by Shea Balik
“Are you ready?” Syn asked when they had finished discussing their expectations.
“Yes, Sir.” The honorific from PJ’s lips sounded like heaven and nearly had Syn’s knees buckling. It was so strange to feel both ten feet tall and weak as a kitten from one word.
The hand that he’d been using to stroke PJ’s arm, wandered over his chest, tweaking one nipple, then the other. A soft moan left PJ’s lips and Syn bent down, wanting those sounds to be his. He scraped his nail across the first nipple. This time PJ moaned into Syn’s mouth as they kissed.
It was so fucking sweet that Syn knew he would be addicted to making that happen as much as possible. So he did it again before moving his hand further down PJ’s slim body, making sure to not touch his dick, which was straining up to be noticed.
As much as Syn wanted a taste, this wasn’t about sex, at least not yet. Right now, it was PJ’s need to let go.
Syn moved so he was between PJ’s legs. His naked, pert ass was on perfect display. He ran the end of the crop along one thigh, across PJ’s ass to the other thigh. A shudder went through PJ as the crop touched him.
“Are you ready, boy?” Syn asked, his tone filled with resolve to give PJ everything he so desperately needed.
PJ’s ass moved as if straining to get closer to the crop. “Yes, Sir,” he said on a moan.
“I will start off lightly.” He needed this to last for a while if PJ had any hope of letting go.
Lifting his arm, Syn let it swing, the swat of the crop hitting PJ’s inner thigh. A long drawn out groan of pleasure came from PJ. If Syn had to guess, PJ hadn’t done this in a while.
He gave the same swat to PJ’s other thigh. He made sure to mix up the placements for the next few minutes. Slowly he increased both the tempo and intensity, even repeating his strikes on the skin. Just as he’d hoped, PJ started to babble.
PJ tended to keep his negative emotions bottled up. It was why he loved BDSM. It had provided a safe outlet for him to purge those emotions when they became too much.
“Stop,” PJ yelled. It was the first time he’d raised his voice since they started. Syn knew it wouldn’t be long before the cork on those emotions finally flew off and they poured out.
“I said stop!” PJ screamed. His hands clenched at the swing. Sweat glistened from PJ’s skin as he twisted to get away. Except the swing held him snuggly and he wasn’t able to move more than a few centimeters in any direction.
Syn was definitely going to need to invest in their own swing. He was also considering turning one of the penthouse suites into their own little love nest for when they needed a night alone. He didn’t mind using the rooms at the club, but he’d like something that was just theirs.
“No!” PJ screamed at the top of his lungs. “I don’t want this.”
“You know how to stop this,” Syn reminded him. It wasn’t often a sub with PJ’s experience didn’t remember about his safeword, but Syn wasn’t going to take any chances. “Otherwise this isn’t going to stop. You need this, my little love.”
“No I don’t,” PJ told him emphatically. “I’m fine.”
Syn chuckled. Since PJ didn’t give his safeword, he was sure PJ just needed to get those bottled up emotions out. “You aren’t fine, but you will be soon.”
“What do you know?” PJ yelled. “You left me. You don’t know anything about me anymore.”
The crop came down on PJ’s right ass cheek, leaving a bright red mark. “I know you need this,” Syn told him, refusing to let PJ get to him with the reminder of how he’d left PJ thirteen years ago. “Plus, you were the one who told me to leave.”
Syn knew now PJ had only told him to leave because he was afraid to ask him to stay. They had both been too young, for Syn hadn’t seen just how scared PJ was, instead only focusing on how hurt he was when PJ told him to leave. If he were being completely honest, Syn hadn’t wanted to give up the dream job in New York. If only he’d known then what he knew now. Life without PJ had been a miserable existence.
He may not have exactly wanted to work a farm, but with PJ by his side, Syn was sure it would have been preferable to not having PJ at all.
“Only because I didn’t want you to hate me for making you stay instead of going to New York like we always planned,” PJ shouted.
