“Don’t make fun, Jack. You ate everything on your plate,” Carson said, defending his breakfast. His eyes lingered on Kylie and the hurt look on her face.
She had made it pretty clear she wasn’t interested in a relationship, but here they were, dancing around each other, hurting each other.
“Do you want to ride to church with us?” Jack asked her. She looked unsure. Then she nodded.
“If you don’t mind. Eve is staying home today. She’s a little under the weather.”
Carson looked up at that. “Anything I can do to help?”
Kylie shook her head. “Not really. She didn’t sleep well last night. Spasms.”
“Does she need some of that tea of yours?” Jack asked. “I drank some last night and slept better than I have in ages.”
“She isn’t a big fan, but I got her to drink some this morning.”
“More teas?” Carson asked.
Kylie looked at him then and he saw that her eyes were dark rimmed. She hadn’t slept well either. He wanted to mention it but she had that closed-off air about her. She wouldn’t welcome him prying into her life or her sleeping habits.
“We try different herbal teas for the people who can’t take pain meds or other prescriptions,” she explained.
“Yes, I remember the one you gave Isaac. Speaking of Isaac, where is he?”
“Went to church early. I need to finish getting ready.” Jack slid off the stool and took a moment to get his balance.
Carson stood close by, just in case.
“I’m going to get my photo albums,” Jack continued as he walked away. “Today you need to look at them. I want you to see what I saw in your life, as a bystander.”
“I don’t need to see the photos. I lived it, remember?”
Jack got to the door and glanced back. “I thought Maggie and Andy would like to see.”
Carson shifted his attention to Kylie. “Did you put him up to this?”
“Of course not,” she said. “You should know me better than that.”
He did, of course.
“You’re right and I’m sorry.”
“You’re forgiven.” She headed to the family room where Maggie and Andy were playing.
Carson stood in the doorway watching her interact with them, watching them get more and more attached to her. She hugged Maggie, started to tickle Andy but pulled back when he stiffened. She understood them. All three of them. And he understood her. She was trying to hold on to the happiness she’d found here on the ranch.
Jack appeared. He stood next to Carson, watching the scene in front of them. After a few minutes he put a hand on Carson’s shoulder and squeezed.
“We should get to church,” he said.
Carson nodded. “Kids, time to go.”
When they got to church, the parking lot was crowded. People milled about; others were going up the front steps. Carson found a parking space, and they all got out and started walking toward the church together. Isaac met up with them as they walked through the door.
Isaac grinned. “The whole family going to church. Even the black sheep doctor.”
“There are days I don’t care much for you.” Carson scowled as they slid into a pew and sat down.
“Yeah, well, the feeling’s mutual, man.” Isaac picked up Maggie and placed her on his knee. He bounced and she yelled, “Yeehaw!”
“Not in church, sweetie,” Carson warned.
“He takes all of the fun out of things,” Isaac whispered in Maggie’s ear. But he stopped bouncing his knee.
As much as Isaac aggravated him, Carson liked him. It would take some time to get used to the fact that they were brothers. But he could definitely see them having some sort of relationship.
Fortunately church started and he didn’t have to think too deeply about this family, the ranch and leaving. Instead he had to think about the words of the pastor as he talked about contentment. About settling in to the place where God wants us and realizing there is a purpose for being there. It might not have been our plan, or our first or even fourth choice, but if it is God’s choice, if we give it time, we find contentment. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kylie wipe a tear from her cheek.
* * *
Kylie hadn’t planned on being a part of looking over Jack’s memory books. She’d helped him put the books together with all the photos he’d taken through the years, all the newspaper clippings he’d cut out and the school papers that had been sent to him. And yet here she was, watching as Jack directed Isaac to get the tub of photo albums and bring them to the living room.
Her heart ached, knowing this trip down memory lane wouldn’t be easy for any of them. Her gaze lingered on Andy. It would be most difficult for him. Carson knew it, too. He’d been watching his son, monitoring his behavior, his mood.
She wanted to distance herself because she knew how much she’d miss them when they left. She knew how much she’d missed Carson the first time he went away. Her fragile teen heart had been so broken at his disappearance. But now, knowing how it felt to have him here, sharing her days, she was worried she wouldn’t survive it.
She shook her head, wishing she could tell him the truth. But the thought of making him stay out of guilt? No way.
Isaac returned with the tub and removed the lid. His normal carefree smile had disappeared. He glanced down at his niece and nephew, and Kylie thought she saw a glimmer of protectiveness.
“I don’t know about this,” he said simply as he walked away.
Carson hugged his kids. “We’re good. I bet there are pictures of me from high school. I probably look pretty bad. Maybe like Uncle Isaac.”
Maggie laughed and he tickled her. “Andy, do you want to see a picture of me playing basketball?”
Andy nodded but his hands were buried in Rambo’s fur. Kylie noticed that Isaac had decided to stay. He plopped down in the rocking chair in the far corner of the room. Jack sat in his recliner, his face pale as he studied his grandchildren.
“We don’t have to do this,” Jack backpedaled. Kylie gave him a sympathetic look.
