‘But Luke—’
‘Trust me, my dear, I’m not so blind that I can’t see how you feel about each other.’ To her astonishment, the distinguished consultant winked at her. ‘You go home and forget all about this unfortunate event. I’ll bluster a bit, but this is not going to have a detrimental effect on Luke’s career, I can promise you that.’
A smile on her own face, Francesca watched the man return to his office and close the door. Part of her wanted to wait, but she did as Mr Goodwin had advised and left the hospital. Instead of going straight home, however, she followed another, stronger instinct and headed for Annie’s house. Her friend was home from her holiday in Italy and Francesca, who had never confided in anyone but Luke before, had a desperate need to seek her friend’s advice.
Luke stifled a groan as his boss came back into the office alone, tapping the notebook against his hand. He looked stern, grim, but all Luke cared about was Francesca. He’d had no chance to explain, no opportunity to talk to her and reassure her that he’d had no idea what the young idiots had been doing. All he could see was the look of horror and humiliation on her face in the staffroom.
A shiver rippled through him and he recalled how similar this situation was to the time they had parted ten years ago—him being marched off to the headmaster’s office to be told off for kissing her and Francesca storming along behind to defend him. Was that what she had done today? Had she believed in him, trusted that he hadn’t betrayed her?
He soon learned that she had. But not before a dressing-down from Maurice and a lecture reminding that that using his fists was not the way to settle things. The junior doctors involved had a far rougher time, especially as Francesca had found the book and the evidence of names and what had been going on was there in black and white.
When he finally left his boss’s office, daring to hope that maybe Francesca believed in him still, it was to find she had left the hospital. When she wasn’t at home and wouldn’t answer her mobile phone, he began to worry again. And worry led him to visit his mother, where he unloaded the whole story of the mess he had made of things.
‘I wouldn’t write Francesca off just yet,’ she advised, pouring him a welcome cup of coffee. ‘She has a sensible head on her shoulders. Give her some time and have a bit of faith. You look exhausted. You need to rest as you have another night shift ahead of you.’ She laid a hand against his cheek. ‘And don’t you have a job you are meant to do this morning?’
Memory returned and he checked the clock. ‘Thanks, Ma, I’d all but forgotten with everything else happening,’ he admitted, finishing his coffee.
‘You get off, now. Then go home and get some sleep. Things won’t look so bad—trust in Francesca as you want her to trust in you.’
With his mother’s advice ringing in his ears, he set off to keep his appointment and then went home. There was still no answer from Francesca’s phone. He fretted for several moments and then decided against leaving her a text message. Doubts continued to gnaw at him. What if she said no—not to friendship but to commitment, the commitment he needed to keep his heart and soul together? He didn’t know what he would do. He had promised not to leave, not to abandon her or withdraw his friendship, but how could he go on, loving her as he did, if she wanted nothing more? Cell by cell he would whither away.
Tired as he was, nothing was making sense, but the last place he wanted to go was to the bed he had last shared with Francesca just twenty-four hours ago. Everywhere held memories of her so there was no peace inside or outside the cottage. There was nothing else to do but wait it out and hope. His mother was right—as hard as it was, he had to trust that she would give him a chance—give them a chance.
If she didn’t, then he would have lost the most important battle of his life—claiming Francesca and her love.
CHAPTER TEN
FRANCESCA hovered outside Annie and Nathan’s house, wondering if she was doing the right thing.
‘Are you going to stand there all day or are you going to come in?’ Annie’s voice made her jump and she looked up to see her friend lounging in the doorway. ‘I saw you pacing about out here and thought I’d better grab you before you decided to leave without seeing me.’
It was so close to the truth that Francesca had to smile. She walked up the path to the front steps, delighted to see Annie looking so healthy. She was tanned and glowing, and she had put back on some of the weight she had lost during the ordeal of her trauma.
‘You look amazing,’ she praised truthfully.
