by Anna Sugden
“Is that good or bad?”
“Relatively good because there’s less chance of it developing into something more serious. They’re sending her home with infant acetaminophen to help reduce the fever and instructions on how to keep Sophia comfortable while the fever works through. The first dose seems to be working already.”
Relieved, he cleared his tight throat. “How’s Issy?”
“Better now. It’s a scary thing seeing your baby suffer like this the first time. Especially when you’re on your own.”
There wasn’t any blame in her voice, but J.B. felt guilty, anyway. “I’m glad she had you with her. Thanks, Maggie.”
“No worries. I’ll take Issy and Sophia home and stay with them until they’re settled.”
“I really appreciate it.”
“That’s what friends are for. I’ll remind you the next time Jake and I need a babysitter.”
“You got it. Can I speak with Issy?”
Maggie hesitated, then said carefully, “She’s...getting Sophia ready to go home.”
Issy didn’t want to talk to him. “Okay. Tell her I’ll call tomorrow and be around to see Sophia first chance I get.”
“I will. Get a good night’s sleep and give those Habs hell tomorrow.”
“You know it.”
After relaying the news to Ice Man and then Jake, J.B. tried to get some shut-eye.
He couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned, going over the night’s events in his head—playing it every which way. He finally fell asleep wondering why he felt like a jerk.
The following morning he had to put his personal issues aside and concentrate on the game. Coach had made the morning skate optional, since a few players had been logging serious ice time over the series. J.B. was one of those who should probably have rested, but he used the practice session to blow out the cobwebs from his brain and get his head game ready.
It worked. He fell asleep for his pregame nap with no problem and awoke feeling refreshed and raring for action.
By the time he’d got to the warm-up, he still hadn’t managed to speak to Issy. He’d called several times throughout the day, but each time it had gone to voicemail. He’d left short messages saying he’d phone after the game, and see her and Sophia tomorrow. Eventually a text from Maggie arrived telling him that Sophia was recovering well and should be right as rain the following day.
Relieved the crisis was over, J.B. was able to put aside the previous night’s tension and relish the battle ahead as he got changed for the game. At least on the ice, he knew how to do the right thing and make everyone—except the opposition—happy.
With so much on the line, play started out cagey but soon became aggressive and tough. Both teams fought hard, yet neither could find the back of the net and they were scoreless after two periods. Despite their wager, neither Ice Man nor J.B. had a shot on target during the forty minutes. Mad Dog got the closest and his shot rang off the pipes late in the second.
The Canadiens finally hit one home early in the third. That seemed to wake up the Cats and they stepped up a gear. Paddy scored with three minutes to go, to even the score.
Just when it seemed like they were headed to overtime, Juergen found the puck in a scrum in front of the Habs’ net and slid one through the goaltender’s legs as time expired.
The arena erupted. The Cats’ players on the ice jumped in the air and the rest poured over the boards to celebrate the win. They’d done it. They were through to the next round.
After the traditional handshake, respecting their defeated opponents, the Cats saluted the fans from center ice, then headed to the locker room. With a couple of days before the next round kicked off, they planned to party into the night.
Since the wager between J.B. and Ice Man was a dead heat, they agreed to move the contest to the next round. Drinks were on Paddy and dinner was on Juergen, for their role in the victory. After they’d eaten, the team went on to a local club and continued the celebration into the early hours.
Dawn was breaking by the time J.B. crawled into bed and fell asleep. Since there was no practice the following day, he slept late, then headed to the gym to work out any kinks. After a steak dinner with his housemates, they all chilled in the living room watching the final playoff game in the first round before heading to bed.
It was only as he laid his head on the pillow that J.B. remembered he was supposed to have gone to see Issy and Sophia.
His stomach sank. Damn it!
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“CAN I COME IN, Bella?”
Issy cursed her traitorous heart, which leaped at the sight of J.B. standing on her doorstep.
Damn him for looking so good. For making her want him when she was mad at him.
For making her miss him, when he’d let her down when she’d needed him. Worse, he’d let her daughter down.
J.B. jammed his hands into the front pockets of his well-worn black jeans. The ones that hugged his finely honed body. “Please. We need to talk.”
Issy stood aside and motioned for him to enter.
As he stepped inside, he leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek. Anticipating his move, she turned her head. Only she turned the wrong way and their mouths connected.
Neither of them moved, except for their lips.
The kiss was soft, sweet and so achingly sincere it made her throat tighten.
She pulled her lips away.
Her gaze met J.B.’s and she saw her surprise mirrored in his eyes, as well as her sorrow and regret.
“You wanted to talk,” she said calmly, as if the kiss hadn’t happened.
“After you.” He gestured upstairs.
Issy walked ahead of him, feeling as though she was heading into the Colosseum before a gladiator battle. “Would you like a drink?”
J.B. declined. “Where’s Sophia?”
“Sleeping. In the nursery.” When it looked as if he might go in to take a peek at her, she added, “I’d rather you didn’t disturb her.”
He nodded, then went into the living room. “How is she?”
