by Lia Lee
“I was just kidding, but I’ll take it,” Doug said. “Leave a list on your desk for me about what I need to take care of. I’ll handle it.”
“Thanks, bud,” I said and hung up. I didn’t always agree with Doug’s views on the world, but he was a good friend. There was no doubt about it. And with him in the office, taking care of my company for me, I could take care of some business of my own.
I wrote down a few things for Doug to look at before I left the office and drove home. I parked the car and walked into the house. First, I arranged a hotel outside of town, making a reservation under a name that wouldn’t be traced back to me. The last thing I needed was the press hounding me. I packed a bag with enough for two days. When I was done with my own packing, I walked to Lilly’s room and packed a princess suitcase with clothes and some toys for her, too.
After I had taken care of everything, I phoned Diane, who would be on her way to pick up Lilly from daycare soon, and told her what the plans were. I would pay her extra to pack her bag and come with us to help me take care of Lilly.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Elena
Noah left the office without saying goodbye yesterday, and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. He didn’t come into the office today. I tried not to be hurt by his actions. I was the one that had broken it off with him, that had refused to speak to him. Now that we were broken up, I shouldn’t expect him to want to speak to me at all.
But it hurt. It had hurt a lot more than I thought it would when I’d told him that we were over. His reaction – the shock and the pain – had been heartbreaking.
I tried to throw myself into my work as a distraction from everything I was feeling. There was a lot for me to do in my new position, to read up on and to figure out before I could say I was on top of things. But it was hard to concentrate when the ache in my chest wasn’t something medication could fix.
Not to mention the pregnancy. When I’d found out that Noah was happy about the baby, it had been a relief. But now that we were over, I was stuck doing this all on my own, and I was terrified. I hadn’t thought about having kids anytime soon, and as much as I loved children, raising a baby all on my own was a scary thought. I had never thought I would be a single mother raising a child all by myself.
I had hoped that I could do it with Noah. For a short time, I had believed I could. But with a stalker that could put the baby in harm’s way and how things were going with Saturn Intelligence, I was sure we couldn’t make it work. It wasn’t only about the baby’s safety, but it was about Noah’s reputation, too.
There had already been enough gossip around Noah and his company. The hard times with the bankruptcy, then the scandal of us kissing, and now this thing with Nicole that would hit the news if anyone saw what was happening. If news of the baby came out as well, it could ruin Noah’s reputation, and it would stop me from getting a new job, ever.
I couldn’t let something like that happen. Noah was blinded by his affection for me, and I was afraid that he would sacrifice the company unintentionally. And if I were the cause of the loss of his business, I would never forgive myself. Noah didn’t see it now, but he was better off without me.
Whether I was better off without him was a different story, but it was something I would have to learn to live with.
The day dragged by, and I took care of my duties on autopilot. The work I was in charge of now – the subscription program – was something I would have enjoyed if it didn’t feel like my world was falling apart. When it was finally time to go home, Iclimbed in the car and drove to Beth’s place. I was staying with her now that Nicole had broken into my apartment. I didn’t feel safe living there anymore, even though I had broken it off with Noah so she had no reason to come after me.
I didn’t know the lengths she would go to.
When I drove to Beth’s place, I felt heavy. Everything had gone wrong in my life that possibly could have gone wrong, short of losing my job. Somehow, the promotion that I’d received instead of being fired hadn’t made up for everything else. I felt empty now that I’d lost Noah. I had fallen for him, developed emotions for him that I had to deal with now. I hadn’t meant to fall for him this hard, but there it was.
And now I had a thousand pieces of my heart to sweep up again.
“How was your day?” Beth asked when I walked in. I put down my bag before joining Beth in the kitchen. She was making pasta on the stove.
“It was alright,” I said. What I meant was that it had been horrible.
“And the new office? You’re probably the only secretary I’ve heard of to get a promotion to such a big position. Then again, you’re also the only secretary I know with an MBA. I’m so glad someone saw your potential.”
A pang shot through my chest, and I didn’t know why. Beth hadn’t mentioned Noah’s name, she’d said someone.
I forced a smile, sticking to the topic. “It’s fun work. I think I’m going to enjoy it. It puts my skills to the test.”
“That’s good, I’m glad,” Beth said. She hesitated, pressing the pasta down into the boiling water with a spoon. “How are you doing?”
I tried to force another smile, to lie and tell her that I was okay, that I could deal with this. The smile wouldn’t come this time, and instead of lying about it, my voice caught in my throat. Beth’s face softened, and she turned to hug me.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this,” I said. “It feels so much worse than it should.”
Beth let go of me, shaking her head. “Don’t put a limit on your emotions. Feel what you need to feel. Don’t push it away because it’s going to bite you in the ass if you do.”
I nodded. The front door closed with a click, and Rick walked in.
“Hello, ladies,” he said and walked to Beth, kissing her on the cheek. “I’m going to hop in the shower.”
He left, and I looked at Beth. “You guys don’t have to be so chaste around me just because I’m struggling, you know,” I said. Usually, Beth and Rick were all over each other.
