‘I’ve two sisters,’ Bella said. ‘Abbey you know and a younger one, Kirsten. She’s due back from Saudi Arabia soon. Do you have any brothers?’
‘Nope. And both my parents were only children as well. They were in their fifties when I arrived but they always had time to sit and talk to me. I miss that the most.’ He kept his head up but there was a suspicion of moisture in his eyes.
‘You sound very proud of them,’ Bella said gently.
‘I was…am. They were wonderful people. Dad died last year and my mum died a few months later. I miss them both.’ He looked away and then back at Bella. ‘They didn’t own their own home and by the time I paid all the bills there wasn’t much left to stay in Sydney for. I decided to come up here.’
Bella nodded. ‘My parents died when I was a couple of years younger than you. Losing them was horrible. But I wasn’t alone like you were. I’ve always had Abbey and she looked after Kirsten and me. Later on Aunt Sophie moved in with us as well. I can’t imagine not having any family.’
He shrugged and then stood up. ‘I don’t need anyone.’ He glanced across at Bella. His statement hung in the air for a moment, then he said, ‘Can I ask you a question?’
Bella smiled. ‘If I don’t like it I won’t answer.’
‘Fair enough.’ Blake stared down at the carpet. ‘Are you and Dr Rainford going out together?’
Bella shook her head and then realised he couldn’t see her answer. ‘No. We’re not. Dr Rainford thinks he’s too old for me.’
She glanced across at Blake’s face and saw his brows draw together and the dark frown made his face so incredibly like Scott’s that she drew in a sharp breath. It had to be coincidence but since Blake had lost his beard and long hair the similarities between both men screamed out at Bella. No wonder she’d felt Blake was familiar—he looked a lot like Scott had when she’d first met him.
Blake was oblivious to Bella’s shock. ‘What about you? Do you think he’s too old for you?’ he said.
Despite her racing brain, Bella had to smile. ‘I’ve never thought he was too old.’
‘So you’ve fancied him for a while?’ Blake certainly wanted the ins and outs. Bella laughed. ‘I think this is where I say I’m not answering.’
Blake glanced across and grinned. ‘OK.’
‘I’ve got a question.’ Bella wondered if she was mad but the conviction was growing. Now every time Blake’s face changed expression he looked like Scott.
‘Do you have a middle name, Blake?’ It was a long shot and she didn’t really have the right to pry.
‘Why do you want to know?’ He was more guarded and Bella trod carefully.
‘Just curious. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’
‘Michael,’ he said, and Bella nodded.
Her voice softened. ‘And what did you find out in Sydney that made you want to come up here?’
Unconsciously, Blake glanced towards the door. ‘What are you getting at?’
‘I wondered if you were searching for something—or someone.’ She saw his knuckles tighten on the back of the chair and she didn’t know how it could be but she knew that what she suspected was true.
‘I don’t want to answer that.’ Blake’s mouth had hardened.
‘No problem.’ Bella watched the suspicion grow in his eyes and she backed off. ‘I’ve been meaning to say how much I enjoyed driving your car.’
Blake followed her lead in the change of subject but the suspicion was still there. He nodded. ‘I like it. Sorry it died on you.’
‘I often wonder if things happen for a reason,’ Bella mused, and Blake let go of the chair and jingled his keys. He couldn’t hide his eagerness to escape.
‘If you don’t want anything from town then I’ll be going,’ he said.
‘No. I don’t need anything. Thanks for asking,’ said Bella, and he left. Vivie met him at the door but he didn’t stop. Blake edged past her to disappear down the stairs a little faster than normal.
Vivie looked after him wistfully and then came into Bella’s room with another cup of tea. Bella would be floating by this afternoon if she didn’t stop drinking the stuff. ‘Thanks, Vivie.’
Bella had to consciously avoid asking questions about Blake but the temptation was there. Fifteen minutes later Vivie left and Bella took two pills for the pain in her ankle but she knew she wouldn’t sleep for a while as she mulled over her suspicions. Should she tell Scott?
