in.”
The door unlatched and my mother’s face appeared. Jill Williams was slight in appearance, with brown eyes as dark as her hair. Even from where I sat I could see that her eyes were rimmed with red. She took a seat on the bed beside me and handed me a steaming cup of coffee. “How did you sleep?”
“About as well as you did, I’m thinking.”
She sighed knowingly and lifted her gaze to meet mine. “I didn’t want you to have to see that.”
I knew what she was referring to. The image of my father walking out the front door had played on repeat in my head all night. In my dreams, I’d been able to stop him. But in real life, he was long gone.
“I thought that you were spending the night with Matt, otherwise I would have…” She trailed off.
“You knew he was leaving?”
She pressed her lips together, and dropped her shoulders. “I knew it was only a matter of time.”
I looked up at her then, wanting to tell her what I thought about their divorce, what I thought about how they were turning our lives upside down. I wanted to know why they couldn’t make it work. But it wouldn’t have done any good. The look on my father’s face last night told me all I needed to know. Nothing was going to keep them together … keep this family together. I knew that now more than ever.
She looked down at me, expelling a deep breath. “Listen. This is going to be an adjustment for all of us, but it’s going to be a lot worse if we don’t stick together and talk this out.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
She sighed in a way that felt like she was trying to push her sadness out of her body. When she stood, heading for the door, I was struck by how much I didn’t want her to leave. Maybe it was because I knew that dad already had.
“Mom?”
She turned back to me. “Mmm hmm?”
Suddenly, I didn’t know how to ask her to stay, so I just sat there staring at her until finally, her face softened.
“Let me get another c
up of coffee and I’ll be right back. Then we can talk about whatever you need to talk about.”
I dressed while she was downstairs, pulling on a pair of yoga pants and a tee. A glance in the mirror reminded me of how terribly I had slept; there were dark circles under my eyes that I swear weren’t there a week ago.
She knocked lightly on my door before coming back in and taking a seat at my desk. When she looked up at me I knew that no matter how horrible I felt, it was much worse to be in her shoes.
“We never wanted to hurt you kids, but you’re all grown now for the most part, and your father and I … we just need to be apart. It’s the best decision for us all.”
I wanted to remind her that Dex was far from being grown up. That no matter our age, we would always need our mother and father. I wanted to tell her I was scared of what life was going to be like without both of them here. I wanted to tell her I was worried about what it would do to Dex. But mostly, I just wanted her to hold me and tell me everything would be okay, the way she did when I was little.
Instead, I said, “Are you okay?”
She gave me a closed mouth smile. “No. But I will be, kiddo.”
She set her coffee down and moved to the bed beside me. Her hand found mine. “You don’t have to decide right now, but I think it would be good for all of us if we spoke to someone about how we’re feeling.”
“You mean, like a therapist?”
She nodded.
“I don’t know, mom. I—”
She gave my knee a light tap. “Just think about it. Please.”
I stared at the closed door long after she left trying to wrap my head around the idea of therapy.
That was the first moment where I felt the shift. I knew that there would be something about that summer that would change me.
It was already beginning.
Chapter 2
Alex
I set the bowl of cheese dip on the table in front of us and reached for the bag of tortilla chips. “Geez, I’m sorry, Pen. I can’t even imagine what’s going on in your head right now.”
My family had their problems, but I couldn’t imagine coming home to see my father halfway out the door.
“You don’t want to know,” she said, doing her best to smile.
I still remember the first time I saw that smile of hers, though back then she was starting a fight with acne and wore ugly red shorts I knew most girls would never be caught dead in. Still, I knew instantly that we were cut from the same cloth. The same nerdy, over achieving cloth. She had always been pretty, but now she was hot in a bookish kind of way — glasses and all. Nine years — different friends, different schools, a four-year age difference — and somehow we had stayed best friends.
“Are you okay? I mean, should I be expecting a full blown breakdown anytime soon?”
Penny shook her head. “I don’t think I’ve quite worked through it all up here,” she said, tapping at her temple.
I knew the way she worked. I knew she needed time to sort through her feelings before acting on them. It was one of the things I respected her for. Most girls her age wouldn’t be so mature.
“Oh, my God!” She practically jumped into the air excitedly. “I forgot to tell you the best part. My mom wants us all to go see a therapist.”
My eyes bugged, and then I thought better of it. “Maybe it will be good for you.”
Penny reached out and snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Who the hell are you and where’s my best friend?”
“I mean, you’re worried about how things are going to change now that your dad’s gone. Maybe talking to a professional isn’t a bad idea.”
She cocked her head to the side and smiled at me. Whatever it was that she was about to say, I knew I was in trouble.
“Why pay to talk to someone when I have you to talk to for free?”
I snorted. “I’m about as cut out for this as a pillow.”
“A pillow huh? You’re going with an inanimate object? Not even something like, say, a mouse? At least a mouse could listen.”
