by Sean Shake
“I won’t catch fire.”
I nodded. Good. That was one for each of them. It wasn’t that uncommon to see girls helping other drunk or passed out girls, especially in nightclubs in Miami.
If I were the one to carry them out, however, someone might call the cops. And that was the last thing I needed.
38
Back in my suit again, I opened the curtain and peeked my head out.
The coast was clear and so I ushered out first Alexa carrying the Latina, then Rue carrying the goth girl, and then the naked redhead, whose name I needed to make a point of asking, carrying Vampirella.
We’d dressed all the girls again, even gotten the pasties back on Vampirella. Rue was still topless however, and the redhead still naked of course, because her dress had dissolved and we had nothing else for her to wear.
If only there had been a table in there with a tablecloth.
I eyed the curtain. It was plenty large…
That’s when I saw the camera pointed directly at me.
I turned away quickly.
Great. Someone was probably watching right now.
Well that meant I couldn’t take the curtain. Unless the camera was a remnant from the old club and no longer active.
I shook my head. We’d be fine.
Keeping the redhead between us, me bringing up the rear, we left the VIP area and went back downstairs.
The guard at the bottom of the stairs didn’t even appear to look at us as we passed him, and no one else seemed to pay us any mind.
If anyone noticed the redhead was naked, they showed no reaction.
“Hold up,” I said just before we reached the door.
I had just realized Rue was still topless.
I ran back into the club, looking for Rue’s top.
I found it right away, sitting on one of the tables.
Two girls were drinking at it, one of their glasses sitting on top of the blouse.
Assholes, I thought, and yanked the blouse free.
Surprisingly the drink stayed in place and the girls didn’t notice.
At the door, I took the goth girl in one arm and tossed Rue’s blouse at her.
Once she was covered, I gave her Gothy again and stepped outside. Strangely, the bouncer was gone, the door unguarded.
We walked away from the building, toward the bend around which I had parked my truck.
“Well,” I said. “That worked out pretty well. Now let’s just get her to the truck and—”
That’s when we rounded the corner and I saw the crowd around my truck.
Krampus was standing there, getting cheered on by people as he popped beer cans into his mouth like Tic Tacs.
“Oh no Krampus,” Alexa moaned.
“What the fuck?” I asked no one in particular. “Is he insane?”
“Almost certainly,” Rue replied.
“He has magic,” the redhead said.
“Very astute,” Rue muttered.
Then Krampus spotted us.
“Hey guys!” he said, waving at us excitedly.
This drew all the other people around him’s attention, and I noticed now that this was where the bouncer had gone, standing next to Krampus.
Asshole was leaning against my truck.
They all cheered at us and then Krampus started marching our way, the crowd following him like the fucking Pied Piper.
“I feel like I should be wearing clothes right now,” the redhead said.
“No kidding,” I agreed.
“How did I end up with an oblivious airhead of a demon on Team Santa?”
“He has a tendency to slip in places without you noticing,” Rue said.
“It doesn’t sound very good when you put it like that,” I said.
“That’s because it’s not very good. Have you seen how furry he is?”
“Okay, please stop talking.”
“Only if you stop calling us Team Santa.”
“Fine whatever, just don’t pollute my—”
But then the crowd was upon us and Krampus placed his large hand on my shoulder, shaking me. “I missed you,” he shouted, breath blowing my hair back.
“Are you drunk?” I asked, not believing a giant demon could get drunk. Especially off beer.
“No,” he said waving his large hand at me, nearly taking out an eye with one of his long fingernails. “I’ve only had about ten.”
“Yeah,” the bouncer, who was standing next to him agreed. “Ten six-packs.”
The crowd erupted in laughter.
“Hey look,” a drunk girl slurred, “the redhead’s naked.”
“Naked party!” another girl cried and pulled her top off.
Well, wasn’t this just was wonderful. A bunch people stripping in the street, yelling drunkenly, crowded around a seven-foot drunk demon.
That wasn’t gonna draw any attention.
I looked around checking for security cameras.
Luckily there didn’t seem to be any outside. Probably because the building was supposed to be abandoned, and having working security cameras outside might draw unwanted attention.
By the time I turned back at least five people had gotten naked.
Unfortunately for my eyes, four of them were men.
Large chubby men.
With lots of body hair.
At least the girl who got naked was attractive. Though I saw now that she was still wearing panties.
They were small enough that I’d almost count her as being naked.
“Get them to the truck,” I told my women.
Alexa nodded and started off toward the truck. After a second Rue followed.
The redhead looked at me and at the departing girls carrying her ‘sisters’. “But I must stay with you,” she said.
“Yes,” I said, “you must. And I will be joining you in the truck. So now go sit in there before you draw too much attention.”
“Because I’m holding her?” she asked, lifting up Vampirella slightly.
“That, but mainly because your attire leaves something to be desired.”
