“You’re seventy years old and you’re having open heart surgery in a few weeks.”
“So she’ll inherit things sooner rather than later.”
He pushed the button on the coffeemaker and the cup filled with dark brew that smelled pretty good. “I don’t see anything to joke about.”
“No, of course not. Sorry,” Jack mumbled as he took the cup of coffee Carson offered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
Carson glanced past his father and saw that Maggie and Andy had headed to the family room with their toys.
“We lived a whole life without you. That’s the part I don’t understand. You gave Mom custody. I get it. That was the deal. She stayed and she got her payment. And she got us. But it would have been nice to see you once in a while. When you got sober, why couldn’t you have looked us up?”
“I signed a paper saying I would stay away. If I hadn’t, she could have taken everything.”
“So you chose to step aside.”
“You had a decent life with her and...what’s his name.”
“His name was Parker. Allan Parker.” Carson ground the name out. “And we had a decent life, but there were things...” Carson shook his head. “I’m not going to get into all that with you. Not right now.”
Andy wandered into the kitchen, the toy truck and trailer in his small hands. He held them out to Carson. “Daddy, fix them?”
“You bet I will.” He hooked the trailer and truck, then unhooked it, showing Andy how it worked. “Did you have fun on the swings?”
Andy nodded, his gaze on the truck and trailer. “I want to ride real horses.”
Carson smoothed his son’s hair. “We can do that.”
“I like the ranch.” Andy bit down on his bottom lip and his gaze shifted to Jack.
Carson knew that look. Andy liked the ranch. He loved his grandpa Jack. How could Carson ever explain to his children that this place couldn’t be their home?
From the beginning he’d had a plan that included a job, a home and schools that would make their lives better. A place free of memories. Hope didn’t qualify on any level.
Jack raised his coffee cup and it shook badly, spilling a little liquid down the front of his shirt. “I need a sippy cup.”
It proved to be a much needed distraction, taking his mind off the way Andy looked hopeful, and the way Carson felt like no matter what, he would let his children down by making the wrong choices for their future.
“There are things we can do to help you with the Parkinson’s. There are medications you can take.”
“I don’t want them. Side effects.”
“You have to weigh the disease against the side effects.” Stubborn. That much hadn’t changed.
“Right, I’ll just get a sippy cup.”
Carson reached to help him lift the coffee cup to his lips. “There are cups made for Parkinson’s patients. I’ll order you one.”
Jack nodded and set the cup on the table next to his chair. “I never thought this would be my life. I’ve always been strong and healthy.”
“I know.” Or at least he assumed he was.
“I want your forgiveness, Carson. I know I don’t deserve it. I guess mercy isn’t earned or deserved. But God knows we need it.”
Carson could agree with that. He knew the dark paths his own anger had taken him down. He knew that Jack had traveled his own paths and some had been pretty difficult to navigate.
Vietnam. Carson couldn’t imagine the nightmare of being a kid from Oklahoma suddenly dropped in a jungle with enemies on all sides.
“Carson, I was there.”
“What? Where were you?”
“For each graduation. For your wedding. For Daisy’s appendectomy. When Colt got in trouble with the law. For Anna’s funeral. I was there.”
“This is probably the wrong way and the wrong time to tell me,” Carson said. He looked at Andy and Maggie, and thought about the moments to come for his children. He planned on being at each and every one of them. He couldn’t imagine anything stopping him.
But being there and not telling them? Did that make it better somehow, that Jack was there, somewhere in the background, perhaps watching from a car in the distance?
“We should go to town. Holly’s waiting to serve you up a heaping slice of the Jack Attack.” Carson dropped his gaze to focus on his children. “Maggie and Andy, let’s put the toys in the box now.”
Andy shook his head and kept playing.
“Andy, we have to go.”
Again he shook his head. Maggie got up and reached for a horse. Andy grabbed it and held it away from her. Maggie leaned close. “Andy, please.”
Andy slumped and nodded his head. Maggie took the toys and put them in the box and then she grabbed Andy’s hand. Would it always be this way, with the younger sister leading the older brother? Carson prayed for Andy to have the best life possible, the life God wanted for him. And he prayed for Maggie, that she would always love and be understanding of her brother.
He didn’t know what else to do, other than to pray. He couldn’t fix things for his children. He could only make the best decisions possible for them. And the rest had to be up to God, His plan and His timing.
Rambo stood and moved to Andy’s side. Without hesitation the child took the handle of the harness and he petted Rambo’s head.
“Rambo, good boy, Rambo.” Andy whispered the words close to the dog’s ears. Rambo perked up and moved a little closer to his tiny human.
“Best decision ever,” Jack said. “That’s something we can agree on.”
Maggie took his hand and the four of them plus Rambo walked out the side door to the garage. Carson stood at the bottom of the steps and watched as his dad held the rail and slowly, gingerly, eased himself down.
Maggie stopped on the bottom step of the garage. “Kylie?”
“She’s staying here. We’ll see her later.” Jack rested, leaning against the front of the truck. Maggie held her arms up to him. “Lift that little girl up so I can give her a hug. Those hugs are worth more than gold.”