Damn, but Syn wished he could go back in time. But all he could do was move forward and show PJ he wasn’t going anywhere ever again. “I’m here now, boy.”
On the next fall of the crop, an explosion of sound came from deep within PJ. “For how long? What happens when an even better opportunity comes along, or my life becomes too difficult for you to handle?”
“I will still be here, by your side,” Syn told him.
“No one else ever has been,” PJ shouted. “Why would I believe you would?”
Syn gave a sigh of relief. Now they were getting to the meat of the problem. He just hoped they’d make it to the other side. “Because I’ve made you a promise,” Syn told him.
This time, when the crop landed, Syn made sure it hurt. The raw sound PJ made came from deep within his soul. “You promised me before, too, yet you still left.”
Syn laid down a string of especially hard slaps along PJ’s sensitive inner thigh. Pushing him to continue screaming out his pain.
“My parents swore they would always be there for us, yet they left me alone to raise my brother and sister.” PJ gasped as he struggled to catch his breath when the tears sliding down his face wouldn’t stop. “I had to run a farm that I’d always hated.”
Syn slowed down his arm, as PJ was now able to get everything out without the need for the crop.
“I had to work from the crack of dawn until all hours of the night while trying to help my brother and sister deal with their deaths. Yet I didn’t get to do the same. I just had to work,” PJ screamed, his voice going a bit hoarse.
“No one cared that I was dying inside as I not only lost my parents, but I lost you.” Those brown eyes turned accusing as PJ stared at Syn with hatred. “You left me to deal with all of it on my own. I was drowning with no way to deal with it.”
PJ was incensed, yet he still didn’t safeword. “For five years I struggled to hang on to the family farm only to have it slip through my fingers.” A sob that sounded like a wounded animal burst from his lungs. “I was working so hard, I didn’t even realize my sister was in so much pain that she’d turned to drugs to relieve the agony she felt.
A tear dripped down Syn’s cheek as he listened. He’d done this. He caused all this pain by walking away. Up until this moment, Syn thought he might have a chance of getting PJ to forgive him, but now he wasn’t so sure.
Chapter Twenty
PJ’s heart was breaking all over again as he thought about Jennifer. She’d been such a sweet kid. Her love for animals had been legendary for the amount of strays she brought home. Yet, no matter what she kind of animal she had found, their mother had given in, even when some of those animals had been snakes, raccoons, and even a skunk.
They hadn’t been allowed in the house, but their father had built a special building just for Jennifer’s menagerie. After their parents’ death, she no longer brought strays home. She had even released the ones she’d been caring for. It had been six months before PJ had even noticed.
He’d known her downward spiral had been his fault. It was why he did everything in his power to make sure Emma had everything she needed. It was the least he could do for his sister.
“It wasn’t until the sheriff put her in jail for stealing that I even knew she had a problem,” PJ said miserably. “I had done that to her. Me.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Syn told him.
But PJ knew the truth. “I was supposed to take care of her. Love her. Yet all I could do was wallow in my misery,” he yelled. “I let her and Daniel down, and Jennifer died because I was such a lousy brother.”
The rage bubbled up inside of him until PJ had no choice but to open his mouth and scream. He screamed for t
he loss of his parents, the farm, his sister. He screamed for letting everyone down. But most of all, he screamed for the life he dreamed of having that had slipped through his fingers.
“I hate you,” he told Syn, not meaning it and meaning it all at the same time. “You ruined my life.”
But it was at himself where he’d directed the anger and disgust. He’d been the one who’d failed. No matter how much he’d been hurt because Syn had left him, PJ was the one who’d let his parents down. They had trusted him to take care of his siblings, yet not only had PJ not done that, he’d allowed his sister to die.
It was too much. His entire body was twitching as he struggled against his bonds, desperate to get free. He didn’t want to do this anymore. It was too painful. Yet when he opened his mouth to safeword, another scream filled the room.