“Oh. Yes. I think there’s something wrong with my memory. I forgot that I was naked. Then I remembered. But then I forgot again.”
Wonderful. I had an amnesiac chaotic fire goddess on my hands. “Just go sit in the truck with the other girls. I’ll be right there.”
As she left I turned my attention to Krampus, and the crowd who were now dancing about.
More guys had unfortunately gotten naked. A few other girls had taken their tops off, but I was too pissed off to enjoy this. Plus I had just had sex with four beautiful women.
I debated leaving Krampus here.
But I’d already caused the Yule Lads to come to our world. I didn’t want to be responsible for a demon as well, even if he did seem harmless most of the time.
Then some girl in the group started singing “Last Christmas”, and soon the whole group picked it up.
I noticed the bouncer had pulled his pants down. He was wearing boxers with hearts on them.
He was doing a strange little shuffle dance, his feet bound by his admittedly large-waisted pants.
I tried to recall what I knew about Krampus, or the legend of him, to remember if he was supposed to be a lord of mischief or something.
Maybe he had put a spell on these people. That would explain why they were acting so foolish.
Then again, alcohol would also explain it.
I grabbed a handful of Krampus’s fur and pulled him out of the group.
A topless girl called out “Where are you going?” bouncing up and down as she did, her breasts inevitably drawing my attention.
I shook my head and snapped out of it, and answered before Krampus could. Luckily alcohol apparently slowed his reaction time more than boobs slowed mine. “We’re going to get more party supplies. Back in five.”
“Get some synth.”
“Right synth. I’ll get tons of synth.”
“Yay!” she called out, and sudd
enly pulled down her pants. Then she too started doing that weird little dance, her legs bound up by much smaller jeans.
I watched her butt jiggle for no more than three seconds, then pulled Krampus to the truck and bodily threw him into the bed.
To my surprise this throw actually lifted him into the air, and he hit the other side of the bed before falling into it.
Holy crap I was strong.
Or Krampus was lighter than he looked.
Both seemed equally possible.
I spared one last glance at the girl who had just pulled her pants down, watching her firm amazing ass jiggle, then shook my head sadly and got in the truck, as Krampus began to snore from the bed.
39
“What’s synth?” Alexa asked from the passenger seat after I finished telling her how we managed to get away.
“I have no idea.”
“Then where are we going to get some?” she asked.
“We’re not. That’s the point. I just said it to get away from there. A bunch of drunk naked people is gonna draw attention. Eventually. Maybe.”
I frowned. “Maybe not. This is Miami, and we’re in an abandoned area. But why risk it? Besides, we have to get these new elves home.”
Alexa was up in the front seat with me, and the other four girls were in the back with Rue. My truck didn’t have a bench seat up front, so only two could fit.
Comfortably, anyway. The backseat had a bench seat, and while they’d had to put Vampirella on the floor, and while the other four were squeezed tight together, they all fit without sitting on each other’s laps.
Which was good, because my truck didn’t have tint and so I didn’t want to draw attention.
I’d been meaning to get my truck windows tinted. I was probably the only person in Florida that didn’t have tinted windows, but I’d just never gotten around to it yet.
I didn’t tend to drive much in the daytime anyway, except when I was low on cash and started doing more Ubers. Even then, most people needed rides at night, and I got tips then, unlike during the day with sober passengers.
We made it to my apartment without getting pulled over or crashing.
So the day was improving.
After making sure no one was around, I had the girls get out with their unconscious charges.
As we were about to head toward my apartment, I heard a loud snoring, and was reminded that Krampus was in the bed of my truck.
“Goddammit,” I complained.
I reached in the bed of the truck and grabbed Krampus, trying to pull him out.
But he was suddenly heavy, and wouldn’t budge.
I grunted, and climbed up into the bed.
Crouching down, I got my arms wrapped around his furry waist and heaved.
He lifted an inch, then fell back down on my knuckles, causing the truck to shake.
I felt the sheet metal around my knuckles dent from the impact.
“You can’t move him while he’s sleeping,” Alexa said.
I looked at her in disbelief. “Are you joking?”
“Even Dad couldn’t. It’s a thing.”
“A thing?”
She nodded.
I let out a sigh and looked around again. Still no one.
“Hey.” I kicked him.
He sniffled, but didn’t wake.
“Hey,” I said again, this time louder. I kicked him harder.
This time, he didn’t even stir.
“Eggnog would wake him up,” Alexa said.
“Alcoholic,” Rue suggested.
“Seriously? Eggnog?” I tried to think if I had everything needed to make it. I had eggs and milk and sugar. I definitely had booze.
Actually, I thought I even had some nutmeg. It was old, like, six years old, but it would do.
“Fine. Let’s get these girls up there then I’ll make him some eggnog.” He should be fine for a few minutes.
I hopped out of the bed and headed toward the stairs leading up to my apartment, the girls following me. I felt kind of bad making them carry the others, but they seemed to be handling it fine.
