He watched as the puppy pounced again, trying to get something Andy had in his hand. After a moment the animal gave up and plopped on the floor, resting his head on his paws. Andy grinned and pulled his hand out from under his leg and started to move it back and forth. Skip jumped at his hand and Andy said, “No!” The puppy sat down. Whatever Andy had in his hand, he now gave to the puppy, laughing when his hand got licked in the process.
This was the normal he’d been searching for. The normal he hadn’t been able to create. Their nanny Mrs. Wilkerson had loved his children very much, but even her cookies, her hugs, hadn’t changed things in any real way.
As he stood there contemplating things, Maggie saw him and with a screech got to her feet and ran in his direction. He picked her up, and she gave him a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.
“Daddy.” She leaned her head on his shoulder.
“Maggie May.” He kissed her forehead. She giggled.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Kylie greeted him as she stirred eggs in a bowl and then poured them in the frying pan.
“I never sleep late,” he defended. His eyes narrowed as she reached for taco sauce and sprinkled it in the pan of eggs.
She glanced his way. “You should. At least every now and then. I’ve heard from doctors that sleep is important for good health.”
“You’ve got me there,” he agreed. “What are you doing to the eggs?”
She grinned. “Well, I’m adding taco sauce. My friend Eve started this yesterday. She put several different things on Andy’s eggs. Sugar, salt, pepper and taco sauce. He liked the taco sauce best.”
“I don’t know what to say. But if it worked, I’ll buy cases of taco sauce.”
Maggie squirmed to be free of him. He set her down on her feet and she made a beeline for Kylie, who smiled down at her. Then Maggie wrapped her arms around Kylie’s legs and hugged them tight.
“I love you, Kylie.” Maggie held tight, then toddled off to retrieve her doll.
Carson didn’t know what to say. Kylie’s back was to him and he didn’t think it would be for the best if she turned around to look at him. Not at that moment.
His children were getting attached to Kylie. But whatever they felt here, it had to be temporary. Temporary, like the moments he and Kylie had shared as young teens. Caught up in the sweet mystery of young love, figuring out how to feel so much for someone and still be your own person.
Whatever he felt for the woman standing there with bare feet, hair in a ponytail and a little flour on her cheek was just leftover emotions from junior high.
Kylie flipped the omelet. “Your dad called. He wanted to make sure you all planned on going to church with us.”
Church? He hadn’t been... He took a sip of coffee and watched as Kylie flipped the eggs again.
“Where is my father?”
“He had to go check on Gus. He said Gus called this morning and didn’t sound like himself. So your dad called an ambulance. They think Gus had a mild stroke.”
“I don’t know if we have time to get ready for church,” he said, then glanced at his watch. It was only eight in the morning? It had felt later than that.
“The kids are all ready to go. I’m ready to go.”
He stepped closer. “Actually, you have a little something right here.”
He grabbed a towel and wiped the flour from her cheek. And it felt too much like flirting, something he hadn’t done since—he counted back—since he and Anna had dated. It had been almost eight years since he’d flirted with anyone other than his wife.
Kylie’s eyes widened and she moved, quickly brushing off his touch. She wiped her face with her hand “It’s just flour.”
“I know.”
“The kids are excited about church. There’s a puppet show today in the children’s church.”
“Kylie, we haven’t been to church in ages. I can’t...”
“Because of Anna.”
It must have been something on his face. She blinked a few times, surprised.
“Am I not supposed to say her name?” she asked.
“Of course you can. I just...”
“You don’t?” She reached for the towel, turned down the burner on the stove and looked at him with real interest. “Do you talk to the children about their mother? Show them pictures of her? Carson, she meant everything to you. You need to raise her children knowing that they had a mother who loved them and that you loved her.”
“This isn’t the conversation I expected.” And he realized it hurt, yet it broke something loose inside him.
“I’m sure you didn’t. But here it is, open dialogue. I’m not going to tiptoe around her name. I’ll even tell you about Eric, my husband. He was a friend and we decided to get married because I thought I could fix him. I’m no longer in the man-fixing business, except here on the ranch.”
“Ouch.”
She laughed a little. “We’re not so different, except that I’m honest with my feelings. Show them pictures, Carson. Andy can handle it. Maggie will jabber and not really have a clue but soon she’ll understand.”
“Thank you.” He kissed her floury cheek. “I have to admit, most people still avoid talking about her.”
“Because you look so wounded when they do. But I think you’re better than you even know you are.”
“Maybe.”
“So we’re going to church,” she repeated. “And you need to get ready. I mean, if you really don’t want to go, no one is going to force you. But think of it this way, it’s another thing you’ve avoided since her passing. Would Anna really have wanted her children raised without church?”
He didn’t know what to say. She reached up, smoothed his hair, then she touched his cheek. “I know you loved her. She must have been amazing. And I know you’re always going to miss her. But you made this move to start fresh. So do it.”
“Spoken like a true friend,” Jack said, coming in from the utility room. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“Of course you didn’t.” Kylie grabbed a coffee cup and poured Jack a cup. “Breakfast is ready, Jack.”
