by Bali Rai
‘Natalie?’
She looked at me with a grin. ‘Yeah?’
‘Can we leave all of this until after I break the news to Sukh?’
Her face fell a little. She nodded. ‘Yeah I, er . . . forgot about him . . . You’d better speak to him first . . .’
I smiled at her although I was nervous again about Sukh’s reaction. What if he wanted me to have an abortion? What if he didn’t want to be a dad at his age? But then again, I didn’t want to be a mum.
I just didn’t have a choice in the matter.
Not a choice I could live with.
I rang him about an hour later. Nat and I had walked up to Allandale Road and I was sitting in a new bar. She had popped across the road to buy a novel from Browsers, our favourite bookshop, and I used the time she was away to make the call. He picked it up on the first ring.
‘I’m keeping it,’ I said before he had the chance to speak.
He was silent for a few moments and then he asked me if I was sure that I was doing the right thing. I was completely honest with him. I wasn’t in the least bit sure it was the right thing according to everyone else, but it was the right thing for me. The only thing.
‘Well, I guess that means we’re keeping it,’ he said, causing me to swallow hard to stop the tears.
‘Yeah – I guess it does . . .’ I said quietly.
‘You mind if I tell Parvy?’
‘Will she shout at me?’ I asked.
‘Maybe – but she’ll help us, Rani – I know she will.’
‘Yeah – tell her,’ I replied. ‘You know this is going to be hard, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you’re sure you want to be part of it, Sukh?’
He waited just a beat before replying. ‘Absolutely. You think I’m going to walk away from you now?’ he said.
‘I hope not,’ I told him.
‘I’d better start getting a plan of action together then . . .’
‘We’re gonna have to tell your parents, aren’t we?’ I said, resigned to it.
‘It’s going to be big steps all the way from here on in,’ he replied. ‘We may as well get the first one over with . . .’
I saw Nat come out of the shop. ‘Nat’s coming back so I’d better go. I love you, Mr Bains.’
‘I love you too, beautiful. Call me later . . .’
‘Try and stop me,’ I said before ringing off.
As Nat came in and sat down I thought about what had just happened. I had just decided with my sixteen-year-old boyfriend that we were going to become parents. Just like that. It felt strange. Unreal. Like I was walking in someone else’s dreamscape. But that feeling wasn’t going to last much longer. I was going to be dragged back into reality soon enough.
SUKH
IT TOOK A week for Sukh and Rani to finally pluck up the courage to talk to Sukh’s dad, a week of thinking and changing minds this way and that. Sukh was glad that he was finally about to tell him. He knew that there would be fireworks – he was ready for them – but he also had a feeling deep down that his dad wouldn’t abandon him. He just hoped that he was right. The alternative – taking Rani and moving into his sister’s flat, an option Parvy had already given him – would work but Sukh wanted his parents’ backing. He didn’t want to lie to them or break from his family.
He sat in the lounge, waiting for Parvy to arrive with Rani. They had agreed to let Sukh break the news and for Parvy to bring Rani to the house at a given time. It was a gamble, one that might backfire, but Sukh was ready for that too. In his head he was confident, strong, mature. In his heart he was all of those things but there was an extra emotion too. Fear. He tried not to show it as his parents walked in and sat down. Rani and Parvy were due any minute and Parvy was going to call Sukh on his mobile – just one ring to let him know that they were outside. Sukh had left his confession to the very last moment.
‘What is this that is so important, beteh?’ asked his dad.
‘I’ve got something very serious to tell you,’ Sukh replied.
‘So serious that you invite your parents to a meeting at their own house and insist that they being there at set time?’ continued his dad.
‘Yes,’ said Sukh, swallowing hard.
‘Where is your sister, beteh?’ asked Sukh’s mum.
‘She’s on her way, Mum. She’s bringing someone with her . . .’
‘Who?’ Sukh’s mum’s eyes bore into him.
‘Someone . . .’
‘What have you done, Sukhjit?’ enquired his dad in a stern voice. ‘If you’ve broken the law—’
‘No, Dad – it’s . . . Well, it’s not as bad but it’s maybe more serious,’ he said, trying to find the right way to say his piece. The right words.