Carson agreed and he lifted Maggie to hug her grandfather. Then his mind switched to thoughts of Kylie. “I’m going to back the car out and then I’m going to check on Kylie.”
“Leave her be, Carson. She needs a little space,” Jack informed him as he got in the passenger side of the Escalade. “You make her think about things.”
“Things?”
Jack coughed a little. “Yeah, well, you know...the past, stuff.”
“Worst answer ever.” Carson started the SUV and backed out of the garage. “Are you saying I shouldn’t go looking for her?”
Jack shrugged. “I missed out on a lot of years of giving you advice, so yeah, I guess that’s what I’m saying. Sometimes you have to give a woman space.”
“Thanks for the advice.” He grinned as he shifted the SUV into Drive.
As he headed down the driveway, he saw her. She was in the garden kneeling over plants, a small watering can in her hand and a basket next to her. He thought of Eve’s statement about works of art and he thought perhaps he’d never seen anything as sweetly beautiful as Kylie in the garden with pink gloves on her hands and her hair held back with a pink bandanna.
He glanced in the rearview mirror and saw that Andy had spotted her, too. His son smiled sweetly, a smile that said he’d seen someone important to his life. Carson ignored the flutter of emotion in his own heart at the thought. Every day they stayed here at Mercy Ranch increased the chance that one of them or all of them would be hurt.
He wasn’t quite sure what to do about that.
* * *
Kylie and Eve had planned to go right to the church for the pie auction. But somehow they’d miscalculated the time and arrived in town an hour early. That left them nowhere to go but Mattie’s Café. That was the las
t place she wanted to be. As Kylie and Eve sat in her car staring at the building that had been a general store in the early 1900s, she saw Andy, Maggie, Jack and Carson through the window. Holly stood at their table, her wide smile in place as she shared one of her stories. Holly loved telling stories.
And everyone loved Holly. Including Kylie. She had nothing against the woman. She told herself she wasn’t jealous of the way Carson threw his head back and laughed at the end of the tale.
And she wasn’t jealous of the way Holly’s hand went to his shoulder.
“Are we going in?” Eve asked.
She’d forgotten Eve. “Sure, why not?”
“Because you don’t want to get involved. But you are involved, honey. Very involved. In fact, I think you’ve kissed him.” Eve laughed when Kylie shot her a withering look. “Maybe more than once. And now you’re questioning the wisdom of that and worrying about how it will feel when he leaves.”
“Shut up.”
“Did you ever stop to think, what if he doesn’t leave?”
“He’ll leave. And it doesn’t matter. Stay or go, there can’t be anything between us. He has his children. I have the ranch. We have nothing in common.”
“You have everything in common. You have a past in common. You have a love for Jack and for Carson’s children. You have chemistry in common. Feelings in common.”
“Stop.” Kylie put fingers to her temples. “Shhh. You’re giving me a headache.”
“Since when does honesty give you a headache?”
“I can’t have children. My body tells me every day that it won’t ever recover from what that bomb did to it.”
Eve rolled her eyes and pointed to the wheelchair in the back seat of the car. “Reminder, I can’t walk.”
“I’m sorry, that was selfish of me. I shouldn’t have had the pity party.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. But if anyone can understand, I can. Do you know how much I miss riding horses? I miss jogging. I miss yoga.”
“I know.” Kylie put a hand on Eve’s arm. “I know.”
“But I can have babies. I know that’s the heart of this, Kylie. I know how much you want that.”
She nodded, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. “I really do. And I try not to be jealous or mean when people have babies. Or when I see children. It’s just... I want them so badly.”
“I know that this is going to sound, I don’t know, clichéd? But God loves you more than I ever could and He knows the desires of your heart, honey.”
“But He can’t make my uterus reappear.” She laughed a little. Because it was better to laugh than to cry.
“No, but He can give you children. Maybe not children you carry in your body, but children that you will love and they’ll fill every empty space in your heart.” Eve reached for her hand. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to minimalize your pain. I just want you to be happy. I’m used to you being the one cheering me up and I’m not very good at this role.”
“You’re actually really good at this. Thank you.”
“I have a very wise friend and she’s rubbed off on me. I used to be selfish and strong-willed. Okay, I’m still both of those things from time to time. But I’m much nicer than I used to be.”
“You are very nice,” Kylie quipped.
“So let’s go inside the café and see what the Picasso is up to.”
“The Picasso?” Kylie rolled her eyes at Eve’s reference to Carson. “You realize he did portraits with misshaped faces, eyes on the sides of their heads and two noses?”
“Yeah, yeah. We’ll just call him the walking work of art, then. I know he’s yours,” she said, holding a hand up when Kylie tried to object. “He’s yours, but I can still look and think that God has created something beautiful.”
“Oh boy,” Kylie said as she got out to pull the wheelchair from the back of the car for Eve. She opened the passenger door and continued the conversation. “And he isn’t mine. I am not looking for a relationship. Me and God, we’re in this together and I’m very content.”
Eve laughed as she transferred herself to the chair. She grabbed her purse off the passenger seat and closed the car door.
