When you push other people away they will leave you too
I acted like I knew it all but I didn’t have a clue
And I didn’t know how to get back from it.
And then you realise what you’ve done is made yourself a shell
You’ve shut right off, right out, right down, the pussy in the well
And no one close enough to hear the tale you’ve got to tell
How the hell are you meant to get over it?
It turns out if you take a step then someone else will match it
It seems that if you drop the ball some cocky git will catch it
The past won’t fix the future, you have power over that shit
And that’s how I might get over it.
You are cordially invited to the reopening of
Lost For Words, York
Rare and beautiful books
for book lovers everywhere
Reading refuge upstairs
Proprietor: Loveday Cardew
Event catering: Sarah-Jane Walker
Entertainment: Nathan Avebury
Guided tours: Melodie
THE END
A Bookshop
A bell over the door: a brassy, jangling clang.
There should be no clock. Time is meaningless here.
No book is without worth.
Let there be a marbling of the light, refracted through old windows, to remind us that nothing is ever true.
Here is all that you do not yet know.
Everything is slightly crooked, except the lines of words on pages.
Here is food.
This place is crammed with what is unlooked-for.
There should not be music, but there should not be silence.
Fingers must not be shy. Touch spines. Turn pages.
A door that no one has the key to is in the corner.
Giggling. And little cries of ‘Oh!’ when something forgotten is found.
A bookshop is not magic, but it can steal away your heart.
The air is not like any other air. It has memory stirred through it.
There is something here for you. All you need to do is choose it.
That smell. You know. Patchouli. Honey. Salt and violets.
And oh, the people. They must be forgiven their sins because they are here.
A bookshop is not magic, but it can slowly heal your heart.
Acknowledgements
Many people helped me to understand the detail of Loveday’s story:
– Mary Hill, Laura Lane, Rebecca Mason and Marion Robson talked me through social work and long-term foster caring
– Jack Fellowes and Tom Furnell explained to me how a bookshop would burn
– Kirsten Luckins and James Wilkinson answered my many questions about performance poetry
– Barry Speker OBE DL showed me how complex the law around domestic violence is
– Stuart Manby of Barter Books in Alnwick took me behind the scenes and told me the secrets of second-hand book-selling
I’m grateful to you all, and claim any mistakes and misrepresentations for my own, with apologies.
I’d like to give a special shout-out to Scratch Tyne, a rehearsal group funded by spoken word charity Apples And Snakes. The poets there were patient and encouraging with me as I fumbled my way to understanding what performance poetry is and how it works its magic on both poet and audience. I remain inspired by you all.
My beta-readers were Alan Butland, Rebecca Mason, Emily Medland, Tom Nelson, James Wilkinson and Susan Young, and their feedback was key in helping me to figure out how to tell Loveday’s tale. Shelley Harris read the beginning at the beginning, and has cheered me on throughout.
Claire Dyer of Fresh Eyes Consultancy gave intelligent, valuable feedback into what worked, what snagged, and what could be better.
Archie is named for Arch Brodie, who taught me English, along with Mary Adams, Margaret Rogerson and Bev Millman. The school that I went to was unremarkable, but the English teaching was, I believe, exceptional. Bev, in particular, saw a spark of something in my writing; I’ll always be grateful.
My agent, Oli Munson at A. M. Heath, is my champion and my friend. Thank you for keeping the faith.
Eli Dryden is part editor and part creative partner-in-crime, and I love working with her. Her input and insight work wonders. The team at Bonnier Zaffre are a delight to work with – committed, clever and bubbling with ideas. Thanks, all.
The families of writers have much to put up with. Thank you for being there, when I was (sometimes literally, often metaphorically) absent: Alan, Ned, Joy, Mum, Dad, Auntie Susan.
Discussion Questions
1. How important are books to Loveday? Does she have to work in a bookshop, or would another kind of shop serve her just as well?
2. If you were going to have a line from a book tattooed on your skin, which line would you choose?
3. Why does Loveday choose poetry to get her message across?
4. Do you have any sympathy for Rob?
5. What does this book tell us about mothers and daughters?
6. Loveday is not a fan of people in general, and men in particular. Is she justified in this?
7. How important are the settings of this novel?
8. Loveday collects things—books, shells, tattoos. Why does she do this? How can collections help us to make sense of our lives?
9. Can you pinpoint the moment that Loveday’s life goes wrong?
10. Who would play Archie in a movie of this book?
A Conversation with Stephanie Butland
There are so many wonderful books mentioned in Lost for Words. How did you decide which ones Loveday would get tattooed on her body? How important was this selection?