‘Thanks. I feel it. We had a brilliant time.’ Annie took her by the arm and led her inside. ‘You, on the other hand, are looking under the weather. Are you OK?’
Francesca shrugged, unsure now she was there what to say and where to start. As if sensing her discomfort, Annie took her through to the kitchen and set about making coffee, chatting about her and Nathan’s visit to the villa on Elba.
‘It was the most beautiful place ever,’ she enthused with a blissful smile. ‘I can see why Seb and his family love it so much—and why he and Gina are going to honeymoon there next month. Of course, the whole romantic fairy-tale story of Gina’s grandparents adds to the mystique.’ Pouring two mugs of coffee, she set them on the small table and they both sat down. ‘Now it’s back to reality, though. Nathan’s gone back to work this morning. I’m getting fed up with convalescing, sitting around and doing nothing. And the place is so quiet now Will’s moved out.’
A pout accompanied the news about Annie’s irrepressible best friend and fellow A and E doctor Will Brown. ‘I expect he felt a bit awkward with Nathan here and wanted to give the two of you time alone now you’re on the mend,’ Francesca suggested, knowing that Nathan and Will had organised their shifts so that one of them was always home to care for Annie in the early days after she left hospital.
‘I think it was more the lure of Anthony,’ Annie corrected with a grin, her affection for and acceptance of Will’s relationship with his firefighter boyfriend unmistakable.
‘That could be it.’ Francesca smiled back. ‘So when is your next check-up?’
‘At the end of the week. I hope to find out when I can start back at work, although I expect I’ll have to do reduced hours to begin with,’ Annie confided, her frustration evident.
They chatted a bit about the hospital and Gina’s wedding arrangements, but Francesca’s thoughts kept straying to Luke and what had happened that day. She couldn’t stop thinking of the weekend either, and of his admission of his feelings for her.
‘You’re not really with me at all, are you?’ Annie chuckled, clearly not put out.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’ Her friend took a sip of her coffee. ‘I’m out of touch with everyone’s shifts but it looks like you’ve had a long night. Or does your distraction have something to do with a certain young surgeon?’
Francesca stared at her in amazement. ‘You know about Luke?’
‘Of course!’
‘But how?’
Annie’s blue eyes twinkled. ‘Luke rang Nathan the day his mother broke her arm, wanting an update on the injury, and Nathan emailed him the X-ray images. Luke also talked about you. He asked if you were involved with anyone, and then if there were any orthopaedic vacancies here…which was good timing, given the hullabaloo of Adrian Lomax being sacked after the botched operation. So Nathan put Luke in touch with Maurice Goodwin. And then Luke confided to Nathan that he was coming back here for you.’
‘He did? You never told me,’ she accused, more surprised than put out.
‘I didn’t say anything because I know how you value your privacy and I respect that.’ Annie’s smile turned rueful as she continued. ‘Besides, I’d made a bit of a mess of my own situation with Nathan, so I thought it best to keep out of it and let nature take its course with you and Luke.’ She paused a moment her gaze assessing. ‘I take it you have some things to think about.’
‘You can say that again.’
Accepting ano
ther cup of coffee, Francesca started to explain the situation to Annie. She felt hesitant at first, unused to sharing confidences, but she found the more she talked, the easier it became, and soon she was telling her friend about the way she had grown up, her athletics, her mother’s obsessive regime and how lonely she had been. She told her about Luke and how they had gravitated together, having very different backgrounds but both loners, both on the outside, and how Luke had looked out for her. Until he had left and she had truly felt lost.
There was more, and it all poured out, including what it had been like to see Luke again after ten years, that the closeness was still there but how her past held her back from giving up control of herself and her life, of committing to anyone. She told Annie about Olivia and the likelihood that the bitchy trauma nurse was in line for an official warning at last. And then she spoke about the events of the morning, about Luke’s defence of her—again—and his declaration of love.