“We’re doing this, Jack,” Carson said. “We’re starting right here at the top.”
He smiled. Kylie remembered the first picture in the first album. It was a photograph of the three West kids on horses, before they’d left the ranch. But later in the books were snapshots of their lives in Dallas. Sports, graduations, first days of college. They’d never known that Jack was there, driving all the way to Texas to witness those events.
And if he couldn’t manage to attend, their mother had sent him photos.
The laughter and conversation stopped when he got to the final photo album. Wedding pictures of Carson and Anna, baby photos of Maggie and Andy. Kylie knew the pictures well. She’d placed each one in the album, watching the story of his life unfold. She’d been happy for him.
But now, she just couldn’t let herself take the small pieces of him that remained. She wanted him whole. And wholly hers.
Carson flipped through the album and his expression shut down. He finally opened the book wide and allowed Maggie and Andy to see what was inside. Photos of an engagement, a happy couple, a wedding and then babies.
Andy shook his head and looked away.
Carson sighed. “Andy?”
Andy glanced back at the book. “Mommy.”
“Yes, it’s Mommy. She loved you very much.”
As he spoke, Maggie jabbered, not understanding. She eventually slid free from his arms and toddled across the room to crawl into Kylie’s lap. Kylie held her close.
“Mommy,” Maggie whispered.
Kylie’s heart shattered. She wanted to put Maggie down and run from the room. But instead she looked up, met Carson’s steady gaze, saw the pain as he held his son and processed what his daughter had said.
Isaac got up quickl
y, leaving the rocking chair banging against the wall. “I’ve got work to do.”
Kylie let her eyes drop to Andy. He had taken the book from Carson and flipped through the pages. And on each page he would point to his mother. It was a painful thing to watch but there was something amazing about it, too. As Andy looked at the photos, he smiled a little, as if he’d needed the images to restore the good memories. He started to tap his hand against his leg, and Rambo did what they’d trained him to do. He reached over and nudged Andy’s hand, stopping the motion. Andy patted the dog’s head, not even aware that the dog had stopped his behavior.
Carson noticed, as well. He reached out to pet the dog and told him he was a good boy.
Kylie couldn’t be sad. Not as she watched them in that moment. She knew that they’d be fine. She knew they would settle somewhere, Carson would get an amazing job, and they’d be happy again.
She stood, knowing it was time for her to walk away from this. She settled Maggie back in her daddy’s lap and kissed Andy on the head.
“Where are you going?” Carson asked.
“I have work to do.” She glanced at the pictures Andy perused and felt a tiny hint of sadness. But not so much she couldn’t deal with it.
Seeing Andy happy meant everything.
“You don’t have to go,” Carson told her.
“I do, actually,” she said.
He stood up, leaving Andy with the photo album.
“I’ll walk you out.”
“I wish you wouldn’t.”
He didn’t listen to her.
She studied his handsome face, wishing she’d been more than the girl he’d quickly forgotten. Yes, they’d just been kids. But what she’d felt for him had nothing to do with puppy love. She loved him deep down, completely.
They walked to the back door.
“I don’t want to leave with this between us,” Carson said as they stood on the patio.
She couldn’t look at him, standing there. This was not the boy she’d once known. He was a man now, in his jeans and boots, his lean stubbled cheeks. She looked her fill. Because he was leaving.
“At least this time we get to say goodbye.”
“I’ll be back,” he told her. “I told Jack we would try to come back for a visit. And I’ll be here for his surgery.”
“I know you’ll be back,” she said. She tried to say more, but stopped herself. She needed a moment to gather her thoughts. She had to say this. For herself. “Carson, I’m happy here. I love this ranch, the people, and most of the time, I love myself.”
His hand reached for hers.
She pulled her hand back. “No, don’t do that. When you come back, we have to keep boundaries in place. Because I love you, Carson. I love you so much it hurts. Maybe when we were kids it was puppy love or a teenage crush, or whatever people call it. But I have loved you my whole life. And you forgot me. You forgot that you promised to marry me. You forgot that you told me you loved me. I’m trying hard not to be hurt by that, but it does hurt. So this ends. The hand holding, the kisses, the soft looks. I’m not settling for the pieces of you she left behind.”
“I’m not giving you pieces.”
“I know,” she said softly. “You’re giving me nothing.”
“I let her down in the worst way imaginable.”
Her heart broke, shattered a little. “You know in your heart it wasn’t your fault. It was the fault of the drunk driver who crossed the road. You were all victims that day. Anna, you, your children.”
“It was my fault.” He briefly closed his eyes. “She asked me to go to the store. I was too busy.”
“You weren’t the driver who hit her. You know that. You did what any of us might have done. You told her you couldn’t go. It wasn’t your fault.”
“But it sure feels that way. And I’ll do everything in my power to keep my kids safe and to do what’s best for them.”
Even leaving, she realized. Leaving her.
She felt for him, but she didn’t touch him, didn’t offer him her hand. Because even though he’d given her the truth, he still couldn’t give her his heart.
And selfish as it might seem, she wanted all of him.
She wanted all or nothing.