And the alcohol had really apparently helped Alexa, as she wasn’t sweating and didn’t look to be overheating.
We reached my door and I stopped in the middle of reaching for it, frowning down at it.
It was ajar.
Had I left it open? I couldn’t recall.
It was entirely possible. It wouldn’t even be the first time.
Less than a month ago I’d gone to get groceries, and decided to take my trash out at the same time.
I got back about an hour later and found my door completely open, apparently having forgotten to shut it after I got the box with my trash and recycling and carried it down to the bins outside.
And then I hadn’t had a strange hot girl wanting me to help her save Christmas and rushing me out of my own apartment like I’d had this morning.
I pushed open the door and stood in the doorway.
Everything looked fine, but it freaked me out that anyone could’ve walked into my apartment.
There was at least one benefit of living on the fourth floor: not many people just wandering by.
And with the railing, you couldn’t see my door from the ground, so someone casually walking by wouldn’t notice it being left open.
“What’s wrong?” Alexa whispered from beside me.
I shook my head. “Wait here. I’ll be right back. Keep a lookout.”
“I should come with you,” the redhead said.
“No. You stay here.” I stepped past the threshold and looked around.
I activated my HUD and scanned the room for any traces of magic.
I didn’t know who or what would be after us, but if the old Santa Claus had gotten kidnapped, it made sense that the new one might be a target as well.
The new one being me, of course.
Although it seemed unlikely that anyone would come all the way to Earth just to kidnap me.
Could they even come to Earth? Hadn’t Rue, Alexa, or Krampus said something about it being my words that had allowed the Yule Lads to?
Plus I wasn’t sure if anyone even knew I was Santa. I hadn’t told anyone besides Krampus.
The demons might have figured it out. They did seem to want the North Pole.
And of course the Yule Lads knew, but they had seemed scared of me. Had that been an act? They had kidnapped Rue and Alexa.
My hand went to the hidden holster on my thigh and it did its creepy popping out of my leg thing. I drew but didn’t activate it.
What I did activate was Track.
But I saw no spectral traces and found nothing out of place.
I was walking out of my bedroom, about to tell the girls it was safe, when I halted, something clicking in my mind.
I didn’t have a dresser, or really any furniture, but the window in my bedroom had a sill right above a power outlet which I kept my phone, keys, and wallet on.
And I was pretty sure I’d had some money there, though now it was empty.
I walked over to the window, stared down at the empty sill.
The window was still locked.
Then I turned to my bed, the shadows underneath it.
Was there something waiting under there for me?
Suppressing the irrational—is it irrational, though?—fear that something was waiting under there, ready to snatch me, I walked toward it.
The fact that I saw no spectral paths helped my confidence.
I knelt down a few steps away, and peered under.
40
Dust.
That was all that was there.
I should vacuum more, I thought as I got to my feet.
I should vacuum at all. I didn’t actually own a vacuum, so that would be hard to do.
Maybe I hadn’t left money on the windowsill.
Or I’d spent it without realizing it.
That was a recurring problem for me, spending money.
“All clear,” I told the girls
back at the front door. “Come on in. Make yourself at home.”
I shut and locked the front door while they got the new elves deposited on my bed.
This done, Rue stood in my living room, looking around. “I thought you said everything was fine?”
“Yeah it is.”
“Then what happened all your stuff? Someone steal it?”
“What stuff?”
“Your furniture.”
“I have all my furniture.”
“The only furniture I’ve seen is a bed.”
“Yeah, a bed. What else would I need?”
“Wow,” was all she said in response.
“I like it,” the redhead said. “It’s open and airy. It’s free.” Then she suddenly started floating off the ground.
“Whoa. What are you doing?”
She looked down at me. “I’m not doing anything.”
“You’re floating.”
She looked down at herself. “Oh, I am.” She looked back at me. “Have I always been floating?”
Shaking my head I walked over to her and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her down.
As soon as her feet touched the ground—even before that actually—I felt a nearly irresistible urge to bed her right now.
The place where my hands met her hips grew insanely hot, and that heat flooded into me, going straight for my crotch, filling me with blood and hardening me.
I let go of her, and the desire didn’t go away, but it was also no longer a neigh-on irresistible urge, just a plain old desire.
I shook my head. “That was… intense.”
“What was?” the redhead asked.
So she hadn’t felt it.
I looked at Alexa. “I guess you wouldn’t know anything about Nifeers and what happens when you touch them?”
“No.”
“Why?” Rue asked. “What happened?”
“Never mind. Is four elves enough to get started at least? I guess we only have three, not four.”
“Three, four. Doesn’t matter, it’s not nearly enough,” Rue said. “Didn’t you hear me before? We need at least a hundred if we want any chance of saving Christmas. And that’s not even a full stable. We’d need at least twenty to even get started.”