‘Wow. It’s about time Olivia got what was coming to her. And I hope those juniors get the ear-bashing they deserve.’ Annie sighed and rested her arms on the table. ‘As for your Luke, I can’t wait to meet him. He sounds wonderful.’
That was irrefutable. ‘Yes, he is.’ Wonderful in so many ways, Francesca admitted to herself.
‘So what’s the problem?’ her friend asked, getting to the heart of the matter.
Francesca paused, trying to gather together her jumbled thoughts and feelings. ‘I don’t know if I can commit. And the insecure part of me questions whether I deserve to be happy,’ she admitted, acknowledging to herself her yearning for security, for self-determination. She also realised that her decision not to need anyone but herself was a protective mechanism to avoid getting hurt again.
‘Of course you deserve to be happy. We all have a need to be loved, Francesca, and we all have doubts when we take that risk.’
‘I just don’t know if I can trust it. Or myself.’ She sucked in a shaky breath. ‘Luke was the only person I ever really cared about and when he left all those years ago, I felt so vulnerable.’
‘But he came back,’ Annie pointed out.
Yes, he had. Once to look for her when she had already been gone and again now, when he had uprooted his whole life for her. ‘How do I know he won’t leave again?’
‘That’s hardly likely, is it?’ Annie refuted patiently. ‘Luke gave up everything to come back as soon as his mother told him you were here. Everything he wants is in Strathlochan. It sounds to me that wherever you are, Luke will be there, too.’
Francesca thought of all Luke had done for her. He’d turned his back on a bright future in London. Working with the eminent Professor James Fielding-Smythe would have done wonders for his career and yet he had left all that to rush back to find her without a second thought. He had even bought her dream cottage, keeping hope alive at a point when there had seemingly been none. All for her. Not knowing if he would ever see her again and, if he did, whether she would ever be able to give him anything back but friendship.
Annie, who had listened in silence throughout, shook her head. ‘He sounds pretty special to me.’
‘I know.’ Francesca sighed, not knowing how to explain. ‘I’ve been alone so long, Annie, expected that I would always be alone. I guess this has thrown me off balance and I don’t know how to let down my guard or relax my independence. I’m scared of getting hurt again and ending up being weaker.’
‘All I can tell you, Francesca, is that being with Nathan makes me feel stronger, not weaker,’ Annie told her. ‘I’ve not lost anything of myself by being with him. Quite the opposite, in fact. I feel even more complete.’
It was true that Annie was an independent, successful woman and, despite her weeks of convalescence after being stabbed, she was still as lively and outgoing as before. But Nathan had definitely brought out an extra sparkle and confidence in her.
‘And look at Callie,’ Annie continued, warming to her theme. ‘We both know about her terrible background in foster-care, her brief marriage to that horrible man, and then her cancer scare. Do you remember what she was like when she first came to Strathlochan?’
‘Yes…Miss Feisty and Independent.’ Francesca smiled at the memory of the girl with attitude their friend had been back then.
‘Callie was so alone, so friendless, so untrusting, determined she would never need anyone. Yet with Frazer she has blossomed and mellowed. She is no longer fighting a lonely fight against the world. In many ways she’s even stronger now than before. She’s happy, contented, just as competent and independent and sure of what she wants, yet with a whole new added dimension to her life because of being with Frazer.’
Again, Francesca had to agree. In some cases, with the right person, it could work. Could it work for her? She wouldn’t know unless she tried. But if it went wrong, if she lost Luke’s friendship…She didn’t realise she had spoken her fears aloud until Annie rested a hand on her arm, her eyes reflecting warmth and understanding.
‘But what if you don’t lose, Francesca? What if you gain so much more? Luke cares about you, and you clearly care about him. It sounds as if you have an incredible history. And you understand each other.’ Annie paused a moment and then changed tack. ‘Has Luke ever asked you to give up anything? Has he ever wanted you to be different? Has he ever tried to change you, to control you?’
