by Frank Downey
"OK."
"And be quick about it."
"Why?"
She giggled. "Because I need you to fuck my brains out, o loving husband."
"And you expect me to concentrate on studying now?"
"You're a genius," she giggled. "You can do it."
"Uh-huh."
Two days later, they were preparing to get on the ice to train. Courtney was just getting off. She skated over to them. "Listen. I was wondering. If I got some ice time tomorrow or the next day, could I ask you guys for some help? You especially, Warren, but Sophia too. I want you to teach me how you keep your speed through the steps like you do."
Warren and Sophia looked at each other incredulously. Then Warren turned back to Courtney. "You've got to be kidding. First of all, I don't know if we even could teach that."
"It's a gift," Sophie interjected with an evil grin.
"Second of all, you're competition. That alone, I wouldn't care-if you were Shawna Vickers, I'd do it. But you took a run at us at Nationals. You've said some nasty stuff about us to the press. You were the only one that didn't sign the petition for us. And, now, you've stolen our coach-and don't tell me for a second that you did it just because Kathy's a good coach."
"And now you want us to tell you all our tricks? Nice try, Courtney. Now get off our ice." She did, angrily.
Courtney's antipathy towards the duo only increased when she happened by a newsstand a few days later. There they were, Warren and Sophia-on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
They had done an interview two weeks before. They themselves got the issue, and were thrilled with it. They were on the cover, sitting on their couch, arms around one another, grinning. The cover blurb said, "Figure Skating Will Never Be The Same."
When Courtney-and the rest of the world-turned to the article, this is what they read.
HEAT ON ICE
How Two Young Lovers Transformed American Ice Dance, For Better Or Worse
And How the Figure Skating World Might Bite Back
It's a rather small apartment. With their recent endorsement deals, Warren and Sophia Kelleher probably could afford better-but this one's on the campus of the University of Wisconsin, and thus convenient.
It's cluttered. "Who has time to clean?" Sophia Kelleher laughs. She's got a point.
Warren and Sophia Kelleher are 20 and 21 years old, respectively. They took last year off from school, but they are now back at Wisconsin, in their Junior years. Warren is pre-med, with a 3.8 GPA. Sophia is a meteorology major, keeping up a 3.4. They are newlyweds. They have an adorable one-year-old bundle of energy named Betsy.
And, if that's not enough, they're also the best ice dancers in the world.
"Sometimes I'm so busy I forget my name," Warren laughs. Even with their hectic life, laughter comes easily to this couple. "Classes, studying, skating, Betsy. It's too much, and we know it. But there's nothing dispensable here-it's all necessary."
"We're not willing to put off schooling any more," Sophia adds. "And this is our time for skating. What would we get rid of?" She lets out a huge grin. "It's bad enough that we have to schedule sex."
Ah, yes. Sex. It's important to understand something-sex is important to the Kellehers. It is, frankly, part of their appeal. It's also part of the controversy.
It probably all started before the last Olympics. A tabloid printed an article about Sophia, alleging all kinds of sexual improprieties. The Kellehers dealt with the issue-revealing that Sophia had been abused in her early teens-but also revealed another one. Sophia, 19 and unmarried at the time, was pregnant.
"In the upper echelons of the sport, her pregnancy was absolutely frowned upon," Tina Bowman, a veteran skating reporter for USA Today, said. "That started their troubles with the USFSA, make no mistake about it. What happened afterwards only added to it."
What happened afterwards? A racy photo shoot of Sophia in Maxim magazine. An exhibition program at last year's nationals to Aerosmith's "Pink" that was so hot it just about melted the ice. And then, in what they say was protest against the flak they got for the first two things, an exhibition performance at the World Championships done completely in the nude.
The Powers That Be in figure skating have murmured behind the scenes since then. The rumor is it that the USFSA is rescinding all support for the couple. Since they get no financial support, they can only believe that the USFSA is talking about one thing-support with the judges.
Has someone forgotten that Warren and Sophia Kelleher are the most successful American ice dance team in history?
