“I know, I know,” Rick said, looking tired. “Shit!” He turned away from them, staring down the street, trying to sort out all his emotions. When he had approached them in the store, he had known that Katherine had been behind it all. He couldn’t believe his sister’s attitude, but he couldn’t fault her for trying to protect him. His loyalties were being pulled in a dozen directions and it was making him nuts.
“Rick,” Midnight said, moving to stand beside him, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” She sighed, putting her head on his shoulder. “This has not been a good day.” Her voice sounded tired too.
“C’mere,” he said, pulling her around to face him. He took her face in his hands and smiled warmly as he said, “I think you and I need some time alone,” he said, kissing her lightly on the lips. “Let’s go to dinner tonight.”
“Just you and me?”
He smiled at her. “Yeah, just you and me.” He hugged her. He turned to Joe, still holding her, and he reached out his hand. The two men shook hands. “Thanks man.”
Joe nodded. “Anytime,” he said and they smiled at each other. They both knew that Joe would still do anything for Midnight, and the thought nagged at Rick, even as he smiled at his best friend.
That night Rick and Midnight went to dinner. They reveled in being alone together. They drank wine and talked about inconsequential things, including Joe and Randy’s wedding. They talked about the engagement party that his parents were throwing for them the next evening. Since Joe’s parents weren’t around, Anabelle had decided that it would be her responsibility to give them a party to celebrate their engagement. Midnight was almost dreading it now, with what had happened with Katherine.
“I’m so glad Randy and Joe will be there tomorrow night,” Midnight said with relief.
“Me too,” Rick said, thinking of that afternoon.
“Thinking that Joe will have to rescue me again?” she asked, her eyes watching him.
“Sort of …” he said hesitantly. He really didn’t want to get in to all that now. Midnight detected a change in his mood.
“What’s wrong?” she asked quietly. She’d been waiting for this since they had gotten together. She had always suspected that he felt threatened by Joe’s place in her life more than he’d ever say. Rick shook his head, his eyes averted from hers.
“Nothing,” he said, standing to leave.
They had finished their dinner almost an hour before, but they had lingered over drinks and now he wanted to get out of there before she could corner him on what he was thinking. It had been a cold fear in the smallest darkest place in his mind for the past few weeks, that he would tell her how he felt about the situation with Joe and that she would turn away from him and never return. He didn’t want that, not for anything in the world and if it meant keeping his mouth shut he would. It wasn’t a real problem, it just had nagged at him more since that afternoon. He felt like a jerk not telling her how he felt about his feelings so deep down that he barely acknowledged them normally. His nerves were raw and Midnight could sense it.
When they walked outside she grabbed his hand and turned him around to face her. Her eyes were shadowed with fear. Rick had never shut her out before, he had always been honest with her and now he wasn’t. It scared the hell out of her.
“Tell me what’s going on,” she said angrily.
He started to shake his head again. “Rick!” she all but screamed, as tears of anger and fear sprung to her eyes.
She turned away from him and started walking down the street, unshed tears in her eyes. Her mind was churning. She was afraid that now Rick had brought her home to meet his family, he’d decided that she wasn’t right for him. After the confrontation with Kathrine that day, she was sure he was just ready to throw in the towel and didn’t know how to break it to her.
She’d finally given her heart to this man, and now she was terrified that he wanted to give it back. The independent part of her screamed, Good, I don’t need anyone! but the part of her that loved him, and wanted to be vulnerable and yielding to him cried, What will I do if he leaves me?
When Midnight walked away from him, Rick got scared. He strode after her, catching up to her easily.
“Midnight,” he began, reaching out to touch her shoulder, but she wrenched it away and kept walking. “Damn it!” he said, angry at her stubbornness. He hadn’t wanted to get into any of this. They’d had a nice evening, and smoothed everything over and now it was all going to hell.
This time he had to run to catch up to her. He got in front of her and stopped her by grabbing her by the shoulders. She tried to evade his grasp but he tightened his grip and his fingers bit painfully into her shoulders. She gasped, but refused to cry out. Rick could see the accusation in her eyes and it almost physically hurt to see it. When he didn’t speak for a moment, she managed to wrench away again, this time turning and walking across the street.
When he caught up with her this time, he spun her around to face him and backed her up against a wall. It was late and there were no people around. His hands pinned her to the wall, but she struggled to get away anyway. Again, he tightened his grip.
“Goddam it, Midnight! Just stop!” His voice was so harsh and angry. She felt like someone had thrown cold water in her face and she stopped struggling.
She leaned her head back against the wall, refusing to look at him. A couple of tears slid down her cheeks, glistening in the light from the street lamps.
“Will you just relax,” he said, his voice calmer now.
She turned her look to him. “Not if you’re not going to be straight with me.”
Rick exhaled, shaking his head. “Midnight, you don’t understand.”
Her eyes flashed anger again. “Then make me understand, damn it!” When he hesitated again, she pinned him with a deadly glare. “Don’t fuck this up, Rick. It’s too damned important to me.” The tears welled in her eyes again, but she wouldn’t look at him. Her head leaned against the wall again, her face turned to the side.