Chapter Sixteen
Carson loaded the SUV as Jack sat on the patio watching. He had to admit, he was torn. He knew Kylie had made a good point. She deserved everything. She especially deserved a heart that was whole. But at this point, he didn’t know what he was feeling.
Isaac came out of the house with a smaller suitcase. When he got close, he tossed it to Carson. The suitcase let out a yowl. He looked from the canvas bag to his brother.
“What in the world is in this thing?”
Isaac grinned. “Maggie packed it.”
“So you’re going to tell me you don’t know what is in here? Because I didn’t watch her pack it, but from the gentle way you tossed it at my head, and the noises coming from inside, I’m sure I don’t want this in my truck.”
Isaac poked the brim of his hat, pushing it back a bit. “You take all of the fun out of life.”
He guessed maybe he did, a little. He’d always been the older brother, the studious brother, the protector. “Even if I wanted a cat, we can’t take one across the country in a suitcase.”
Maggie toddled out of the house with Andy and Rambo. Andy looked at the suitcases and at Carson. “No.”
“Andy, we have to.” Carson knelt in front of his son. “We talked about this last night. We have to go to Chicago. We’ll find a house with a yard. Maybe we’ll even get a cat. And in a few weeks we’ll come back here to visit.”
“I want Kylie,” Maggie cried, rubbing at her eyes with her fists. Her hair had been pulled up in short pigtails. Isaac must have done that because the tails were pointed in two directions and random hairs were loose and curling in all directions.
“Kylie said goodbye to us last night.” He hugged Maggie and then Andy. “Come on, we have to go let that cat loose in the barn. We can’t take him away from his cat family.”
The words weren’t lost on him. He was taking his children away from family. He hadn’t planned it this way, that they’d develop family ties here.
The suitcase jumped in his arms. He could hear Jack and Isaac laughing. He shot them dirty looks. “The two of you could help.”
Jack shrugged. “We’re helping. We’re showing you how much you’ll miss this.”
He took Maggie by the hand and handled the suitcase with care. “Come on, Andy.”
“And Rambo,” Maggie insisted.
“Yes, and Rambo. We can’t take a cat but we can take the dog.”
He glanced toward Kylie’s apartment. Her car was gone. She’d left for the day. She didn’t want sad goodbyes. She didn’t want to watch them drive away. She’d told him last night that she planned on taking a day trip today.
When they got to the stable, he set the suitcase on the ground near the food and water bowls for the barn cats. He glanced at Maggie and Andy. Both were watching; neither was very happy.
“I want a kitty.” Maggie frowned at the suitcase.
“How did you get this one in the suitcase?” Carson asked.
“Uncle Isaac,” Andy replied.
He figured that Isaac had something to do with this. Carson bit back a smile as he unzipped the bag. The kitten had curled up in a corner with a handful of cat food. When it saw light, it hissed and jumped out to freedom. The cat obviously didn’t want to relocate to the city.
Carson smiled at Maggie. “The cat likes living here. When we come back to visit, we can see him.”
“Andy, Daddy.” She pointed to the door.
Andy had already disappeared. But he had Rambo. Carson picked up his daughter and the now empty suitcase and went after his son. He found him quickly. Andy and Rambo were in
the yard. Andy was trying to walk away but Rambo was circling him the way a border collie circled cattle.
“Good boy, Rambo.” Carson gave the dog one of the treats he kept in a bag in his pocket.
“I don’t want to go.” Andy looked up at him, tears shimmering in his gray eyes.
“I know you don’t, Andy. But this isn’t our home. It’s Grandpa’s home. It’s Isaac’s home. But we’re going to have a new home in Chicago. It’s a city like Dallas.”
“I want to stay here.” Andy dropped to the ground. He started to tap his legs. The old behaviors still existed. But Rambo moved in, nudging his head under Andy’s hands and forcing the boy to pet him.
“We can’t stay.” He picked Andy up and carried him the short distance back to the house. Rambo followed. Maggie raced ahead of them, climbing the steps and piling onto Jack’s lap.
“Time to go?” Jack said.
“Yeah, time to go.” Carson carried Andy but he knew Maggie wouldn’t willingly leave Jack. He looked to Isaac for help. “If you can bring Maggie?”
Isaac carried her. Jack walked along behind them, looking a lot sadder than the last time Carson had left this ranch. He remembered that Jack had been in a rage, throwing things. He’d told them to never come back. So they hadn’t. Until now. And Carson thought back to the day he showed up here and what-all he’d wanted to say. He’d never said any of it.
“We’ll be back,” he repeated to Andy as he buckled him in his seat. “Rambo, get in.”
Rambo jumped in the seat next to Andy and placed his head on Carson’s son’s arm. As if he knew this moment required special attention. The Lab’s big yellow head leaned close and Andy placed his head on the dog’s head.
Jack and Kylie had done this for them. They’d changed Andy’s life. He closed the door and walked to the driver’s side where Isaac was buckling Maggie in while Jack leaned on the door and told her something about ponies.
“Jack, I came here to tell you a lot of things,” Carson started.
Reunited with the Rancher Page 16