He yelled until he started coughing as his throat threatened to close up from overuse. So overwrought, PJ didn’t even feel Syn’s hands on him, or the straps holding him down being released. It wasn’t until he was picked up and held close to Syn’s body that the shaking that had overtaken him eased enough for him to speak once more. “Tractor. Tractor. Tractor.”
“I’ve got you, little love.” Syn’s voice sounded so far away, yet PJ could feel the vibration in Syn’s chest against his ear. “You’re safe.” Then he was lying on a soft mattress with Syn curled around him, holding him, keeping him safe.
The tears came in earnest then. If he’d thought he’d been crying before, PJ had been wrong. The entire time, Syn stroked his hands down his body and murmured words of love and assurance. How long they lay like that, PJ couldn’t say, but finally the tears dried up, yet Syn never stopped taking care of him.
“I don’t want to lose you again,” PJ whispered.
A kiss was pressed to his forehead. “It’s never going to happen, little love. We were stupid all those years ago, but if there is one thing I learned, I never want to be without you again.”
PJ lifted his lashes to look into Syn’s eyes to find so much love shining from them, it released some of the knots still gripping his stomach. “I’m not so sure that stupid thing has exactly gone away.”
Syn chuckled. “Fair, but hopefully we’ve learned enough to understand our limitations and not make the same mistake as before.”
PJ gave a sigh, knowing that wasn’t exactly true. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m making all the same mistakes with Daniel as I did with Jennifer. He’s going through something but no matter what I try, I can’t seem to reach him.”
Syn tilted PJ’s head up and gently kissed his lips. “Yes, but you know you have me here to help, and I have already put a plan into place that I’m hoping will finally get through to him.”
PJ had no idea what Syn was talking about, and as much as he wanted to know, they needed to clear the air between them first. Then PJ could deal with Daniel and his issues. “What about us?”
Syn’s lips tilted up into that sexy smile that made PJ’s insides melt. “I think we need a few more sessions and more honest discussions. We’ll get through this.” A finger pressed against PJ’s lips when he opened them to voice his doubts. “But we have to be open to the possibility,” Syn told him. “Relationships are work. But I think if we both want it, which I definitely do, then we can make it.”
“I want it, too,” PJ admitted softly. He was just afraid of failing like he had with everything else in life. “But I’m scared.”
Syn placed another kiss to his lips, this time only pulling back enough to say, “So am I. But if it means even a remote possibility of being with you, I would walk through hell to make it happen.”
PJ let out another sob and kissed Syn with all the love he felt for this amazing man. Yeah, there were no guarantees they would work out, but Syn was right, the only way they had a chance was if they did whatever it took. It might be hard to get past his insecurities, but to end up with Syn, PJ knew it would be more than worth it.
Those kisses ignited all the pent up sexual frustration PJ had been feeling since Syn’s arrival. Warm, strong hands stroked along his body and PJ was sure he was going go off like a Roman candle. It had been too long since he’d felt another man’s touch. That it was Syn, made everything that much better. More real.
“Damn, but I missed how responsive you are,” Syn told him when PJ arched into his touch.
“Not as much as I missed your hands on me,” PJ muttered, as he tried to get even closer.
“Fuck,” PJ suddenly yelled when Syn started to roll PJ onto his back, causing his knee to be jarred and pain to shoot up his leg. His hands grabbed onto Syn’s shoulder’s, nails digging into his skin as PJ desperately tried to control the flames that were searing a path through his body.
Syn instantly backed away and leaned over PJ’s leg to check and make sure no permanent damage was done. “Are you going to be okay?”
It was on the tip of his tongue to shout no, but the fiery agony that had gripped him started to ease. “I think so. I’m just not so sure my knee is ready for this much movement.” Not for the first time since his surgery, PJ cursed the mugger for shooting him and causing the hell that was now his life.
“I can fix that.” Syn climbed from the bed and carried PJ back to the swing.
Not only did the swing keep his leg and ankle protected from being injured, but it also offered enough support that the pain he’d suffered in the bed subsided quickly. “We really need to think about getting this for home. I just might sleep in it.”
