I wanted to believe him, but I wondered if that were true if she was about to say that word before he cut her off.
In a daze, I went upstairs to my room and asked a maid to run a bath. As I listened to the tub fill up, I wondered how bad it would be if I just slipped under the surface and drowned. Who would miss me? Who would care?
I lost Gavin and Janie within hours of each other, and possibly my mother too. Maybe she was worried and grieving, but I knew she'd never look at me the same way again. No good, respectful family would accept me as a bride, even a non-royal one. I was ruined.
I scrolled numbly through an iPad after settling into the hot bath. A bold news headline caught my eye and I realized my day was getting even worse.
With a trembling finger, I tapped the headline. What I saw made me run cold all over.
It was a grainy photograph, obviously shot with a long telephoto lens through Gavin's apartment window. He and I were sitting on his bed, kissing and looking intimate.
The headline read: Beauty and the Bastard Caught in a Forbidden Romance!
CHAPTER 24
GAVIN
Trying to forget Stella was like trying to forget how to breathe.
It took everything in me not to call her. To hear her voice, to ask how her nanny was doing, or just for the slim chance to hear that she missed me as much as I missed her.
Sleeping was even worse.
Every night, dreams of her painfully beautiful naked body plagued my subconscious. They were so vivid, I swore I could taste her mouth and pussy again. I could feel the warmth of her skin and the suppleness of her breasts under my hands.
I'd known her for two weeks and hadn't seen her in just as long. I never got stuck on women before. But Stella was no ordinary woman.
I sipped my whiskey and kept my head low as I waited for Alex to show up. It had been two weeks since the royal charity ball fiasco and the drama had pretty much blown over. For the ordinary folks at least. The royals weren't so lucky. I hadn't seen Alex since he came out of the closet that night.
Rumors flew there was a clause in Amberfall's ancient constitution that no royal could be removed from the line of succession because of his chosen partner or partners. Supposedly this amendment was added by one of the early kings who married multiple women and men. Over time, polygamous marriages were ostracized and eventually outlawed. But they didn't specify which gender you had to marry. I was curious to find out if Alex would confirm the rumours.
"Took you fuckin' long enough," I muttered as his form, shrouded in a jacket, hat and sunglasses slid into the barstool next to mine.
"I’m taking extra precautions when I'm out now. Surely you understand." He raised a gloved hand to catch the bartender's attention. "Pint of amber ale, please."
"How is our dear old Mum these days?" I asked, not bothering to mask the bitterness in my voice.
"She's got her knickers in one hell of a twist. As suspected, she can't get rid of Darryn and me that easily." He drank deeply from his pint glass. "After seeing how she treated you and Stella at the royal ball fiasco, Cabinet members are standing up to her. She's being outvoted on her proposed measures but it’s all anonymous so she has no idea who's against her. It's quite wonderful to see."
I downed a shot after hearing Stella's name. So much for hoping this outing would be a distraction.
"You could've told me, you know,” I said after a long silence. “About you and him. I would've supported you."
"Believe me, I've wanted to shout it from the rooftops for years. But you had your own shit to deal with and I didn't want you caught in my personal shitstorm. I wasn't even going to tell Scarlett but she... may have walked in on something."
I spat out my next shot, thoroughly spraying the bar and nearby customers with a mixture of whiskey and saliva. The dirty looks were worth it, as it was the first time I laughed uncontrollably in over two weeks.
"Alex, you're shitting me!" I choked through my laughter with the image in my mind of Scarlett’s horrified face as she walked in her brother balls deep in another man.
"I wish I was, mate," he replied smugly. "Poor Scar is indeed scarred for life."
"Just tell me one thing," I said as I wiped away tears. "You a top or bottom?"
"Oh man. You know I'm a top." Alex smirked and winked.
I slapped him on the back as I regained composure. "Now that's my brother."
