“Not much there to like.” Addy says. “They’re excellent soldiers but without a true leader, they make trouble.”
“Some people have said the same thing about me.”
Addy washes her hands at the sink and then dons a pair of exam gloves. “Who?”
“Aiden’s grandmother.” I try not to flinch when she presses the cold flat disk of her stethoscope beneath my shirt until it rests on my bare flesh.
Addy listens for a minute before removing the stethoscope and reaching for my wrist. Eyes on the wall clock she adds, “Well, you’re an acquired taste.”
“That’s putting it mildly. So, am I gonna make it?”
She shines a small penlight into my eyes. Hissing, I draw back.
“You didn’t hit your head yesterday?”
“No, nothing like that.”
“And you ate fine this morning.” She steps back, frowning. “Describe the dizziness. Did it come on suddenly?”
“Yes. Aiden and I were talking and then I thought I heard a woman say, it’s not in your nature. After that everything went sort of sideways.” I stop short of telling her about my reaction to the words.
“It’s not in your nature.” She takes off her glasses, gaze going unfocused. “It might be some sort of spell, though the phrasing isn’t that of a classic curse. And there was no one near you?”
“You mean other than the giant bird creature in disguise?” My tone is dry.
“Valkyries can’t cast spells. I think you’re probably fine for now, just take it easy and let me know if anything else unusual happens.”
“Easier said than done.” Unusual is my new normal.
“Nic, I mean it.” Addy pushes her half-moon glasses up further on her sharp blade of a nose. “You’re still mortal. You can die.”
I tilt my head to look at her. “Do you know when I’ll die?”
Addy, or Atropos as the Greeks called her, was the Fate responsible for severing the threads of life for mortals and gods alike. I must assume that she also deals with former fairy queens turned teenage serial killers.
She shakes her head. “Even if I had that knowledge—which I don’t—I wouldn’t tell you. It would be considered tampering with the divine plan.”
“Which you will not do. Funny though, that the three of you agreed to raise me. Or doesn’t that fall under the subheading of tampering.”
She turns away. “The moment your wolf asked us, we could no longer stay neutral. Our destinies were entwined with yours whether we took you in or not. Perhaps it was selfish but...”
“But?” I prompt when she doesn’t finish.
“We wanted a closer look. It’s a terrible thing, to be alive and unchanging. Unattached to any yet responsible for all. To watch all those around you grow from a tiny helpless creature to a force of nature. To see them grow old and die and to witness their loved ones mourn, never truly understanding the depths of their loss. Even the fair folk die eventually, though they don’t age. Until you came into our lives, until our sister died...we were alive but without life.” She stares at the wall, though I’m certain she sees something else entirely.
“Do you regret it?” I ask. “Having me instead of your sister?”
It’s a stupid question, one I really don’t want an answer to. Yet it’s out there now, jettisoned from the dark corner where I’d stashed it.
She swallows, shakes her head. “I regret what we had to do to her. But you’re our family, Nic. One of us.”
We aren’t huggers. Laughter is acceptable, as well as healthy doses of sarcasm and snark. But physical affection has never been part of my world, at least not until Aiden came into my life. He’s always looking for a reason to touch me, not sexually, but in support. To lace his fingers through mine, or to put a hand on the small of my back. To brush a stray lock of hair out of my eyes. And I soak it up like a sponge.
I wonder if Addy longs for that sort of supportive touch, for the pure affection the same way I do. Slowly, I reach out and put a hand on her shoulder. She turns, eyebrows lifting in surprise. Her hand comes down over the top of mine. We stay that way for a long moment.
“It will be all right,” Addy tells me. “Everything happens for a reason. You’ll see.”
I’m not sure if that’s a prediction or just her confidence in me, but Aiden knocks on the door, interrupting the moment and I don’t have the nerve to ask.
Soul Walking
The address Mr. Steinburg had on file with the vet’s office is an apartment complex on one of the main thoroughfares on the outskirts of town. While I’m eager to investigate, Aiden talks me into delaying.
