Me: Took the day off.
Mason: Why? Are you okay?
I looked at Bryson again and my stomach clenched. This felt wrong. But Mason was my friend, and it felt wrong to ignore him too.
Me: There were some complications with the baby and the doctors put me on bed rest. I probably won’t be back until Thursday.
I knew that explanation would just result in more questions, but what could I do? I didn’t want to lie to Mason, but I also didn’t want to continue texting him with Bryson sitting right next to me.
Mason: Doctor? What happened? Are you okay? I can swing by at lunch.
Me: No.
Me: There’s no need. I’m fine.
My heart was racing, and I jumped slightly when Bryson spoke up from next to me.
“Is that Josie texting you? I’m surprised she lasted this long.”
I chuckled humorlessly. “No.” I swallowed. “It’s one of my colleagues. They’re wondering why I’m not at work.”
Bryson nodded absentmindedly and the hand next to my shoulder reached out to twirl a lock of my hair. I shivered at the intimacy while the rock in the pit of my stomach seemed to expand.
I hated lying to him. And I know I wasn’t technically lying, but it felt like I was. If he’d known it was Mason texting me, he wouldn’t have been so accepting. But I didn’t want to rock the tiny life raft we were on. It seemed like we were making some progress and I didn’t want to threaten that. So, I’d keep this a secret for now and hope it didn’t come back to bite me in the ass later.
Chapter 31
We were almost at my parents’ and my phone had vibrated more than a few times. I knew I needed to deal with Mason, but I just didn’t want to right now.
“Are we going to tell them?” Bryson asked, breaking me out of my thoughts of Mason and layering on the guilt.
I didn’t want to be thinking about Mason right now. I wanted to be thinking of my husband and my family and that was all.
“Um. Tell who what?”
Bryson chuckled. “Tell your family that you’re pregnant.”
Just hearing those words filled me with warmth. I reached under my light jacket and cupped my belly over where I imagined our baby was growing. As excited as I was to share the news, I shook my head.
“No, not yet.”
“Why not?”
“Well, it’s customary to wait until after the first trimester.”
“How long is that?”
“Three months.”
“Three months!”
I smiled. “Yeah, but I don’t think I can wait that long.”
“Thank fuck.”
A laugh shot out of my mouth. I loved Bryson’s crude language. It never failed to humor me or rile me up, depending on the situation.
And just like that, my thoughts were in the bedroom again.
I shook my head. “I wanted to wait until we talk to the doctor at least. We should really wait at least until the doctor can find a strong heartbeat before telling anyone else.”
Bryson’s brows furrowed. “I don’t want to wait. I want everyone to know.”
Swoon.
I couldn’t help the breathy sigh. “We’ll tell them soon, I promise.”
He grunted, but I couldn’t tell if he was agreeing or not.
A few hours later, I was in the kitchen helping my mom clean up despite the glares and grumbling coming from Bryson.
“Should you really be doing dishes in your condition?” he asked from across the room.
I shot him a look and shook my head slightly. What was he doing?
“What condition?” my mom asked, her eyes taking in my every detail.
I laughed uncomfortably and opened my mouth to stutter out a lie when Bryson spoke up again.
“She had a concussion. The doctor told her to take it easy for a few days.”
It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. I shot him one more look, but he just smiled smugly as my mom fussed and tittered, leading me to a stool and demanding I stay put while she did the dishes.
“Why didn’t you say something, Mackenzie? What happened?!”
I glared at Bryson once more as he stealthily escaped the kitchen before turning back to my mom. I briefly explained the accident, leaving out details about the hemorrhage and skimming through as much of it as I could. “I just wanted to help,” I told her, giving her the most pathetic look I could muster.
Her eyes softened. “Oh honey, I know you were trying to help, but your health is more important. You just keep me company while I take care of this and I’ll be a happy woman.”
I smiled. “I can do that.”
My corners of my mom’s eyes crinkled with a smile of her own as she dunked her hands in the sudsy water and began scrubbing our dinner dishes. She chattered on about everything and nothing as I basked in the familial bliss. It felt good to be home. Especially while things were good between Bryson and I. The last few visits hadn’t been happy ones and I was grateful for this trip.
“You seem different,” my mom stated, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I gulped. “Different?”
Did she know? How could she?
She narrowed her gray eyes that matched mine. “How are things between you and Bryson?”
I shrugged. “Pretty good, actually.”
She nodded and went back to scrubbing a plate. “I can tell.”
I frowned. “Tell what?”
“That things are better than they had been. Things seemed pretty rough between the two of you for a while there. I was worried.”
My mind raced at her words. She’d noticed the trouble between Bryson and I? I thought we’d hidden things so well. I guess I should have known I couldn’t keep something like that from my mom. The woman saw everything.
“I’m glad to see the spark back in your eyes. You two look happy.”
Her words struck me again, like stone after stone being thrown at my heart.
Were we happy? I knew we were happier than we had been, and I knew things were better now than they’d been even a week ago, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. And worse, I didn’t know how long it would last.