We clinked glasses and I sent my next shot of whiskey down the hatch. My eyes closed as I felt the fiery liquid slide down my throat and my limbs tingled with slight numbness. I'd lost count of how many shots I had. Four, maybe five?
I just didn't want to be sober anymore.
Sober meant facing the fact that Stella was gone and I'd never see her again. Two weeks later and it wasn’t any easier than the day she left.
"Talk to Stella lately?" Alex asked as if on cue.
"Nah," I said, keeping my eyes on my liquor and my voice nonchalant. "She made it clear she's not interested, so what can you do."
"I heard her nanny died," he said, sipping his beer casually. "Damn shame. The funeral was last week. Scar's been keeping her company, trying to cheer her up. Said she's been really down."
"Yeah, damn shame," I muttered, squeezing my glass like I was trying to choke the life out of it.
It killed me to not be there for her when she needed me. I'd be sober forever if I knew she'd see me again.
"There's a shit ton of legal nonsense with her family too. Her dad's a financial genius so everyone wants him to come back to the Cabinet and fix this shitty economy, but Her Fuckin' Majesty is adamant that Stella didn't carry out her end of the deal at the charity ball."
"Stella didn't do shit," I said angrily. "She did nothing wrong, it was all me being an asshole."
"You're right, the queen just needs someone to blame. But she also needs grandkids and in her mind, I'm already cut out." Alex smiled. He didn't seem at all bothered by the possibility of losing his crown. “You could probably call her a fat phony bitch again and she’d still pick you over me as long as you still love pussy.”
"You won't be cut out, though," I told him. "It’ll never happen. And if this kingdom has me as its next ruler, we're all double-fucked."
"Maybe a good double-fuck in the arse is what we all need," he said slyly.
"You would say that, as a gay man."
We laughed and threw back our booze just like old times. For a good few minutes, I was able to enjoy drinking with my brother and not think about Stella. But of course, her name always had a way of creeping to the forefront of my mind like a brain parasite.
"You should reach out to Stella," Alex said when he drained his beer. "Sounds like she could really use some support right now."
I sighed and licked my lips, imagining the sweet taste of her mouth again. "As much as I'd love to, I think I already burned that bridge beyond repair."
"Bull-fucking-shit," Alex said emphatically. "You think I don't know how hard it is to keep a good thing going? Darryn and I had to keep our relationship a secret for three goddamn years. We came this close to calling it off so many times but when you find the right person, you fucking fight for it."
He had a point I couldn't argue with. I agreed with him completely and felt like I tried to convey that Stella, but she didn't seem interested in fighting.
"And what if the other person is convinced it's a fight that can't be won?" I mused.
"Some people need time to think," he replied. "They need space to see what life is like being apart. If being with that person is right, they'll come back on their own."
He stood and tossed some cash on the bar. "Other times, you'll need to prove how much you're willing to sacrifice to be together."
"You're not leaving already," I protested.
"I have to. More Cabinet meetings to interpret the constitution again." Alex rolled his eyes. "Then I'm seeing Darryn tonight. Catch you later, Gav."
I sighed as he pulled his cap low and exited the b
ar. I didn't want to drink alone but didn't want to go home either.
I could still smell Stella on my sheets. Her skin, her pussy, and her light, flowery perfume.
Was two weeks enough space? How would she react if I called her?
I pulled out my phone and stared at her number for the hundredth time, torn between calling and deleting it.
Sacrifice, yeah right. I knew exactly what sacrifice Alex alluded to. The exact thing Stella begged me to do and it would never happen. Perhaps I was too prideful but what's a man without his pride? I would be a huge hypocrite if I stooped to kissing Queen Cunt’s ass.
"You're gonna drive yourself sick if you keep looking at that."
I looked up to find the source of the voice who spoke. A middle-aged man with wisps of grey in his hair and crow's feet at the corners of his dark eyes looked at me from across the bar. His posture stooped slightly with age but had the physique of a retired bodybuilder, solid as a brick wall without an ounce of fat on him.
