The medicine timer beeped then, promptly sounding at its appointed time. Matt snatched it up and smashed it against the countertop in one fluid motion. He tossed the mechanical carcass into the wastebasket.
He marched down the hall to the living room. “Did you take these?” He held the NeverSleep wrapper in the air.
“What if I did?”
“Why in hell would you take these, Jack? You need your rest. You know that.”
“Fuck my rest.”
“You can’t combine these with other meds. You went crazy on the entire trailer park. Where we gonna go, they kick us out?”
“Fuck my rest, and fuck you. Sometimes a man’s gotta get up. Get outside.” Jack grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and threw it in a heap on the floor.
“Whatever. You know what? Take as many as you want.” Matt tossed the NeverSleep packet on the coffee table. “I’ll just lock your ass in whenever I have to leave. I’ll find you a special stick and you can beat the hell out of the walls all you want.” He stepped into the kitchen area and opened the fridge even though he wasn’t hungry. He grabbed a package of baloney and a nearly empty mustard jar, then a loaf of bread from a cupboard, just to have something to do to keep his hands from shaking.
Matt sat at the tiny kitchen table, chewing his tasteless sandwich and staring at his paper towel plate. Jack sat on the couch, arms crossed, staring at the blank TV screen. They were quiet for a long time.
—
“You wanna know why I took them pills?” Jack said. Matt looked up from the table and nodded once. “You gotta promise not to laugh, you hear me?” Matt looked at his uncle. “You gotta promise.”
“I’m not exactly in a laughing mood. Shoot.”
“I been having this dream. Can’t shake it.” Jack ran a hand over his thinning hair. Took a deep breath and let it out in a long, trembling sigh. “I have it most every time I fall asleep now. And it’s always the same.” He slowly shook his head. “I was watching TV and felt myself losing it, going under. That’s when I pulled myself up and looked through the bathroom for those pills. I…I can’t explain it…but there’s just no way I could face that dream again. Not right away.”
The two were quiet for a few minutes. Matt shuffled over to the fridge, scooped up a spoonful of rocky road ice cream and set the bowl on the coffee table in front of Jack, then sat at the kitchen table. “What’s the dream about?”
Jack stared at the wall. Matt didn’t think he was going to say anything, but he eventually started talking. “It’s nighttime. Pitch-black. I’m sittin’ at the wheel of a car.” Jack’s eyes seemed to sink into their sockets. Matt could tell that he no longer saw the inside of the trailer, that he was caught up in his dream world. “At first there’s streetlights and some roadside stuff, you know, a billboard with a hot girl on it or a restaurant or some damn thing. But pretty soon all that gives out, and it’s just a long stretch a dark road. Big guardrails on either side, up above the roof a the car.”
Jack shuddered. He absentmindedly passed a hand over his forehead, wiping at beads of sweat. “It just—The damn thing goes on and on, you know?”
Jack got quiet for a long time. Matt wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the rest. But the slack-jawed look creeping over Jack’s face was even worse. “Is that it?” Matt asked.
Jack blinked heavily and shuddered again. He took another deep but shaky breath and continued. “After a while I jam my foot on the brakes, but nothing happens. Car keeps cruising. I grab the…the…” Jack mimed holding a circle in front of him but couldn’t find the words. Jesus, he was losing it today.
“The steering wheel?” Matt sighed.
“Right, I grab at the wheel and try to turn things around, but all I can do is swing the car from side to side.” Jack’s body swayed slightly at the remembered motion. “Pretty soon I get scared, not just dream-scared but honest-to-shit scared, and I swing the wheel back and forth, ramming the car into those guardrails.” Jack got quiet again. He squinted, looked into the middle distance, maybe sizing up those phantom guardrails. When he spoke again, Matt could barely hear him. “But I can never bust through ’em. Just keep bouncing off and back onto the road.”
Matt never knew what to say. “That’s messed up.”
Another too-long silence before Jack responded. “But after that is the worst part.” Jack leaned forward in his seat. “ ’Cause after that the steering wheel stops working. Just gives out. The car’s in the dead center of that road, just flyin’ along. It’s like I got no control over where I’m headed. No control at all.”