What if Bryson fought to keep me and then lapsed into his silent treatment again? What if I let him back in and things went back to how they used to be?
There were too many questions and not nearly enough answers.
The only thing I did know, was that it felt right to be here with him. To binge watch tv shows and gorge ourselves on pizza. To have intimate breakfasts with him and to have dinner with my family. It all felt right, and I was happy with where we were physically and metaphorically. Beyond that, I could figure out later.
I didn’t realize my mom had finished with the dishes and walked around to my side of the island until her warm arms wrapped around my shoulders. She kissed the side of my head and sighed.
“I just want you happy, Mack. No matter how that happens or with who. Just be happy.”
I blamed the tears that came to my eyes on the pregnancy hormones. “I want that too, mom. And I’m trying.”
She kissed the side of my head again. “I know you are, baby. And I know you’ll get there.”
A single tear leaked out of my eye before I caught it and willed the rest away.
Bryson walked into the kitchen then, his face scrunching into a frown when he saw my face. “Everything okay?”
I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, things are good.”
I didn’t think he’d understand that my words were about more than what I was feeling right that second, but the soft look on his face told me maybe he did get it. Maybe he knew that my words held a much deeper meaning.
“It’s getting late. Are you ready to head home?” he asked, walking over and holding out a hand for me.
I reached for it without hesitation. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Mrs. Thompson? We’re ready for you.”
I sprung out of the waiting room chair and sped toward the nurse w
aiting for me with a clipboard and a smile. Bryson chuckled behind me, but I ignored him. The nurse took us back to a room where she recorded my vitals before leading me to a second room where she instructed me to get undressed from the waist down.
The nurse closed the door behind her and my eyes darted to Bryson’s. I did not want to get undressed in front of him. I didn’t want to feel that vulnerable when things were still so uncertain. The past few days had been great, but my heart was still guarded.
“Do you want me to turn around?”
My eyes snapped to his, and I found nothing but understanding in his hazel gaze. But, I felt ridiculous. This was my husband. The man who’d seen me naked thousands of times. Why was I making such a big deal about this?
I took a steadying breath and shook my head. “No, you’re fine.”
His brown-green eyes sparked as his understanding smile fell from his lips. In its place was a look so full of promise, I had to look away.
I turned my back and unbuttoned my jeans, sliding them down my hips.
“I’ll take those,” Bryson’s deep voice rumbled across the space between us.
I looked over my shoulder to find him just behind me. The heat of his stare threatened to burn my skin as I handed him my jeans and turned around to shimmy out of my underwear.
With a sudden burst of confidence, I turned to face Bryson and held out a hand, my panties dangling from one finger. His heated gaze traveled down the length of my body before zeroing in on my offering. He reached out and took the black fabric from my hands.
Then, in a move that sent liquid heat racing to the apex of my thighs, he raised the scrap of lace to his nose and inhaled deeply. His brilliant eyes never left mine and a shiver of need raced down my spine.
A knock at the door interrupted our silently charged moment, and I hopped up on the exam table and pulled the small sheet onto my lap as Bryson took his seat across the room. Just as I called out for the doctor to come in the room, I watched Bryson’s lips twist into a wicked smile before he tucked my panties into the pocket of his jeans.
My face was embarrassingly hot as a friendly-looking nurse poked her head into the room.
“Mrs. Thompson?” I nodded, and she held out a cool palm for me to shake. “I’m Nicole, I’ll be administering your ultrasound today.”
“Nice to meet you,” I mumbled while my eyes darted to Bryson.
Had he really sniffed my panties? Had he really pocketed them? What had gotten into him? His heated stare and devastating smirk promised he had plans. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready for them.
It wasn’t my body that was the problem. It was completely on board with anything Bryson had planned as evidenced by how wet I knew those panties were. My face flushed again with embarrassment.
“Mrs. Thompson?”
I shook my head and met the nurse’s eyes. “Yes. Sorry. What was that?”
I heard Bryson’s snicker from across the room, but I ignored him.
“I just asked if you’d lay back, so we can get started.” She turned off the overhead light and took a seat on a stool at the bottom of the table.
I lay back and let her guide my legs into the stirrups attached to the table. The nurse explained that the ultrasound would be internal, and I just shrugged. Been there, done that.
A few minutes later, an image popped up on the screen next to my head and I craned my neck to see. The picture was accompanied by what sounded like white noise or the sound of a plane taking off. It was loud, rivaling the thud of my heart in my chest.
“It looks like you’re measuring at about seven weeks and five days. Does that sound right?”
“Yes, we BD’d a couple days before Christmas,” Bryson piped up.
A slow smile spread across my face as the nurse frowned. “BD’d?”
“Baby danced,” Bryson explained.
“Sex. He’s talking about sex,” I explained with a laugh. My eyes found Bryson’s and my smile grew wider.
He’d remembered.
The nurse chuckled. “Never heard that one before.”
“There’re tons of acronyms in the world of TTC,” Bryson informed her, and I swear my cheeks were aching with how big my smile was.
Suddenly, the white noise from the machine was interrupted by what sounded like a series of knocking. Or the loud whoosh of a large bird taking flight. I turned to the screen and found a little bean shape with a tiny flickering dot in the center.
