As they lay in the afternoon light, weak and satiated, the fire crackled heartily in the grate.
Anne didn’t know what to say. She was too busy wrestling with her guilt—for, though she knew she shouldn’t have, she had given herself to this man, yet again, willingly and wantonly. Surely he must think her deserving of her scandalous reputation?
But what did he expect? Coming here to tell her the tragic tale of his mother and the great love of her life, and how they were torn apart by circumstances beyond their control...
It was not unlike what Anne was feeling at the moment and what she would likely experience when they parted after their wedding day. Yet their situation was not beyond their control. If Garrett loved her, there was no reason why they could not be together. They could be man and wife and everyone, surely, would applaud their decision. What a dream come true that would be.
He rolled off her just then and let out an exhausted sigh. “Sometimes I wonder if you are some sort of angel sent from heaven to rescue me.”
He turned his head on the pillow to look at her. She was surprised to find him frowning.
“Before I arrived here,” he said, “all I wanted to do was leave again as soon as possible, but you have pulled me in.”
“Are you sure it’s me?” she replied. “I think you have been pulled in by your entire family. Even your father.”
“Which one?” he asked with a bitter note of disdain that she understood was not directed at her, but rather, at the circumstances.
“The one who raised you,” she replied. “And it’s perfectly understandable for you to be angry. I am glad you came here to tell me about it. I think it’s going to take a while for it to sink in. It’s a lot to absorb in one day.”
She rolled to face him and toyed flirtatiously with his neck cloth. “I am pleased I could at least provide you with some distraction just now, because it was quite enjoyable for me, as well.”
His eyes smiled at her. “See what I mean? You are an angel, Anne. I feel like I could tell you anything and you would find the hope or humor in it. You don’t judge me or anyone else. I’ve never met a woman quite like you.”
She rested her cheek on the palm of her hand. “Not even your fiancée?”
He blinked a few times then gazed up at the ceiling again. “Oh, Anne. There are still things I haven’t told you, and I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to run as far away from me as you possibly can.”
“What things?”
He laughed bitterly and did not answer the question.
“Please tell me,” she pressed.
Garrett inhaled deeply, then spoke at last. “The woman I was pledged to marry was pregnant with my child. Otherwise...” He paused.
“Yes?”
He shook his head. “It kills me to say these words when she is gone because of me, but that is the only reason we were going to marry. I don’t think she loved me any more than I loved her, which was not very much. But she read my letters from Pembroke and discovered the fact that my brothers wanted me to marry by Christmas in order to save our fortune, and that there would be a large settlement bestowed upon me if I took a wife. Above all, my family connections and the lure of wealth meant more to her than I did.”
“How did you become entangled with her?”
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “It was a brief affair. She was newly divorced and leapt into bed with me for revenge on her husband. When I told her I had no intention to take a wife just to receive a settlement, she conveniently became pregnant. I couldn’t leave her to raise the child alone. She wasn’t as strong and independent as you. She was...emotional.”
Anne laid her hand on Garrett’s shoulder and wondered what giant confession he would make next. Good God, he really did need an angel to guide him through all this.
“Just as I thought,” she gently said. “You are an honorable gentleman after all, fully prepared to sacrifice your freedom to rescue a damsel in distress.”
“Is that what you think?” he asked. “Here is the worst part. There were moments when I wished something terrible would happen to release me from my obligation. Once, I imagined her falling from a horse and losing the child. How honorable is that?”
She swallowed uneasily. “You felt trapped.”
He nodded, and suddenly she understood why he had been so mistrustful of her when he first arrived. He had been burned recently by a scheming woman who only wanted him for his inheritance.
Anne was not so very different. That’s all she wanted, too.
“You mustn’t blame yourself,” she said. “The accident was not your fault, and you mustn’t forget that you were prepared to do the honorable thing, despite your reservations.”
He gazed up at the canopy. “You are certainly no damsel in distress, Anne. To the contrary, you are as sure and steady as a rock, and I am glad my brothers chose you.”
A rock. If only he knew the truth—that she was trembling inside. Trembling with love and a dreadful, all-consuming fear that he would leave her after their wedding night, and she would never see him again. That fear had nothing to do with the money of course. She would give it all up if she could have his heart.
“I am glad too,” she replied as she laid a kiss on his cheek. “I have not been this happy in a long time.”
Not ever, if she were being completely honest, but something held her back from an overly excessive declaration of love. He’d said it all. He enjoyed her company because she did not place any romantic demands on him. She was solid as a rock. Emotionally self-sufficient and independent.
The dinner gong rang just then to signal it was time to dress.
“You had better go,” she said, “before my maid walks through that door and swoons when she discovers I have a man in my bed.”
He began to quickly fasten his trousers. “I thought we might have more time. I’m not ready to go yet.”
Determined to spin a lighter mood on the moment, she sat up and said, “That is rather presumptuous, sir. Perhaps I am fully satisfied.”
He sat up as well and stared at her intently. “Are you? Are you truly satisfied?”