“It seems rude to be in love in front of you,” Beth said, “now that you broke it off with Noah.”
I shook my head. “You shouldn’t have to act differently on my account. I’m a big girl, and you know I’m happy for the two of you. You’re perfect together.”
Beth smiled. It was unfair for them to have to put a lid on it because I wasn’t in a good place in my love life. They were engaged to be married, crazy about each other and headed for the happily ever after that they deserved no matter how things were going for me.
“Are you dealing with work okay with you being pregnant?” Beth asked.
“I have bigger things to worry about right now,” I said. “Like Noah and how I’m going to deal with him at work, like my new position. I’ll worry about the baby later.”
Beth nodded. “You know I’m here for you no matter what. Whatever you need. You let me know. Whether it’s cravings or emotional eating or a spa day.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Beth. It means a lot to me.”
She nodded, and we were together in silence for a while, the sound of the water boiling and the shower running the only sounds in the house.
“Do you need my help or can I go to my room for a while before supper?” I asked.
“You can go. There’s nothing serious to do, here.”
I nodded and left the kitchen. I wasn’t in the mood to put on a smile the whole time and even though Beth would understand, I didn’t want to be a moping mess and spoil their day.
The spare bedroom they had offered me was great. I lay down on the bed, hugging a pillow to my chest and closing my eyes. Lilly’s face flashed before me. When I had broken it off with Noah, I knew that I had chosen to give him up, but I’d lost so much more. Surely, I would see Lilly again – if Noah were to have joint custody of the baby in my belly I didn’t doubt Lilly would be around – but it wasn’t the same. I hated that I had to give her up, too. I had become as fond of her as I had bec
ome of Noah in the short time we’d been able to spend together.
I hated that I wouldn’t be able to see her grow, get to know the beautiful woman she would become. I didn’t doubt that Lilly would be a good big sister for the baby. She was kind and caring, and that was the start of a great human being. I missed her.
My phone rang, snapping me out of my thoughts. I dug in my bag until I found it. Noah’s name flashed on the caller ID and my stomach twisted. I was in half a mind not to answer the phone but I pressed talk and held the phone to my ear.
“Elena,” he said, and his voice was smooth and deep the way it always was. Hearing it over the phone, so close and intimate, caused an ache in my chest.
“Noah,” I said, but my voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat.
“Will you meet me tomorrow?” he asked. “At the Hampton Inn.”
“What?” I asked.
“It’s in Daly City. I want to see you but without all the extras that come with it. Please.”
The last please was added almost as him pleading for me to come. The hotel he was referring to was away from the city, and I could see why he chose it. But I wasn’t sure if I had what it took to go there, to face him, to talk about what had happened between us.
“What is there possibly to talk about?” I asked.
“Why don’t you come to see me and find out?” he asked. It was supposed to be mysterious, to make me want to go. It had the opposite effect.
“I’ll have to think about it,” I said.
Noah sighed. “Let me know. Please. I need to see you.”
We ended the call. I stared at my phone. How was I going to deal with this? What was I going to do?
Beth knocked on my door and popped her head around the door. “Food is ready,” she said. When she saw my face, she frowned. “What happened?”
“Noah called,” I said. “He wants me to meet him.”
Beth sat down on the edge of my bed. “And?”
“I don’t know if I should go. What do you think I should do?”
Beth thought about it for a moment. “I can’t tell you what to do, but if it were me and I really cared about him, I would go. It won’t hurt to hear him out.”
I wasn’t sure if she was right. I wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t hurt to see him again and to talk to him. Everything hurt right now. Losing Noah was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, and dealing with it was so much harder than I’d thought it would be. To see him now would only make it harder to stick to my decision, harder to deal with it.
“You don’t think it will mess everything up even more?” I asked.
Beth put her hand on mine. “I think you never looked happier than when you were with him. That’s something worth taking note of.”
I nodded looking down at our hands.
“You can come eat with us if you’re up to it. Otherwise, I’ll put a plate in the fridge for you.”
She left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my feelings.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Noah
The Hampton Inn wasn’t the Ritz, but it was good enough for what I needed. It was away from reporters and stalkers but not so far that it wasn’t easy to drive to. Lilly was with me, and she had run into the room and jumped on the bed the moment we had arrived.
“Oh, no, honey we can’t do that,” Diane had said, rushing in to stop her. She had come along for the trip. I needed her to take care of Lilly for me when I saw Elena.
“But Daddy said this is an adventure, that we would have tons of fun,” Lilly had said.
“Maybe not as much fun as jumping on the hotel beds,” Diane said. I was glad she had come along. The night had been easier with her to help me with Lilly. I didn’t have what it took to deal with Lilly right now. I was terrified that I’d lost Elena for good. My heart was broken, and I barely ate or slept.
“How about you guys go to the beach today?” I suggested after breakfast. Lilly’s face lit up, and she looked at Diane who nodded and smiled.
“Of course,” Diane said. “Let’s go get dressed.”