‘I am not sure that I like this . . .’ Resham Bains said to his wife in Punjabi.
Mrs Bains shrugged her shoulders. ‘You remember we had this with Parvinder too,’ she replied.
‘Yes – “I am leaving home. I am going to America . . . ” How could I forget it?’
‘Then it will be the same thing,’ reassured Sukh’s mum, as Sukh’s mobile rang to inform him that Parvy and Rani were coming up the drive.
‘Mum. Dad. It’s not like that – it’s—’
‘Spitting it out, Sukhjit,’ urged his dad, almost beginning to grin at his son’s hesitancy.
Sukh heard the front door open, heard footsteps approaching the living room. ‘We’re going to have a baby,’ he blurted out quickly.
Resham Bains looked at his wife and then at his son. His mouth gaped. Sukh’s mum raised her eyebrows, taking in the information slowly.
‘Who is having a baby?’ she demanded. ‘Parvinder?’
‘No, Mum,’ said Sukh, as the living-room door opened and Parvy brought a scared-looking Rani into the room.
Sukh’s mum had to sit down quickly. Her hand went to her mouth.
Sukh looked at Rani and tried to raise a smile. He looked at his parents . . . ‘Not Parvinder. Us. Me and Rani. Rani Sandhu . . .’
Sukh waited for the explosion. The backlash. The fireworks. His mum sat silently, her face drawn, as though she had seen a ghost. He looked at his dad. His dad’s face was red. He stood up and began to walk slowly towards Rani, shock in his eyes. And then he began to cry.
He took hold of Rani, who was unsure of herself, looking at Sukh for support. Sukh put a hand on his father’s arm but Resham Bains ignored it. He just stood and looked at Rani for what seemed like an age. Sukh’s mind switched between relief and fear. He’d seen his dad cry twice in as many weeks, something he’d never experienced before. He wondered who would break the silence. It was his dad.
‘Rani,’ he whispered.
‘Sat Sri akal ji,’ replied Rani, saying hello in perfect Punjabi.
Sukh’s dad blinked back tears. ‘You look just like your aunt,’ he told her.
Rani stood perfectly still. Sukh could see that she didn’t know how to react. He took his dad’s arm again. ‘Dad – I think you should sit down,’ he said softly.
‘Yes, beteh,’ replied his dad. ‘I think you are right.’
He let go of Rani and sat down next to his wife. Parvy, who looked as shocked as everyone else, sat next to them. Sukh and Rani didn’t move.
Sukh looked at his parents and lowered his head. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, hoping that one of them would go mad and start to tell him off.
The situation was surreal. Sukh had expected an explosion and it hadn’t happened. The fireworks had failed to light. He didn’t know what else to do, so he took Rani’s hand and told his parents everything. From the moment they had met through to Rani discovering that she was pregnant. He told them how Parvy had known about them, met Rani and told them both the story of the feud. He told them about Rani’s dad and her brother, Divy. About being in love and being scared and not wanting to hurt anyone. And then he told them that he and Rani were scared of what would happen to them. Scared of what her family might do. It felt like he had bee
n trapped in a box and had just been set free. He felt light, calm.
His mum spoke next. ‘Do you know what you’ve done?’ she asked in a hushed tone.
‘Yes,’ replied Sukh.
She looked at Rani. ‘And you, Rani – you realize that there is no going back from here?’
‘Hanj-ji,’ agreed Rani in Punjabi.
‘Hai Rabbah!’ called out Sukh’s mum suddenly. ‘What kismet is this that you have given us?’
‘Enough!’ shouted Sukh’s dad, making Parvy and Rani jump.
‘I’m sorry, Dad,’ said Sukh, thinking that his dad was about to get angry too and trying to defuse his rage.
‘You are an idiot,’ Resham Bains told his son in Punjabi.
‘It’s not all his fault,’ said Rani, surprising Sukh with the force of her tone.
Sukh’s dad looked at Rani.
‘Please don’t be angry with him alone,’ continued Rani in Punjabi. ‘We are both to blame. But how can we change what is done?’
