“I started my marriage with the end in sight.” Randolph stared across the room at yet more books. One stood out. A splash of color among the burgundy and hunter green volumes.
“She loves you and at least she knew,” his mother said.
“Then where is she?” He walked across the library to the light blue book. “Any other woman would be down here fighting, and she went upstairs.”
“What are you saying?” His mother rushed over to him.
He took the book about the healing properties of herbs off the shelf. A bit of his wife had begun to permeate through the house, and yet it didn’t fit here. She didn’t fight for them because she didn’t believe, and she would go with her instinct and follow the universe. In the end, she was the smartest of them all. He loved her and he wouldn’t allow himself and his family to destroy her.
The walls of the room seemed to close in on him, the air thickened, and he reached for his cufflink and stopped.
He stared down at the gift his wife gave him only hours before. With a low laugh he shook his head. He couldn’t put Willow through a lifetime of waiting for him to let go. She needed to be loved by someone who understood love on every level. After all, he wouldn’t go, couldn’t go.
“Randolph.” His mother took his arm.
“I need to think.” He needed to do what his father couldn’t, he needed to do the right thing and in the process save his family and Willow. One day she might understand he loved her.
He turned and walked away, glancing at the clock, ten minutes after midnight. Their contract was breached, he knew, he was the expert.
Chapter Nineteen
Willow willed herself to keep her eyes shut. She slowed her breathing and concentrated on the energy in the room. Without even looking, she knew she lay in bed alone except for one small dog, she knew Randolph never joined her, she knew everything changed.
He broke their contract by never coming to bed. Of all the items in the written document, the rule about being together by midnight was one she always wanted to keep. She thought it would bind them closer or be a sweet tradition, but his absence told her what she didn’t need to open her eyes to see.
A shiver ran through her and her stomach dropped into what seemed a bottomless pit. Why was it that one could sense doom? What was it about the human psyche that allowed someone to know their life changed without a word being uttered?
Who was she kidding? When Randolph didn’t turn back to her, or even put his arm around her and tell Stephanie nothing mattered because his life worked out even better than his contracts and goals predicted, she knew nothing would ever be the same. Rather than run after him, she escaped to their suite. Never would she force Randolph to do anything. He had enough of that to last a lifetime. If he wanted her, he would have turned back or come after her.
Tears heated her eyes yet she still remained still, taking a moment to visualize her life as Mrs. Randolph Emerson Van Ayers III.
A slight jingle by her feet was followed by a sniffing sound by her face and finally the licks of a much too pampered pet. Normally, Jeb went to Randolph first, then her and then bounced between them, but today he had only her. She managed to wrangle him and give him a kiss.
Nan would tell her to open her eyes, see the reality and change it, most likely things were never as bad as they seemed. She tried to believe her words at the hospital when her mother died, and even listened all those times they had to move on from wherever they ended up, no matter what she couldn’t change the reality that lay hidden behind her eyelids.
With no other option, she shrugged and greeted her morning, blinking twice to allow her eyes to adjust.
Their suite appeared exactly the same as always. Many mornings she woke up to find Randolph already went to work, but the sense he had been there always lingered in the room. The vibe was gone, and with her heart pummeling the wall of her chest as if it needed to dig itself an escape hatch, she turned to Randolph’s pillow.
Her throat dried out the second she took in the scene before her, but even with her hand shaking she found the strength to pick up the large, thick cream-colored envelope with her name written on it in his perfect handwriting.
She glanced at the door. All she wanted was to go get Nan, hand her the envelope, let her analyze the contents, and make it better.
For the first time Nan wasn’t here.
She was alone.
Jeb bounced over and she put him in her lap and grabbed the envelope, ripping it open. A set of keys, a smaller envelope and a thick paper clipped document fell on the bed.
She ignored the keys and the other envelope and picked up the papers, on top, a handwritten letter.
Willow,
I one time told you I hated contracts, yet every aspect of my life seems to fall back on one. When I told you I loved you, I thought I meant it, but now after watching my parents and you last night, I am not sure I will ever understand the emotion the way you deserve.
However, there is one thing you deserve more than anyone that I am more than capable of giving. Enclosed is a check that will never truly equal the amount I owe you, but will provide you with the lifestyle that you want. I want you to build your dreams, buy yourself something decadent and maybe one day when you are laying back on a mattress that is truly yours, you can look back at this time and not hate me.
Also, the Marina Del Rey apartment is officially yours. You are the only one who will ever appreciate it, look out at the ocean and see something wonderful rather than simply the best apartment money can buy.
Lastly, attached to this letter are the papers to dissolve our marriage, you only need sign in the spaces indicated.
In the end I carried on my family’s tradition and manipulated the situation to get what I wanted. I forced you into loving me, and now I need to set you free. I wish I could face you, but I can’t even face myself.
The name will always be yours.
