Everything was still dark now. Mary didn't know where she was or the time, feeling like she was drifting around in a dream. She couldn't open her eyes or move anything, but her ears seemed to work. She heard a soft, rhythmic beep and a mechanical hum. She also heard voices that seemed far away.
"I shouldn't have left her alone!" It was Hannah. And she was crying.
"It's all right." That one was Mom. "You didn't know the store was going to be robbed?"
"But I turned off the security alarm so that I could go outside and smoke," Hannah wept. "It's all my fault!"
"Look," Mom said professionally. "It's really late. The police have that man in custody, and the doctor said Mary is stable. You should go home and rest, Hannah."
Hannah blew her nose. "Okay. I probably need to also call Ben and let him know what happened. I'm so sorry again."
There was quiet for a moment before Mom spoke again. "You should go home, too, Carter."
Carter? Phos was there, and Mom wasn't screaming bloody murder at him?
"I…can't," he said. "Please, Ms. Phan. I know I shouldn't have gone to see her. She actually told me to leave. But please don't make me be far from her now. I'll stay in the waiting room. You won't even see me."
More quiet. Then Mom said in a shaky voice, "You don't have to do that. You can stay here. I…I actually prefer it."
Mary heard her mother begin to cry. She sounded like she was sobbing into someone's shoulder.
"It's all right, Ms. Phan," Phos said.
Mom cried for a solid few minutes before she could talk again. "I am a monster."
"No you're not," Phos said.
"Yes I am," she said. "I keep hurting the people I love. My father and mother. My daughter. I just didn't realize how much I had hurt her by keeping her from you."
"You were protecting her," he said. "Good parents do that."
"Yeah, but I did it for other reasons," she said. "I guess I was a little jealous. Ever since I was a girl, I dreamt that I'd meet a guy in some romantic way like my parents met. My own knight in shining armor. I started dating when I was eleven years old. I thought if I started early, I'd have a better chance of finding him. But I found a lot of jerks instead. My father used to say he'd die of a heart attack if I dated another jerk. After so many jerks, I started to believe that there were no knights in shining armor. When Mary met you, I wanted to believe that you were another jerk."
"I was," he said.
"But not now," she said. "Not with Mary. I was looking for any shred of jerkiness in you so that I could tell her, 'See? This is what men are like! They'll use you and leave you just like that!' But you weren't like that. You're surgical room clean."
"We broke your rules, though," he said.
"I was waiting for that," she said. "A moment to pounce. I know you two didn't do anything on the roof. But I used it to both protect and break my little girl."
Mom blew her nose. Phos said nothing.
"Do you know how I came to have her?" Mom asked.
"No," he said. "But I'd like to hear your story."
"I got pregnant the first time when I was sixteen," Mom said. "I was so scared and I didn't know what to do, so I got an abortion. I didn't tell my parents, but my father found out about it. He did everything he could to keep me in line without telling my mom. He took a huge pay cut for a job where he didn't have to travel as much. He wouldn't let me go anywhere by myself and would ride the bus with me to school. He'd take his lunch break late so that he could ride back home with me. During the summer, he made me work at his office filing stuff or cleaning out storerooms. He had me on such a short leash that I hated him.
"But of course, that didn't stop me from finding jerks. I found ways to sneak away. Sometimes my father caught me. Other times he didn't. Then things changed when I graduated from high school. My dad couldn't keep tabs on me the same way. When I went to the university, I never went to class and would go partying and be gone for days at a time. Eventually, I got pregnant again."
"What happened to that child?" Phos asked.
"I miscarried," she said. "That's how I learned that I had a hole in my uterus. It came from the abortion. I had actually wanted that one. I had wanted the first one too, but—" Mom blew her nose again. "Then my father died. They say it was from lung cancer, but I felt like I was responsible. That I had broken his heart too many times and he just couldn't hang on anymore and wait for me to get my act together. I felt like I had killed my own father, who worked everyday of his life at a job he hated so that I could keep screwing around."
