by Frank Downey
All the music I allude to in this novel is stuff I like. If I make you go find it, good. For this particular tune, I emphasize it. If you have never heard "Kiss Me Baby," either by the Beach Boys on the Today album or in the live version talked about in this chapter, STOP READING AND GO BUY IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!
"Forgive myself. I hadn't thought of it in those terms before," Sophia was saying to Mary.
"What do you mean?"
"I think I was trying to purge it, get rid of it, get to a point where I could pretend it never happened." Sophia sighed. "Which is, of course, impossible. After we watched the tape, I was really beating myself up. I guess I was waiting for a miracle, that, if we got back together, everything would just be... I don't know. Back to normal. Bad stuff gone, stupid mistakes gone, poof. And I almost believed it, until I watched that tape, and thought, 'look what I almost destroyed'. And it all came back."
"And, so what happened then?"
"Actually, it slipped away for a while, there with all those people. I had fun. Back in the car, with Warren, driving back, it all resurfaced. And, that's when he said what he said. That he forgave me, and I should forgive myself."
"Does that make sense to you?"
"Yeah, it does." She paused. "I haven't told you yet what else happened."
"Well?"
"Wednesday. Before this. We made love."
"I thought you guys were going to wait?"
Sophia giggled. "You know what they say about the best laid plans... well, the only thing that got laid, was me." Mary burst out in laughter. Sophia described what had happened.
"You guys made love in anger?" Mary asked, a bit worried.
"No. I wasn't really angry, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't either. We were needy and desperate, both of us. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one in this relationship that can get needy. Trying to wait for a while was as much of a strain on Warren as it was on me, even though he proposed it. The dam just broke, is all. Look, sex was an important part of our relationship from the beginning. And it had been three months, almost."
"Do you think the prominence of sex in your relationship, starting at such a young age, has been a problem?"
"To a point. I see where you're coming from. But it's also a good thing. I mean, after that first desperate one the other night, we went back at it, but took our time. He touched me all over. Gave me a full body massage, and I gave him one. And we fondled, and made love, and it was just delicious. There are times when getting in bed and doing whatever is the best way to show someone you love them. I felt so completely loved the other night, and it wasn't because of any hangups, it was because of what he was doing."
"Well, how do you feel about everything?"
"Confused," Sophia laughed. "I feel like we're back together, considering we had sex and that he put my pendant and ring back on." She explained to Mary the significance of them. "But I also feel... I don't know, apprehensive."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Because I'm still unsure of myself."
"After the first few days this week, you shouldn't be. When I had you in this office Wednesday, you were so mad at Warren, and so frustrated, that I thought you would be in here today crying that you panicked again. But you didn't. You stayed, you had it out with him, and then you guys made love to make up."
"Hmmm."
"The only reason you're apprehensive is because of what happened yesterday--seeing your skating, and having a flashback. You are getting better, Sophia. It is time you realized that. And, Warren's right, it's time you forgave yourself."
* * *
They had picked up extra ice time, since most of the campus was empty for Thanksgiving weekend, and the Wisconsin hockey team was on a road trip.
"I was thinking about what you said for an exhibition." Warren said.
"Actually, I had an idea. 'Crucify', by Tori Amos."
"I know the tune. I like the tune." He thought for a minute. "I don't know. Too bleak, not danceable enough, and too much Sophia taking all the blame again."
She grinned despite herself. "You have a better idea?"
"As a matter of fact, I do." He skated over to the boombox on the boards. "This is a Beach Boys song, but this version is actually from Brian Wilson's Live At The Roxy solo album." He pressed play.
Please don't let me argue anymore
I won't make you worry like before
Can't remember what we fought about
Late late last night we said it was over
But I remember when we thought it out
We both had a broken heart
Kiss me baby
Love to hold you
Kiss me baby
Love to hold you
As I drove away I felt a tear
It hit me I was losing someone dear
Told my folks I would be all right
Tossed and I turned my head was so heavy
Then I wondered as it got light
Were you still awake like me?
Kiss me baby
Love to hold you
Kiss me baby
Love to hold you tight
Kiss me baby
Love to hold you
Kiss me baby
Love to hold you
Kiss me baby
Love to hold you
Kiss me baby
Love to hold you tight
When the song was done playing, Sophia silently reached over and repeated the song. She listened again, her eyes closed, her hands folded, leaning her head on them as she sat in a seat by the boards. She let the stunningly gorgeous music wash over her, let the words envelop her. Then, she got up, played the song again, and took Warren's hand. They started to move, bit by bit, finding their steps together, speaking through gesture and touch more than words. The played the song three more times, and in just those three passes, they had about 75% of a program.
After the third pass, Sophia looked up and Warren, smiled, and said one word. "Yes."
* * *
They went out to eat afterwards, to a Chinese place on campus. "You're limping," Sophia said as they walked there.
"A little. That was the first time on skates since I sprained my ankle, so it's still sore."
"You need help?"