Always –
Randolph
Her tears dropped on the paper but never smeared the ink or his signature. Of course in Randolph’s world his signature was sacred, could never be washed away. Something she should have realized the second she signed the first contract.
She sat staring at the page without moving long enough for her body to go numb, for the tears to stop, for the reality to hit her.
Randolph didn’t want her.
She forced herself up and out of the bed. Her foot shot pins and needles through her leg, and the nausea she fought the night before surged in full force. Still, she trudged forward.
Without thinking about her actions, she found the bag she packed the day she moved in and packed only her old clothes. As fast as she could, she dressed and gathered her scant few toiletries, shoving them into her bag along with his note, the key, the check and the divorce papers. She chose to take only the purse he gave her for Christmas and her necklace as her only souvenirs of her time here.
“Come on, Jeb.” She patted her leg, picked up her pet, and walked out of Randolph’s suite.
Sickening silence met her in the hallway, the same as the night before. She made her way down the stairs, stopped in the foyer and took in the space.
“My grandmother always said the front room of a grand home should take your breath away.” Mr. Van Ayers joined her.
“Then she must have approved.” She tilted her head up at the sparkling chandelier and put her hand to her forehead when the room spun a bit.
“I don’t know. She always found fault with something it seemed.” He came to her side and looked up with her.
“Maybe everything doesn’t have to be perfect, but it can still take your breath away.” She cursed the tear that escaped the corner of her eye.
“I think you should stay.”
“Well, I never knew my grandmother, but Nan always told me that we would never stay anywhere we weren’t wanted.” She sighed. “I suppose that’s why we moved around so much.” Although she thought she had found a home here, she didn’t even get
to stay the year.
“Willow.”
“No.” She wouldn’t allow him to sway her, she wasn’t Stephanie, she wasn’t the girl in the alleyway. In fact, she didn’t know who she was, but she was going to find out. “No.”
They both continued to stare at the crystals.
She lifted her hand to wipe her eye and her ring glittered off the sunlight streaming into the room.
“Is there anything you need?”
“Just one thing.” She slid the ring off her finger and held it out to Randolph’s father.
“I believe Randolph would want you to have that.”
“It’s not my history anymore. It belongs with your family.” Her voice broke. It seemed forever ago when she thought his family was hers, but it was only a few hours. She pressed the ring to her chest and then placed it in his palm. “It still has good energy.”
“Let me get Dimitri, he’ll take you wherever you need to go.”
“I have my two feet and ten toes.” She bent down, picked up Jeb and opened the door to the outside world. For the first time in her life she only had herself. Once more she glanced back. She exited in stark contrast to her eventful entrance with the house full of life and drama. Back then she told herself not to get too involved with Randolph because he could easily break her heart. Mission accomplished.
She shut the door.
* * * *
For the first time since he could remember, Randolph spent a weekend day alone. Since finishing school and taking his job, he either spent his weekends working, entertaining or out with friends.
Of course since he got married, he spent his weekends with his wife. If his world didn’t implode yesterday, today he would have taken her out. Willow was happy with simple joys, a drive, a small treat at a bakery, or taking a walk. After leaving the house before Willow woke up, he spent the day chasing his proverbial tail, doing nothing and committing the ultimate sin of wasting time.
He never slept. Instead, he sat in one of the guest suites and figured out a way to try to put Willow’s life back together again. The day he saw her in the alley he should have let her be, a wildflower that would only wilt if plucked and brought inside. He met her when he thought he was going to lose everything and as he got out of his car and approached the door of the house, he wondered exactly how much he did indeed lose.
Dimitri opened the door and he stepped inside, the world seemed to have paled, lost all its color, and the room stood dull and lifeless. Willow would say the energy was off, and he would agree.
He took a breath and the knot in his stomach tightened, then he trudged up the stairs and stopped outside their suite.
Did she do as he asked or did she fight and defy him? What would he do if he opened the door and she was there? He pressed his forehead to the door. The decision had been made and without pausing further, he turned the knob.
No one.
He told her to leave, gave her money, a boat and divorce papers.
Still, he entered the room and rushed for the bathroom.
A quick inventory of a couple of drawers told him her items were gone. He ground his teeth together and stomped into the closet to her clothes. Some still hung on the rod and he quickly rifled through them. Only the dresses his grandmother gave her remained, everything she originally brought with her had disappeared.
“Damn it!” He ran back to the main room and turned around. His suite was their suite and now it was nothing but a sterile hotel room with no life, no soul, no fur ball biting at the cuff of his pants, no smell of lavender and roses in the air. No wife.
“Randolph!” His mother scurried into the room. “What’s wrong?”
“Maybe you should ask what’s right. It’d be a shorter answer.”
“You said you had to end it, she did as you asked.” She put her hands on his shoulder. “We should go get her.”
“She went with the flow, didn’t fight for us. I guess I knew that’s what she’d do, but I didn’t want to believe it. Maybe that’s why I loved her, because she didn’t fight.” He put his hand over his eyes.