The simple question broke through the haze that had clouded her mind since their kiss. “She’s fine.”
Her clipped response had no effect on him. “No more issues? Her temperature’s stayed down? No sign of an infection?”
“Nothing.” Issy sat on the sofa and regarded him coolly. “Your concern’s several days too late.”
“I’m sorry.” J.B. rubbed his hand across his forehead. “I know how it looks, but I was worried.”
“I could tell. The phone calls, the visits. It was all so...heartwarming.”
“I did call. Didn’t you get my messages?”
“Hmm. Let’s see...there were some voicemails two days ago. The ones where you promised to stop by and see your sick daughter. When was that supposed to be?” She clicked her fingers. “I remember—yesterday.”
J.B. grimaced. “I screwed up. I can explain.”
“Don’t bother.” She sighed wearily. “The fact is Sophia and I don’t rank highly enough in your priorities.”
“That’s not true.” He jammed his fists on his hips. “It’s just...the circumstances...it was an important game.”
Issy had never seen J.B. struggle for words. He was a smooth talker, with a charming quip for everything. She tried not to be affected by his discomfort. He had screwed up.
J.B. continued. “I didn’t mean to make a mess of things. It just happened.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Did you lose your cell? Was that why you couldn’t reach us for two days?”
“No. I didn’t call after the game because it was late and I didn’t want to disturb you or Sophia. Especially if she’d finally fallen asleep.”
“How considerate.” Her sarcastic tone suggested the opposite. “And the following day? Was that so you didn’t disturb us, as well?”
“I forgot, okay?” He threw his hands up with frustration. “I was exhausted after the series and focused on getting my mind and bo
dy back to normal and I freaking forgot. By the time I realized last night, it was too late again.”
At least he was honest. Still, it hurt to hear him say it.
“If I could go back and put it right, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is learn from my mistake and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“Isn’t that the point? We both know it will, even if you don’t intend it to. That’s the nature of your job. First you need to train for the game, then you need to sleep and eat for the game.” She enumerated each point on her fingers. “Then you need to isolate yourself for the game. Then you play the game and celebrate the win. Then you need to recover from the game and prepare for the next one. Rinse and repeat. Then you resurface and join the real world somewhere around mid-June.”
“You know this time of year is critical and that my focus has to be one hundred percent on the game. I never lied about that.”
“No, you didn’t lie.”
“I also told you I wasn’t cut out for the commitment and responsibility a relationship required. I said I’d try, because I care about you and Sophia, but I never promised I wouldn’t mess up.”
“Also true. The mistake was mine. I expected more than I should have. Like, that you would regard being a father more seriously than you did.”
He shook his head. “You can put this all on me if you like, but you promised to give me until June. It’s still only the end of April and things are worse, not better. You won’t give me a single break.”
“We have a two-month-old daughter, who was born prematurely. She was sick. Forgive me if I expected you to give a damn.”
“It’s not just the fever. It’s every freaking little thing. She doesn’t eat, she eats too much. She doesn’t sleep, she sleeps too much. Every time she cries, you panic that there’s something wrong.”
Guilt made her lash out. “You said you wanted to be part of Sophia’s life, but you want to skip over the parts where she’s sick or crabby.”
“I do the best I can to help. I get that sometimes it’s not enough, but it’s not because I don’t care or I don’t try.”
Issy glared at him. “We’ll have to agree to differ. The night before last, for example.”
“I told you—there was nothing I could do. That’s my job. I didn’t abandon you. I got you support, through Maggie.”
“Maggie was a rock. That doesn’t get you a pass.”
“No, I don’t suppose it does.” He held up his hands in the shape of a T. “This is getting us nowhere.”
Issy took a deep breath. “You’re right. It isn’t.”
J.B. crouched in front of her, bringing his dark eyes level with hers. “Tell me honestly. Do you want our relationship to work?”
“Of course.” Her instant response surprised her. As did the truth behind it.
Part of her frustration and disappointment was that she really did care deeply for J.B.
“Because I’m Sophia’s dad or for myself?”
“The two things aren’t separate,” she hedged, wondering how he felt.
“Maybe not, but there’s no chance for us if we’re only together because of our daughter.”
“Are we?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t think so.”
“Hardly a resounding yes.”
“What I mean is that I’d still want to be with you, but I don’t think we’d be trying to move things forward so fast if it wasn’t for Sophia. We’d be able to take our time and build a relationship, without the extra pressures.”
“Fair point. But she does exist and so do those pressures. We can’t change that.” Issy raised her chin. “I’m sorry, but the time has come to make a decision.”
J.B. said nothing for several moments. “All right,” he said finally, his tone resigned. “What do you want to do?”
For once their daughter’s timing was impeccable. Sophia started to cry.
* * *
THE SIGHT OF Issy with their sleepy daughter tugged at J.B.’s heart.
Two beautiful, special females. Issy—the only woman who could make him laugh as easily as she drove him nuts. As easily as she turned him on. And Sophia—precious beyond anything he could have imagined.