“Don’t mind if I do. Carson, get those kids a plate. Let’s get this show on the road. When we get home, we can introduce Andy to his dog.”
Carson grabbed a couple of plates and scooped out eggs, biscuits and sausage for Maggie and Andy. Kylie had poured them each a glass of orange juice. Even though the kitchen was large, they brushed past each another a couple of times. It was a comfortable situation. Maybe more comfortable because of her straightforward conversation with him. She knew where he stood but he didn’t really know where she stood.
She was very good at deflecting, making the conversation about the other person. And never talking about herself.
He’d picked up the plate when he noticed Jack sitting at the dining room table. His face was pale and beaded with perspiration. The bottle of nitro pills was spilled across the table.
“Kylie, call 911.” He tossed the plates on the counter. “Get the kids out of here.”
He picked up one of the pills and tried to get it in Jack’s mouth. “Jack, open your mouth. Now.”
Jack opened his eyes but shook his head.
“Don’t argue with me! I came here to set things straight and we haven’t had a good conversation yet. You have things to tell me. Remember?” He managed to get Jack’s mouth open and he got a pill under his tongue.
Behind him, Maggie was crying and Andy made humming noises. Carson pulled his father to the floor. “Kylie, can you take the kids to Eve?”
“Give me a minute.” She stood next to him, the phone in her hand. She spoke to the dispatcher, giving information about Jack’s condition.
“Get me the blood pressure monitor. Tell them I’m a doctor.”
She nodded, hurrying to Jack’s chair. He could hear her rummagin
g in the drawer. A minute later she returned. Jack gave her a weak smile but then his eyes closed.
“Kylie, the kids.”
“Yes, I’m taking them. I’m going to get Isaac.”
He nodded. He wasn’t going to argue with her. Isaac probably should be there. Eventually they’d have to discuss how the younger man fit into this situation, and into their family. Obviously this wasn’t the time. He watched as Kylie left, his children in tow. Jack’s blood pressure had dropped dangerously low. That was to be expected after administering the nitro pill. But he was nowhere near out of the woods. The door opened and Isaac appeared, his hat in his hand.
“Heart attack?” Isaac asked as he stepped close, his hand on Jack’s shoulder.
Carson nodded. “The ambulance is on the way.”
He wrapped the blood pressure cuff around Jack’s arm.
“I’m going to pray,” Isaac told him. He said it with determined look.
“I’m not going to stop you.” Carson checked the blood pressure, loosened the cuff and bowed his head.
And as he prayed, he prayed for faith. Because he hadn’t had any in a long time.
Sirens wailed in the distance. The door opened. Kylie appeared. Carson’s breathing eased as she knelt next to him, taking his hand.
* * *
Kylie stood in the hallway outside Jack’s hospital room. She could hear Carson inside talking to his dad. He heard Carson tell him this was an unfair way to get him to stay in town longer. Jack said something and the two laughed. Isaac was in there, grumbling about people with no sense of humor.
Kylie stepped into the room, needing to see for herself that Jack would be okay. She’d given the three men time alone. Now it was her turn.
Isaac and Carson both stood up. She smiled at the display of manners, as much a part of them as their gruff exteriors and gray eyes. She edged closer to the bed and Jack opened his eyes and half grinned.
“Now don’t look so gloomy. I’m fine.” His voice was weak and raspy.
“No, actually you’re not. You had a heart attack.”
He patted her hand where she held the rail of his hospital bed.
“Kylie, you know I’m too mean to die. I’ll be home in a day or two.”
“Do you think so?” Carson asked.
“Well, I plan on it,” Jack quipped.
Carson pointed to his chair. “Have a seat, Kylie.”
She sat next to Jack and watched as he reached for water, his arm trembling from the shoulder to the tips of his fingers. Carson picked up the cup and helped Jack sit up.
“Slowly,” Carson warned.
After taking a drink, Jack leaned back. “I’m going to tell you boys something. I’m tired. And I’m going to need help getting things ready for the fall fishing season.”
“Why are we worrying about fall fishing?” Carson asked.
“Jack’s trying to bring tourism back to Hope,” Isaac answered. He remained seated, his legs stretched in front of him, his hat low over his eyes. “Arts and crafts, a fishing tournament and live music.”
“I’m sure you have plenty of people to make sure it gets done,” Carson told him. “That’s not something you need to worry about right now.”
Jack sighed. “While you’re here, you can help out. Isaac has most of it handled. But I really need to find a doctor for Hope. If you know of any doctors who’d be interested? Or if you could do the interviews...”
“I’m not going to be here that long. Jack, I have a job interview in Chicago. I’ve put it off for a week, but I can’t put it off forever. We have all of our personal possessions in storage waiting to be moved. Maggie and Andy need to be settled somewhere.”
“I know, I know. I just thought that while you’re here helping Andy with his dog...”
“I’ll do what I can. But I can’t stay for a month. I’m sorry.”
Jack nodded. “I understand. Have you called Colt and Daisy?”
Kylie looked up and met Carson’s troubled gaze.
