Oh, I had no good answer to that question! For while some part of me trembled to be alone with him like this, a far greater part was very glad to be here, to stand in this glade with the rustle of the leaves around us, and the gentle touch of the wind on our faces, and the sounds of distant birdsong. We might have been the only two people in the world.
“No,” I said at last. “I must confess I do not.”
There was something very beautiful about his smiles, something more than the way they revealed his straight white teeth and crinkled at the corners of his eyes. For some reason I thought he did not often have occasion to smile like this, joyously and with no care as to what anyone around him might be thinking. “That gladdens me, Ashara. It is so difficult to say what is truly on one’s mind when surrounded by so many people, don’t you think?”
With that statement I could most heartily agree. “Oh, yes. Indeed, sometimes I wonder how you must bear it, to live so much in the public’s eye.”
Almost as soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back. His expression darkened, and the finely sculpted lips compressed somewhat. Then he shook his head and said in a low voice, “Could you bear it, Ashara?”
“Could I — I am not sure what you mean,” I faltered, although I thought I did, and the idea thrilled me and frightened me at the same time.
He took my hands in his, and I almost fancied I could feel the heat of his flesh through the thin kidskin that covered both our fingers. “Could you bear that scrutiny, to live your life as the highest lady in Sirlende, knowing all eyes would be upon you at all times? For that is what it means to be Empress.”
This was all too sudden. A wave of faintness washed over me, and I pulled my hands from his, stumbling over a tree root as I tried to back away. At once his arm was around my waist, supporting me, strong and sturdy.
“It frightens you,” he said flatly.
“No,” I protested. “That is — this is all so sudden. We only met the day before last, and have had very little opportunity to speak to one another. And now you are saying — ” I broke off and shook my head. At the same time, though, I realized that I had made no attempt to pull away from him, that he held me now more intimately than anyone ever had before.
“I am saying I have chosen you, Ashara. Oh, I will go on with this farce, because the wheels have been set in motion and it will be too difficult to stop them, but know now that I have eyes for no one but you. And I knew this from the first time I saw you.” His dark eyes were keen, studying me, and he added, “Tell me now if you do not feel the same way. I can think of no one else I would rather have as my wife, but I am not some tyrant of old, forcing an unwilling woman to his bed.”
Unwilling? I let out a quavering sort of laugh and shook my head. “No, Torric, it is not that I do not feel the same way. To be honest, I do not know what I feel. I cannot stop thinking of you, of the way your lashes almost hide your eyes when you smile, the sound of your laugh — everything. I thought these were just the foolish fancies of a young woman, that you could not possibly be thinking of me, that you would of course want someone far grander for Empress, that — ”
And I could go no further, for he pulled me to him then, his mouth on mine, the taste and feel and scent of him filling the entire world. I had not thought how real a man could be, how solid and strong, how I would open my mouth to his and feel our bodies press together, how a sudden unexpected heat would flood along every vein so that I could do nothing but cling to him and pray that this bliss would never end.
It did, of course, but long moments afterward. He pulled away just far enough for me to catch my breath. One hand reached up to brush a stray strand of hair away from my face; it must have come loose during our headlong gallop through the woods.
“Does that mean yes?” he asked. The words were soft, spoken barely above a murmur, but I thought I saw a glint of amusement in his eyes.
“Yes,” I said. “Oh, yes. But — for you. Because of you. Not because I want to be Empress. The thought rather terrifies me, to be honest. But I would have fallen in love with you if I had seen you on the street, driving a cart of vegetables to market.”
At that remark he actually tilted his head back and laughed, a good hearty laugh that seemed to echo through the forest. “Ah, that paints a pretty picture. I can only imagine what my mother would say if she overheard such a comment.”
I recalled the icily beautiful woman with the sharp tongue at the dinner table and tried not to shiver. The Dowager Empress was certainly not a very congenial woman. It seemed I would be trading my harpy of a stepmother for a mother-in-law who was equally intimidating, but I would not allow that to deter me. I thought I could put up with a good deal if it meant I would have Torric.
Besides, the palace was very large. How difficult could it be to avoid her whenever possible?
“I would think she’d be happy to know that I want you for you, and not because of the position such a match would give me.”
“‘Happy’ and my mother are not two things that go together very often.” His expression sobered. “In fact, I believe she would not even understand such a sentiment, for she has come to believe that the only reason for a marriage is to advance oneself.”
“She did — she did not love the late Emperor?” It felt odd to ask such an intimate question, but after all, Torric and I had just shared our own intimacy, and I had agreed to be his wife. Surely there should be no secrets between us.
Well, save the one I must keep, on pain of death.
“Gods, no. It was a match made for politics, as these things always are.” Torric frowned and turned away from me slightly, seeming to stare at the horses, who had taken advantage of our wandering attention and had begun to graze on the dry autumn grass. “I think he tried to care for her — my father was a man of great good humor, whatever else one might say about him — and he did not wish for any discord in his household. But she had loved someone else, and had the match denied her, and so she forever closed her heart to him. And to my sister and me as well, I think. She could not look at us without seeing him, you know, and it kept her from forming a mother’s attachment.”