Jack’s shoulders slumped. His eyes returned to the trailer. To now. “I suppose that sounds pretty stupid to a kid like you.”
Matt looked around at the tiny living room and low ceiling of the trailer. The muffled laughs and catcalls of the picnic table regulars outside made their way into the living room. He shook his head.
Matt arrived at the Helping Hands meeting room early and found Amanda alone.
“Hi,” she said. “It’s nice to see you.”
Matt gave a half-wave. Amanda held up a piece of paper. “I put together a map for us. It has all five of our pickup locations for the day. I figured it would help save us some time so we have a chance to drop our first shipment off at the hospital. I can’t wait! We might even have time to read a few books out loud to some kids.”
“Yeah, about that, look…” Ms. Edwards entered the classroom carrying a stack of papers. A few students followed and took their seats. Matt dropped himself into a desk near Amanda and lowered his voice. “I need to be here until what’s-her-name takes attendance. Then I gotta run.”
Amanda busied herself with the map, hunched over it and retraced the color-coded routes.
Matt watched as students filled up the room, the murmur of overlapping conversations growing louder. He looked at the top of Amanda’s head.
“Look, I have this meeting and I can’t miss it. I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to help next week.”
“It’s okay,” Amanda said without looking up. “Really. I had planned on doing this myself, anyway. It’s fine.”
The room filled up. Ms. Edwards went over the off-campus rules and took attendance. Matt put his name on the sign-out sheet and slipped out of the room.
—
Matt walked through the parking lot, zigzagging between the parked cars. It was the best way to avoid being noticed from the front windows of the school. He was nearly to the exit when Hershey pulled up beside him in the police cruiser. “Hold up, there, Matt,” he said. “I’ve got someone wants to talk with you.” Hershey put his walkie-talkie to his mouth and pressed a button. “Mr. Gill. Officer Hershey here. Got Matt Nolan in the student parking lot. Near the exit.”
A burst of static, then Gill’s voice. “I’ll be right there.”
Matt checked the time on his phone, then crossed his arms. Even staring at the ground it was hard to miss the looks his classmates gave him as their cars funneled by on their way out of the lot.
Hershey tapped a rhythm on the steering wheel. “Look on the bright side, Matt. A few more months and you’ll be gone from here.”
An unintelligible jeer came from one of the cars.
“Don’t you get tired of this, Hershey? Coming to high school every day?”
Hershey chuckled. “You kidding? A guy like me, married, two kids, this is the sweetest position on the force. There’s even a waiting list for it. Regular hours, no weekend work, no getting bumped to night patrol, no showing up in court on your day off. Life is good.”
Matt was silent. He crossed his arms, looking up to see Mr. Gill jogging to them from the front door of the school.
Hershey’s smile faded. “Look, try not to rile him up too much, okay? I got better things to do.”
Matt grunted. Gill drew closer, stopping cars with an upraised palm to cut straight through the lot.
“This school job is a one-year stint for me. I’ll be back on the streets next year,” Hershey sa
id. “And I don’t want to find you there, Matt. Because the rules will be different then, understand? I won’t be taking you to detention. Do you understand that? When we meet next year everything will be different. You don’t want that, either.”
Matt stared into the middle distance, waiting for Gill.
“I know you don’t want that.” Hershey sighed. “You’ll understand, all right, but I’m afraid it’ll be too late by then.”
Mr. Gill approached the police cruiser, breathing deeply to catch his wind. Finally, he said, “So where are you headed? I thought this was Tuesday. This better be good or we’ll be going back to my office to start the paperwork that removes you from this school.”
Matt had nothing to say. Gill and Hershey both stared at him. The student cars continued to pass by, loud bass pumping through open windows.
Gill crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “Well, this little social experiment didn’t last long, did it?” he said to Hershey. “I am so surprised that Mr. Nolan couldn’t stick with an extracurricular activity.” He turned to Matt. “Get in the car. Officer Hershey will make sure you get back to my office. I’ve got a few important things to do and then I’ll deal with you.”