Some friends of theirs have come to take care of their daughter for the afternoon. Without having to worry about their daughter, they're relaxed and charming. They are asked if some of the rumor swirling around about lack of judging support give credence to the belief that figure skating isn't a "real" sport. They answer, in unison, "Yes."
"And ice dancing's the worst of them, without all the jumps to separate people," Warren adds.
"So, yeah, they can put us in fifth place next year, and most fans couldn't tell the difference," Sophia says.
But hasn't their always been an element of sexuality in figure skating? "To a point," Warren says. "First of all, relentless male heterosexuality has always been applauded. Somehow I didn't get put in with that, but it's been applauded with other people. Michael Weiss rips his shirt off and that's cool. The problem is with female sexuality."
"And only one aspect of that," Sophia added. "There's a girl, Allison Bowman, finished third at Nationals this year. She's 15 but she looks 12. Her competition programs were fine. Her exhibition-they dressed her up like a 12-year-old tart and had her skate to 'Brick House'. And nobody says a word to her."
Why do you think that is, she is asked.
"Because it's not real. It's fantasyland. Somehow, that's better. I don't agree, but that's the way some people see it."
"Look," Warren interjected, "Allison's costume and movements were far more lascivious than ours in 'Pink'. You know what the difference is? She was acting. We were not. 'Pink' isn't an act, it's foreplay!"
"And somehow that's better," Sophia repeated. "Taking a fifteen year old and making her look like a pedophile's dream, with absolutely no conviction behind it, is somehow better than two people who have a great sex life celebrating that-and mildly, I might add."
"It's the Madison Avenue commercialization of sex, is what it is," Warren asserted. "Of course, we by into it a bit with that Diet Coke commercial Sophie did. We're not innocent."
Tina Bowman, longtime figure skating writer for USA Today, tends to agree with the Kellehers. But she adds one more thing. "Singles skaters and female pairs skaters are small, almost by definition. But ice dancers, especially here in the USA, tend to be just as small, especially in weight. Sophie's not the only tall female ice dancer-but she's one of the few that isn't rail-thin. She's fairly voluptuous. I don't think that helps. They break the mold in a lot of different ways."
Sophia, when told of this quote, laughs and agrees. "Somehow, the sexuality of someone who looks 12 is less threatening than someone with a little T&A."
Warren and Sophia were both born and brought up in Oceanview, Massachusetts, a city of about 45,000 people 20 miles north of Boston. Warren comes from a stable home. Sophia, for a while there, did not. "My father left when I was three. I didn't see him again until I was sixteen. It's fine now. But I had some crap to deal with." She met Warren, at an after-school job, when they were both all of fourteen. "And I had one foot in the grave," she says. "Without Warren, it's hard to say what would have happened to me."
"And I was a bookish nerdy outsider," Warren reveals. "We found the best in each other."
It shows, and that includes on the ice. That's another part of their appeal, even when you take the sex out of it. The long program that won them an Olympic silver medal, "Romeo and Juliet," was a gorgeous display of sustained romanticism.
Their friend Evan Pogdar, the male half of the number-two American ice dance
team, chuckles when reminded of it. "It's no secret that Shawna, my partner, and I are both gay. So, obviously, there's nothing romantic between us. We're very, very good friends, but that's it. And we have to go compete with those two," he laughs. "I swear, at times, it looks like they're one person with four arms and four legs. There's a level of completeness with those two that other dance teams just don't get."
"Actually, I think that's the most important part of our appeal," Warren says. "Quite honestly, I think that was part of the appeal for 'True Colors'. We may have skated it nude, but that program was, quite deliberately, not salacious. It was meant to be romantic, and I think it shows. And I think most of our fans, when they think of us, think of 'Romeo and Juliet' before they think of 'Pink'."