When Abbey and baby Lachlan came to visit, the sisters talked about babies and motherhood for a while. It was Abbey who broached the subject they’d both been avoiding.
‘Do you need to talk about Scott?’ she asked, and Bella shook her head.
She should have known Abbey would instinctively offer to listen but not pressure her to answer.
‘No, I’d like to get it straight in my mind.’
Abbey nodded though she still looked concerned. ‘I still believe he did the right thing twelve years ago but I can see you are both different people now. I’m here to listen if you need me.’
Bella nodded and Abbey didn’t stay much longer.
When Scott called in again that evening after work Bella had had time to think. There hadn’t been much else to do stuck in bed. Unless Blake decided to confirm her suspicions, nothing would be gained by Bella’s interference. The most she could do was try to help Scott see the young man in a more positive light.
‘Vivie tells me Blake has been to see Melissa and her baby every day. That’s pretty good for a young guy who’s not the father of the child.’
Scott wasn’t receptive when she mentioned Blake’s sterling qualities. ‘I came to see how your ankle was, not discuss him.’ He cocked an eyebrow. ‘I thought your house guests were none of my business anyway.’
Bella could have stamped her foot in frustration except it would have hurt. Instead, she gave up. ‘My leg is fine. How was the ward?’
Scott frowned at her. ‘The ward will be fine. Will you stop worrying about everyone else and just relax? The world won’t stop turning because you’re not there to sacrifice yourself.’
Bella glared at him. ‘I don’t sacrifice myself. I chose my life. And you’re the last person who should talk about sacrificing.’
Scott shook his head. ‘Now you sound like Rohan. And I didn’t come here to bicker with you.’
Bella paused then asked, ‘Why did you come, then?’
‘To see that you were improving. I was also going to offer a run in my car on Saturday if you wanted to get out after being inside for a few days. But if you’re as cantankerous as you are now, I won’t worry.’ The new, teasing Scott smiled at her and she could feel the traitorous melting feeling she seemed to have been afflicted with over the last few days every time Scott entered her vicinity.
Bella stopped and stared at him. Did she want to spend more time alone with Scott?
Unfortunately, yes.
She couldn’t help the flutter of excitement in her stomach that accelerated as she considered his invitation. Yes. She’d like that. But she wasn’t going to do anything she might regret later. ‘I think I’d enjoy that. Thank you for thinking of me.’
He stood up. ‘I have to go to Port Macquarie for a conference tomorrow and Friday, so I’ll catch you Saturday, then? Say about ten?’
Bella nodded and smiled to hide the realisation that she was actually going to miss not seeing him tomorrow. Maybe she’d be better to cancel now because this was more serious than she’d anticipated. All these emotions from a few hours in his company had become dangerous territory.
It was almost as if he had read her thoughts, he said, ‘It’s just a trip to get you out.’
Later that night, when all the lights in the house were out, Bella lay and stared at the ceiling.
She thought about her relationship with Scott when she’d been eighteen, from the perspective of an almost thirty-year-old woman, and saw it for what it was—young adoring love on her part. She wasn’t sure, but probably it had been infatuation
on Scott’s part. She just couldn’t figure out why he’d encouraged her in the first place if he’d been unwilling to trust his instinct.
Realistically, she was starting to fall under his spell again, and she didn’t know if she could trust him not to hurt her again.
Was she going to choose to let Scott into her life with all the risks that entailed if he cooled off again like he had twelve years ago?
Bella closed her eyes determinedly and willed herself to go to sleep. She was the one responsible for her own happiness—not him. She’d just have to go with her instincts.
Saturday
Come Saturday morning, Bella stared out the window at the lack of rainclouds. Not one to be seen in a blue, blue sky. She’d have to go. The simmering excited side of her smiled but the sensible, wary side shook in its sensible boots.
When Scott arrived, the sensible Bella was waiting, unsmiling, in light trousers and a T-shirt at the kitchen table. Her ankle was almost better, but she’d strapped it and wasn’t planning to overstretch it today because she needed to be right by Monday for work. She had to admit, though, Scott had been close to the mark about her going stir-crazy from being house bound.