‘If it hadn’t happened in the first place—’ said Sukh’s mum.
‘It has happened,’ said his dad.
‘There will be more blood spilled over this,’ continued Sukh’s mum.
‘No!’ spat Resham Bains. ‘We are not in a village in the Punjab. We are British now and this will not destroy us. I will not lose a son where I also lost a brother . . .’
‘But what can we do to stop the dishonour felt by Mohinder Sandhu?’ asked Mrs Bains.
‘You leave that to me, woman . . .’ replied Resham Bains, looking at Rani.
Sukh took Rani’s hand again. She hadn’t moved from the spot. ‘Rani, sit down he told her, only for her to shake her head.
‘It’s OK. I’ll stand,’ she replied.
‘You know,’ said Resham in Punjabi, ‘I have thought about your father every day since my brother was killed. Every day. At first I wanted to kill him with my bare hands, to tear out his heart. But that didn’t last very long. In time I realized that I had not lost one brother that day but two. Your father was my first friend. My childhood companion. We spent every day of our first fifteen years together. I miss him as much as I miss Billah and Kulwant . . .’ He swallowed hard to hold back his emotions.
‘I hope that this will bring our families together, child, not tear them apart as before – I will try to make sure of it. But if I cannot then I will accept you into my house, no matter what wrong you and my son have done. I will love you as my own daughter. If your father disowns you I will cherish you and help you to bring up my grandchild . . .’
Sukh watched as Rani’s eyes streamed with tears and his dad went to her, hugging her tightly and stroking her hair. He heard Rani whisper, ‘Thank you,’ over and over again; watched until he had to hide his face to wipe away tears of his own. Resham let go of Rani and wiped his eyes before he spoke.
‘For now this will go no further,’ he told everyone in the room. ‘Tomorrow I will pay a visit to Gianni Balwant Singh and ask his advice. He was a school-friend of ours, Mohinder and I, and he knows the family history. I will use him as a go-between and talk to Rani’s father. There has been enough blood spilled over the years. Now we share blood and we will use that to end this feud. Perhaps the child these children have created will be the blessing that brings us back together . . .’
Sukh looked at Rani, wondering what she was thinking, what she was feeling. He hoped that his dad would be proved right. That he could really end the feud. He didn’t want to have to face Divy Sandhu if it could be avoided. But something in the back of his mind told him that he might have to. Divy might never let go of the feud, just as Rani had said. He was still thinking about it when his parents went out to the kitchen to make tea. Parvy followed them. He turned to Rani and edged her towards a seat.
‘Are you OK, babe?’ he asked in a whisper.
‘I’m just a bit shocked,’ she replied. ‘I wasn’t expecting him to react like that.’
‘I know,’ Sukh told her.
‘It’s good, though – he could have thrown us both out or just got really angry,’ she said.
‘It feels a bit like a dream though,’ admitted Sukh.
‘Well, it won’t when my dad finds out . . .’
‘What do you think to the chances of him being OK about all of this?’
Sukh saw Rani hesitate. Saw her eyes cloud over with fear.
‘I’m praying that he’ll be OK once the shock wears off,’ she replied, ‘but I’m not sure that he will be.’
Sukh squeezed her hand and then put an arm around her shoulders. ‘We’re gonna be OK,’ he told her. ‘I promise.’
‘I do feel a bit better about it. You and Parvy were right about your dad . . . he’s such a lovely man . . .’
‘I just can’t believe how he reacted,’ Sukh said again. ‘It was just the last thing I thought he would do . . .’
‘Mine would have killed us both – talking of which, I’d better get going.’
‘Come on, I’ll walk you back some of the way.’
As they walked through the tree-lined streets of Oadby, wary of being seen by Rani’s family, watching out for them, Sukh hoped against hope that Rani would be wrong about her father. For the first time since he had found out about the baby, Sukh felt a little more secure, a little more hopeful about the future and what it held in store. He looked at his beautiful girlfriend and realized that he was going to be with her for ever. They were going to have a child. He shuddered a little at the thought of it all, but only a little. He would be a dad by the time he was seventeen; have a child with the girl of his dreams. The whole thing should have made him run for his life. His friends would have, but he wasn’t like his friends. He realized that the thought of bringing up a child with Rani actually made him happy. Happier than he had ever been in his entire life.