Anne found she could not tell a lie. Not to Garrett. “No. I still want more.”
He kissed her deeply, then drew back and cupped her cheek in his hand. “Can I come to you again tonight?”
She should tell him no. She should not be so available. She should make him work harder to win her affections. But in the end, none of that reached her lips, for she could not bear to waste a single moment with him. She wanted to make the most of these last few days and remember them forever.
“Yes, please come to me,” she said. “I will wait up for you.”
He kissed her briefly, then rose from the bed and quickly left her chamber. Two minutes later, her maid arrived to help her dress for dinner.
Garrett walked into his bedchamber, shut the door and tugged at his neck cloth, which felt excessively tight.
Tossing it onto the bed, he breathed deeply and grabbed hold of the thick bedpost. He shut his eyes.
Her touch...her lips...her body...her mind. His desire for her was unfathomable. He had not expected any of this when he returned home to secure his inheritance. He had not expected to feel such compassion for the father who had always treated him with disdain, like a street urchin. Nor had he expected to discover that his true father by blood was a brilliant physician and still devoted to his mother after a lifetime spent apart.
Most of all, he had not expected to fall in love with the woman his brothers had selected for him. He’d thought it would be a contractual agreement, nothing more. But he realized he had fallen completely, absolutely, head over heels in love, and felt like a foolish, heartsick schoolboy.
What would happen if he declared his affections and suggested they continue with the charade until their passion ran its course? She was resistant in so many ways. Would he frighten her off? It was difficult to say.
She cared for him
. She was attracted to him. There was no doubt about that. Their lovemaking was like an exploding powder keg.
But what about the contract? Where would he draw the line? He hadn’t agreed to this charade because he wanted a real marriage, but after listening to his mother talk about the lost love of her life, he found himself imagining a similar fate—his own future without Anne—and that was a difficult spoonful to swallow. He simply wasn’t ready to walk away from her.
Perhaps there was hope for him yet. Perhaps this was a sign? There had to be a reason why she’d entered his life now, of all times—when he hadn’t been able to escape the constant sickening sense that he was back with his boat, gasping for air, sinking to the bottom of the sea.
Had God truly sent him a Christmas angel to pull him up to the surface?
Perhaps there was some other purpose he was meant to serve.
Feeling eager and cautiously hopeful for the first time in his life, Garrett rang for his valet and quickly dressed for dinner.
Chapter Thirteen
ANNE QUIVERED WITH ecstasy a few nights later as Garrett rolled off her and lay on his back beside her, still clasping her hand tenderly.
On this particular night, he had come to her bedchamber almost immediately after dinner, and they tore at each other’s clothes until they were naked and writhing passionately on the bed—which all happened in a matter of minutes.
There had been nothing hurried about it once they lay together in each other’s arms. The foreplay was impressive and wonderfully pleasurable, with teasing hands, roving tongues and hungry mouths. By the time Garrett climaxed inside her—again without any protection against a pregnancy—she experienced her third orgasm of the day and began to wonder if she had died and gone to heaven.
“How is this possible?” she asked, panting from the exertion of their lovemaking. “You make me forget what day it is. I’m not even sure I can remember my name. My brain has turned to mush.”
He, too, was working to catch his breath. “I thought dinner would never end. All I could think about was how long it would take me to unbutton your gown.”
She chuckled softly. “You must have been practicing in your head because you were faster than a bullet.”
He turned his head on the pillow to look at her. “But the rest wasn’t too fast, I hope. I’ve been selfish with you these past few days. I wanted to take my time tonight.”
“You did.” With a languorous smile, she rolled to face him. “And you’ve always taken time where it counts, Garrett. You seem to make it last just the right amount. I feel very satisfied...yet I want more. After a brief rest, of course.”
He gathered her into his arms and she snuggled closer. Running her fingers across the smooth planes of his chest and drawing tiny circles around his nipples with the tip of her finger, she marveled at his physical perfection. He was the most beautiful man she had ever known.
“Are you ready for tomorrow?” she asked, referring of course to their wedding ceremony which would take place in less than twenty-four hours.
“More than ready,” he replied, wrapping both arms around her. “I have absolutely no reservations. What about you? Are you ready?”
“Of course. It’s what we agreed to, and it has all been wonderful, Garrett.”
She felt incredibly relaxed.
“Do you find it strange,” he asked, rubbing his thumb lightly over her shoulder, “that we have been making love, when that was not part of the contract?”
Not entirely sure where this was going, Anne took great care with her reply. “Perhaps a little, but we are attracted to each other. I don’t regret it, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“No, that’s not what I’m asking.”
Anne cleared her throat. “Are you going to elaborate?”
Garrett rose up on an elbow and ran a hand down over her hip. “I love every soft curve of your body...the fragrance of your skin, and the silky feel of your hair when it brushes across my face.”
He hadn’t answered the question, but she didn’t mind when he spoke words like that—words that made her melt into him and feel as if she could stay in bed with him forever.