That's not why they're successful, though. Tina Bowman has some thoughts on that. "First of all, they do the most complex steps in the world and at incredible speed. Second of all, they really do think like one person so their unison is superb. And, lastly, they are fantastic at picking out music and choreographing to that music. They are unbelievably musical. That's another thing the bigwigs don't realize about them. They just won the Brian Wright Trophy for choreographer of the year. They not only did their own programs, they did Liz Cushman's long program and Brett Tomlinson and Andrea Wallach's short program. That's all three American World champions, folks. And they're doing Tom Bellamy's long program this year, too."
We go to the rink, and they show me their programs. There are two Original Dances this year. The first one, to a bossa nova beat, they use the Austin Powers theme. Not only is it snappy and difficult, it's absolutely hilarious. The Kellehers camp it up from start to end, without losing the difficulty of the skating. The second one, to a polka beat, is a whimsical, lighthearted program done to "The Lonely Goatherd" from The Sound Of Music.
Their free dance is done to Aaron Copland. The first part, the slow section, superbly displays their romanticism. The second part, skated to what Sophia laughingly calls "the steak commercial song" shows their quick feet and explosiveness.
Are these programs enough to defend a World Championship? They should be. But, then, they show me an exhibition they're working on, one that truly shows how special they are. It's to "At My Most Beautiful" by REM. It's not what you'd call a 'danceable' song. It's probably not difficult enough to be a competitive program, which is why it's an exhibition. "The steps aren't too quick," Warren tells me. But it's absolutely gorgeous. If dancing is supposed to be two people becoming as one, in time with music, "At My Most Beautiful" is dancing at its height. And it's them, the Kellehers, at their most beautiful.
After showing me their programs, the Kellehers grab their daughter and then take me to their favorite Chinese restaurant, right at the edge of the campus. We talk for a while, about their first meeting, about their wedding this August ("It was fantastic," Sophia informs me), about how they manage to juggle the various parts of their life.
And, the more you spend time with this couple, the more you're struck. Now, as Tina Bowman informs me, "Their skating absolutely speaks for itself. No question." But the skating really isn't the problem.
The thing of it is, the more time you spend with them, the more you realize that there shouldn't be any problem. Warren and Sophia Kelleher are sweet, charming, and personable. At dinner, they were interrupted constantly by friends and well-wishers. They are highly intelligent. They have an artistic gift that's present in other people's choreography besides their own. They're caring, doting parents. They have definite sex appeal-but definite romantic appeal as well. They have an easy, comfortable way with each other that's delightful. They smile at each other often, laugh often, finish each other's sentences.
Tina Bowman says, "The skating world is full of skating drones, and Sophia and Warren are so far away from that." I know what she means. They're lovely, charming people with full lives ("Too full," Warren laughs) of which skating is only a part.
And, again, let's not forget, they're the most successful American ice dance team ever.
In other words, they're a gold mine-and they know it. They're perfectly willing to be that. "If the skating world wants to use us to sell skating, great," Sophia says. "If they want us to be the public face of skating, sure. But they don't seem to want that."
It's a puzzle. The Kellehers, because they have an active sex life and don't hide it, are rapidly becoming pariahs. But the rest of what makes them tick is so special and unique that the skating world could absolutely benefit from it.
"We don't need skating," Warren points out astutely. These two have other things going for them, with their ambition and grades. Warren plans on going to medical school. They have other options.
But skating needs them. Will the skating world figure it out in time?
We'll all find out in March, at the next World Championships. If they're where they should be, then maybe there's hope for the skating world. If they're in eighth place, well, skating will have missed out.
Not the Kellehers-skating. Warren and Sophia will be fine. If the skating world screws around with them, it's skating that will suffer.
After the article came out, the duo got a call from June, their coach back in Massachusetts. "It's perfect. It nailed you guys. There couldn't have been a better profile." She started laughing. "And prepare for another shitstorm. You guys put the USFSA on notice, with the help of that reporter."
"We know," Warren told her. "We'll see what happens."
Chapter 129 - The Bmoc And The Artist
Kate Thompson had a self-image. It wasn't a bad one, mind you, but it was realistic. She had always thought of herself as a bit 'off', a little strange-weird, even. She just wasn't like other people.