My heart was wrung upon hearing such revelations. The gods knew my life had not been a happy one these past ten years, but before that I had had my father, had known that he loved me and wished only the best for me. And my mother had loved me as well, in those scant few years we had together before she was taken from us so prematurely. It was hard, but how much harder must it be to have a mother who had never loved you, who only saw you as the offspring of a man she despised?
Silently I went to Torric and put my arms around him. He was no longer the Emperor, but a man who had seen his own share of hurt, a man I hoped to comfort. Almost at once he returned the embrace, folding me against him, his lips brushing against my hair just past the brim of the jaunty little cap I wore.
“I am so sorry,” I murmured, and I felt his arms tighten about me.
“No need. I am a grown man, and have long since resigned myself to the situation. But you see now why I wanted to choose my wife, to make my marriage something more than a sham created by politics.”
“I do see,” I told him. “And glad I am that by some miracle you found me amongst all those other young women.”
“That was not hard — you shine forth among them like a diamond in a mountain of coal.”
Those words brought a flush to my cheeks, though of course he could not see it with my face buried against his chest as it was. “Ah, well, you must still shine a light on a diamond to see its sparkle, must you not?”
“True enough.” He released me then, and took my hands in his. “Ashara, I wish we could return and tell everyone what has passed between us here. But we have two more days to go ere these festivities are done and I can finally name my bride. Can you manage to keep a secret for those two days?”
Oh, I was good enough at keeping secrets. Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded.
“Excellent. And do not be jealous if you see me paying attention to some of those other girls, for I must pretend enough to keep people from guessing. Know that my heart is yours and yours alone.”
I understood the reasons for this, and although I did not care for them overmuch, I hoped I could be brave enough to accept them. Two days was not such a span of time after all. We had only met two days ago, and yet now I could barely imagine a world without Torric. “I shall not be jealous,” I told him, then shot him a sly smile and added, “As long as you do not mind if perhaps I flirt with other young men?”
He put a hand to his breast and mock-staggered backward. “Ah, Ashara, you wound me! Very well, flirt if you must. It will keep people guessing.”
To be sure, I did not think I cared much for the idea of leading on young men in whom I had no real interest. However, if such subterfuges would help to keep the true nature of my relationship with Torric a secret, then so be it. I opened my mouth to say as much, but then I heard the pounding of approaching hoofbeats, and the baying of the hounds, and I knew that our idyll here in the forest was about to be cut short.
Torric heard them, too, of course — his head went up, and he turned away from me, his mouth tightening. In an undertone he said to me, “I will find a way to be alone with you tomorrow night. Be ready.”
“I will,” I said, and wondered what he had planned. I supposed I would find out soon enough.
He moved away from me, toward my horse, and made rather a fuss of adjusting the girth on my saddle. I wondered what he was doing…until I realized he was putting on a show for the men who even now burst into the clearing, a harried-looking Lord Hein at their head. No doubt Torric wanted the search party to think my horse had bolted and brought us here, and he was only trying to assist me so that we might rejoin the others. Quickly I leaned up against a tree, and put a hand to my brow as if distressed by what had just occurred.
As I did so, he caught the gesture and winked at me, even as some ten mounted guards burst into the little glade. Despite everything, I felt a little rush of relief.
Whatever happened next, at least I would not have to face it alone.
Chapter 10
Torric
To say Lord Hein was displeased would be a severe understatement, and Renwell Blane, the leader of my guards, was even more incensed.
“Your Majesty, anything could have happened!” he said, as I helped Ashara back into her saddle and then got back up on my own horse. “It is not safe — ”
“On the contrary, Blane, it is perfectly safe. These woods are an imperial preserve. There is nothing here more dangerous than a few foxes. Indeed, it is the foxes who should be in fear of their lives, not I.”
Something that sounded suspiciously like a muffled snort came from Ashara’s direction. I dared not look at her, for I wanted to make sure all attention was centered on me, and kept away from her. I could imagine her expression, however — those amber-hazel eyes dancing with mischief, her lovely lips pursed in an attempt to hold in her laughter.
“Your Majesty — ”
“Enough. I understand your concern, even though I believe it is entirely unwarranted. Now, Blane, since Lady Ashara’s horse has been stopped, and we are all safe and sound, I suggest we go back to the reception before we miss it entirely.”
Blane and Hein exchanged knowing looks, but of course they knew better than to pursue the debate any further.
“As you wish, Your Majesty,” said the captain of my guard, and wheeled his horse around. Lord Hein fell in behind him, and the rest of the troupe surrounded Ashara and me. No more daring escapes for us; I sensed that the men would ride as close to us as propriety allowed so that we might not have another chance to leave them behind.
Ah, well. I could not ask for anything more, really. I had had my time with Ashara, had tasted her sweet lips and felt her slim form pressed up against mine, and it seemed greedy to wish for more of her. Not yet, anyway. Perhaps the cynical observer would have said it was a foregone conclusion that she would accept my offer of marriage, but I was not so sure. I had spent too much of my life surrounded by those currying favor and saying that which they thought I expected to hear to not perceive the ring of truth when I heard it. Ashara had said she loved me for me, and not my rank, and I believed her.