His eyes met hers. “What would you say if I suggested that we become rebels and break the rules of the contract?”
Her heart began to pound. “In what way?”
All of a sudden, she was no longer relaxed. Her hopes were soaring, yet she was still fighting to grab hold of them, pull them to the ground, and stomp on them. She couldn’t bear if he referred to something different from what she wanted.
True love. Commitment. A devotion that would last a lifetime.
“What if we didn’t part ways after the wedding?” he added. “What if we stayed together for a while?”
Anne wet her lips and labored to appear calm about his proposition.
“I’m not ready for this to end,” he continued. “I like being with you. You like being with me as well, do you not?”
“Of course,” she replied.
“Then let us continue with the charade.” He paused. “Forgive me, that is not what I meant. It is not a charade. It is very real. I am passionate about you Anne, and if I am to be honest, I will confess that I want more. I need more. I was feeling quite dead inside until I met you. Somehow you have awakened me to good things in my life. I feel reborn. So much has happened this past week, and you have been at the center of it all.”
Every word he spoke was like music to her ears. She could hardly breathe... But what did this mean? A few more weeks of lovemaking until he was recovered from all the turmoil in his life, and ready to leave? That would only prolong the agony of her dread—for surely one day it would end. If not tomorrow, then a few weeks from now, or perhaps even a year hence. The contract gave him the right to return to his bachelor life. Could she survive the loss of him one day in the future, when each day made her love him more than the last?
“Where is this headed?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I don’t know exactly. I’m confused by this. It’s not what I expected.”
“Nor I.” She pushed him aside so she could sit up and reach for her dressing gown, which was laid out on the chair beside the bed. She stood and slipped into it, tied the sash, and moved to the chair in front of the fire. There, she sat down and crossed one leg over the other.
She heard the sound of the bed covers rustling and the creak of the mattress as Garrett also rose to his feet.
He was naked. She was afraid to look at him, afraid to get sucked back in again. She must keep her wits about her, because he was everything she could ever dream of. What should she do? Surrender to loving him for as long as he wanted her?
Or protect herself?
When at last she looked at him, she was relieved to see that he had pulled the coverlet off the bed and wrapped himself in it. Thank God it was winter.
He knelt down before her. “What’s wrong? Have I asked too much of you? I know you wish to be independent and I respect that, but you mean a great deal to me. I don’t want to lose you. I want to be a part of your life.”
He reached out to hold her hand.
“I don’t want to lose you either,” she carefully replied, without spilling all her emotions onto the floor. She must stay calm and maintain her dignity. “But being a part of my life isn’t good enough, Garrett. I will be your wife in name only—I have agreed to that—but I cannot stay with you ‘for a while,’ as you put it. That would make me your temporary mistress. Do not misunderstand. I am not angry. This has been very enjoyable and I have no regrets, but when this engagement comes to an end, it must be all or nothing after that. If we are to be united in name only, then I must insist that we stay true to the terms of the agreement, for I cannot settle for less.”
He rose up and took the seat across from her. “I see.”
For a long time they sat before the fire, saying nothing.
Anne was not surprised by his lack
of response, for he had been clear about his goals from the beginning. Now he wanted to be with her until the passion ran its course, then cite the terms of the contract, reclaim his freedom, and that would be the end of it.
Though considered damaged goods by some, in her heart, she truly believed she was worth more than that.
Their eyes met and he stared at her for a long time while his expression remained impassive. Unreadable.
Anne’s heart beat frantically. Perhaps all he needed was more time. Had she spoiled everything by giving him an ultimatum?
“It’s past midnight,” he said in a suddenly casual tone. “Isn’t there a rule about not seeing your intended on the day you walk down the aisle? Isn’t it supposed to be bad luck?”
She fought to breathe normally and rose from her chair. “Yes, that’s what they say.”
“Then I should return to my own room.” Turning, he went to fetch his clothes, then added lightly, “I wouldn’t want to take any chances, tempt fate...evoke the curse or something.”
Anne watched him get dressed and could have wept as an awkward silence poured into the room. Everything had been so perfect, but then she had demanded all or nothing.
She kissed him good-bye at the door and worried that she had asked too much of him, and had already received her answer—and it was not the answer she had been hoping for.
Chapter Fourteen
GARRETT WOKE AT dawn the following morning to the astounding reality that it was his wedding day. It hardly seemed possible, and he felt both astonished and transformed—for he was passionately in love with his bride. When he rose from bed and walked to the window, it was as if he were seeing the sunrise for the first time.
There was still something missing, however. Something he needed to add to the magic of this day... Something he had to do.
A short while later, after he dressed and took a quick breakfast, he stepped onto the early morning train with a strange mixture of bewilderment and awe. So much had happened over the past two weeks. He had come home to a father who had changed considerably since the last time they’d spoken. The duke was no longer a tyrant, but instead was a frail, frightened man who remembered nothing of their former estrangement, and wanted Garrett, his youngest son, at his side.
Married By Midnight (Pembroke Palace Book 4) Page 12