“You’re an honest person, Kylie. Be honest with yourself.”
“I am. I know exactly what I have and what I want. Carson West was a part of my childhood, my past, not my present. Having him here does nothing to change the fact that I’m very happy with the life I have right now.”
“And what about your future?”
“I’ll still be at Mercy Ranch. And Carson will be in Chicago working as a surgeon.”
“Okeydokey, if that’s the way you’re writing the story, we’ll go with your not-so-happy ending.”
Kylie pushed the chair up the ramp and through the door of the café. Holly waved a greeting as she headed through the double doors of the kitchen. Suddenly Rena, the waitress who had been at the café “since forever,” hurried out holding a tray with two waters perched on top of it.
“Hey, girls, find a table and I’ve got your water,” Rena called out as she grabbed menus.
“Kylie,” Andy yelled as she and Eve headed for an empty table.
She waved at the little boy. Carson pushed back his chair and stood. “Are the two of you going to join us?”
Eve gave her a knowing look, then she moved forward. “Of course we are. Make room, Jack, I’m sliding in next to you.”
“You keep that up and I might just bid on your pie, Eve.” Jack winked as he said it. “But then, that might keep some young fella from bidding on it. We wouldn’t want that, would we?”
“I don’t think anyone will be bidding on my pie, Jack. They’re all too afraid of me.”
Rena set the water down in front of Eve and Kylie. “Are you two eating? We have grilled chicken salad. I think she adds some fruit and stuff that no self-respecting country girl would want.”
“I have no self-respect,” Eve said. “I’d like a bacon cheeseburger and fries. Hold the ketchup.”
“That’s my girl. Eat the good stuff. Kylie?” Rena tapped her pen on the order pad. “I guess you want that salad with the rosemary something-or-other dressing?”
“Organic. Don’t forget that part.” Kylie held the menu out to the waitress. “I’m a creature of habit.”
“Yes, you are, dear. I hope you’ll at least try the Jack Attack.” Nearing sixty, with short gray hair and bright blue eyes, Rena smiled at Jack as she mentioned the dessert.
Eve laughed, and the sound was so contagious, people at other tables joined in. “Jack Attack?”
“Vanilla bean bread pudding. With raspberries and white chocolate on top. I think it’s got about a thousand calories a slice.”
“Count me in,” Eve told the waitress. “But make it to go, please. I wouldn’t want to overdo it.”
Kylie had taken the seat next to Andy. The little boy slid his drawing in front of her and she leaned to tell him it was very good. He grinned and, without speaking, drew a tic-tac-toe game in the empty space on the paper. Kylie picked up a red crayon and drew an X. He marked a square with a green O. Across the table she met Carson’s gaze. He winked at her. Her stomach did a funny flip.
Their food arrived and Kylie helped Andy with his burger while Carson helped Maggie. She didn’t want to think about how natural it felt, but of course the thought ran through her mind. If things had been different, she might have had children of her own by now.
Those weren’t the thoughts she wanted. Not today.
She looked up and realized she had an audience. Carson was watching her. The corner of his mouth lifted but the gesture didn’t quite reach his eyes. Those eyes were troubled, or perhaps regretful might have been a better word.
They were two sides of the same coin, Carson and her. They were both fighting off memories of the past, both looking for the
right path to the future, but each finding different ways to deal with what they’d been through.
Carson seemed to be searching for a way back to faith and trying hard to make the right choices for the future of his family.
She already had faith. She needed God the way she needed air. She might sometimes get blue or angry, but He was always just a prayer away. He gave her peace when things seemed to be falling apart around her.
She glanced away from Carson and smiled down at Andy who had drawn another picture. This time of what was obviously his dog. He even leaned over to show the picture to Rambo, who was sitting obediently next to his chair.
Peace. She breathed in, breathed out, reminding herself that this was only temporary. Soon, everything would get back to normal. Carson and the children would leave, and she would find a way to continue on as she had before they arrived.
But before she hadn’t known how much their presence would add to her life. It might be harder to move on than she’d thought.
Chapter Thirteen
The church parking lot overflowed with cars, trucks and even a few bikes. Carson got out of his SUV and unbuckled Maggie from her car seat. On the opposite side, Jack managed to get Andy out of his seat.
But he did it with no small amount of grumbling.
“Stupid seats,” he said at one point. Then he winked at Andy. “Back when I was a kid...”
Carson cut him off. “Don’t say it, Jack. Soon you’ll be having them thinking they can stand up or ride on the roof.”
Andy laughed and when he laughed, Maggie laughed. Her blond hair was getting a little long and framed her face in wild disarray. He needed to get her to Wilma, the only beautician in town. Although Eve had tried to convince him that she was decent with scissors. He wasn’t sure how much he trusted Eve since she had also offered to give him a haircut and assured him she was a pro with hair clippers.
“I wasn’t gonna say any such thing,” Jack said as he offered Andy a hand getting down from the SUV. “I just think there should be an easier way to get kids in and out of those contraptions.”
Reunited with the Rancher Page 13