DIVY
DIVY PULLED TO a stop fifty metres away from them, the engine of his Audi humming in neutral. He looked again to make sure that his eyes hadn’t played a trick on him. They hadn’t. Fifty metres up Manor Road, and moving slowly away from him, was his sister, walking down the road with a boy like she didn’t have a care in the world. He’d heard a rumour that his sister was knocking about with some lad but Divy had refused to believe it – until he saw it for himself. He thought about all her trips into town, staying over at that goreeh slag’s house.
‘Bitch.’ He said it out loud, his face set in a grimace. There he was, respected all over town, and his fucking sister was laughing at him. The number of times he had warned her . . .
‘Well, you get well and truly catch now,’ he said, looking at himself in the rearview mirror.
Tempted to drive straight up and confront her, Divy fought to stay calm and decided to follow them. He slid the car into first and then second, cruising slowly. The CD player pumped out bhangra R & B fusion. Too loud, thought Divy. They’d hear the thump of the bass bins. He turned it off.
At thirty metres from the couple he took a right into a private road that ran up to a new estate of houses, built on land reclaimed from the university. The road ran round to the left, shielding him from their view, and bought him out at a roundabout on Stoughton Road. He was in front of them now. He pulled up again and waited.
It would take them five minutes to walk past him if they chose to take Stoughton Road. They might walk across and down the Manor Road extension. In which case he would be able to catch up with them by driving down the road ahead, which connected the two. She was obviously on her way home and there were only two or three ways she could go. With whoever the dead man was that she had with her. Divy wound the window down in a smooth electric whirr and spat. He waited.
Five minutes later there was still no sign of his sister. He pulled off again, across the mini roundabout and down Woodfield Road, reaching the end quickly. He stopped at the junction. He couldn’t see them.
‘Shit!’ he said in a panic, hoping that he hadn’t lost them.
He punched the dash, cutting a dent with one
of his gold rings. ‘Bastard!’
He looked up. There they were. They stopped to kiss and the blood in Divy’s head began to boil. He wanted to get out of his car there and then, but again he tried to stay calm and reversed along the kerb about thirty metres so that he wouldn’t be seen. As he stopped he saw them walking on, heading down Launde Road. The boy looked familiar, but Divy was too far away to make out his face clearly enough. There was something about him though . . .
Divy waited again, two minutes this time, before moving forward and taking a right at the junction. He drove like a pensioner on a Sunday morning down Launde Road, edging forwards rather than moving. He saw them turn into Uplands. Left. He pulled up to a stop. He knew that his sister would take a right, past their uncle’s house, along and then round onto Harborough Road at the top, not five minutes’ walk from the house. Thinking about it, he realized that she would ditch the boy before she walked down Brookside, not wanting to risk being seen by Uncle Sohan. He sped down the remaining stretch to the junction and waited yet again. No sign of them . . .
He took a left and approached the corner with Brookside. Ahead, walking round the tight turn in Uplands, heading for the pub and the shops, he saw a lad. Probably the same one, but then again . . .
Ignoring the pair of legs walking away he turned right, and sure enough, walking slowly down towards Prince Drive, he saw his sister. He drove slowly after her, pulling up just past her as she walked up the incline. As she saw him, her face at first dropped and then changed quickly to a sly smile. Stupid girl . . .
The driver’s window whirred down.
‘Gonna give me a lift home?’ his sister asked, smiling.
‘GET IN!’
Rani jumped.
‘Don’t even come with the innocent shit . . . I saw you with some boy.’
She looked shocked. ‘It’s not what—’she began.
‘GET IN! Before I run you down, you stupid little bitch . . .’
Divy watched his sister’s face fall as she walked round to the front passenger side door. She opened it.
‘In the back,’ he spat. ‘I don’t want your dirty little mouth anywhere near me . . .’
