Her words seemed to fade into the background as guilt settled over me, making my heart sink into my stomach.
Shit, of course. I should’ve known.
His abusive childhood had obviously inspired him to help other people who found themselves in similar situations as to what he grew up with, and that was probably why he hadn’t wanted to tell me—because he hadn’t wanted to talk about his past anymore. After all, last time we’d spoken about it, I’d ended up crying on his shoulder, which had probably made him feel guilty and awkward as hell, even though it wasn’t his fault.
I let Leanne keep talking to me for a little while longer, making agreeable noises in all the right places, and all the while my mind was whirring with what I’d just discovered. I felt like a grade-A bitch. No…I was a grade-A bitch. How could I have ever thought anything bad about Kaiden? I should’ve trusted him, but instead, I’d jumped to all sorts of conclusions about what he was up to behind my back.
Then again, he’d behaved rather suspiciously when I’d asked who the guy he was talking to was, so I supposed it wasn’t entirely my fault that I’d suspected something bad.
Still, I should’ve just asked him, instead of letting everything stew for this long.
The thought of him secretly helping all these people had tears streaming down my cheeks long after I hung up the phone. I just couldn’t believe how wonderful he was. Yet again I’d thought the worst of him, and yet again he’d proven me wrong.
In the end, I had to run to the bathroom to sort myself out and stop the flow of tears. I wasn’t sure exactly why this was making me so damn emotional, only that I couldn’t stop it. As I sat in the cubicle taking deep breaths, I glanced down to my handbag, and that was when my eyes happened to catch a glimpse of something white sticking out—a tampon. Normally, I wouldn’t have thought twice about that kind of thing, but it sent an icy cold shock through my veins.
I was late.
Very, very late—at least two weeks, by my count. Normally my body ran like clockwork, so this was shocking to me. With all that had been going on, I hadn’t given it a second thought, and it had managed to completely slip past me until now.
So now it wasn’t just the little growth in my breast I had to concern myself with— there was a chance that I might have a little growth in my uterus too, although one of a completely different nature.
Holy god, I could be pregnant.
***
I suffered the rest of my work shift in silence, just stewing on the possibility of Kaiden’s baby growing inside me. I couldn’t slip out undetected; not when I was basically on probation, so I’d been forced to wait in agonizing suspense until the end of the day.
I texted Kaiden, telling him we really needed to talk, and as soon as the clock hit five, I raced from my office building and practically ran towards the nearest drugstore.
The more that it played on my mind throughout the afternoon, the more I’d become convinced that I was definitely pregnant. I’d been feeling nauseated and dizzy for days, maybe even weeks—which I’d merely put down to stress and sadness—and I knew that it was possible, since I’d had unprotected sex a few weeks ago.
What were the odds of getting pregnant on the first try?
My mind had already concocted the wildest motherhood fantasies, but I knew I had to stop. I didn’t want to get excited until I knew the truth—I’d already seen the kind of damage that could do.
I picked up a pregnancy test along with some other items to try and disguise what I was getting in case I ran into anyone I knew, and I took them all to the counter. The server, with all the professionalism of a goat, smirked at me as he rang it through.
“That’ll be $25.98, ma’am,” he said in a hushed voice, as if we were sharing a secret.
I quickly tossed the money at him, refusing to engage in his silly little game, and after grabbing my shopping bag, I practically ran from the shop. Because of this, I managed to run headfirst into a person standing in the doorway.
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see where I was going,” I said. I could feel the blush creeping into my cheeks as my eyes travelled up the body I’d hit.
Oh, jeez, what an uncanny coincidence. It was Kaiden.
“Riley?” he said, gripping hold of my shoulders. “Are you okay?”
“Erm, yes.”
My mouth dried up, and I pulled my shopping bag closer to me, not wanting him to see what was inside. He probably thought I was sick, but I couldn’t tell him the truth, at least not yet…and definitely not in public, seeing as Eric had forbidden that.
“I got your text. I was going to come and see you after training. Just needed to stop by here to grab some vitamins, and here you are! So can we talk now?” he asked, emotion lacing his words. He’d obviously missed me.
There was so much I needed to say to him, so much I needed to apologize for, but it couldn’t be here. I glanced around frantically, checking if anyone had already seen us. Luckily, there was no one I recognized around, but we also had the paparazzi to worry about, so I needed us to be out of sight as soon as possible.
“Yes. But we need to go somewhere we won’t be seen.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I’ll be fired if I’m seen with you.”
“Right. Shit, Riley, this is all my fault,” he said.
“No, it’s not,” I replied, already halfway out the door.
He put his sunglasses on and kept his head down, following a few feet behind me so it looked like we were just two random strangers heading the same way down the street, and I beckoned him over to my car a moment later.
“I’ll explain everything when we get to my place,” I said, glancing over at him. “Keep your head down for now.”
He looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept his mouth shut and slouched down in the seat, making sure no one on the road saw him as I drove us to my apartment.