"And Mary?" Phos asked.
Mom smirked. "You think I would've learned my lesson by then. But of course I didn't. I kept partying. Kept drinking. Kept doing whatever I could to not feel anything or think straight enough to face what kind of monster I was. And I got pregnant again. When I went to the doctor, she told me that with my condition, my chances of successfully carrying this baby to full term were almost zero. And if I tried to have her, it was possible my whole uterus would come out, too. That's how bad off I was. She recommended I abort."
"Why didn't you?" he asked.
Mom cleared her throat. "When I was told that this baby might not survive, I don't know what happened. But I realized how badly I wanted her. I hadn't wanted anything so much. Not even a knight in shining armor. I felt like if I were to succeed at only one thing in my life, I wanted to be able to have this baby. So, I went home. I begged my mother to help me. And just like the great woman she is, she did. When Mary was born, I felt like the sun had broken through some clouds that had covered me for years. I cleaned up and never looked back at that woman I was before. Mary saved my life."
Neither of them spoke for a moment. Then Phos said softly, "Thank you for telling me. I understand better why you want to protect Mary so much."
Another moment of silence. Then Mom said, "I'm glad you were there tonight. If she had died, I—I don't—"
Mom fell back into sobs.
Mary heard a different beep. Something cold flowed into her veins. Then she was pulled back into the darkness where even her ears didn't work.
***
Mary drifted back into dreaming, but this time she felt extremely hot. She couldn't open her eyes or move again, but her ears picked up a beautiful voice. It spoke softly and sounded familiar. "Phos. There is nothing I can do."
"You helped before, Mayim," he said. "Humans are mostly water. You work with water all the time."
"This is not the same as a burn," Mayim said. "This is an infection. Her body needs to fight it on its own. Let it do what it was made to."
"I'm not talking about the infection," he said.
They said nothing for a moment. Then Mayim spoke. "I see. That is definitely beyond my ability."
Mary felt a familiar hand take hers. With her fever, it didn't feel as hot as it normally did.
"We are supposed to protect humans," he said. "And I cannot even protect her from this."
"The only one who can help her is the Master," Mayim said.
"I know," he said. "But I cannot ask him."
"He might heal her."
"He'll definitely take her memory," he said. "If the judges don't find her first."
"Ah," she said. "That is why you asked me for more rain. To hide her energy from them."
Who was this "Master" they mentioned? Mary wanted to ask, but she couldn't move her mouth.
"Phos," Mayim said. "Do you not think it is time? How long have you been pretending to be human?"
"I was trying to protect her," he said.
"But are you protecting her?" Mayim asked. "By being here? By breaking the rules?"
He didn't answer.
"Maybe it is time to let her go," Mayim said. "Maybe it is time to give the boy back his body and go back to how things were. Perhaps the judges or the Master will never know."
No! Mary wanted to shout. Phos couldn't leave her. Not now. Not yet. She needed him.
The soft beep and the cool liquid in he
r veins came back, and Mary was under again.
Back to Table of Contents
- 29 -
Loss
Mary opened her eyes. She saw blurry shapes. She blinked a couple times to focus. At last, Mom's teary face became clear.
"Mom?" Mary's voice was weak, and her mouth was parched.
Mom smiled as best as she could. "Hi, Sweetie."
Mary scanned the room. She saw Ba, Emma, Julia, George, and the Pennys. There was also a nurse she didn't recognize. At last, her eyes settled on Phos. Unconsciously, she raised a weak hand towards him.
He took it and squeezed it. "Hello, Mary."
"What are you all doing here?" she asked.
"We've been waiting all week for them to finally let you wake up, Baby Girl," Emma said.
Mary looked around. It then dawned on her that she was still in the hospital. "I've been here for a week?"
"What do you remember?" Ba asked.
Mary thought hard. "The guy at the store. There was blood on the floor. And I heard voices." She put her hand on her forehead. "Everything else is fuzzy."