“The point is still the same, Pen. You know I’m always here for you whenever you need me, but your mom might be on to something. Maybe it’s a good idea to talk to someone now before it gets too bad, before you work it all up in your head.”
She jutted her index finger into the air. “If this turns out badly, I’m blaming it on you.”
“Cool, so it’ll be just like everything else, then.”
Penny was crazy. I’d known that for a long time, but she was so different from all other girls. She wasn’t catty or jealous, and she certainly wasn’t insecure or narcissistic like the rest of them. Despite her indecisiveness she was a breath of fresh air.
My friends didn’t get it at first. They couldn’t understand why I spent so much time with a high school girl, a chick I had no chance of sleeping with. But I didn’t think of it like that. I mean, I wasn’t blind. Penny was gorgeous, and I’d be lying if I said the thought of seeing her naked hadn’t passed through my mind, but that was a long time ago. We were long past that. Besides, it was obvious that she wasn’t interested in me that way. And she had Matt.
I slammed my car door a little too hard, catching myself off guard. I really needed to stop thinking about her.
My phone sounded in my pocket. I picked it up to see a text from my buddy, Talon.
Talon: What are you doing now? Drinks?
I opened my wallet and peered inside. A lone, crumpled ten sat there.
Me: Fuck yeah.
Talon: Meet me at the usual place in ten.
Beer. Beer was definitely the answer. I’d just have to limit myself to one. Maybe two if Talon was buying.
Penny
I could barely look at Matt anymore, not when all I could picture was him in that hallway standing next to me as my father walked out the door. He had done everything by the book that night: held me when I collapsed onto the tile floor after the door shut behind my father, kissed the tears from my cheeks, made my mother a cup of tea as she sat motionless at the kitchen island. He hadn’t wanted to leave us alone that night, but I had begged him to go.
Now, still, I didn’t want him here.
“How are you handling everything?”
His words were like tiny knives piercing my skin.
“As good as I can be, I guess.” I bit my lip, avoided his gaze. I wanted him to stop talking. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
“Sure, if that’s what you want to do.”
This way we didn’t have to talk. “That’s what I want to do.”
I watched him sort through my collection of DVDs. I was a movie fanatic, so there were a lot to look through. I took the time to study him. It was something I had done hundreds of times before, yet it felt so different this time. Everything felt different now.
I was surprised to see that he had chosen Pitch Perfect, since it was one of many movies that he continually refused to watch with me. Of course, this was an extenuating circumstance and I knew he was trying to be supportive in the only way he knew how. It was the perfect movie to help me forget my troubles for a full one hundred and twelve minutes. Although I didn’t laugh when I normally would have, or sing along to any of the songs that I knew by heart, it felt good. Great, almost, pretending everything was as it used to be. And twenty-three minutes into the movie when Matt reached out and linked his fingers with mine, I didn’t pull away.
The movie was over, the credits rolling.
“My mom wants me to go to therapy.”
Matt turned towards me, his hand dropping away from mine. “Therapy is bullshit.”
“Geez, tell me how you really feel.”
He chuffed. “I’m sorry, it’s just—”
“Yeah, I know.”
I looked up from my lap into Matt’s brown eyes, thinking about how completely different he and Alex were. Here were two people I loved and trusted the most, and they were like oil and water. While Alex’s support of therapy had surprised
me, I had known exactly how Matt would react. You don’t have the kind of mother he has and not know the ins and outs of therapy.
“Listen, I know I don’t have the best role model, but I’ve been through it all before, so if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.”
But what he didn’t know, what I couldn’t bring myself to tell him was that I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to hear how he got through his parents’ divorce. I didn’t want him to try and fix me. I wanted to forget it all. I needed something to help me forget it all.
“I think … I think I need some time alone. To think things through.”
And he didn’t even question me.
“He doesn’t get it.”
Alex shrugged. “He’s a guy.”
“But you get it. What does that say about him?”
I could almost feel myself floating above our conversation, cringing at my stupidity. I wasn’t that girl; I prided myself in not being that girl.
“I don’t think it says anything about him. I think it just means that I know you better.”
That was exactly the kind of thing that made Matt so angry about my friendship with Alex. He was always saying things like that. Sometimes I think he said it just to see if he could get a rise out of Matt. Most of the time it worked, and most of the time I didn’t care. Probably because it was the truth, and you can’t get angry with someone for speaking the truth.
Alex noticed the way my chin dropped. “Hey. You’ve got to stop comparing everyone else to me or you’re going to be miserable for the rest of your life.”
It felt so good to smack him.
“Alright, alright. But seriously, guys just take a little longer to figure things out. Give him time.”
“There’s nothing for him to figure out. He’s not going to change the fact that my parents’ marriage is over. I just want him to help me forget that it is.”
Alex’s face lit up. “There are other ways to forget.” He wiggled his eyebrows.