“Wait until nightfall. If things go sideways, we’ll want the cover of darkness.”
“You mean, in case I start manipulating weather patterns by accident,” I grumble.
It’s a sore spot. I have a world of power within my grasp and no idea how to control it. Even my own innate abilities, like manipulating air and spirit, don’t come naturally. If I can get a handle on my magic, maybe I wouldn’t be so apprehensive about the upcoming gauntlet.
“We don’t want to be seen,” Aiden neatly dodges the question, instead taking a different tact. “Involving the mortal authorities never ends well. Particularly for those of us with blood on our hands.”
“The authorities will all be busy with the school. You saw the lights.” It’s a token protest. I know he’s right to wait for nightfall. I want to get it over with though, before I lose my nerve completely.
“Let’s check in with Alric,” Aiden suggests. “See if his beasts have learned anything that can help.”
But Alric isn’t in the bunkhouse and no one we ask seems to know when he left or how long he’s been gone.
“Let’s check with Freda and Nahini,” I suggest. “They might have dispatched him on some errand or another.”
Freda and Jasmine are in the training yard, working with longbows. Jasmine is barely tall enough to keep her bow end from touching the ground, but her accuracy makes up for her small stature.
“Excellent,” Freda says, casting her daughter a proud glance. I never get an excellent out of her. The highest praise she’s ever given me is a begrudging, “You’re improving. A little.”
Considering I almost took out a patrolling fey and his mount when I first used the bow, I can hardly get any worse. Luckily, I am a better swordswoman than I am an archer.
“Have either of you seen Alric?” I ask as we approach them.
Jasmine lowers her bow and shakes her head. “Not since last night, right after supper.”
“Freda?”
My first moves to the target and extracts the arrows from the canvas with sharp uneven yanks. “Not today.”
Aiden and I exchange a look.
“They had a fight,” Jasmine volunteers.
Freda freezes for an instant, her hand around the shaft of an arrow. She rounds on her offspring, blonde braid cutting the air like a whip. “Jasmine! You were eavesdropping?”
“Yes.” The petite redhead appears completely unapologetic. “I saw you sneak down to the lake in the middle of the night, so I followed you.”
Freda appears torn between aggravation that Jasmine took it upon herself to spy on her mother, and rattled that the girl managed to get the drop on her. Finally, she lets out an indignant huff of air and grumbles, “Well, don’t do it again.”
Jasmine shrugs and unstrings her bow. “Then don’t sneak out.”
Freda watches the small figure skip off down the hill, her expression a mixture of irritation and grudging admiration. “That child will be the death of me.”
“About Alric,” I say. “If your disagreement is personal, just say so. I don’t want to invade your privacy. But do you have any idea where he might have gone?”
Freda turns to me, her expression troubled. “It’s possible that he crossed the Veil.”
Aiden takes a step closer to her, his tone a low growl. “Why would he do that?”
“To see his sister.�
� Freda doesn’t back down from Aiden’s fierce demeanor, though she swallows when she looks back at me. “And possibly to spy on his father and the workings of the court.”
I gape at her a moment. “Spy?”
“I told him it was a foolish idea.” Freda spits the words out like they taste bitter on her tongue. “Told him his father will know what he’s up to, but he wants to make it up to you. To prove himself loyal.”
“To me?” I raise a brow. “Why would he think I doubt his loyalty?”
Aiden places a hand on my arm. “Because of his connection to one of the heirs to the Fire Throne. And because you three questioned him yesterday.”
“We had to,” I protest. “To make sure.”
But my wolf shakes his head. “Nic, you don’t understand. You took a shot at his honor. A fey male won’t take that lightly. Especially a soldier in the Wild Hunt.”
“I told the idiot he had nothing to prove,” Freda mutters. “Told him you trusted him as far as you trust anybody.”
