Riding Solo

by Woods, Karen

  Jenny growled and pulled away from him. “So you don’t love me anymore then?”

  Harry was put on the spot and he was confused, he stuttered. “Yes, I do love you but, we can’t just get married at the drop of a hat.”

  “Yes we can Harry. It’s what we need. We need to commit to each other. That’s what was missing last time.”

  At that moment a woman walked passed them, she was the spitting image of Amanda. Harry’s heart stopped beating and he sat forward trying to get a better look. As the woman turned to face them he realised it wasn’t her and he sighed a deep breath. Jenny was still waffling on at the side of him and he just sat in a world of his own not taking any notice of anything she was saying. “I can book the church and sort everything out. You can just sit back and relax.” Jenny poked her finger in his waist. “Are you listening to me or what? If you don’t want this, just say.”

  Harry looked deep into her eyes and sat cracking his knuckles; he was scared of losing her again. For months he’d dreamt of having this woman back in his arms, but now it was real he wasn’t sure any more. The fear of being alone again tormented his mind. Kerry was right about one thing though, Jenny was damaged goods. Closing his eyes slowly he could see her in the arms of another man. Kissing and touching him passionately. He cringed and opened his eyes quickly. There was an awkward silence and Jenny was trying her best to make conversation. “Shall we go and see the kids and tell them our news. Our Morgan has always wanted us to get married; I can see her now, she’ll be buzzing.” Harry was so caught up in the moment he couldn’t find the strength to say no. He swigged the remainder of his pint and stood to his feet. Jenny stood up too and picked her handbag up off the chair. Harry was walking in front of her and she was doing her best to catch up to him before he left the pub.

  Harry sat in Jenny’s new house. This was the first time he’d been inside it since they’d split up. Many times he’d sat watching it from the shadows plotting his revenge and pining for his family and now finally he could see what lay inside. Both his children were in bed sleeping. Jenny paid the babysitter and walked her to the door. She was a neighbour and she didn’t have far to walk to get home. Jenny kicked her shoes off and plonked herself down on the sofa. She patted the space next to her and shot her eyes to Harry. “Come and sit here then, don’t be shy. Why are you acting like a stranger?”

  Harry took his black leather jacket off and draped it over the arm of the chair. His eyes were all over the front room. The place was nice and comfy, but not a patch on the house they’d shared together. Harry could feel Jenny’s lover’s presence in the room. Looking at the decor he knew in his heart that her lover had his stamp all over the house. Shaking his head slowly, he knew he had to get it off his chest what was bothering him, it was eating him up inside. “This feels weird Jenny. I don’t think I can sit in this house where you’ve been with him.”

  Jenny panicked; she got up and cradled him in her grip. There was no way she wanted to lose him again. “I can move back into our home. This was just a temporary place to stay anyway. I knew in my heart we would get back together one day,” she was lying through her back teeth.

  Harry pulled away from her, he wasn’t buying her cock and bull story anymore. “Why did you do it Jenny? You hurt me so badly you know?”

  Jenny was ashamed and the crocodile tears began to flow, she was seeking attention. She was such a good actress and the performance she was giving deserved an Oscar. “I was just so mixed up Harry. Me and you, well, I don’t know what happened. All I know now is that I want you back. I swear to you Harry, I love you with all my heart, perhaps I didn’t know that back then, but I do now. You’re my world.”

  Jenny connected her warm red cherry lips with his. Her hand slid down the front of his trousers and she was trying to arouse him. Before long the two of them were lay naked having sex on the sofa. Harry’s penis kept deflating throughout sex and a few times they were going to give up, he was limp. The two of them lay on the sofa and Jenny was gagging for breath, she’d given him the performance of her life, she knew she had to impress. Harry reached down from the sofa with a shaking hand and pulled his pants towards him. Popping a cigarette into his mouth he flicked the lighter. Jenny lay on his chest and she seemed fulfilled. She stroked a long talon up and down his hairy chest. “So, shall we get married then or what? I mean, you’ve just seen what the sex is like between us, you’ll never get that with anyone else you know?”