‘How was the conference?’ Bella asked, and gathered her handbag and sunglasses.
He smiled. ‘Fine. Have you been so bored you missed me?’
‘Just bored,’ Bella said as she walked carefully through the door Scott held open for her.
She stepped out into the sunlight with a feeling of relief to escape from the house but couldn’t help a little trepidation at the thought of what she was going to say today.
Bella planned to be careful, go for the ride and come home heart whole and with some answers. While Scott concentrated on the traffic she stared at him thoughtfully.
He seemed relaxed today and the curve of his lips made Bella’s mouth twitch. What was it about him that reached out and pressed all the right buttons? In her eyes he really hadn’t changed much since she’d first known him except for his assurance. Now he carried himself as if he was accustomed to the responsibilities that rested on his shoulders. Responsibilities that he took seriously, to the extent that he was the person always available when needed, the local doctor who attended the most house calls and did the most after-hours calls. He’d always said that the town was his family and Bella suddenly realised how much they’d all relied on him over the years.
Externally, she couldn’t see the drain it must have been on him. His chin had always been ruggedly square and seriously dark brows hovered ready to exclaim or frown above his jungle-green eyes. Even his hair remained black-coffee brown with no sprinkling of the grey that should have been there and no clue to the passing of years. He had such broad shoulders. Her gaze lingered.
The sudden memory of after she’d turned her ankle, the breadth of his chest as he’d easily carried her, the strength in his arms and the gentleness in his hands, twisted in her stomach and made her look away from him. She stared out of the window to lecture herself on finding that aloofness she’d decided to hide behind today.
‘Do I pass muster?’ There was a teasing note in his voice.
Bella looked back at him and met his next glance and smiled. She needed to stop feeling like a silly teenager around this man. ‘You’ve always been attractive to me, Scott.’
Startled, he flicked a glance back at her and she was glad she’d spoken out. Every time she’d said what she thought, things seemed to improve between them. Though she was going to test that theory to its limit today. ‘I was just trying to work out why.’
‘Tell me about it,’ he joked, and she frowned. Scott’s insecurities had never been a factor in her rationalisation of the heartbreak she’d suffered at his hands.
She took a quiet breath to steady her voice. ‘Maybe today would be a good time to clear out the cobwebs and get rid of some of the things I’ve never understood.’
‘About what?’ He asked the question but Bella had the feeling he knew what she meant.
‘About what happened between us twelve years ago.’ Bella watched his face in profile and she couldn’t tell how her suggestion had been received.
‘Perhaps,’ he said, and the silence lengthened between them as she let him ponder her statement. Bella was content to wait.
The scenery flashed past. A farmer on a motorbike rounded up his cattle and she smiled at a blue cattle dog nipping around the edges of another herd. Then they turned off the road towards South West Rocks and Scott broke the silence between them.
‘I thought we might go up to the lighthouse first, check out the view and maybe have a coffee. Which I remembered to bring,’ Scott said.
‘Lucky, after last time.’ Bella nodded and they both smiled at the memory of her mock complaint at their last picnic.
The car wound slowly through the dim rain-forest drive up to Smokey Cape Lighthouse and Bella couldn’t resist opening her window to feel the cool moist air of the heavy vegetation. The sound of cicadas and birds drifted into the car. She thought she caught a glimpse of a lyre bird but it was gone before she could point it out to Scott.
They popped out into the sunlight beneath the lighthouse and the sea stretched away in three directions past the headlands.
Scott stopped the car for a minute while Bella soaked in the view with a smile on her face. ‘I’m so glad I came. I’d forgotten how lush and beautiful it is along that road and then this.’ She spread her hands and her gaze travelled along the horizon and back again.
‘Me, too,’ Scott said, but he was looking at Bella. ‘It’s easy to forget what you have in your own back yard.’
Scott manoeuvred his car into the highest spot in the car park and then came around to open her door.
‘I thought we could sit at one of the tables and watch for whales.’