Even I could tell he was good-looking for his age. The women at the bar eye-fucking him confirmed it.
"Hey mind your own business, man," I barked.
"I think it is my business, Gavin. At least somewhat." He approached me slowly and my entire body tensed up, ready for a fight. Normally I'm not worried about going toe-to-toe with drunk assholes, but this guy stood just as tall as me and was built like a truck. He just may have been my match.
"How the fuck do you know my name?" I demanded.
"I have ears.” The man gave me a sarcastic look. “I heard it on the TV a couple weeks ago." He pulled his hands out of his coat pockets. "Look, I just want to talk. I'm not looking to fight you."
I didn't buy that for a second. "So talk, old man."
He said nothing for a few long seconds and it was enough to try my patience. Then his eyes watered and his voice wavered when he finally did speak.
"It really is you,” he practically whispered. “I thought it might be a coincidence when I saw you on TV. But it kept nagging at me and wouldn't go away. So I had to see you in person, and fucking hell. It really is you."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" My eyes darted around in search of a bartender to help me throw this lunatic out.
He ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair and it looked like a mirror image. I did it a million times when Stella pretended she wasn't looking at me.
Then his eyes—identical to mine— locked onto my face.
"I'm your father, Gavin."
CHAPTER 25
STELLA
"How are you today?" Scarlett asked gently.
I shrugged.
The pain of losing both Janie and Gavin subsided into numbness over the last couple of weeks. I didn't hurt anymore but I didn't feel better either. I felt nothing.
For the first week, I cried nonstop. Always over Janie at first, then wishing Gavin was there to make me laugh and feel better. Then my heart bled over never seeing him or feeling his touch again. My grief and regret compounded on rejection and heartache.
My parents barely spoke to me. Dad was kinder than Mum, but I knew he was ashamed of me. At least he didn't outright ignore my existence like she did.
Telling Dad about that headline was more than awkward. I knew he’d use his resources to scrub those tabloid stories from the internet as well as he could, but the damage had already been done. Thousands had seen it. Including my father now.
He didn’t say anything to shame me but I felt it anyway. Like the women publicly harassed and humiliated not even a hundred years ago, I felt the shame thrown in my face. It was inescapable.
Only Scarlett was truly there for me. Alex too, a little, but he was extremely busy with the recent unrest in the government. He also spent more time openly with Duke Darryn. I'd be happy for them if I could feel happiness at all. But when I saw them together, just being playful or affectionate, my heart split open again, knowing I threw away my one chance at happiness.
Scarlett insisted on visiting every other day and walking with me out in the woods next to my house. She claimed the exercise and fresh air would be good for me. But all I could think about was having Janie and Gavin back with me.
"I really love coming out here to this forest. It's beautiful," Scarlett said. She was right. The air was crisp and fresh, and the tree leaves were just starting to change colors. Golden sunlight streamed through the branches to illuminate our walking trail. But I had sunk too deep in my doom and gloom to appreciate any of it.
"Why don't you call him?" she urged gently.
"Right, that'll be just the thing to get my mother talking to me again," I scoffed. I knew Mum had old-fashioned, traditional values but it still hurt that she thought so little of me.
"Forget your mother! Don’t you remember what I told you before all this happened? My direct order?”
“Which one?” I asked with a sarcastic eye roll.
Scarlett took my hand. “I told you to do what makes you happy. Forget everything else! I saw how you were with Gavin. If he makes you happy, then just be with him.”
I sighed. “It’s not that simple, Scar. You know it isn’t.”
“It really is, actually. As the daughter of Queen Cunt, I should know,” she said with a naughty smirk. She had a good point. For as long as I could remember, Scarlett went against her mother’s wishes and played by her own rules. I envied her tenacity and ability to shrug off everyone else’s opinions. The gossip rags featured rumors and paparazzi photos of her on a weekly basis and she cared not a bit. And neither did I. As her close friend, I knew how great she really was.