  Harry looped his hands behind his head and dragged hard on his fag. Jenny was right, the sex was good, but what he didn’t tell her was that now it was over he felt sick inside. All the way through sex he couldn’t stop thinking that another man had been inside her, she was damaged goods now, and not the woman he once loved with all his heart. But his kids, he loved his children and wanted them to have a family unit to grow up in. Taking a deep breath he spoke. “Okay then Jenny. Let’s give this a go. We can get married.”

  Jenny was overjoyed and squeezed his biceps. “Harry, I’m going to make you the best wife ever. I know we have been apart for a while, but fate has brought us back together again, so it must be right.” Harry felt sick to the pit of his stomach, he could feel it churning and he was ready to puke, he was green. Moving her from his chest he started to get ready.

  Jenny was alarmed and pulled him back by his leg, she was anxious. “I thought you could stay the night?” she looked at him while fluttering her eyelashes.

  Harry snapped, he’d heard enough. “Do you think for one minute I would sleep in the same bed as you did with your knock-off?” he plunged his fingertip into the side of his head. “You must be tapped in the head Jenny to think that. Listen,” he dropped his head down to her level. “I can just about give you one at the moment, so count yourself lucky. I was getting back on my feet and you just walked back into my life like nothing had happened. You broke my heart, Jenny. I’ll never forgive you for that,” he paced about the living room ragging his hands through his hair. His voice was croaky. “I’m trying my best to love you again, but trust me, it’s so fucking hard.”

  Jenny swallowed hard; she sat tall on the sofa and started to get ready. Watching him from the corner of her eye she spoke in a low voice. “We’re still getting married though aren’t we?”

  Harry could see her eyes welling up and regretted hurting her feelings again; he was a big softy at heart and Jenny could always wrap him around her little finger. Stood fully dressed he walked back to where she was sitting. “We can still get married but just don’t expect miracles; this is going to take some time.”

  Jenny kept her mouth shut and pecked him on the cheek as he left. Once he was gone she sat thinking alone in her front room. He was slipping away from her and she knew the love they had once shared was damaged. Could she ever repair the mess she’d made?

  Harry zipped his coat up and dug his head low in his chest and headed into the midnight air. The rain was pouring down hard and he was eager to get home. It was pounding on his cheekbones. As he walked out from the garden path he turned his head back and gazed at the house, his heart was low and he seemed to be falling into a deep dark hole of depression once again. Searching his pocket he found his mobile phone and tried to ring Amanda again, she never answered.

  Harry opened his front door and walked inside. Trudging into the front room he kicked his shoes off and sat on the sofa. His head dipped between his legs and he sobbed his heart out. He had some hard choices to make and he didn’t know which way to turn.

  Kerry sat at her kitchen table munching on some toast the following morning. Harry walked in through the back door and nicked a piece of it from her plate. His face cringed. “Fucking wholemeal bread Kerry? What’s up with you eating this healthy crap?”

  Kerry groaned and looked at the bread in her hand. “Tell me about it, I’ve been on this new diet and it allows me one piece of wholemeal bread a day. Two days I’ve stuck to it, but I can tell you now, I’m struggling. I’m starving all the time.”

>   Harry sat down at the table and picked up the newspaper and started to read it while he nibbled the piece of toast in his hand. Kerry shot her eyes to the clock on the kitchen wall and chuckled. “Fuck me, have you shit the bed or what? You’re never usually up at this time on a weekend, what’s up with you?”

  Harry knew he had to tell his sister what was going on and hesitated. “I’ve had a lot on my mind Kerry. I’ve not slept a wink all night.”

  Jordan walked into the kitchen wearing only his boxer shorts; he stretched his arms over his head and farted loudly. Kerry wafted her hand in front of her with a disgusted look. “Do you have to do that? Get to the toilet if you need a crap, you dirty bleeder, it smells like the drains that does.” Her face was going green, she was gagging. Kerry stood and pinched her nostrils together tightly.

  Jordan was stood as proud as a peacock and inhaled deeply. “Shut up woman, it’s gone now. It’s all that crap you’ve been feeding me lately; I’m always full of wind. I swear Harry, if I eat another vegetable I’ll end up looking like one,” he shot his eyes to Kerry. “Just because you’re on a diet, it doesn’t mean I have to suffer too.”

