by RC Boldt
Thank God for small mercies.
As she began the drive home, she tried to keep the tears at bay. She rolled her windows down as she got onto the interstate and turned on her radio, putting in her favorite CD. She let herself get lost in her thoughts, the warm, humid breeze blowing over her as the soothing sound of Tristan Prettyman’s voice surrounded her.
Raine shook her head, ruminating over what had just happened with Ben. She couldn’t believe he had used that against her. She had confided in him about her surgery two years ago of how doctors had removed a small part of her left breast tissue due to a cancerous mass. It was one of those things she was sensitive about. Maybe it was a small part of her breast that had been taken and not noticeable to anyone else, but she still had a hard time accepting the difference, although slight.
To have Ben call her out on this–in front of his bimbo, no less–hurt. A lot. She shouldn’t be too surprised, though, considering how he had turned out. Guess his whole “this grad school schedule is kicking my ass” really meant “I’m whoring myself out to some blonde while keeping you on the side.”
Dirtbag.
Raine decided this called for a night of chocolate, wine and a movie night to herself. She hadn’t had a solo chick flick night in what seemed like forever.
Making a quick stop at the store, Raine grabbed a bottle of her favorite wine, a Malbec, along with a few of the dark chocolate bars with sea salt that she preferred. Getting back into her car, she saw missed texts on her phone from Laney, Tate and Mac, all inquiring about her meeting with her principal.
She really didn’t feel like getting into it at the moment so she responded with telling them not to worry and she’d fill them in when they all met up on Saturday night. After a moment’s thought, she sent an additional text to Mac telling him that she wouldn’t be available for their usual Saturday morning run.
Raine: Can’t make the morning run. I’ll see you for karaoke. :)
Mac: You ok?
Raine paused, not entirely sure how to answer. Was she okay? Strangely enough, she seemed to feel relief more than anything else. Relief that she would no longer be played a fool. Though she had to admit, she felt a good bit dejected, too.
Raine: I’m ok. See you tomorrow night.
Setting her phone aside with a long sigh, she put her car into gear for the drive home.
This too shall pass.
MAC STARED AT THE texts on his phone from Raine. This didn’t feel right. Raine always met him to go running. If he were being completely honest, he felt like they were unofficial running partners. The only thing that had come between them meeting up for a run had been the one time Mac had come down with a terrible cold and then again when Raine had spent a long weekend down at her dad’s in southwest Florida. Hell, she and Mac even tried to meet up for Sunday brunch as often as they could when she wasn’t spending that time with Ben or when he wasn’t out fishing with Foster.
He was still pondering this when another text came through on his phone. Hoping it was Raine changing her mind, he swiped the screen.
He exhaled loudly in disappointment.
Laney: Everything ok with Raine?
Mac: She said she was ok.
Laney: She said she’d tell us what the meeting was about when we’re at Shenanigans, tomorrow.
Ah.
It was a good sign that Raine had every intention of still attending their karaoke night. Things couldn’t be that bad, then, right?
The urge to make the trek down the beach to her house tonight was hard to resist, but he needed to respect her privacy. Hopefully, she’d change her mind about running by the morning.
Mac didn’t want to admit just how much her absence would affect him if she didn’t show up after all tomorrow night.
THE AVERAGE PERSON may have found it a bit disconcerting at how much she had enjoyed last night’s solo chick flick fest. Now that it was Saturday morning, Raine had some second thoughts about whether she should go for her usual run with Mac or indulge in a bit more ‘me time’ and have a beach day to herself.
Looking out her back porch at the clear blue sky and bright sunshine beating down on the sand, ocean waves gently lapping at the shore, she made a quick decision.
Me time, it was.
Raine packed a small cooler with her thermos of water and some snacks, grabbed her beach bag stocked with her sunscreen and towels and other necessities. Slipping on her black bikini, flip flops and sunglasses, she walked down her back stairs and followed the walkway leading down to the beach.
It was just shy of seven thirty that morning, so there weren’t many beachgoers, yet. This was one of her favorite times to be there, just taking in the breathtaking calmness of the sun rising. It was always so peaceful and soothing to her.
She had laid out the towels in her precise manner and stretched out on her back. Raine reached for her phone, accessed her favorite playlist and plugged in earbuds. Letting the music wash over her, she closed her eyes and embraced the warmth of the sun.
Worry free and asshole boyfriend-free.
MAC WAS FINISHING up his run, purposely making the end of his route go along the beach’s packed sand since it was still low tide, and along the backs of beach houses. Including both his and Raine’s.
Normally, he and Raine both listened to their music on their runs and just got into their prospective zones. As much as Mac tried to zone out, he just couldn’t get focused and really enjoy his run today. As he got closer to Raine’s place, he struggled with whether or not to see if she were home and check on her.
Take a hint, man. She would have called or sent a text if she needed you.
But, Raine is one who often thinks she’s ‘bothering’ her friends if she needs to vent. Maybe she just doesn’t want to ask.
Shaking off the conflicted thoughts, something caught his eye on the beach. Or, more specifically, someone. A very tan body in a simple black bikini was lying on the beach. The closer he got, the more he realized that he knew that body.