They were way too good for him. And they deserved better than what he could offer. At least, what he could offer right now.
“Can I hold her?” He held out his arms, half expecting Issy to refuse, but she didn’t.
“You’ll still need to cradle her butt and support her neck, but she’s holding her head up more,” Issy said.
Sophia had changed so much in only a few weeks. She was growing fast and she was able to do more. Before he knew it, she’d be walking and talking, going to school, dating and wanting a car. A scary thought.
As was the reality of how much responsibility was wrapped up in one tiny package.
Sophia needed someone to look after her now, but she’d need support and guidance in the near future. She couldn’t wait until he was ready. She shouldn’t have to.
J.B. lifted his daughter against his shoulder. She turned her head so her face was in his neck and snuggled closer, letting out a little sigh. As if the scent of him was enough to comfort her. He breathed deeply, taking in her baby smell.
His heart swelled with love. How could he let this little girl go?
Unfortunately he didn’t see a way to resolve the problems between him and Issy.
“What do you want to do?” he repeated. “Or, should I ask what do you want me to do? I won’t give up hockey and for sure I won’t change my mind about marriage.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to.” Issy sat on the sofa. “This current ‘issue’ will be over in mid-June and we’ll have a couple of months where there will be some semblance of a normal life. But hockey’s a demanding mistress—come August, it’ll start again. Training camp, preseason and then the season itself. It’ll get worse and worse, until we’re right back at the same point next year.”
He couldn’t argue. “A lot of couples make it work. Jake and Maggie, for starters. It’s not ideal, but they find a way.”
“I suspect Maggie’s the one who finds a way.”
“Probably, but I’m sure there’re compromises on both sides. I don’t hear her complaining.”
“That may be fine for her, but it’s not for me.” Issy’s lips twisted. “Your job isn’t a regular nine-to-five, Monday-to-Friday thing, with a predictable schedule—weekends off, vacation time and the flexibility to be there for birthdays, special occasions and holidays.”
“Not many jobs are. But my timetable is actually totally predictable. From the minute they release the season schedule, I can tell you where I’ll be from September through to April, on a daily basis.”
“But you won’t necessarily be here, when Sophia and I need you.”
“No. I can’t promise that. My whereabouts are dictated by the schedule. The flip side is that I get time off other men won’t get—like most of the summer. And the way my days are structured, I can be around for more than you’d think.”
“That’s not enough. I need certainty and stability. Not because I need support all the time—I don’t. But on those occasions when I need backup, I have to be able to rely on it being there.”
J.B. was fighting a battle he couldn’t win. Issy had made up her mind about the mythical perfect man she wanted and he wasn’t it. “Basically, you want things all your own way. Where’s the compromise from your side?”
“When it comes to Sophia, I won’t compromise. I won’t accept anything less than she deserves—someone who’ll put us first. You can’t give us that. For Sophia’s sake, I have to hold out for a man who will.”
It was hard to argue with Issy when he agreed with her. Sophia did deserve someone who could do that for her. As much as he loved his daughter, J.B. couldn’t give her what she needed.
“I didn’t want to do this now,” Issy continued, “but Sophia’s growing and bonding. It’s unfair to give her expectations, then have her be disa
ppointed and let down time after time.”
J.B. cuddled Sophia a little tighter. “I wouldn’t deliberately let her down.”
“As the episode with the fever showed, you might not have a choice. That’s just as bad.”
He wanted to fight Issy; tell her he had rights and needs, too. What was the point? This wasn’t about him. It was about a tiny, precious girl who deserved the best of everything. As did her special mother. He had to accept that wasn’t him. No matter how much he might hope, deep inside, that it was.
J.B.’s eyes burned. He couldn’t handle this anymore. There was nothing else to say. It was what it was. Time to man up and make the choice. Hell, the choice had already been made. He just had to act on it.
He kissed Sophia’s head and murmured, “Love you, Bellita.”
Then he handed her to Issy, who’d risen to her feet. “Take real good care of her.”
Issy looked startled. “That’s it? You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. Everything you’ve said is right. This is for the best, all around. I’m not signing away my paternity, but I’ll step out of her life and yours. If she ever wants to know me, you know how to reach me.”
“I won’t hide who you are from her. Or that you did this for her.”
“Thanks.” Before he could stop himself, he took Issy and Sophia in his arms and gave them one last tight hug.
“I wish it could be you,” Issy said brokenly. “I know it can’t be, but...”
“Yeah. Me, too.” He released her gently. “Look after each other.”
Issy nodded, tears in her eyes. “Look after yourself, too.”
J.B. turned and walked away without looking back.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
SOPHIA WAS INCONSOLABLE after her father left.
It probably didn’t help that her mother was, too. Issy sat on the sofa, cradling her daughter, willing the ache of loss away. Tears streamed down her face, matching those on Sophia’s chubby cheeks.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she murmured. “I know it’s painful now, but it’s for the best in the long run.”
Sadly, the reassurance didn’t help either of them. Sophia continued to sob her little heart out. That, in turn, broke Issy’s heart.