I pick up the censure in her words. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Never one to back away from a challenge, Freda puts her hands on her hips. “Do you trust me?”
The question takes me by surprise and I stutter. “I...I....”
“How about Nahini?” She presses. “Or the wolf here? Personally, I wouldn’t trust him with dinner, never mind my back, but you’ve always shown a preference for him. I would think a certain amount of trust is only natural.”
Beside me, Aiden tenses. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that he’s completely still, possibly even holding his breath.
I open my mouth but words fail me.
“You see, we are all loyal to you, Nicneven. And not just because you are our queen. We know you will put the good of the Hunt and the Unseelie Court above your own needs or wants. Unlike Brigit and the kings of the Seelie courts, you don’t see us as tools to be used. You know what we are, people who can fight and die. Who are willing to fight and die for you. The problem is, you don’t believe that basic truth. And we feel your mistrust, all of us. It chips away at our honor, bit by bit. And a warrior without honor soon doesn’t see the point of fighting.”
“It’s not like that.” I try to catch Aiden’s eye but he’s staring at the ground. “You don’t understand what you’re asking me.”
“I’m not asking for anything,” Freda says. “I am only highlighting the reasons why Alric feels he should risk his life to bring you information without your asking. Why he would defy my order to stay put. Believe me, he will be punished for his insubordination, regardless of the reason.”
I watch as she deposits the practice arrows in a nearby quiver and then strides back down the hill toward the bunkhouse.
“Do you feel the same way?” I study Aiden carefully.
“I know why you are the way you are,” the artful dodger responds, his posture still rigid.
I don’t let him get away with it. “That isn’t what I asked.”
“I know.” He looks over at me, unclenching his fists to tuck a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “Does it bother me to know that you don’t trust me, even after all we’ve been through together? Yes. But it is the way it is and I need to believe that in time, you will let down your guard.”
I stare into his leaf green eyes. I want to tell him that I’m trying, that I really do want to have the same sort of faith in him that he has in me. But wanting to feel a certain way isn’t the same as possessing the capacity.
It’s not in your nature. Is this what the woman in my mind had been talking about? My inability to trust?
“You’re so closed off,” he murmurs. “Trapped in a prison of your own making. I would endure the sentence with you, if you would just let me in.”
“I can’t.” The word is a whisper. I don’t offer excuses or phony promises. “I’m sorry.”
He smiles sadly. “Not now. But someday soon, you will decimate the walls that keep you contained. And when you do, my queen. There will be no stopping you.”
NAHINI IS WAITING AT the bottom of the hill. “You want to practice your magical skill set?”
I share a glance with Aiden then nod to her. “It’s past time.”
“Then follow me. Wolf, you may come, but only if you don’t interfere.” Nahini isn’t nearly as hostile toward Aiden as Freda. The two aren’t exactly friendly but they have a grudging respect for each other.
Aiden surprises me though when he shakes his head. “No. I’ll find you when it’s time for us to go out, Nic.”
I frown as he walks away. “I think I hurt his feelings.”
“Put it out of your head, for now.” Nahini advises and strides off in the direction of the barn.
I admire her composure and ability to compartmentalize. Even though her brother’s soul is missing. Nahini is too much of a professional to let it interfere with her job.
We enter the barn, the familiar summertime smells fill the space. Nahini skillfully clambers up into the hayloft and after a moment, I follow. I’m not sure what magic we can do up here, but keep my reservations to myself. Nahini knows what she’s doing. I crest the ladder and take a seat facing her, mimicking her crossed legged pose.
“Clear your head.” Nahini instructs. “You need a blank canvas to create a masterpiece.”
Though I try to do as she says, my mind buzzes with questions. “I don’t understand how magic works.”
“Magic doesn’t work. It exists.”
I exhale audibly. “I’m used to science and the explanation it provides, not backwater mystical beliefs with no reason to exist.”