“Oh my god, what are we going to do?” She wrapped her arms around him.
Truth be told, he didn’t remember the last time his mother truly hugged him. It may have been when he still had to look up to see her, but he gave in and bent down. “I don’t know.” How did he not have the answer?
He pulled back and studied his mother. The woman was still stunning, no wonder his father wanted her. “I don’t know.”
“You know what I did today?” She picked a piece of lint off his shirt.
Images of luncheons and shopping entered his mind. “What?”
“I went to the dog rescue and tried to find a pet.” Her eyes glossed over with tears. “Willow and I had discussed getting Jeb a brother or sister, and she told me that a pet will choose you.”
That sounded like something she would say. “What happened?”
“None of them picked me.” She exhaled and wiped a tear off her cheek. “You know, whatever dog would have picked me would have had the best of everything, and none of them wanted me. They are smarter than humans.”
“Maybe they knew something would always be missing.” A quick glance around the room told him the same thing. Never again would he be able to lie in his bed and not think of her. He could never move her dresses out of his closet. Somewhere along the way while trying to do the right thing, he relegated himself to limbo and he deserved it. “I have to leave.” He returned to the closet and found a suitcase.
“Where are you going to go?” His mother joined him.
“It doesn’t matter, I just can’t stay here.” He grabbed some suits. “It’s just not worth it.” Where did that statement come from? All his life it had been worth it.
Both he and his mother stared at each other.
“I’m going with you.” She bent down and opened the suitcase. “At least it didn’t take you over thirty years to figure it out.”
He grabbed the boots he got in college. “I was still too late.”
Chapter Twenty
“Stare at the flame and write down any images you see.” Willow placed the candle on the floor and sat down with Jade, Argyle and Nan.
“What’s this called again?” Dressed for their casual time in a simple t-shirt and jeans, Jade leaned forward.
“Fire Scribing.” Argyle held his hands up as if framing the scene before him. “I like it.”
“Fire scrying.” Willow corrected. Rather than staring in the fire, she glanced at her friends and her only family. Jade finally found her after she hid for four days. Her friend caught her sneaking out of the shop and demanded explanation. Though she tried to avoid the conversation, she suddenly found herself crying in Jade’s arms, revealing a story she never wanted told. At least she faced her fears and came out clean. True to Jade’s character, the woman didn’t judge her.
“Scrying means seeing. It’s a different way of looking into the future or answering questions,” Nan explained and peeked over at her. “Maybe give you some insight.”
It took her an extra day to tell Nan all the details, and for the first time in her life the woman was without any words of wisdom. Yes, Nan and Vincent both offered to have her come live with them. Vincent even took her aside separately to ask, but she declined. For the first time ever she was alone, toggling between sleeping at the shop and at the apartment, and she wasn’t dying.
After isolating herself for a little longer, she braved the world and at last closed the shop and had Jade over for a little spiritual fun, something she had promised to do before Randolph left her, or she left him.
“This is exceptionally good for my muse.” Argyle narrowed his eyes and stared into the flame. “I believe I see a camera, a television camera. Maybe another show is in my future, just the other day I called some people.”
Willow wished she only cared about her career or being noticed. “Do you see anything else?” The man never spoke of anything but art and moving ahea
d. Did he want a partner?
“I have no time for anything but the pursuit of my craft.” He gave her a quick wink and nudged Jade. “What does my student see?”
“I can see this becoming an art piece for me. I can be an ever changing flame. I think I see a top hat.” Jade tilted her head. “Slate loves his top hat.”
“When you’re in love you see that person everywhere.” At the words leaving her mouth, her chest constricted, but she forced a smile on her face and gazed into the flame. She only saw fire.
“Did I tell you that Willow drove Slate to the art supply store yesterday?” Jade motioned to Nan.
Willow’s cheeks heated. Two days ago she asked Jade for help in becoming an adult. Slate stepped in and took over her twice-daily driving lessons. Since he got her fresh, he also decided she would be the one woman who would drive a stick shift and parallel park. No matter, she loved driving even if it was only through the residential streets of Los Angeles.
“What kind of car are you going to get?” Jade asked.
While her two feet and ten toes got her around for years, she needed the freedom only four wheels would provide, something she realized the first night on her own when she wanted to go out for some bicarbonate for her stomach. She shrugged. “I just want something simple.”
“Don’t get something the world has, or something only for the name, get a vehicle that says ‘I am Willow.’” Argyle nodded. “Don’t get anything typical.”
“Maybe you should splurge.” Jade’s eyes widened.
Yes, she could choose any car, any home, anything. For the first time in her life she had the money for every material thing she could imagine. She started out wanting the money for Nan, but once Nan married Vincent, her net worth would rival the Van Ayers’. “I think I’ll choose something I don’t destroy.” Two feet and ten toes weren’t going to work for a girl out on her own.
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