Raine.
Slowing his pace, he watched her as he came closer. Her lips moved ever so slightly as she mouthed the words to the music coming from the earbuds she had in.
He came upon her and knelt down deliberately by her feet. Raising his index finger and smiling mischievously, he carefully and lightly brushed it up the center of the bottom of her foot.
“Aaaaaaah!” Raine nearly levitated from where she had been lying on the beach towels. When she realized who was to blame, she sputtered at Mac. “You are an ass! I nearly wet myself, you jerk!” She began dusting off the sand sticking to her arms and legs from when she had been startled by him.
Mac simply threw his head back and laughed, sunglasses hiding the corners of his eyes that were crinkled in amusement.
“I had to say good morning my way.”
“Next time, don’t bother,” she muttered.
“Now, Raine, don’t be like that.”
Wagging her finger at him, she scolded him. “And don’t even think you’re going to get my snacks after that.”
“Why, Raine, I didn’t know you’d ever offered me your–what did you call it?–‘snacks.’”
She stared at him, hand on her hip. Mac stared back knowing who would crack first. It always happened.
Yep, there it was. The corners of her cute little lips were twitching already.
She threw her hands up in exasperation. “I don’t even know why I’m friends with you.”
Sitting down next to where her towels were spread about, he opened her beach bag which held a bag of her—which, in turn, had also become his—favorite snack: organic cheese puffs. Pulling it out and opening it, he looked at Raine as she sat back down on her towels. “Raine, we all know why you’re friends with me.”
“And why is that?” she asked him.
“Because you know I love to indulge in your ‘snacks,’” he suggestively wiggled his eyebrows.
“Mackenzie,” she warned.
He leaned aga
inst her beach bag, using it as a pillow, and looked at her as he tossed a few puffs in his mouth.
“So what’s this missing a run with your favorite guy business?” He munched, nonchalantly, as he waited for her to answer.
He watched as Raine stared out at the waves, giving him her profile. No makeup, hair messily twisted up in a clip, he wished he could see her eyes. Those green eyes, now hidden behind sunglasses, were so expressive and would clue him in to what was going on with her.
After a moment, she turned to him. “I caught Ben cheating on me last night.”
He sat up abruptly. That wasn’t at all what he was expecting her to say. The fury he felt suddenly surprised him with its intensity. He wished he could wrap his hands around that pretty boy’s neck. Among other things.
“His grad school schedule must not have been that overwhelming, I guess,” she shrugged with a humorless laugh. “It’s fine. Whatever. Good riddance.”
He could tell she was trying to be strong. But there was more to it. He could almost feel that something more happened.
“Raine. What else happened?” he asked gently.
Wrapping her arms around her legs as she sat, he got the feeling she was trying to curl up as if to protect herself. After a moment staring down at her painted toes, she looked at him, the slightest quiver of her lower lip.
“He told me that at least he had a girl with a full set of ‘tits.’”
Mac’s eyes closed in pain for his friend. Those closest to her knew about her bout with breast cancer two years prior which resulted in doctors removing a small portion of breast tissue from her left breast. Raine was always so self-conscious since she was a smaller breasted woman to begin with. They all knew that was her soft spot of insecurity. That Ben had zeroed in on that, lashing out when he was the one in the wrong, just made Mac even more furious.
“Raine,” he said softly. “You know he was just trying to get back at you. He’s a dick who didn’t know what a good thing he had in you. Don’t let him get in your head.” He moved closer to her and put his arm around her gently.
That was when the silent tears began to trickle down her cheeks.
“I CONFIDED IN him, I told him what I went through. How could he throw it back in my face like that?” her voice was thick with emotion. Lying her forehead upon her propped up knees, she was silent for a moment.
When she raised her head to turn and look at him, her face was filled with pain mixed with vulnerability. “Do you think maybe I’m just not meant for this?”
Mac appeared to be confused by her question. “What do you mean?”
She looked away. “Not meant for the happily ever after thing. I mean, if you look at my long list of dating debacles it seems like maybe it’s just not in the cards for me.”
“No, Raine. No. Please don’t think like that. You are amazing, kind, beautiful, smart—the list goes on and on.”
“Raine.” When she still didn’t turn to look at him, he repeated her name. “Raine. Please look at me.”
She inhaled a deep, fortifying breath and turned to face him. Cupping his hands on each side of her face, he spoke firmly yet softly.
“There is nothing half-assed about you, Raine. You are literally the most amazing person I’ve ever known. And he’s an asshole who doesn’t know what he had.”
Raine held his gaze, seeing the set in his brows belying his belief in what he had just spoken.
“Thanks, Mac,” she told him weakly. “I’m lucky to have a best friend like you.”
“The luckiest,” came his quick, cocky response that made her smile. Then, with a more serious look, he added, “Plus, that dude could’ve put someone’s eye out with his sideburns. That was a lawsuit just waiting to happen.”
She gave a small laugh. Leave it to Mac to start the Ben bashing.
Turning to face the ocean, again, they both sat there silently gazing out at the beauty before them.