“That’s your baby’s heartbeat,” the nurse said softly.
My eyes stung with tears that I desperately willed away. I didn’t want anything to obstruct my view of my baby and its little thumping heartbeat. A warmth engulfed my hand, and I turned to find Bryson next to me, his wide eyes riveted on the screen.
“That’s our baby?” he whispered.
And my heart.
It was so full in that moment, I thought it would burst.
I’d never felt so engulfed with love and hope and promise as I did in those couple of minutes with my husband and a stranger who’d introduced us to our baby for the first time.
“I’ll print you two out some pictures,” the nurse spoke, but my eyes were on the screen, my hand clenching Bryson’s.
A couple of endless minutes later, the spell was broken as the image disappeared from the monitor. I turned to find Bryon’s glassy gaze trained on me and a single tear escaped one of my eyes. He reached forward and swiped the moisture away, his hand lingering and cupping my face.
His other hand still held mine, and he squeezed it three times as he stared deeply into my eyes.
My heart begged me to allow it free reign. It whispered promises of how things could be, reciting memories of when things had been good, and I ached to let go. To let Bryson back in and give us another chance.
“You can get dressed and the doctor will be in soon to speak with you,” Nurse Nicole said, interrupting the spell between us.
I mumbled a thank you and she left as I sat up on the bed, letting the sheet fall to my lap. Sliding off the table, I clutched the fabric to my front while I held out my hand to Bryson. “Can I have my clothes, please?”
His mischievous smile was back as he handed me my jeans only. I frowned. “And my underwear?”
He just shook his head.
“What do you mean?” I asked nervously.
“I’m holding on to them,” he explained, sitting on the chair he’d abandoned and stretching out to fill the entire seat.
He was so big. And imposing. And he’d stolen my panties.
“Bryson,” I ground out between gritted teeth. “Quit screwing around. I need my underwear back.”
He shook his head slowly. “Nope.”
I growled and began stomping toward him when there was another knock at the door. I squeaked loudly and scrambled back toward my pants. “Just a second!” I called.
Bryson chuckled softly, and I shot him a glare as I pulled my jeans up my legs, making sure to give him a full view as I did. His laugh ended in a strangled gasp and I smiled triumphantly.
“Come in,” I called.
Dr. Hart poked his white-haired head through the door and smiled warmly at me. “Mrs. Thompson, it’s so good to see you. I see you come bearing good news.”
I couldn’t help the big smile that spread across my face. “I don’t know how it happened, but I guess the ultrasound proved it, right?” That wasn’t meant to be rhetorical. It still seemed surreal, and I needed as much reassurance as I could get.
“That’s right. We’ve got a fetus with a good heartbeat. Congratulations.”
The tears pricked behind my eyes, but I sniffed them back. I could cry later. Right now, I needed to get as much information as I could.
The doctor spent the next few minutes going over the basics of what to expect, what I could and couldn’t do and eat, and the appointments I would have over the next few months. I felt overwhelmed with information, but there was still something bothering me.
“Did the ultrasound show t
he hemorrhage? I haven’t bled in a couple days, but I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
The doctor took a look at the clipboard he’d brought in with him. “It looks like the hematoma has resolved itself and the fetus is still healthy. You shouldn’t have any more issues with it.”
“Does that mean I can come off bed rest?”
The doctor nodded. “I don’t see the need for any kind of restrictions.”
I smiled gratefully. It was a relief to know that everything was okay. My baby was still growing inside me, my husband was present and supportive, and I could come off bed rest. This might be a temporary peace, but I’d take what I could get and be happy with it.
Chapter 32
“Here.”
I felt a soft pressure on my shoulder and grasped blindly at whatever Bryson was handing me. It was a stack of restaurant napkins he must have found in the car.
“Thanks,” I whispered as another wave of nausea stole my breath.
Bryson’s warm hand rubbed circles between my shoulder blades while my stomach heaved, and my breakfast revisited me. We’d only left the doctor’s five minutes ago and only had maybe another five until we got home, but the sickness couldn’t wait.
So here I was, on the side of the road, willing my temperamental stomach to behave while my somewhat estranged husband rubbed my back.
And I couldn’t be happier.
I’d gotten to see my baby. Hear their heartbeat. And Bryson had been there through the whole process.
There’d been a time when I thought I’d be going to that doctor’s appointment alone. I’d mapped a path of single parenthood and felt the weariness weigh down my shoulders before it even began. The fact that that outcome was seemingly less and less likely, made my overfull heart beat just a little harder.
“Listen, I think you should take the rest of the week off,” Bryson spoke up from where he kneeled next to me.
When it felt like the nausea had subsided some, I wiped my mouth with the napkins he’d retrieved and looked over my shoulder. “Why? The doctor said I could go back,” I rasped, my throat raw from being sick.
Bryson pushed a few strands of hair off my sweaty forehead and sighed. “You’re still battling this sickness though. You could use a few extra days of rest. The doctor said the first trimester is the hardest.”
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