When we finally arrived at my place, I let him in and threw my stuff down before looking up at him.
“Sorry for the whole spy routine. Eric told me I can’t be seen with you in public, or he’ll fire me. Apparently it might make the whole PR firm look bad, even though I’m not even your rep anymore.”
“I thought as much when they assigned me a new rep,” he replied. “I’m sorry I risked your career.”
“No,” I said in a firm voice. “Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. I should have told you everything, but I’m a huge wimp. And then when I got your message telling me we should think about having some space—”
He cut me off. “Wait, what message?”
“This one.”
I grabbed my phone and played him the old voicemail message, and he sighed and ran his hands through his hair.
“Shit. Half of it cut off. I was just saying I thought it was my fault that your boss caught us, and I’d understand if you needed some space, just to clear your head. I know how you prefer to be alone when you’re upset. So I just said I’d understand completely if that was what you wanted, and that I wanted you to remember that I still love you despite it all. I wasn’t implying that I thought we should take a break or anything. Not at all. Then when I didn’t hear from you, I assumed you did need space, so I tried not to harass you too much. That’s the only reason I’ve barely texted or called. It’s been driving me crazy not seeing or talking to you, honestly.”
“Oh.”
Well, I was a prize idiot.
“Anyway, sorry, go on. What were you saying?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed with concern.
“When I got that message and thought you wanted some space, it just kinda cemented it all for me, and I figured I should do what you said and take a few days away from everything. Then suddenly a few weeks shot by, and I just felt so stupid…”
My voice trailed off, and he nodded as if he understood, but I knew he didn’t. How could he? In that moment, even I didn’t understand why I’d essentially ignored him for so long. Would it have been that hard for me to just pick up the damn phone a
nd sort this mess out?
“There’s so much I’ve wanted to tell you, and you’ll really think I’m stupid and horrible,” I said.
“I’d never think that about you.”
I finally sat down, and then it all poured out of me; how I’d thought it was better for me to stay away from him for a while, how I’d thought he was involved with something dodgy, and how I’d finally called the number I’d overheard and discovered what he was really up to.
“I’m so sorry,” I said as a tear slid down my cheek. “I should’ve known you’d never do anything bad. Instead I was an idiot and jumped to awful conclusions.”
He knelt down and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently. “Shit, Riley, stop blaming yourself so much. I understand. Really, I do. I lied to you about that guy was, so you had every right to be suspicious. And it’s also partially my fault. I should’ve told you what I was up to from day one.”
I looked up at him and wiped my eyes. “Why didn’t you?” I asked.
He sighed. “A couple of reasons. I didn’t want to upset you by telling you the reasons I was doing it—because of my childhood—and I remembered how bringing it up made you so upset last time we spoke about it. Secondly, I wanted it to be kept hush-hush. I didn’t want to be one of those assholes who only does charity stuff to look good, and I thought if I told you, you’d want to use it as part of your PR strategy to make my image better. Kaiden Cross, charity angel—or something like that.”
I shook my head. “I would’ve understood.”
“I know. It was shitty of me to think that way. I should’ve told you from the get-go, and I promise from now on, I’ll tell you everything.”
“Okay. Thank you,” I said quietly.
“By the way, Travis—the guy you saw—he helps run the place. He had a shitty childhood too, and we used to train together when we were younger. He’s a trained bookkeeper these days, despite what his appearance might make you think. So he helps handle the financial side of things at Irwin; figuring out exactly where my donations need to go, and so on.”
I nodded and sniffed, and he tilted my chin up to meet his eyes again. “Riley, that’s not all, is it? There’s something else on your mind.”
I nodded again and looked over to my shopping bag, where I’d thrown it down on the ground as we walked inside ten minutes earlier. The pregnancy test was peeking out of it, and Kaiden followed my gaze a second later.
He turned back and stared at me, wide-eyed with shock. “Is that…?”
“Yes.”
I was glad I didn’t have to find out whether I was pregnant or not by myself. I could do the test right now, while he was here, and we could find out together.
“Do you want me to do it now?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, yes, yes!”
I yanked the box from the bag, ripped it open and tiptoed towards the bathroom, feeling my heart pound as I quickly scanned my eyes over the instructions. It seemed so strange that my future might be about to change all because I was peeing on a stick, and I almost began to giggle at the thought of how ridiculous that was.
I flashed Kaiden one last watery smile before closing the bathroom door behind me. Then I sat down and did my business, and once I was done, I jumped up and stared at the test strip. Nothing yet, but it would take a minute or so.
I pushed the door open a crack and found Kaiden still standing there looking paler and tenser than I’d ever seen him before, and I led him back into the lounge room before placing the test down on the table in front of us.
“It’ll take another minute or so to show up,” I said.
“Longest minute ever,” he said with a rueful smile.
We stared intently, just waiting.
Tick, tick, tick.
Time seemed to slow down. Had sixty seconds always been this long? I wanted to go and do something else to pass the time, but my body was frozen in one place, my eyes fixed on the strip that would tell me what was to come next in my life.