  Kerry was in a strop. Jordan never backed her up when she was dieting he always tormented her by eating bars of chocolate, teasing her, telling her how good it tasted. “Where’s the support ay?” she stressed. “You know how hard it is for me to lose weight. You should support me and stop moaning, you know I hate my body.”

  Jordan flicked the kettle on and ragged the newspaper out of Harry’s hand. “Oi... I’ve not even read that yet. When I’ve finished with it you can have it back.”

  Kerry raised her eyes to the ceiling; she knew Jordan was making a point yet again; he was acting like a child. “Bleeding hell, will you stop acting like a smacked arse Jordan? It’s a bleeding newspaper. I swear to you Jordan, the older you get you’re just acting like your dad. You’re a moaning old fart.”

  Kerry passed Jordan some toast and stood watching him. “Go on then, go in the living room and read your sacred newspaper. Try looking in the jobs section today and see if you can find any work.” Jordan stomped out of the room; before he left he rammed two fingers in Kerry’s direction.

  Harry knew he didn’t have long and he was waiting for the right moment to tell her. Kerry sat down and sipped on her green tea. Her face wrinkled as she tasted it. Her tongue flicked out from her mouth like a lizard. “I’ve been seeing Jenny again,” Harry blurted out.

  Kerry kept her mouth inside the cup and digested what he’d just told her. As if in slow motion she banged her clenched fist on the pine kitchen table. “Are you for real Harry? Fuck me, will you ever learn?” He screwed his eyes up and hunched his shoulders as she continued. “The woman is poison Harry. I swear, if you go back with her, you want your head testing. She’s been banging another guy, you weapon. In fact, she left you for him,” she went nose to nose with him. “Who’s to say she won’t do it again when someone comes along that takes her fancy? Women like her never change.”

  Harry knew the worst was yet to come and he covered his ears as he told her they were getting married. Kerry snatched her cigs from the kitchen side and stamped her feet. “Oh, this just gets fucking better. Have you forgotten about the woman who wouldn’t let you see your kids when she was shacked up with her new guy?”

  Harry tried to defend himself but he was fighting a losing battle. “I know what Jenny has done, but can’t we just try and get things back to how they used to be.”

  Kerry was alarmed and her cheeks sank in at both sides as she gasped a fix of nicotine. “It will never be the same again. Can you put your hand on your heart and tell me you still love her?” Harry froze and his mouth just dropped open with no sound coming out. “I thought so Harry, you’re just holding onto the past and what has been. Move on and be happy, you don’t need that dirt-bag in your life anymore. Trust me, a leopard never changes its spots. Jenny is one sly bitch, she’ll do it again you know?”

  Harry sucked on his gums. “I’m doing it for the kids. I owe it to them to make this work. Are you forgetting Kerry, how I used to treat Jenny? I was no angel was I?”

  Kerry held her head back and placed her hands on her hips. She laughed sarcastically “Have you heard yourself you dick-head. Wake up and smell the fucking coffee, that woman is bad news.”

  Harry stood up and hesitated, his sister was hysterical and he knew that she needed to calm down a bit before he could discuss it further. Kerry stormed into the front room and he could hear her shrieking voice screaming at Jordan. “Guess what our nob-head has gone and done,” before Jordan could answer her she blurted it out. “He’s only gone and got back with Jenny. He’s even talking about getting married now, the prick. Oh my God, he must be on drugs or something; he’s not right in the head.” Kerry came back into the kitchen raging. Steam was coming out of her ears, her cheeks looked like they were going to pop. Her eyes focused on the back door that was open. She hurried to it and stuck her head out of the door shouting after Harry, she could see the back of him motoring down the alleyway. “Go on, run away from the truth. I swear to you Harry, if you marry that tart you’re making a rod for your own back. Kick her to the kerb where she belongs, she’s nothing but a conniving slut.” Kerry slammed the back door shut and stood with her back held against it. Her chest was rising erratically and she looked like she was going to pass out. “Jordan,” she shouted out at the top of her voice. “I’m going out, so see you later. And,” she paused, “start looking for a bleeding job instead of sat on your fat arse all day. You lazy layabout.” Kerry marched out of the house like a woman on a mission, she was fuming. A cat ran across her path as she stormed out of the garden and her foot just missed it as she tried to kick it out of her way.