“They do have a reason though, just one beyond mortal understanding,” Nahini replies patiently. “All living things have primal drives, urges to help it survive and to perpetuate the species. Some are basic, like instincts. The hair rising on your arms, the flesh creeping on the back of your neck when you are being followed. It’s a warning. Magic is simply the abilities buried beneath those instincts, the actions.”
“How can I tap into abilities I’ve never seen used though?”
“You grew wings and flew with them. You called a tornado down upon an enemy. How is what I’m talking about any different?”
I let out a sigh. “You make it sound like I did those things on purpose. I didn’t. I didn’t even know they were possible until I’d already done them.”
“So, seeing is believing?” She arches an eyebrow.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to respond with a yes. I don’t. Arguing with Nahini isn’t productive. Instead, I retrench. “I’m still not sure how—”
“Don’t focus on the how. The laws of nature aren’t inflexible to those who respect them. Magic is just science that is beyond current human comprehension. There is much mortals don’t grasp. The fey have learned that understanding isn’t as important as acceptance. An immortal accepts the way things are and works with what she has been given.”
“You’re saying, I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”
Nahini scowls as she does when I roll out an aphorism. “What mount have you been given?”
“Never mind.” I take a deep breath, shove all my misgivings aside and then look around the room. “What do you want me to do first?”
“Air is your inborn power. Try to send a breeze through this space. A cold breeze, from the north.”
My teeth sink into my lower lip and my gaze shifts to the glassless window. In the distance, the beings of the Wild Hunt are moving about their days. “What if I accidentally summon another tornado?”
“Don’t consider it,” Nahini warns. “Acknowledging the possibility opens the door to doubt and when you doubt yourself, mistakes are made.”
Great. I close my eyes the same way I have the other times I’ve used magic. The taste of the air is warm and thick with the scents of hay and old wood. I breathe it in and then search farther. Out to the trees, the lake, the house. The tang of late summer is ripe on the farm as the sun bakes the grou
nd. The smell of fey and hawks, horses and hounds comingle alongside that wild, pulsing whiff of ozone I associate with magic use.
I push my senses farther, hunting for the cool breeze Nahini requests. It’s out there somewhere, waiting for summer to give in to its final death throws and herald the oncoming cold season.
My season.
I don’t know how long I sit that way, sorting through scents and air currents in my mind. I lose track of my body, the hardness of the floor beneath me. I am scattered across the globe, traveling on the four winds.
A gust so strong it practically knocks me over blows in through the window. Hay is caught up in a whirlwind and is carried up to the rafters. I gasp as the north wind tugs wisps of hair free from my braid almost playfully, like a puppy eager for attention.
I grin in triumph. “I did it.”
Nahini nods. “Well done.”
All my doubt evaporates, all my questions forgotten. “Show me more.”
We work together all afternoon. Nahini is a patient teacher, much more dedicated than any I’ve had in school. By the time night begins to fall, I have frozen a hay bale, then melted it with the heat from the sun, which radiated from my palm. I’ve also managed to soul walk. That is, to detect the spirits of all living things on the farm.
“Each soul has its own unique signature.” Nahini instructs.
With my eyes closed I can feel the pulsing blue energy clustered around Addy’s clinic, the bunkhouse, the farmhouse, but also in the field and trees. Some of them move, others are completely still. “I can’t tell them apart. They all look like blue blobs.”
“Perhaps fingerprint is a better comparison. Souls are made of air, though not the air we breathe and the way they come together is as unique as physical appearance or mental acuity. Your element is air, which is why you and those of your lineage have been entrusted with the Wild Hunt. Focus on a soul and you will recognize its uniqueness.”
I scan the area I know to be the farmhouse, looking for anyone I might distinguish. With the trees and grass out of the way, I have an easier time detecting individual shapes. The blue outlines are too fuzzy to separate male or female, though there is a bit of height difference. I inhale, narrowing my focus on one blob apart from the others, the striations in the energy ripple in a familiar way. Almost as though two souls are woven into one.
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