I had two criteria: books that would have meaning for Loveday, and books that had a powerful, meaningful-to-Loveday first line that wasn’t too long! She talks about The Wee Free Men, for example, as being a book that has a strong female heroine. Anyone who has read the book will also know that Tiffany is a heroine who is on her own in a strange land, and must rely on her own resources to save herself and others. She doesn’t always get credit for what she does, and she draws on her memories to help her and keep her safe. Loveday would recognise all of this. And ‘Some things start before other things’ would have particular resonance for Loveday: her early life is a sequence of events, building and amplifying the problems in her family, until the night everything changes for her.
Do you have a special place where you write your books?
Oh, yes! I have a studio at the bottom of my garden. The wi-Fi doesn’t reach that far so when I go in and close the door it’s just me and the book I’m writing. I write at a bureau, which belonged to my grandmother: I’m surrounded by things I love, and things that I’m inspired by.
I think it’s dangerous, though, to tell myself that ‘this is the place where I write’. I wrote my first book at the dining table. I finished another in a coffee shop at York railway station. I’ve written in airport lounges, libraries and on trains. I’d rather be in my studio, of course, but I think it’s important not to put limits on the way that I work, and not make the studio a necessity when really it’s a luxury.
How important do you feel research is when writing a novel?
Writing a novel is the quickest way to finding out that you know nothing about anything! When I wrote my first novel, I had a GP with a key role. It occurred to me, once the book was finished, to talk about the plot with a GP friend – at which point I discovered that my character had done a couple of things that a GP wouldn’t be asked to do and one that was highly unethical! Now I try never to make assumptions. When I was writing Lost for Words I talked to poets and lawyers, foster parents and social workers, magicians and bookshop-owners. I also think there are some things that you only get real insight into by doing yourself. I’ve worked as a bookseller, so I know how that goes – but I learned to perform poetry, I went to Whitby and sat in the church and walked on the
beach, I had a go at magic.
How do you relieve writers’ block?
I’m not sure that I suffer from it in the ‘empty blank screen’ sense. I do have days when I really struggle to get the words out – my brain is like a creaky, leaky old boat that’s going nowhere fast – and I have days when I get up from my desk feeling as though I’ve used up all the half-decent writing in me and the rest of my career is going to be dull grey brain-scrapings. The trick, for me, is to remember that just because being a writer is a dream come true – that doesn’t make it easy. When I’m working on a book I have a daily target, usually a thousand words per day and then anything else is a bonus, and so long as I hit that I remind myself that I’m doing okay. Some days the words do flow, and I don’t want to stop at a thousand. Other days, it’s not like that at all. Then I remind myself that a thousand terrible words on the page that can be fixed later is better than a whole novel in my head that I’ll write when I’m in the mood.
What does it feel like to have your book out there, being shared and discussed?
Wonderful. Weird. Terrifying.
When I’m writing a book – when it’s just me and the page – it’s my whole world, absorbing and real. When it’s published, anyone can buy it and put it in their handbag, love it or not get round to reading it or not enjoy it very much. That feels very odd, and quite uncomfortable. My way of managing the transition is to think of the book as ‘my’ book while I’m writing it. As soon as it goes off to the printer, it’s no longer mine. It has its own life, and I’m interested in it, but I can’t be as attached to it as I was in the writing process … If I was, a poor review would mean I’d take to my bed.
Do you read other people’s novels while you’re writing?
The answer to that, I think, is ‘Yes, but…’! I love to read but have to be wary at certain stages of the writing process, because if I’m not careful I can ‘write in’ elements of what I’m reading without noticing. So when I’m still formulating characters, setting and story, I tend to avoid contemporary fiction. Instead I turn to historical fiction, sci-fi or rereading the classics. Their worlds are different enough to the worlds of my novels to prevent anything leaping across!
What’s next for you? Are you writing another book?
I sure am! I always promise myself ‘three months off’ when I finish a book and then invariably start scribbling ideas on Post-it notes within the week. I’m working on a novel about Ailsa, a young woman who has had a heart transplant after a lifetime of illness, and needs to understand her new identity now that she is ordinary for the first time in her life. It has tango, Shakespeare, Edinburgh, and reality TV shows in it …
Praise for The Lost for Words Bookshop
“Loveday is a compelling character; you love her in the way you love a cat who always scratches, but you love it anyway.… This book is quirky, clever, and unputdownable. I really enjoyed it.”
—Katie Fforde, bestselling author of A Summer at Sea and A Secret Garden
“Loveday is a marvelous character and she captured my heart from the very first page … and her bookshop is the bookshop of readers’ dreams.”