Matt set his jaw and swallowed bitter words. He reached for the door handle.
“Hey, Matt, I’ve been looking all over for you.” All three heads turned to the ancient metallic-gold Buick Electra, an oversized boat of a car, as it pulled up beside Hershey’s police cruiser. Amanda was at the wheel. She was blocking the exit and the students behind her honked their horns. “Climb in. We’re supposed to be at the first pickup spot by two-forty-five.”
Matt looked at Gill and Hershey and saw the same look of confused surprise that must be on his own face.
Amanda’s smile was big enough for all of them. “Hi, Mr. Gill. Hi, Officer Hershey. Matt and I are going to pick up children’s books for Helping Hands.”
“Yes. Yes, of course, I see,” said Gill. “Is that…I mean, does that…”
“We’re both officially signed in with Ms. Edwards. She lets us work off-campus during the club meeting times.”
Matt opened the door and slid onto the vinyl bench seat next to Amanda.
Gill ducked his head to look into the car. He hadn’t quite managed to get the shock out of his eyes yet. “Is that…Are you sure everything is okay?”
“You bet,” Amanda said. “We’re dropping the books off at the hospital for kids. We’ll be sure to take plenty of pictures for the school’s blog. Wish us luck!”
Amanda’s smile was so disarming that Gill actually said, “Good luck,” as they drove away.
“Sorry about the mess,” Amanda said, pushing a pile of stuffed animals onto the floorboards, tossing some onto the backseat. “I don’t ever have…I mean, it’s usually just me.”
“No problem,” Matt said, watching the school buildings and the baseball fields roll by through the car windows. He clutched the door handle. “Thanks. You know, for helping me ditch Gill. Once we get around this corner you can drop me off.”
They were silent for a minute. Amanda eased the big car into a grocery store parking lot. Matt’s door was half open before the car came to a stop.
When Matt stepped out Amanda said, “You don’t have to go.” He turned and looked at her. “I could drive you to your meeting and then—”
“You don’t wanna do that.”
“—and then after, you could help me pick up the boxes of books and take them to the hospital. I actually could use some help with that part. I know it’s hard to believe, but I don’t really lift weights very often.”
Matt scanned the parking lot.
“That was a joke,” Amanda said. “You don’t smile that much, do you?”
“The meeting’s on the other side of town. Over by the bay.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got time. And there’s even a few pickup spots over by there. Maybe we could stop on the way.” Matt drummed his fingers on the roof of the Buick. Amanda waited. “Well?”
“I’m not going into any hospital.”
“Okay…well, how about just into the lobby? They’ll have somebody to help me from there.”
Matt waited another minute and then ducked back into the car. Amanda touched the key in the ignition, then let her hand fall away. “There’s just…there’s one more thing, I guess.”
“What?”
Amanda’s cheeks went pink. “It’s, you know, about your meeting. I totally don’t mind taking you over there, but I, you know, I mean I can’t risk having any…stuff…in my car.”
“Stuff?”
Amanda gripped the steering wheel, looking through the windshield. “You know, stuff. Just about everyone at school…I mean, they know what you do.”
Matt shook his head. “Whatever.” He pushed the door open again and stepped out.
“No, wait! That came out wrong. It’s just that I…”
“What?” Matt ducked his head to get a look at her.
“Never mind, it’ll sound stupid to you.”
Amanda opened her mouth, then closed it again. “I don’t have time for this,” Matt said.
“I applied to nursing school.” Amanda’s tone was hushed, a confession. “I haven’t heard back yet. Please don’t tell anyone.”
Matt snorted. “Right. Who’m I supposed to tell?” And who would care?
“Anyway, I really want to get in. If we, you know, get pulled over or something and they find any stuff it could hurt my chances. Even if it’s not mine.” Amanda pried her gaze from the windshield and looked at Matt. “I’m not trying to be mean, I swear. Do you still want a ride?”
Matt fell back into the seat and swung the door shut. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to ruin your life in one afternoon.”