  Harry sat in his car and watched Kerry run towards the bus stop. He was going to give her a lift to where ever she was going but changed his mind when he saw the mood she was in. Harry tried Amanda’s number for the last time. If she didn’t answer this time he was going to delete her number forever and try to forget about her. He needed to move on, if he had any chance of making it work with Jenny and his kids. The ringing tone filled the car. After a few minutes he ended the call and deleted Amanda’s number. Turning the ignition on, he pulled out of the street. Harry seemed in a world of his own and he looked tormented as he drove along the road.

  Kerry pounded her feet at the bottom of Jenny’s door. She banged her clenched fist on the glass-pane, desperate to gain entry. Her fat face squashed up against the window looking for any sign of life. Flicking the letterbox with speed she could hear a voice from inside the house. The door opened slowly and Kerry was met by her niece Morgan. Taking a few seconds to gather her thoughts Kerry spoke, she was trying to keep her voice calm. “Is your mother in love?” Morgan opened the door fully and walked back inside, she was still in her dressing gown and it was obvious she’d just crawled out of bed. “Just go in the front room, my mam’s in the bath. I’ll let her know you’re here.” Kerry followed Morgan’s instructions and stomped into the front room. She didn’t sit down, she just paced the floor waiting to say her piece. Voices from upstairs could be heard, Kerry held her ear to the door, she was ready for war and stood cracking her knuckles. Jenny came into the room and stood with her hands on her hips. She’d had words with Kerry in the past and knew what she was all about.

  Jenny put up with Kerry for the sake of Harry, but now, in her own domain, she was ready to kick some arse. Jenny was still wet and beads of water were still visible on her skin, her cheeks were bright red and she was sweating. “Well, how did I know you’d be here putting your two pennorth in. Me and Harry are back together, so just deal with it.”

  Kerry went nose to nose with her and she was getting ready to pummel her fist into her face. “Over my dead body will my brother go back with you Jenny. You’re nothing but a cheap scrubber who dropped her knickers for the first man who gave you a bit of attention.”

  Jenny backed off and she was aware
Kerry could strike at any second. She laughed sarcastically. “Says you, who’s had more men than hot dinners. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones Kerry. You’re forgetting what you were like before you met Jordan. You were the local bike as I remember, everyone was riding you.”

  Kerry snapped and launched herself at Jenny. The pair of them were rolling about on the floor sinking their nails into each other. Morgan ran into the room and pulled the two women apart. “Please stop it! Mam will you stop it, please, I’m scared?”

  Jenny scrambled to her feet and pointed her finger over towards Kerry. “It’s not me Morgan, it’s your mental auntie there, she thinks she can just walk in here and terrorize me. Well, she’s got another thing coming. I’m not taking her shit anymore.” Jenny licked the bright red blood from her lips; it was pumping out of her.

  Kerry straightened her clothes and nodded her head slowly as she backed off. “Like I said Jenny, this isn’t happening. What is it ay? Has your new man seen right through you and realised what a dirty trollop you really are?” Jenny tried to run at her again, but her daughter yanked her back by the arm. Kerry opened the door and stood nodding her head slowly. “You’ll keep Jenny, just watch your back. Nobody fucks with me and gets away with it.”

  Jenny was like a raging bull and tried to break free but Kerry was gone. Jenny ran to the window and opened it quickly; she cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted behind Harry’s sister. “Bring it on shag-bag. I’m ready for whatever you’ve got to throw at me. Harry is back with his family now you crank, just deal with it.”

  Morgan sobbed on her mother’s shoulder; she was shaking from head to toe. Jenny held her in her arms and tried to calm her down, she was a mess. “Don’t you worry about her love, her bark’s worse than her bite,” she whispered. Jenny stared into space and chewed on her busted lip. Kerry was trouble and she knew in her heart this wasn’t the end of it. Dragging her handbag from the chair she searched for her mobile phone and rang Harry. Whilst it was ringing she dabbed the corner of the damp towel on the side of her lip to try and stop the bleeding.