Syn chuckled. “I’m not sure how you’d explain that to Daniel or Emma, but if it’s what you want, I will have one installed tomorrow.”
“Yeah, maybe I’ll just keep sleeping in the bed then.” PJ had no trouble about Daniel seeing the swing, but Emma? Not happening. He moaned as Syn’s hands once more continued to stroke his skin.
There were times PJ wondered if Syn thought he was a cat with the amount of petting he did. Not that he was going to complain. PJ loved every single stroke. As if to prove it, his body arched up into Syn’s touch.
“So responsive,” Syn whispered, almost as if he were talking to himself.
PJ groaned when Syn scraped his thumbnail over one of his nipples. Syn’s other hand moved down his abdomen, then to his groin. A deep moan was pushed from his lungs the moment Syn’s fingers wrapped around his length.
All it had taken were a few touches and PJ was once more on edge. But he remembered the rules. No coming before Syn said. Being older and more in control of his body, that shouldn’t be difficult. So why did he feel as if he were catapulted back all those years ago when he struggled to keep his body in check?
Even as he thought the question, PJ already knew the answer. Syn. The man had a way of turning PJ’s brain to mush and lighting his body on fire with just a look.
The hold on PJ’s dick grew tighter as Syn gave the flesh several strokes. At the same time, the attention Syn was giving his nipples had his mind turning inside out with too much sensation all at once. No lover since Syn had taken the time to get to know PJ’s body and what he liked. Well…no one but Syn.
An explosion of air rushed from his lungs when a hot, wet mouth took one nipple and sucked on it. Then PJ was helpless as a drawn out groan that came from deep within his body rang out in the room when teeth clamped down around the tight nub.
“Please Syn,” PJ begged. “It’s been too long.” And it had. Now that it was Syn touching him, making love to him, PJ knew none of the men he’d let fuck him had even come close to giving him such pleasure. He might as well have just used his hand all this time.
The low chuckle Syn gave to his pleading sank deep inside. He loved that sound. It always meant, in the end, PJ would receive nothing but pleasure. Even those few times when Syn had denied PJ the opportunity to orgasm during a scene, the next day, PJ would swear his entire body came apart when Syn finally allowed him to come.
“I think someone needs to learn patience again,” Syn said. Then he twisted one nipple with his fin
gers, sucked the other into his mouth and scraped his nail across the slit of PJ’s dick with his other hand.
PJ’s body arched and tried to push into the sensations that were overloading his body. The swing kept him from moving too much and suddenly PJ wished to God he’d never agreed to be put in the constricting device. He wanted more of what Syn had to offer. “Please,” he whimpered.
That’s when he heard the snick of a cap being opened. PJ actually cried out when a slick finger was pushing against the muscles guarding his entrance. He desperately tried to wiggle just enough to force that finger inside, but between the restraint of the swing and Syn not allowing him to control what was happening, PJ didn’t get any closer to his objective of having Syn inside of him.
It wasn’t until he stopped trying to move that Syn finally slid that finger into his body. Pleasure slammed into PJ as Syn’s finger sank deep. It wasn’t nearly enough, but just knowing that some part of Syn was inside of him again after all these years, had PJ’s balls drawing up tight to his body and his cock throbbing with the need to spill his seed.
It was so surreal that there was a part of PJ worried this was a dream and he’d end up waking up alone.
Chapter Twenty-One
Nothing could compare to the beauty of PJ at that moment. His pupils were dilated and his face flushed with passion. Those sweet rosy lips were slightly swollen from their kisses and his body was practically vibrating in need.
It was at times like this that Syn wished he’d learned how to paint, just so he could capture PJ in the throes of passion. A picture just wouldn’t do him justice. Not to mention it would be more fun to keep PJ on the edge during the entire time it would take to paint him.
Need, unlike anything he’d ever remembered experiencing, coursed through Syn’s body. Over the years, he’d become an expert at control. Yet, he was beginning to suspect, that had more to do with the men he’d been with hadn’t been PJ. For right now, he was losing his mind.