‘No.’ On the contrary, Luke had always been supportive, her rock, defending her, encouraging her, helping her grow rather than cutting her down or holding her back. But the thought of opening herself up, of maybe losing what she already had, troubled her. ‘It’s scary, Annie.’
‘Yes, but it’s good scary. Exciting. An adrenalin rush. Like the best ride in the fair or the wildest white-water rafting. Not bad scary like a real fear of something terrible.’
Luke certainly gave her an adrenalin rush, Francesca thought. Being with him was exciting and beyond description. Annie was right, it was a real buzz. And besides Annie and Nathan, she could look at her other friends here in Strathlochan as examples. They had already spoken of Callie and Frazer. Then there were Ginger and Cameron, and not forgetting Gina who was getting married to Seb, her sexy and devoted Italian, in a few weeks’ time. All successful women, who seemed to have grown even more since finding love with their one special man.
‘What it comes down to, Francesca, is this,’ Annie advised, breaking into her thoughts. ‘Do you want life with Luke…or life without him?’
It was the choice she had given herself the afternoon before. And, when looked at that starkly, there really wasn’t any choice at all. She began to understand. She wasn’t losing herself by committing to Luke. Neither was she losing control. She was gaining it. They balanced each other. No one else knew or understood her as Luke did. No one else could make her feel the way he did. Out of control but safe in his hands, his heart, soaring free. He gave her that gift, made her feel whole. And he trusted her to do the same for him.
She could live without him. For ten years she had proved she could take care of herself and be successful…but she hadn’t been happy, not deep inside. She could continue to walk alone and be strong. If she had to. Now, instead, she could contemplate sharing life and love with Luke as equals, making them both stronger still, complementing, enhancing, supporting each other, living in full colour rather than shades of grey.
Finally, she understood. She truly got what Luke meant and why this issue was so important to him…to them. If he was going to commit wholeheartedly to her in every way, then she had to trust him enough to commit the same to him. To know he loved her enough not to control and use her but to be her partner, working with her, not against her. Her very first instinct when she had seen him again after ten years had been to walk straight into his arms. Surely that told her something.
This last weekend had opened her eyes to what she could have with Luke. Aside from the friendship, trust and respect they shared, their mutual desire was indisputable, their sexual compatability red hot. And some, s
he admitted with a smile, feeling a charge of heat and want flow through her as she thought of the hours of amazing sex she had experienced with Luke. No. Not sex. Love-making. Luke had taught her the difference. And what an indescribable difference it was.
Everything came back to Luke, the one person who knew her totally, the good and the bad, and loved her anyway. The person she had trusted all her life without ever understanding why. The person with whom she could be herself, be accepted and be loved for who and what she was. The person she could laugh with, talk with, be silent with, be there to support and be supported by through the good times and the bad. The man who was her friend and her lover…her past, her present and her future.
A new sense of peace and rightness settled inside her. She knew now what she had to do. It was time to step off that cliff, to grasp what she most wanted, and to trust Luke to catch her and hold her tight.
Filled with new determination, she rose to her feet. ‘Thanks, Annie.’
‘Yes! Go get him, girl.’ Her friend walked her to the door and gave her a hug. ‘I take it you and Luke are on the same shifts?’ Annie asked, and Francesca nodded. ‘Well, when you come up for air on your next days off, I want to meet the wonderful man who has put such a special light in your eyes.’
Francesca hurried back to the hospital, her new sense of purpose faltering slightly when she discovered that Luke’s car was no longer in its parking place. She deflated even more when she rushed home and discovered no message on her answering-machine. A check of her mobile found no text awaiting her either. As well as being anxious about what had happened to Luke in Maurice Goodwin’s office in the aftermath of the row with the junior doctors and their bets, doubts started to play tricks on her mind. She could either sit at home and fret like some spineless damsel, or she could act like a gutsy modern woman and go and get her man.
The Rebel Surgeon's Proposal Page 16