"You're still getting over the medication," Mom said. "It might be a little while before you remember everything."
Mary stared at her. "I was really shot, wasn't I?"
Mom pressed her lips together and nodded.
Mary looked over at Phos. "And you're not yelling at him?"
Everyone chuckled.
"No," Mom said. "We're all right now, Mary."
A knock came to the door, and a doctor in scrubs and a white coat poked her head in. "Hi there, Mary. I'm Dr. Han. Glad to see you're awake. If I may ask everyone to step outside for a moment? You may stay, Ms. Phan."
Ba kissed Mary on the forehead before she left the room with the others. Phos squeezed her hand again and followed them out.
Dr. Han explained that when Mary arrived at the ER, she actually hadn't lost much blood because the wound in her stomach had cauterized. "That was very unusual," the doctor said. "Can you tell me what caused that?"
Phos' hot hand, Mary thought. But she answered, "I don't know."
"Hm," the doctor said. "Well, it left a scar. I don't know how you feel about it, but I can make some recommendations for plastic surgeons."
"No," Mary said quickly as her hand went to her stomach. She could feel through the hospital gown the rough patch of skin there. "I want to keep it."
Dr. Han and Mom looked at one another. "All right. It's not causing any complications, so that should be fine. Anyway, just to bring you up to speed, a bullet fragment had nicked your small intestine, so you had an infection to deal with for a few days. That's why we kept you asleep for a while. But now that's past and you're awake, I'd like you to do a couple things for me. Would that be all right?"
Mary nodded.
"Good, nodding your head was actually one of them," she said, marking her clipboard.
Dr. Han asked her to do different things, like raise her arms and tell her if she felt her pinch her fingers. Then she asked, "Can you wiggle your toes for me?"
Mary did.
Mom's brow wrinkled.
"Can you do it again?" Dr. Han asked. "Wiggle your toes?"
Mary did it again.
Mom's hand went to her mouth as tears filled her eyes. "Excuse me," she said quickly before running from the room.
"What is it?" Mary asked. "Why is she crying?"
Rather than answer her, Dr. Han touched parts of her left leg. "Can you feel that?"
"Doctor," Mary said firmly. "Why is she crying? Please. Tell me."
The doctor marked her chart. Then, she looked Mary in the eye. "A larger bullet fragment was lodged in your spine. In your lower back. There's a chance you may be paralyzed from the waist down."
Mary looked at her. "You mean I can't walk?"
Dr. Han sighed and shook her head.
Mary looked down. She pulled away the blanket so that she could see her feet. She tried wiggling her toes again.
They wouldn't respond.
Mary tried and tried and tried. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get any part of her feet or legs to move.
***
Mary was moved from ICU to a regular bed. Ba and her friends stayed as long as they could before it was time for them to head back to Agape.
"I'm praying for you, Baby Girl," Emma said.
"She gonna need it," George grumbled. "Only doctors who know what they's doin' is army doctors."
"Shut up, George," Julia said. "You get better, Mary. You hear?"
The Pennys also said goodbye, and they shuffled from the room with the help of the Agape workers who came with them.
"Looks like it'll be me coming to visit you for a while," Ba said. She kissed Mary on her cheek. "I love you, Con."
"I love you, too, Ba," Mary said.
When Ba had left with the others, Mom said, "I have to go home and get ready so that I can come back for work. I'll pick up dinner on the way. Is there anything you want?"
After a week of just IV fluids, Mary was famished. "Can you stop by Spice?"
Mom smiled. "All right, but nothing too spicy. You need stuff that's easy on your stomach." She kissed Mary on her forehead. "Carter will be with you until I get back. You let the nurses know if you need anything, all right? Love-you-buh-bye."
Mary nodded. "Love-you-buh-bye."
When Mom had gone, Phos pulled a chair over and sat by her bed. He took her hand and held it in both of his.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Tired and sore," she said. "You?"
He rubbed her hand. "I learned something new."
"What is it?" she asked.