"No." She gave him a look. "Really. I'm all right, I'm not being obstinate. I need to walk it out, anyway."
"OK."
They got to the restaurant and ordered.
"That song," Sophia said. "'Kiss Me Baby.' Is it what I think it is?"
"What do you think it is?"
"Sounds like the verses are the break up, but the chorus is the reconciliation."
"Yup."
"It's perfect." She looked at him. "I had an interesting session with Mary today."
"Really?"
"Yeah. She agrees with you. I have to say it. I think I'm ready to say it."
"Say what?"
She looked at him, smiled, and then took a deep breath. "I forgive myself."
"Good. How do you feel?"
"Great. The past three days have fixed a lot of things in my mind." She looked intently at him. "Are we fixed?"
"Yeah, we're fixed. I love you, Sophia, forever and always."
"And I love you, Warren, forever and always. And I am so relieved!"
"I don't want to say 'forget it, it's over', because I don't know how possible that is, but I do think we can put it where it belongs, in the past."
"I agree. I feel like now I can enjoy college--like I planned, with you."
"And mend the tattered remnants of our ice dancing career while we're at it."
"One of us should call June, and book as much ice time as we can while we're home for Christmas break. We're gonna need it."
"Good idea. I'll call her."
"Cool."
* * *
An hour or so later, they were in Sophia's room, listening to music and doing a little studying.
The phone rang. "Hello? Hi, Mom! Happy thanksgiving!"
"
Happy thanksgiving, honey. How are you?"
"Great. Couldn't be better."
Ellen wondered if she was putting up a front. "Good. Did you have fun at Elise's?"
"Yeah. Turns out Elise's little sister is a huge figure skating fan, so it was like having a fan club."
"That's funny. So, how's Warren?"
"MOTHER!" She said, giving Warren a wink. "You ask me about Warren every time you call here! It really gets annoying!"
"I'm sorry honey..."
"Anyway, Warren is fine. He sends his love." She and Warren were grinning at each other. "In fact, we were just about to start making out when we were so rudely interrupted by the phone."
Dead silence at the other end of the phone. "Sophia, are you telling me that Warren is..."
"Here? Sure he is. Say hi, Warren." She held up the phone "HI. MOM!" Warren yelled from across the room. Sophia went back to the phone. "I mean, come on, Mom. Where else would my boyfriend be?"
"Boyfriend???? SOPHIA! You're back together?"
Sophia cracked up laughing. "Yup! Now you can stop grilling me about him every damn time you call!"
* * *
Sunday morning, Elise was coming back to campus. Alexa had driven them to Elise's house, but had had to come back Saturday, and Elise's car was still on campus, so her parents drove her back. Sophia called her on Saturday, and said, "Bring Sonya with you. Warren and I will give her a real treat."
Sonya was thrilled when Elise led her and their parents into the ice rink, and she saw Warren and Sophia on the ice already.
"Thought you might like a little preview of our programs," Sophia smiled at her.
"OH BOY WOULD I!!!"
They did the Sinatra first--Sonya loved it--and then Warren said, "We came up with an exhibition. We had a rough fall--we did, actually, break up for a while--so we wanted to do an exhibition about that. This is an old Beach Boys song that has been one of my favorites forever, anyway."
With that, they launched into "Kiss Me Baby," which had had the finishing touches put on the previous night. After debating it, they decided that, yes, it was only fitting that it should end with a kiss.
When they were done, Sonya said, "Wow. I can not wait to see that at Nationals!"
Chapter 67 - The Waiting is the Hardest Part
It was the Thursday after Thanksgiving. Dave was in his room, doing some studying. He was waiting to call Kate. She had been in the middle of a canvas, but told him to call about eight.
He had just found something out. He knew his parents were going away for the weekend, and he knew his older brother was staying at college at BC instead of coming home like he did most weekends. However, his parents had just told him today that they were indeed giving him a break and sending his younger sister to stay with their grandparents instead of leaving her with Dave.
In other words, the house was his for the weekend. And Kate's and his desperate search for a time and place where they could finally be together was over. Since he had been sick during their golden opportunity back during Labor Day, they hadn't had another chance. He was getting his license in a couple months, but didn't want his--and especially Kate's--first time to be in the back of a car. Sophia had promised help when she came home for Christmas, but who knew if that was going to work out. But now was their chance. They already had a date planned for tomorrow night--all they had to do was skip the movie and come here instead. It would work. It was perfect. He had to call Kate and tell her.
He looked at the clock. Three past eight. He picked up the phone and dialed it.
"Good evening, my lady Katherine."
"Good evening, sir David. How's my love tonight?"
"Wonderful. Guess what? I have an empty house starting tomorrow at five o'clock."
"What? You're kidding!!"
"Nope." He explained the details. They decided he would come pick her up at 5:30 as planned, they'd get food, as planned, but they weren't going to any movie.