‘Thank you,’ Bella murmured as he shut the car door behind her. ‘I’ve never seen a whale.’
He nodded. ‘I don’t really think they go past here at all.’ She laughed because she knew that they did. He lifted the familiar basket onto the picnic table, and this time he produced a Thermos of steaming coffee. ‘Percolated!’
She shook her head. ‘You’re having me on.’
Scott grinned. ‘Ground this morning. Of course, it’s never as good as the freshly made stuff but we’ll see.’
Bella sniffed the contents of her mug and the aroma was strong and rich. The azure sea stretched away to meet the lighter colour of the sky and a white-capped sea eagle circled overhead.
She sighed with pleasure. ‘I could get used to this.’
Scott gazed out to sea as well. ‘When I think of all the weekends I haven’t done something like this, it makes me feel I should count the ones that are left.’
Bella frowned. ‘That’s a little morbid, isn’t it? I’d prefer to think of it as thank goodness I remembered to come here, and I’m definitely going to try and come more often. Even knowing this is all here enriches my soul.’
‘Pollyanna strikes again.’
She shook her head. ‘It’s more than positive thinking. It’s accepting that life is full of experiences, good and bad. We aren’t victims of fate because we can choose how we deal with those experiences.’
‘Some people don’t deal as well with life experiences as others.’ Scott looked away and then back at Bella again. ‘Take love, for instance. What have you learnt from love?’
Bella raised her chin. ‘From love?’ Her voice lowered and he had to strain to hear her. ‘All bad things,’ she said. ‘It’s taken me a long time to rebuild my self-esteem and for the moment I choose to stand alone.’
Scott winced at the part he’d played in her disillusionment. ‘So you’re never going to get involved with a man again?’
She shook her head vehemently. ‘I didn’t say that. I’m just not going to lose myself in the process.’ She tilted her chin. ‘And if I find someone, he’ll get a better bargain. Not some wimpy clinging vine.’
‘I used to like vines,’ he mused.
‘A woman’s arms hanging on. There’s a halfway mark, you know. Some vines are so strong people can grow with them.’
She smiled. ‘Nice analogy. I was getting a bit serious there. Sorry.’
He shook his head and captured her chin in his hand. ‘You were telling me how you feel. And I’m privileged that you feel you can talk to me.’ He let her go.
Their eyes met and there was silence for a moment as everything from the past seemed to shimmer between them. ‘I’ve always felt I could talk to you,’ she said.
He refilled her cup. ‘In the car you said you wanted to clear out cobwebs and old misunderstandings. What sort of cobwebs?’
Bella looked at him thoughtfully. ‘Big cobwebs. Huge cobwebs. Cobwebs like why you let me think I meant something to you twelve years ago then abandoned me. Then told Abbey to keep me away from you.’
‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Those cobwebs.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
‘IT’S a long story but I guess we have time,’ Scott said, and cast his mind back to a time that had made a great impact on his life.
Twelve years ago, Bella and her two sisters had stood at their mother’s grave like red-haired nuns dressed in black. Abbey, the oldest, had been slightly bowed but upright under the weight of responsibility. Kirsten, the youngest, had looked confused and angry and her eyes had searched for answers. But Bella, frighteningly beautiful like her mother, had been completely lost.
Scott looked at her now. That young girl was long gone.
He removed the coffee-cup from her hand and took her fingers in his. He held them lightly as if he needed to feel her hand in his to tell this story.
‘I remember the first day I saw you. It was your mother’s funeral. You stood totally crushed, like a bruised and bewildered flame-headed butterfly, impaled on a tragedy too great for you to grasp. When I looked into your eyes that day, something shifted—irrevocably—and it didn’t matter how hard I tried to tell myself it wasn’t so.’
Bella felt the tears film her eyes as she listened. It was as if they were both standing in that moment of time. She could almost feel the nip in the air and the moisture from the rain that had fallen just before the service. And she could remember that look. The compassion in his eyes had soothed her as nothing during those terrible days had been able to do.
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