They left the dining room and headed to the room to get ready for a day at the beach. I finished my breakfast before I went up to the room to shower and prepare myself to meet Elena. I had agreed to meet her at eleven, and I wanted to look my best.
I waited for her in the lobby. I had put on jeans and a collared shirt with loafers. I’d styled my hair and put on cologne. I was more nervous than I had ever been with a woman. I wanted to see Elena’s face. The moment I saw her face everything would be okay, I knew it. Everything would work out as soon as we were together again.
Except, she didn’t come. I waited for her, watching the time tick by. Fifteen minutes. Half an hour. An hour. Every time someone walked into the hotel, I hoped it was her, and my heart sped up. Every time I was disappointed.
After two hours of waiting, I accepted the harsh truth that Elena wasn’t going to come. That despite her text message after midnight that she would meet me, she had decided against it. She’d stood me up. I was crushed by it. It was over, wasn’t it?
A part of me wanted to phone her and ask her where she was. What if something had happened on the way that had stopped her from coming? What if she’d wanted to be here, but she couldn’t make it? But I told myself not to be stupid. If she wanted to be here, she would be. She wasn’t here, and that said enough about who we were, now.
Instead of moping around at the hotel and feeling sorry for myself, I went back to the room and changed into beach clothes before heading out the beach where Diane had taken Lilly. I would join my daughter and have a good time with her, enjoying our adventure instead.
Diane and Lilly stood in the waves about knee deep, and Lilly squealed every time the water came in. When I walked over to them, she ran to me.
“Daddy!” she cried out, hugging me. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Of course, honeypot,” I said. “I’m here to have fun with you.”
“Diane and I are going to build sandcastles now,” she said. “Will you build with me?”
I nodded, laughing. It didn’t matter what I was going through, I always smiled and laughed around Lilly. She brought that side out in me.
“We never went to the beach with Elena,” Lilly said, and her name was like a shock through my system.
“You’re right,” I said. “We didn’t.”
“I wish she could have been here on our adventure,” Lilly said. “Why isn’t she here?”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t want to break Lilly’s heart, too. “Elena has work to do,” I said.
“But you’re here. You’re not working.”
“That’s because I’m the boss, and I can do what I want,” I said, smiling.
Lilly nodded, accepting it as a fact and ran into the waves again. I stood next to Diane, watching my daughter play in the waves.
“Thank you for coming with us,” I said to her.
“Of course,” Diane said. “I know how it can be.”
I looked at her. She was still young and I knew she didn’t have kids. She glanced at me. “When your heart is broken, I mean,” she added.
So, it was that obvious, was it?
I sighed. “I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
Diane shook her head. “I don’t believe in fate and destiny and what’s meant to be. I believe that if you want something and the other person wants it, you make it happen. If it doesn’t work, then either you didn’t want it or you need to get over whatever obstacle is in the way. Leaving things up to fate seems like a cop-out.”
I wanted to get angry with her for suggesting I was taking the easy way out, but she was right. It was about what you wanted and how hard you were willing to work for it. It was the reason I was here, after all. And it was why Elena wasn’t. Because she didn’t want this as much as I did, I thought. I wasn’t sure if that made sense. It was harsh to think so, but she had stood me up and that hurt.
When we ca
me home from the beach and Lilly fell over for a nap after running around in the sun all morning, I couldn’t resist. I picked up my phone and dialed Elena’s number. I had to know if she’d stood me up. A little part of me still held out that something might have come up. That she hadn’t stood me up on purpose but that something had gone terribly wrong in her life, and I could forgive her for it.
She didn’t answer her phone. I rang twice, getting her voice mail both times. I wasn’t going to try more than that and make a fool of myself. So, I phoned Doug instead.
“How are things going in the office?” I asked.
“Well enough,” he said. “I’m on top of things, and we’re wrapping up the final beta version for your investor meeting Friday.”
“That’s great news. Good to hear. Thanks, Doug.”
“Sure, pal,” Doug said.
“How is Elena doing on the project?” I asked. I didn’t want to ask about her directly.
“I guess she’s doing okay. She didn’t come in today.”
“Not at all?” I asked.
“Not at all. I thought she’d taken sick leave again.”
“I’ll give her a ring and clear it up, thanks,” I said. I didn’t want Doug to go into it. So, Elena hadn’t gone to work either. Wherever she was, I had the awful feeling that nothing was wrong. That she simply didn’t want anything to do with me.
“I’m going out,” I said to Diane. “I won’t be long.”
Diane nodded and returned to her book. She would be there for Lilly when she woke up. I left the hotel and went for a walk, trying to clear my head. I had to filter through my emotions, dividing heartache from disappointment and resentment.
My phone rang, and when I looked at the screen, it was an unknown number. My heart sped up. Hopefully, this was Elena. If she told me now what had happened or that she was here, all would be forgiven. I could still get past this.
“Elena?” I asked into the phone.
“I can’t do this anymore,” a voice said, and it wasn’t Elena’s voice. Why would it be an unknown number? It was Nicole. I’d received enough calls from her to know what she sounded like.