* * *
Kate was waiting for him at 5:15. She had had an absolutely endless day at school. She couldn't wait for it to be over--and she usually liked school.
She had to be honest with herself. She had wanted this for quite a long time--but she was scared. Scared it would hurt. Scared she wouldn't enjoy it or know what to do. Scared that this was all he wanted from her--and wasn't that a bit of an irrational fear? He stuck around for over a year when this was all he wanted? It made no sense, but she couldn't stop it creeping into her head.
They hadn't talked about it much, what it would mean. They had just decided that they wanted to do it, and since then it had been all about an until-now-fruitless search for a time and a place to do it.
While this part of her reverie hung in her mind, the doorbell rang.
* * *
It was a big night. The menu had to be Chinese--it was both of their favorite. They had been to this particular restaurant so many times, he didn't even have to ask her what she wanted. He already knew. This time, they took take-out.
He grabbed some plates and utensils, and they took the food up to his room. Kate had been here often. It was the one place where they could, occasionally, grab a little privacy, though not enough or for a long enough time to do that. Until tonight.
They ate, sitting on the floor. They found their favorite thing to watch on TV--college basketball. They kept the conversation light.
"Look who's playing--Wisconsin," Dave said with a chuckle.
Kate laughed. "Wonder if Sophie is there. Oh, I forgot to tell you--she and Warren got back together."
"That is damn good news," Dave said. "I had been hoping."
"I think we all had." They got silent after that, eating and watching the game.
When they were both done, Dave went downstairs to throw the plates and stuff in the dishwasher, and put the leftover food in the fridge. He came back up. Kate was still on the floor, watching the game. He sat next to her. She was staring straight ahead, at the TV. He reached out and put a hand on her arm. He pulled the hand away, abruptly. She was shaking.
"Kate? Are you all right?"
"I don't know."
He took a deep breath. "Do you still want to do this?"
"I don't know."
He was a little confused. It had been her, even more than he, who had been relentless the past three months about her desire to find a place to do it. Now they had one, and she was... backing out? Unsure?
That's not what he said. He said, "It's all right, you know."
She looked at him. "What's all right?"
"That you don't know."
"I feel like an ass. I've been dying for this for months. Now, we've got the opportunity..."
"It's OK. Really."
"I want it. I've wanted it." She looked away from him. "I thought I wanted it. Now, I'm so scared."
He laughed. She whipped her head toward him, about to angrily question what he was laughing at, when he said, "You're scared? Thank God. I thought I was the only terrified virgin in the room."
"You are?" she asked, amazed. "Guys get scared? I figured all guys just cared about..."
"Katherine, how long have we been going out? Come on. You know me better than that. I'm not your typical guy. I never have been. And you would have never gone out with me if I had been."
She sighed. "You're right, and it was unfair of me to say that." She took a breath. "What are you scared of?"
"Lots of things, some of which are embarrassing to talk to you about," he said with a half-smile.
She smiled. "If we're going to have sex, I think we should be able to talk about embarrassing things."
"Fine," he sighed. "I'm scared that I'll hurt you. I'm scared that I won't be good enough. I'm scared that something will happen to our relationship because of it. I'm scared that this is a big step that we can't take back."
She looked into his eyes. "We're scared of exactly the same things, you know."
"Kate, do you love me?"
"Of course, you know that."
>
"And I love you. Do you want me to be your first?"
"Yes. Absolutely. No doubt in my mind." She paused. "Now or later is the only question."
"OK."
She suddenly stood up. She reached out her hand to him, and he stood up with her. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him, long and deep. They broke the kiss, and sort of led each other to the bed. They sat down on the edge next to each other.
"Half the problem is we're calmly discussing this instead of making each other horny," Kate giggled.
"You mean, we should go with the flow, that kind of thing?"
"Exactly," she laughed. "Look, we've fooled around before. We've gotten right to that point and stopped. We can still stop, if either one of us decides to."
"Right."
"And if we don't decide to stop..." she grinned impishly. Knowing he was as scared as she was had actually come as a great relief.
"Good plan," he agreed, and reached in to kiss her again.
It was very quickly that they weren't wearing many clothes between them, and Dave had his lips on one of her breasts and his hand between her legs, stroking her pussy. They had done this many times, and greatly enjoyed pleasuring one another. Suddenly, however, Kate sat up and pushed his mouth and hand away.
"Something wrong, Katherine?"
"Not at all. I just want to do this first tonight," she said, as she reached down and took his cock into her mouth.
She devoured him. She was as eager as he had ever seen her. "Oh, God, Katherine..." he moaned as she bobbed up and down on his cock, taking him deep in her throat. He ran his fingers through her hair as she sucked on him. She was relentless, and it didn't take long.
"Oh... fuck... Kate... CUMMING!" She didn't pull off, which was fairly unusual. He came right into her throat. She swallowed every drop.
"Wow... , " was all he could say. He looked down at his member, which was rapidly softening. She looked at it, too, and looked up into his face, and giggled.