Then it finally happened. Two blue lines flickered to life in the test window, and my hand flew to my mouth. I took a deep breath and turned to Kaiden.
“It’s positive.”
Chapter 21
Kaiden
“Positive? Are you sure?”
“Yep, I’m sure,” Riley replied, her eyes wide.
I stared at Riley, my insides dancing with joy. This was real. It wasn’t a bullshit fake-baby situation like I’d dealt with courtesy of Serra…Riley was actually pregnant.
I was going to be a father, for real this time.
“Oh my god…we’re actually having a baby!” I said, lifting her above my head. I was beyond overjoyed. All the pain I’d felt from the weeks I’d been forced to spend without the woman I loved vanished into thin air, as if they were nothing.
I slid her down my body until we were face-to-face, and then I kissed her with all the passion that I’d locked away since she left. I knew we weren’t supposed to do this—to be together—but it didn’t matter behind closed doors. I’d just heard the best news of my whole damn life, and no one was going to ruin that for me.
I finally lowered her all the way back down to the floor, and as I pulled back and looked down at her, I expected to see my ecstatic expression mirrored in her features. To my complete surprise, she was crying. Not happy tears, either.
Shit. I’d thought this was what she wanted.
“Riley…what’s wrong?” I asked.
She cast her eyes to the floor for a moment, and when she finally looked back up at me, there was something else in her eyes aside from the brimming tears.
Fear.
“I found a lump two days ago, Kaiden,” she said. Fear spiked in my heart at the words, and I swallowed hard. “I’m afraid it’s cancerous, just like my Mum’s was. My aunt too. I’m so excited to be pregnant, but…but…”
Fuck. I’d heard about cases like this. Pregnant women with cancer basically had two options—terminate the pregnancy and get cancer treatment, or keep the baby and get no treatment, allowing the cancer to spread. Neither option was good.
I was speechless. There was really nothing I could say anyway, so I pulled Riley to my chest and hugged her tightly. This was the worst news ever. How could we have gone from such a high to a low like this in such a short space of time? It didn’t seem fair. For one second, I’d had it all, and in the next, I’d discovered that I could lose both Riley and my child.
“Have you been to the doctor?” I finally asked, wanting some kind of knowledge on where we actually were with this. “Have you had tests?”
“Not yet,” she admitted, tears still streaming down her face. “I’ve been too scared to make the appointment; couldn’t even dial the number. I didn’t know about the baby then. I would never have risked our child, if I’d known.”
“Shhh…” I tried to calm her hysteria, knowing I’d unwittingly put unnecessary pressure on her then. “We’ll go tomorrow. We can’t do anything until then. I’ll make the appointment, I’ll come with you, and we’ll get through this together. I’ll be by your side every step of the way. You never have to worry about that, Riley. I’m here.”
My final words must have had an effect on her, because she slumped against me, allowing all of the tension to flow from her body. I was glad that I could at least do something to help her, even if it wasn’t much. If all I could do was make her feel more relaxed by just being here for her, then that’s what I would do.
Whatever happened, whatever she had to go through, I would be there. I loved her, no matter what. She never had to be alone again.
I’d do anything for her.
Chapter 22
Kaiden
I took Riley to the Grove Medical Center the next morning. Usually, they were hard to get an appointment with on such short notice, but I’d done a bit of name-dropping, and when the young-sounding female receptionist had heard her favorite MMA fighter was requesting an appointment, she’d practically salivated down the phone. That’s
what it sounded like, anyway.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to be seen with Riley in public for the sake of her job, so I wore dark sunglasses and a hoodie to disguise myself somewhat as we headed into the clinic. Luckily, no one even looked twice at me and my strange-looking get up. Even the receptionist didn’t simper or bat her eyelashes when I walked in, let alone let on if she recognized me or not.
As Riley and I stepped into her doctor’s office ten minutes later, I bit the inside of my cheek out of pure anxiety, wishing and hoping that everything would be okay. I was struggling to feel anything good about this day, and judging by Riley’s silence and hunched over body language, so was she.
I couldn’t blame her. Not one bit.
I listened quietly as Riley gave her doctor the rundown of where she was, and then I anxiously waited for her reply. I could barely sit still with all the tension flowing through me, so I forced myself to count my breaths, just to give me something to focus on.
“Okay, Riley,” Dr. Zhang said. “I’m going to run a biopsy and a scan for you today. Because you’re pregnant we need to get these tests done as soon as possible, and I’ll also need to get the results back within forty-eight hours, so we can decide on our next move.”
She flicked her eyes between us both, her expression serious but kind. “Now, if these results come back positive for cancer, you’re going to have some tough choices to make. You will either need to undergo treatment right away—which will harm your unborn child, so we will have to recommend a termination procedure—or, you can wait until the baby is born before you begin treatment, but you will put yourself at great risk if you do that. I have to tell you that the mortality rate for people choosing that second option is very high.”
Bad Boy Brit (A British Bad Boy Romance) Page 39