Raine finally broke the silence. “So . . . you think I’m amazing, huh?” she asked saucily.
Sighing dramatically, Mac looked up at the sky. “Give the woman a bunch of compliments and this is what she centers on?”
Nudging him with her shoulder, she joked, “Go ahead and admit it, again, Mackenzie. You think I’m pretty amazing, right?”
Mac shrugged. “Meh. A little.” He held up his thumb and index finger, barely a millimeter apart. “Maybe like this much.” He broke into a grin. “But only because you give such good snacks.”
Raine threw herself back on the towels with a growl and she heard Mac laugh. His laugh and his words had warmed her more than he could imagine. And it made her want to tell him that she thought he was pretty amazing in return.
That maybe he was the most amazing person she’d ever known, too.
MAC HELPED RAINE pack up her stuff a few hours later. He had run home and put on some board shorts and sunscreen, grabbed his beach towel and two boogie boards for them.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had so much fun at the beach. Or with a woman.
He popped one last cheese puff in his mouth before he got swatted and put it back in her beach bag with a laugh. “You and your snacks, woman. So possessive.”
“When you have something that’s your ultimate favorite, then you’ll understand,” she told him.
What if I think you’re my ultimate favorite?
Friend, he corrected himself mentally. Raine was his ultimate favorite friend.
“Are you okay?” Raine looked at him, concerned. “You just looked a little panicked for a moment, there.”
“Um, yeah, I’m fine.” He gave her what he hoped was a normal, un-panicked look.
They started trudging up the thick sand to meet the stairs to head to her place. Raine stopped abruptly, causing him to nearly plow into the back of her.
“Whoa! You need to give a guy some warning about unexpected stops,” he laughed, barely managing to keep hold of his towel and boogie boards.
“Sorry,” she turned to face him. Looking up at his face, she seemed to study him for a moment. “Mac, can I ask you something kind of . . . personal?”
“Uh, right here while we’re holding all this stuff?”
“Oh,” she said, blushing. “Sure, we can just bring this stuff up and use the outdoor shower real quick.” She turned abruptly and resumed the walk up the stairs to the deck.
Mac set his boogie boards on the outside deck and hung his towel over the side railing next to where Raine was lying hers. “I’m going to rinse off real quick,” she began heading for the outdoor shower off the side of the deck.
“That thing is totally big enough for both of us and it’ll be quicker, too,” he told her. “Don’t be a water hog, Raine,” he playfully scolded her. He followed her over to where the shower was boarded for privacy.
“I feel like I’ve got a bunch of sand in my suit from when the waves crashed me,” she said. “So don’t be alarmed if you see me jiggling stuff around trying to get it all out.”
Mac closed his eyes and raised his hands. “Please. Stop. I may end up losing those delicious snacks.”
Laughing, she shoved him. “Whatever. I’m sure you’ve got some sand in, well, you know.”
“No, Raine, I don’t know. Where?” he asked in mock confusion.
“Oh, stop. You know what I’m talking about.” God, he loved when she blushed like that.
Raine turned on the water, adjusting the temperature and ducked under the spray. They both worked quickly at rinsing the sand off them. He reached up above them to the towel rack and grabbed two towels for each of them. He went to hand one to her and caught her gaze on his chest.
“I’m pretty rough looking, I know. Sorry about that,” he gave a wan smile.
Her green eyes lifted to meet his. “No, you’re not.” She returned her eyes to his now-healed scars, some from the shrapnel caused by the IED which had determined the last tour in Afghanistan would be his last, along with older scars from his childhood.
&nbs
p; “These are something you should never apologize for, Mac.” She reached her hand out to gently touch some of the indentations on his skin. He hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath until it came out in a soft whoosh when her fingers made contact with his skin.
They had touched before–all purely platonic–but none of those touches had ever been like this. With her fingertips tracing over his scars, this felt a million times more intimate. Almost as if she were touching his soul.
“You can talk to me about it. You know, if you ever just need to talk,” she told him.
Mac felt his whole body tense up the second the words came out of her mouth. His throat felt tight and he couldn’t meet her eyes. He had never actually had anyone, aside from the VA shrink, offer up a listening ear.
It wasn’t that he blamed anyone for not asking. He wasn’t exactly a conversationalist when it came to talking about what had happened on his missions. Some of that was due to the classified nature of things and, well, the rest was because much of it was just too damn painful to relive.
But, somehow, with Raine, it just felt right. Mac felt like she was his safe place to talk about things. As he leaned back against the wall of the outdoor shower, he felt her move closer as if trying to give him comfort.
Clearing his throat, he told her, “These scars hold some ugly stories, Raine.” Looking down at her, now, gesturing to some of the older scars on his upper body. “The ugly story of how my foster parents would swing at me with the buckle end of the belt when they got drunk or high. Or when a few older foster kids ganged up on me out of pure jealousy because I got straight A’s on my report card and held me down, taking turns using the knife on me.” His eyes were cold as he steeled himself to the memory.
“Those scars don’t mean anything to me. But the others . . . the others matter. These are the scars,” his hand swept over his torso, as if to highlight the others, “that tell a story I will carry with me forever.