“Shit!” Rick said. He was screwed. If he didn’t tell her, he was going to lose her, but maybe if he did he would too. He felt tears of anger and frustration sting the backs of his eyelids. If he lost her now, after all they’d been through together …
“Midnight, I’m sorry.” His voice was shaking.
The defeated tone made her look at him again. She saw the tears in his eyes and she could see that he was shaking.
“Please, just tell me what’s going on in your head,” she pleaded trying to stop their downward spiral.
She touched his cheek. His eyes closed in response to her touch. Part of him had been terrified that she would never touch him again. It was that part of him that made him let out a small cry of relief as he took her in his arms.
“Midnight, Midnight,” he murmured in her ear, his voice low and almost tearful. “Baby, I don’t want to hurt you …”
“Not talking to me is hurting me,” she said, keeping her face buried in his jacket.
Sighing, Rick looked around them. The building they were standing in front of was the Royal Hilton. Making a quick decision he said, “Come on.” He took her hand and led her into the hotel. He left her standing in the lobby as he strode to the front desk. She watched him as he requested a room. When the desk clerk had registered them and gave him the key, Rick walked back over to her, took her hand, and led her to the elevators.
Once in the room he took her in his arms again, holding her tight, trying to delay the talk he knew they needed to have. She wasn’t fooled. She disengaged herself from his embrace and walked over to the windows. She stared unseeing out at the lights of London. It was foggy that night and it seemed to be symbolic of their situation. Rick stood on the other side of the room watching her. He felt like they had grown miles apart in a matter of minutes. His heart ached thinking the gap could widen further when they talked. Midnight surprised him by turning around. It was obvious she was upset and doing everything she could to deal with it.
&nb
sp; “This is about your family, right?” she said, her voice clear and business like for all her appearance begged to differ.
“What? No,” Rick said, shaking his head.
“Then it’s about Joe and me, right?” Midnight asked, that having been her second thought as to the source of his sudden reluctance to talk.
For a moment Rick didn’t make a move, he just stood watching her. When he saw her eyes narrow angrily he nodded miserably.
“Tell me, Rick,” she said quietly. He could see she just wanted him to say whatever he needed to.
“I just … Oh God …” He looked away his teeth worrying his bottom lip. He was afraid to say something that he’d never be able to take back.
Midnight waited stoically, letting the silence stretch. He didn’t know how to start, what to say. He felt like he wanted to hit something, scream, something, anything to get over this tense sick feeling. He clenched his fists against the feelings that wanted to overwhelm him.
“Damn it, Rick!” Midnight said, striding over to stand right in front of him. She grabbed him by two fistfuls of his jacket. “You’ve always been so goddamned straightforward with me, why can’t you be now when it’s important!” The anger and intensity in her voice snapped him out of his reverie.
“Alright!” he yelled back. “It is Joe, it’s the whole fucking idea that I was second choice and that you’d rather have him!”
Midnight was so shocked by his outburst that she let go of his jacket and backed away from him. Her eyes were wide, she couldn’t believe what he had just said.
“Is that what you think?” she asked incredulously. “Or is that what your fucking sister has convinced you of?” she asked then, her tone suspicious.
He was in turn surprised by her reaction. He had expected her to be angry, but he had expected her to defend her relationship with Joe, and she wasn’t doing that.
“Katherine has nothing to do with this!” he said his anger flaring at the insinuation.
“Then what is it, Rick?” she asked, her voice quieter now, the whole thing starting to weigh heavy on her.
“I guess I’ve always felt kind of … jealous,” he said miserably, his tone indicating that the word ‘jealous’ was distasteful to him. “But I never really acknowledged it. It was in my head though, back in the deep dark part of my mind. Then when that shit happened today, I thought that maybe that’s what it was, that I was second choice and I knew I’d never be what Joe is to you.”
She shook her head. She had expected something like this, but she knew he was so wrong too. It amazed her to think back on the day’s events and realize that he had defended her staunchly even though he wasn’t totally sure of her himself.
“But what about today? You told Katherine she was wrong. Or was that just bullshit too?”
He was taken aback by her attitude and her responses. She hadn’t said a word in defense of Joe or their relationship. She was busy trying to figure out why he had defended her if he didn’t believe her.
“Midnight, nothing was bullshit.” He sighed again feeling very tired and hurt. “I told Katherine she was wrong because I know you’re not after money, and because I know you really care about me … ” His voice trailed off as he saw her anger flare.
“Care about you?” she repeated incredulously. “Oh Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?” She was shaking her head as if to clear it of all the things he’d said. “I love you, you stupid son of a bitch, or haven’t you believed that all along either?”
Rick didn’t answer. He moved wearily to the bed and sat down, not knowing for sure anymore what he thought. He knew he had just screwed up badly with her. Yes, he’d always believed that she loved him, but the he’d still had the nagging thought that he was second choice and the happenings of the day had brought that thought into the forefront in his mind. In some insane irony, he knew that his doubting her love could cause the rift to separate them forever. If indeed she did love him.