He didn't say anything, but looked down. A second later, Mary felt boiling tears fall on her hand.
"You can cry," she said.
Phos buried his face in her side. "I-I'm so sorry," he choked. "I wish there was something I could do. I'd break a million rules if I could just—" The rest of his words were lost in sobs.
Mary squeezed his hand. "There is something you can do."
He looked at her with glossy eyes.
Mary reached over and wiped away his tears. "Don't leave me," she said.
Phos said nothing. Then, he wiped his nose on his sleeve and kissed her.
Back to Table of Contents
- 30 -
Therapy
Phos still had to pretend to be Carter, so he left the hospital once visitor hours were over. He promised to return the next day after school.
When Mary woke in the morning, she saw that the skies were gray and the window was wet with rain. After breakfast, Mom got off work and came to see her.
"How are you feeling today?" she asked.
Mary shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Aren't you tired? Shouldn't you go home and rest?"
"I wanted to be here for your first PT session," Mom said. "She's supposed to be here any—"
"Hiiiiiii there!" a bright voice sang.
They looked up as a young woman with thick hair came into the room. She brought a wheelchair with her. "I'm Steph!" she said. "I'm your physical therapist. Pleased to mee'cha."
Mom and Mary shook hands with her. Then Mary looked at the chair. "You're going to teach me how to use that?"
Steph giggled. "Yeah, and some other things. But before we get started, I like my patients to pick a name for their wheels."
Mary wrinkled her brow.
"Come on!" Steph said. "It'll be fun. Pick a good one. Like Lightning Bolt or Rocket Booster or something. I had one guy who was into anime, and he called his Deathscythe. He was kinda weird."
Mary and Mom looked at one another.
"So!" Steph continued. "What'll it be?"
Mary figured that if she didn't choose something, she might not hear the end of it from Steph. She groped about in her brain for an unusual name. "How about Michelangelo?" she said.
"That's a good one!" Steph cried. "Ninja Turtles fan, huh? My fav was Donatello 'cuz he was all nerdy and stuff."
<
br /> "What?" Mary asked.
"Ninja Turtles," Steph repeated. "The TV show? It was about mutant turtles who lived in the sewer and they were always fighting with this—you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"
Mary shook her head. "I was thinking of the Renaissance artist. He painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and sculpted that giant David statue."
Steph blinked. "Awkward! Well, Michelangelo it is. Let's get to work, huh?"
For the next hour, Steph taught her how to sit up in bed and how to move her legs with her arms. Mary had never realized before how heavy her own legs were, or how hard it was to roll over when you had no ability to move your lower body. Steph also showed Mom how to help her get in and out of bed and then in and out of the chair. At the end of the session, Steph showed Mary some exercises to get her arms and upper body stronger.
When they were done, Mom kissed Mary goodbye and went home to sleep for a while before she brought Ba to the hospital. Mary spent the next few hours mostly bored and watching TV. Sometimes, she just stared out the window and watched the rain.
Afternoon came, and someone knocked on the door.
"Come in," Mary said.
Phos entered the room, followed by Sienna and David carrying flowers and balloons.
"MARY!" Sienna ran to her and threw her arms around her.
"What are you doing here?" Mary asked in surprise.
Sienna looked at her. "Really? No, 'Hey Sienna. How's it going, Sienna? Awesome of you to take time out of your busy schedule to see me, Sienna.'"
Mary stared at her. Then she smiled. "It's good to see you."
"We come bearing gifts," David said as he set the flowers and balloons on the table. "And your school work."
"You have extra time to do it all, of course," Sienna added. She then grew solemn. "Carter told us that you couldn't walk. I'm really sorry about that."
Mary shrugged. "I'll manage. I've got Michelangelo now."
"Who?" she asked.
Mary laughed. "Never mind."
The four of them talked and did some of their homework together. It made Mary feel good to have people with her on a rainy day in the hospital. Later, Mom and Ba came, and Raj personally delivered dinner for everyone. He also stayed until visiting hours were over.
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