When Amanda rang the doorbell, the door opened halfway and a middle-aged woman peeked out. The woman saw Matt standing behind Amanda and pulled the door closer, only her head and shoulders showing now, and said, “May I help you?”
“Hello, Mrs. McIntire? I’m Amanda, from the high school. I called about the book drive?”
The woman smiled. “Oh! Of course. Come right in.” The door opened onto a living room with floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the water. The room had enough space for two #6 trailers.
“This is my friend Matt.”
“Nice to meet you both. Can I get you any refreshments, maybe something to drink?”
“Oh, that’s okay,” Amanda said. “Thanks for the offer, but we should probably just pick up the books. We’re kind of on a schedule today.”
“Of course.” The woman turned and walked down a hallway. “Come right this way. The books are in my daughter’s room.”
On the short walk Matt saw dozens of vases and crystal knickknacks, any one of them probably worth enough money for a three-month supply of morphine tablets.
The woman spoke over her shoulder as she glided across the thick rugs in the hallway. “It’s so great that you’re doing this. I’d love to find the time to volunteer myself, but you know how it is. Always a million things to do.” The woman snuck a peek at a mirror in passing and brushed her hair back with one hand.
They reached a bedroom where a girl sat in bed, propped up by a mound of pillows, playing video games on a big-screen TV. “My daughter Samantha stayed home sick from kindergarten today, I’m afraid.” The girl glanced at the visitors and returned to her game. “The boxes are just there. You’ll have to lift them, though—they’re simply too heavy for me.”
“He’s the muscle.” Amanda pointed at Matt and smiled.
“He certainly is,” the woman said.
Matt picked up the boxes, and when he passed by the bed the girl shrieked, “Mom!” Matt flinched, nearly dropping the box. “You can’t give away all of those!”
The woman cleared her throat, smiling an apology at Amanda. Her voice was careful, controlled. “But we’ve discussed this, dear. These books are going to the hospital.”
“But, Mom�
�”
“Charity work is very important.” The woman’s voice got louder. She gave Amanda a sheepish glance, then cleared her throat once more and began again, calmer now. “Stop behaving this way, please. You still have lots of other books. These are going to the hospital.”
“Not all of them,” the girl said. She got up on her knees and snatched the book on top of the box. “Not this one.” She grabbed the next few books. “And not these, either.”
The woman looked nervously from Matt to Amanda, wringing her hands. Matt was a statue.
Amanda sat on the bed and looked at the book in the girl’s hands. “A Fish out of Water. Boy, I used to love that book when I was really young.”
“Me too,” the girl said, pulling the book close to her chest.
“My mom used to read it to me every night. My favorite part is when Otto grows bigger and bigger and bigger and pretty soon he doesn’t even fit into the swimming pool.”
“Did you like that part because you’re so big?”
Mrs. McIntire’s eyes went wide and she sucked in her breath, but Amanda just shrugged. “Probably. I was pretty big even when I was little.” She laughed. “Okay, that came out wrong, but you know what I mean.”
“How did you get so big?”
Mrs. McIntire marched to the bed. “Samantha! Don’t you—”
But Amanda waved her off. “I’ll tell you how I got so big.” She leaned into the girl, looking left and right to check for imaginary eavesdroppers. “But you can’t tell another living soul, okay?” Samantha’s eyes went round, and she nodded. Amanda leaned closer still and stage-whispered, “I loooove cupcakes.”
The girl squealed with laughter. “I love cupcakes, too!” Amanda mimed eating a huge cupcake, and Samantha joined her.
Amanda sat up, wiped imaginary crumbs from her shirt and held her hand out for the book. “May I?” Samantha handed it over, and Amanda flipped through the pages. “Yep. I think this was the hardest one for me to give up, too.”
“What do you mean?”
“I still had all the books from when I was a kid. I never thought I could let go of them, but when I started asking other people to donate books for kids in the hospital, I figured I should probably do the same. But I totally understand if you’re not ready yet. You probably still read this one all the time.”
Mr. 60% Page 3