“Midnight, I don’t know what’s happening. All I know is that I love you and the last thing I wanted was to hurt you. I know that Joe means a lot to you, but I guess what I need to know is. does he mean more to you than me?” The last was said in the merest whisper as if by saying it quietly he could keep the answer from being something he didn’t want to hear.
Midnight stared at him, shocked. Her first reaction was to be mad, but she had never seen Rick unsure of himself and right now he seemed like a lost little boy. Her love for him made her want to reach out to him, but she knew that wasn’t the answer he was waiting for. Her eyes never left his as she answered him.
“No he doesn’t,” she said, and in those three words Rick felt his soul restored.
He believed her. There was never a question of whether or not she had lied, but only whether or not she had “settled” for him. He wanted to take her in his arms and hug her until she was breathless, but he knew that doing that right now was impossible. There was still a distance between them. He closed his eyes against the pain that he felt for that distance. He had been wrong and he had let that mistake cause the relationship possibly irreparable damage.
“Rick,” Midnight began, her tone even. It made him hope that she might be able to forgive him.
She walked over to him, sitting down on the chair across from where he sat on the bed. “Joe is someone that filled a hole in my heart a long time ago. When I was starting out setting up FORS, I was alone. Nobody believed in me, everyone figured I was just some dumb broad making noise. Hell, I think the chief was only humoring me because I was female. But when Joe got there … he believed in me, he backed me up on everything, he was my friend. We spent hours and hours together sweating over FORS, trying to make it work. And by the time we finally got it going, we were best friends. He looked out for me and I looked out for him. I finally had someone in the world who cared about me, what happened to me, whether or not I got home safe at night, all that. Sure, guys took me out all the time, and they wanted to make me into what they thought I should be, but not Joe. He was like a rock that I could hold onto in a storm, and believe me there were plenty of those. But not once did he say he didn’t think I could do something, not once did he let me down. And I loved him for that.
“When we got together it seemed so natural and it was comfortable. We were like two old shoes that fit so well. But we were too much alike. He was very protective of me anyway, but when we got together he was impossible. I felt like I was suffocating. He wouldn’t let me be the cop I was, and I let him change me a little. I was so busy all the time, worried about getting hurt, that I got too careful, and when that happened I did get hurt. Some gang member knifed me in the back, because she’d figured out I was a cop. Joe and I decided then that being together like that wasn’t a good idea, that it was causing too much friction between us.”
She reached out and took his hands in hers, hoping he was hearing everything she was saying.
“When we looked back later, we realized that we just didn’t totally fit. Sure, we made great friends, but being lovers takes a lot more than either of us was willing to give. We are both very guarded people, we don’t love or trust easily and we’re not real good at sharing of ourselves. It took the right people to make us want to give up our independence and to share our lives with someone. For me that right person was you.” Rick had been listening intently and when she said the last he felt even worse for all he had just put her through.
He groaned, throwing himself back on the bed, the heels of his hands pressing into his eyes. “And I’m so goddamned dumb, I went and fucked that all up, didn’t I?”
His self-deprecation, in spite of being heartfelt, made Midnight smile. She decided then that even if she wanted to, she couldn’t be angry at him. It had been unfair of her not to have talked to him about this before. She had just skated past the thought a number of times, selfishly expecting him to just understand and not ask questions. She got on the bed and straddled his waist. She removed his hands from his eyes and held them dow
n on the bed on either side of his head. Then she leaned forward to look him straight in the eye.
“You, my beautiful man, did not fuck anything up.” She grimaced apologetically. “I wasn’t very fair to you, I’m afraid.”
“Oh babe …” he said the relief on his face almost painful to her.
She leaned down and kissed him, and they melted into a passionate embrace. The lovemaking that followed was intense and poignant as if they were both trying to recapture something they both were afraid they had lost. Midnight knew that she loved him more now than ever. She had seen how much he loved her by the way he had reacted to the thought that she might not really want him. He hadn’t been angry, he had been sad. She had never had any doubts about how much he loved her, but if she had, the argument they had just had would have dissolved any of those doubts in an instant.
Later as they lay together, their bodies still close together, Midnight smiled. “So I take it we’re okay again …” she said lightly.
He leaned over to kiss her again. “More than okay, love,” he said, his voice still husky.
Midnight looked over at the clock on the bedside table then. “Oh shit,” she said, seeing that it was after one o’clock in the morning.
“What?” he said.
“It’s late, Rick, your mother’s going to freak!” she said, laughing at the fact that they were adults having to worry about what his mother thought.
“I’ll call her,” Rick said, standing and putting on his jeans. Midnight got up and went into the bathroom. Rick watched her go with a fond smile on his lips. He picked up the phone and dialed his home number. His mother answered on the fourth ring, sounding tired.
“Sorry to wake you, Mum,” Rick said sounding chagrined, every bit the chastised young man.
“Richard …” his mother said sounding worried. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, Mum, everything’s fine. Midnight and I just needed some time to sort some things out.” He hesitated, making a quick decision. “We’re going to stay at a hotel tonight, Mum. We really need some time alone.”
Empires Fall (MidKnight Blue Book 2) Page 18