Truly, it would be difficult to pretend, to make the world think I had not yet made up my mind, but I would do my best. It would be better for Ashara, I thought, if I spread my attentions around somewhat, for I had already seen that many of the other girls had cast malicious glances in her direction when she rode up today. That we had disappeared into the woods together would make tongues wag even more, I wagered, and so I must do what I could to stop their wagging, if only briefly.
I did not look back at her, but I was keenly aware of her presence there, almost fancied I could smell a sweet drift of perfume from her hair. Foolishness, really — there were many scents here in the forest, not all of them pleasant, so to think I could sense the flowery scent of her hair rinse was merely fancy on my part.
It would have been a grand thing for me to slow my horse so I rode parallel with her, so I could reach out and take her in my arms and ride far, far away, someplace where I need not have guards surrounding me everywhere I went, someplace where I would not have to look at Lord Hein’s frown or the scowl the captain of my guard still wore. But since I knew such a maneuver would be blocked before it even began, I merely rode on, my head high, a smile born of long practice on my lips.
And so it was that we cantered back to the edge of the forest, to the green field where the pavilions had been set up and a crowd awaited us. It appeared that the other young women who had participated in the hunt had long since dismounted, their horses led away. The murmur of their voices grew louder as we approached, drowning out the sweet strains of a group of musicians in the largest of the pavilions.
I dismounted and handed off the reins to a waiting groom. As much as I wished to go back to Ashara, to help her down from her horse, I knew that would only be showing the sort of regard I was attempting to conceal. So I marched toward the imperial pavilion as if I did not have a care in the world, leaving Ashara to manage on her own — and hoping she would understand the motivations for my actions.
Lyarris greeted me with a rueful smile. “I hear you have had quite the adventure.”
“Oh, nothing much. The young lady’s horse bolted, and I followed, to make sure she came to no harm.”
“Is that what happened?” My sister’s dark eyes danced as she gave acknowledged the lie; she knew of my feelings for Ashara, even if she did not realize how serious things had become between us. “Well, I am glad the ‘young lady’ is all right, and you as well. Mother was furious, as you can imagine.”
I could, unfortunately. “Where is she? I must do my best to avoid her.”
“Oh, she has gone off to one of the other pavilions, for she thought it too crowded in here. I daresay she will be back soon enough, once she has wearied of a new batch of people bowing and scraping to her.”
“Careful, sister — you are beginning to sound a bit too much like me.”
Lyarris did not precisely grimace, but I saw her mouth tighten. “Well, it has been one thing after another, you know — first she did not care for what the musicians were playing, and then she complained that her gown was too long to be walking about in this grass, and then the cooks did not make the meat pastries she wanted…even though she told no one of her preference. I expect she thought they should just pick the idea out of her mind, like one of those mages in the old days who were supposed to see your thoughts. Anyway, it has been rather trying, and…” She broke off then, and her gaze strayed to the tall form of Sorthannic Sedassa where he stood on the other side of the pavilion, speaking with Lord Hildar. Yes, I could see why my sister would be put out, when she finally had a chance to steal some time with the Duke of Marric’s Rest, only to be thwarted by the incessant complaints of our mother.
I saw no
sign of Lord Hildar’s daughter, the irrepressible Gabrinne, or of her quarry, Lord Senric. “Is the Duke of Gahm here? I thought he was supposed to attend.”
As I had hoped, my question distracted Lyarris from her romantic woes, and she smiled. “Oh, yes, he’s here…pursued by a very determined Lady Gabrinne. I believe she led him over to that stand of oak yonder. Something about helping her determine if the leaves are about to turn.”
“She couldn’t think of anything better than that?”
A shrug. “It seems to have worked, because they went forth a quarter-hour earlier and have not returned. I have to say that he did not seem all that reluctant about going with her.”
“No, I somehow doubt he would. There is something in her aspect that tells me she isn’t above stealing a kiss or two, as long as no one is looking.” Even more than that — the daughter of an earl was watched too closely to be truly wanton, but I had the feeling Gabrinne would have no problem allowing Lord Senric to compromise her just a little, if it meant a speedier trip to the altar.
“And what about you?”
I raised my eyebrows. “I am not sure I understand what you are asking.”
She shook her head. “Oh, play the innocent if you must, but I know you better than that. Tell everyone that Lady Ashara’s horse bolted and you most chivalrously followed to see that she came to no harm…but I rather think there might have been some kiss-stealing involved there as well.”
“And I rather think that perhaps you have been spending too much time writing down people’s stories, and so are inventing them when in fact there are none.”
Being Lyarris, she did not take offense at my words, but only smiled somewhat. “You may tell yourself that, if it makes you feel better. But now I think you had better make your rounds, or the young ladies will be even more restless than they are already. You should have heard the chatter when news came back that you had disappeared into the woods to the gods only knew where!”
Ashes of Roses (Tales of the Latter Kingdoms Book 4) Page 13