"It doesn't matter,” I said with a sigh. “He wouldn't want to talk to me. Not after how I left."
"Alex has seen him. Says he's still really upset."
"He has no right to be upset," I replied, feeling a spark of anger, the first true emotion I felt in over a week. "I gave him a choice and he chose to stay right where he is."
Scarlett gave me a sympathetic look. "Humans make mistakes sometimes, Stel. I know Gavin can be a bag of walking mistakes but his heart is in the right place."
I stopped walking and looked up at the sky through the trees. The sun began its descent over the treetops and cast long shadows over the ground. As beautiful as it was, I felt the overwhelming urge to leave. Time wasn’t healing my wounds, but maybe a new environment would.
"I've been thinking about leaving," I confessed to Scar. "Going to America or England, maybe. There's nothing left for me here."
Scarlett looked surprised but quickly nodded. “As long as it makes you happy. A change of scenery might be good.” She squeezed my arm affectionately. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.” I pulled her into a hug, feeling a small twinge of happiness for the first time. “Thank you for everything, Scar. You’re an amazing friend.”
“You’ve just got to promise to come back some time. Or I’ll come out and find you!”
“Would that be so bad?” I asked, cracking a smile for what seemed like the first time in forever. “Getting away to New York or London and just being girls having fun?”
“Well, when you put it that way,” she mused with a smirk. “I could make do with a sexy American man, I suppose.”
We laughed and chatted all the way back to my house. That evening, she returned to the palace and I faced another cold, silent dinner with my parents. Once again, my mother chose to ignore me while poor Dad just didn’t know what to say.
As I silently ate my food, the thought of going somewhere new sounded better with each painfully tense bite. People couldn’t outcast me based on what they didn’t know. I could start over, and even learn to date and work like a normal person.
My heart squeezed painfully in my chest as I thought of Gavin. Everything around here reminded me of him. I couldn’t even drink a cup of coffee with remembering how he had it waiting for me every morning.
A new place with new faces would surely heal my heart and help me get over him. I prayed it wo
uldn’t have the opposite effect, and make my heart grow fonder.
CHAPTER 26
GAVIN
I forced out a laugh at the crazy stranger who approached me. "You're full of shit, man." But as I observed him, I noticed we had the exact same build, hair and eye color. He kept staring at me and I couldn't deny it felt eerily like looking at myself thirty years into the future.
"You know it's true, Gavin." Fuck, he even sounded like me, although his accent was odd. "You're about twenty-three years old now?"
"So you're a good guesser." I couldn't let this guy get under my skin, no matter how much he seemed to know.
"Your birthday is in, what, February? Early March, maybe?"
I swallowed the hard lump in my throat and said nothing. My birthday was February 22nd. No way he could be that good of a guesser.
"Why don't you let me buy you a drink and I'll tell you my story,” he offered. ”If you still think I'm full of shit, I'll fuck right off and never bother you again. What do you say?"
Hesitantly, I nodded. The coincidences so far were uncanny, but they were just that, coincidences. This guy seemed harmless enough and it wouldn't hurt to hear him out.
He slid into the barstool next to mine and ordered two of the same whiskey I always drank.
This is getting eerie, I thought. We even have the same taste in booze?
"My name's Oliver," he began.
"The pleasure is entirely mine, Ollie," I replied sarcastically. "Where you from?"
"The States, originally. Colorado." He put two ice cubes in his whiskey glass and swirled it around. "I moved to Amberfall when I was about your age. I'd just finished trade school and wanted to get the hell outta Dodge. Colorado's beautiful but I hated being landlocked. I came here as a kid with my family on vacation and loved seeing the ocean in every direction. So as soon as I could, I chose the island life."
"What's your trade?" I asked.
"Carpentry. I can do just about anything with a hunk of wood," he said with a smirk and a wink.
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