“I called them.”
“I guess they don’t care.” Jack hesitated. “I don’t blame them. But I’d like for them to know the truth. I told your mother I’m not hiding it any longer. I’m too old.”
“Hiding what any longer?”
Kylie started to get up but Carson shook his head. His expression, the look in his eyes, said he wanted her there. Needed her. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want anyone to need her that much. Ever again.
She didn’t want to let anyone down.
“Jack?” Carson prodded him, touching Jack’s arm. Then he looked at the heart monitor.
“Leave him alone,” Isaac said. He came to his feet but reached for the wall to steady himself. “Let him rest.”
Jack shook his head, his face pale against the blue of the hospital pillow. “I want to say this. If something happens, she won’t tell you. Stubborn. I needed her. Your mother. She was my nurse in the hospital after I came back from Nam. I knew that if I came back to the ranch alone, I’d blow it. I made a deal with her, to marry me. We planned on staying married for ten years, long enough for me to get my act together, and then she’d go and I’d give her a settlement. I thought it would be easier than it turned out to be. And then there were kids, so she stayed longer and we tried. But in the end, she couldn’t stay. She couldn’t keep you all there. She got the money I had promised her from the beginning, and she got you kids.”
The long confession took all of his strength and he closed his eyes.
“That’s why you stayed away?” Carson stared at the man in the bed as if he couldn’t quite understand what he’d just been told.
Jack opened his eyes again. “I didn’t stay away. But we’ll talk about that another time.”
Kylie reached for Carson’s hand, needing to stop their pain. “We should go and let him sleep.”
“Isaac?” Carson asked.
“I’m right here.”
“Yes, you are. And I’m assuming you’re my brother?”
Jack gave a weak nod. “I cheated on your mother.”
It was too much. Kylie could see Jack growing weaker, even if his sons couldn’t. They were too focused on untying the knots of their past. And what difference did it all make now? It was the past.
Kylie stood and leaned over Jack. “Sleep now. We’ll be back tomorrow to check on you.”
“You take care of them and don’t let them use their fists on each other. Stubborn.”
“Must be genetic. So are you.” She kissed his forehead. “I love you, Jack.”
“You know I love you, too.”
Kylie led Carson from the room. Isaac took another minute and then he joined them. For a moment she thought he planned on punching Carson. Instead he shook his head and started down the hall to the elevators.
“I can’t even...” Carson said. “How in the world did two adults make such a mess out of their lives?”
“People make mistakes,” she defended. “Eric and I got married because we were friends and we were both wounded and alone. It was crazy and impulsive. I regret it, but I don’t.”
She took that back. In his mind, in his heart, Eric had been very alone.
“What happened with the two of you?” Carson asked, pulling her over to the side.
She watched as Isaac stepped on the elevator. The door dinged. He pushed it back open and gave the two of them a long look. And then he shook his head and let the doors slide closed.
“My husband killed himself.”
He crushed her to him, holding her close, her head tucked beneath his chin. Safe. She felt so safe in his arms. She wanted to pretend it wasn’t real. She didn’t want to get used to the feeling, to him.
He led her to a small room with vending machines and instant coffee. A lady poured herself a cup of coffee, gave them a terse smile and left
.
“What happened?” he asked her, when they were finally alone.
“His pain levels were off the charts and he got addicted to pain medication. When they started cutting him back on the pain meds he found heroin. He was depressed, addicted and in pain. And I was in the hospital having surgery.”
She hadn’t been there for him. She had loved him; he’d been one of her best friends, and she’d failed him.
“I wasn’t there for him,” she said again.
He looked away, but not before she saw the pain that flickered in his gray eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I am sorry for everything you’ve been through.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Kylie whispered. “I’m still breathing. I’m making it through every day. I’m not a broken person, Carson. Don’t think that you have to rescue me.”
“I know you’re strong. And you rescue everyone else.” He touched his forehead to hers, and she wanted him to kiss her.
She was strong, but she needed to know she was still a woman. Still whole. When his lips finally touched hers, it was sweet. Disarmingly sweet. He held her gently as if she might break. But she wouldn’t. She’d been refined by fire. She’d been through the hardest things a person could go through and she was still standing.
Chapter Seven
Ten days. That’s how long Carson had been on the ranch. It was the most time he’d taken off in a few years. Thirty-two months to be exact. He exhaled, letting go of the frustration and various other emotions that still unsettled him. Guilt. That one wouldn’t go away. Guilt because Anna was gone but she should be here with their children.
Frustration because they should have been in Chicago. But he couldn’t leave with Jack still in the hospital.
Worry because each day his children got a little more attached to this place and to the people who lived here. Each day he spent with Kylie, he remembered what it felt like to enjoy someone’s company.
He ran a brush down the neck of the horse he’d been working with that morning, the same horse he’d tried to convince Jack was too wild-eyed. And the animal had been wild-eyed until Maggie had taken an interest. Who knew a toddler singing “Jesus Loves Me” could change an animal’s entire demeanor?
Reunited with the Rancher Page 7