And then she went to art school.
Kate's classmates in high school had thought she dressed strangely. Well, her floppy hats and skinny ties and tie-die skirts and collections of bracelets were positively sedate compared to some of her classmates in art school. Hair colors that were not of this world, piercings in places she didn't even know she had, and clothing choices that were way beyond the pale.
Suddenly, Kate had become conservative. How the hell did that happen, she laughed to herself.
Her roommate, Freya, wasn't bad. She actually had normal blonde hair, though she did have a gazillion piercings and favored camouflage clothing. She even wore her hair normally, loose around her shoulders, and not in a mohawk or somesuch. Kate also found out that she was a really cool person.
Kate also appreciated that Freya came to art school to do art. Kate had been flabbergasted at how many people came to art school to be, and be seen as, 'artistic'-but really didn't care about actually working at doing art. Kate actually wanted to go to art school to be a better painter-as did Freya, although in her case she was a photography major.
So, Kate and Freya got along, and had started developing a friendship. It wasn't until early October, however, that Kate told her about the most important person in her life.
She got off the phone that Tuesday afternoon and let out a delighted little squeak. "I can't believe he's starting!"
"Who's starting what?" Freya asked.
"My boyfriend, Chad."
"You have a boyfriend? How come I've never seen him?"
"We, unfortunately, don't have much time together-and, I'm sure you understand, when we do, we'd rather be alone."
"I'll buy that," Freya laughed. "So, he's starting what?"
"He's starting at quarterback Saturday for Boston College. He's only a freshman, but their quarterbacks are riddled with injuries. He's, like, the only one left, so he's starting Saturday against Syracuse. He's all excited. He's trying to get tickets for me now."
Freya goggled at her. "You're going out with a jock?"
"Yeah," Kate laughed. "Strange, isn't it? We've been going out for almost a year."
"Jeez, I'd like to meet him. It's just strange he's never been here."
"Well, it's easier for me to go there," Kate pointed out, "because he's
busy with football right now." Kate's face unfolded into a wide grin. "Besides which, his roommate has been his best friend since freshman year in high school and knows and likes me-so he's real good about getting out of the room."
"Ah," Freya laughed. "So, you're doing him."
"Yup," Kate admitted happily.
"How is he?"
"Oh. My. God." Both girls cracked up laughing. "He's not your typical self-absorbed BMOC-type quarterback, you have to understand. He's very attentive to my needs."
"Ah," Freya laughed. "And are you attentive to his needs?"
"You wanna know a secret?" Kate asked. Freya nodded. "I'm a complete animal in bed." Freya looked at her, and then cracked up laughing. "He likes it," Kate continued, "a whole lot."
"I'll just bet he does," Freya grinned. "Still, the art school geek and the jock. It's amusing."
"To us, too, actually," Kate admitted. "Hey, I love sports, anyhow."
"Do you?" Freya asked. "Honestly, the only sport I like is figure skating."
"Really?" Kate grinned. "Damn, if I had known that, I'd have told you who my stepsister is." Freya looked at her, waiting. "Sophia Daniels Kelleher."
"You're kidding!" Freya gasped.
"Nope. Sophie's mom married my dad a few years ago. Sophie and Warren lived at the house the whole past year." Kate walked over to her shelving and pulled out a photo album. "See? I was even a bridesmaid at the wedding."
"You have to let me meet them! I adore their skating!" Freya said excitedly.
"Sure. When they get back for Christmas, sure," Kate agreed.
Chad came through with four tickets to the game. Freya eagerly went. Two other girls from their floor, Shelly and Alicia, decided to go along.
"I don't know why I'm going," Alicia said. "I'm not much for football."
"You're going because you're my friend, I love football," Shelly proclaimed. Shelly was a short-haired muscular lesbian.
"You liking football, that's such a cliché," Alicia teased.
"And you're such a breeder," Shelly teased back.
"Breeders can like football, too," Kate pointed out. "More to the point, we can like football players."