—Julie Cohen, bestselling author of Dear Thing
“Loveday is so spiky and likeable. I so loved Archie, Nathan, and the bookshop and the unfolding mystery.”
—Carys Bray, author of A Song for Issy Bradley and The Museum of You
“Burns fiercely with love and hurt. A quirky, rare, and beautiful novel, one you’d be delighted to unearth in any bookshop. And Loveday Cardew is a character who leaps from the pages into our hearts.”
—Linda Green, bestselling author of While My Eyes Were Closed
“It is such a beautiful read and Loveday’s voice is so compelling … an exquisite story that I couldn’t put down.”
—Liz Fenwick, bestselling author of The Cornish House and A Cornish Affair
“Beautifully written and atmospheric. Loveday is an endearing heroine, full of attitude and fragility. The haunting story of her past is brilliantly revealed.”
—Tracy Rees, Sunday Times top ten bestselling author of Amy Snow
“What an absolute stunner of a book. I LOVED it and cried like a motherf***er. If you care about books (or humans), read it!”
—Shelley Harris, author of Jubilee
“This book will warm and break your heart in equal measure! Loveday Cardew is funny and sassy, angry and loving, and she is running scared; she wears her scars deep within her and on the outside, too. In Butland’s consummate hands, the story of Loveday’s past and her present is bravely told and is transformative. This is a must-read novel.”
—Claire Dyer, award-winning poet and author of The Perfect Affair
“A beautiful, touching, moving, sweet treat of a book. Sad, intriguing, cleverly plotted, sometimes shocking, compelling read. I was with Loveday all the way. I absolutely loved it.”
—Jane Wenham-Jones, author of Prime Time
“I loved it! Spent all day today engrossed in Loveday … a superbly drawn character.”
—Alex Gray, bestselling author of The Darkest Goodbye
“Loveday is an incredible character.
Oh, the writing …
Vibrant, vivid, sometimes visceral;
Engaging, funny, searing.
Dares to mix prose and poetry seamlessly.
Archie had me head over heels in love.
You can’t help but hurt when it’s over.”
—Helena Sheffield, author of The Art of Wearing Hats
“I just finished. I can totally see why you fell in love with it. What a unique, beautiful novel that cleverly builds to a heart-stopping climax. Any book lovers out there would be mad not to adore the quirkily drawn character of Loveday, who pulls you in right from the get-go with her distinctive voice!”
—Tracy Buchanan, number one bestselling author of My Sister’s Secret
“Wonderful. So many beautiful one-liners, too!”
—Ayisha Malik, author of Sofia Khan Is Not Obliged
“OH poor, brilliant Loveday. Gorgeous, gorgeous bookshop book … So, so lovely!”
—Sarah Franklin, author of Shelter and Costa Book Awards judge
About the Author
Stephanie lives with her family near the sea in the northeast of England. She writes in a studio at the bottom of her garden, and when she’s not writing, she trains people to think more creatively. For fun, she reads, knits, sews, bakes, and spins. She is an occasional performance poet. You can sign up for email updates here.
@under_blue_sky
@StephanieButland
@StephanieButlandAuthor
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Poetry
2016. Unlooked-for
History
2013. You do not yet know
Crime
1999. A brassy, jangling clang
Poetry
2016. There should not be silence
History
2013. slightly crooked
Crime
1999. Time is meaningless here
Poetry
2016. Turn pages
History
2013. Here is food
Crime
1999. No book is without worth
Poetry
2016. no one has the key
Poetry
2016. Found
Crime
1999. refracted
Poetry
2016. Not magic
Travel
2016. Memory stirred through
Poetry
2016. Salt and violets
Poetry
2016. Oh, the people
Memoir
2016. Choose
Poetry
2016. Heal your heart
A Bookshop
Acknowledgements
Discussion Questions
A Conversation with Stephanie Butland
Praise for The Lost for Words Bookshop
About the Author
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
THOMAS DUNNE BOOKS.
An imprint of St. Martin’s Press.
THE LOST FOR WORDS BOOKSHOP. Copyright © 2017 by Stephanie Butland. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
www.thomasdunnebooks.com
www.stmartins.com
Our e-books may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945, extension 5442, or by e-mail at [email protected].
First published in Great Britain under the title Lost for Words by Zaffre Publishing, an imprint of Bonnier Zaffre, a Bonnier Publishing company
First U.S. Edition: June 2018
eISBN 9781250124548
First eBook edition: June 2018
The Lost for Words Bookshop Page 25
