“She’s out of control,” I heard a voice say. Crap. They were talking about me.
“Look, James, you asked if I was okay. I am. Now, I really need to go,” I whispered into the phone. I heard a deep rumble on the other end but hung up anyway. I needed to hear what was going on outside my door.
“She isn’t out of control. She just needs time, practice.”
“She’s volatile.” I recognized mother’s voice. Good to know how she really felt.
“You set her off.”
“So this is my fault?”
“You never should have called Aiden in.” That was Inarus. I pressed closer, my interest now piqued.
“What was I supposed to do?”
“Things never would have escalated had you let her be. You pushed her. What did you expect would happen?”
I didn’t hear what was said next. I heard movement on the other side of the door and almost ran back to the bed to feign sleep before remembering that I was a grown adult. I wasn’t going to run and hide from mommy dearest to avoid being caught. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. They were in my quarters, after all.
I waited to see if they’d say anything else and was rewarded for my patience.
“How are things going with the vampire?” I heard my mother ask.
“Poorly. She’s unpredictable and she tried killing your daughter before I brought her in. Had I not been there…” His voice trailed off.
“Remind her of the video; that should keep her in line. She wouldn’t want her Coven leader learning of her activities.”
A video? So they had dirt on Irina. With any luck, I’d be able to find it. It’d give me the proof I needed to take Irina out without retribution from the Coven.
“How much does she know?”
“Aria? Not much, but enough that you won’t be able to keep her in the dark much longer. You never should have brought her into this. You shouldn’t have sent me after her, and you never should have gone after a child.”
“How else was I supposed to get the necessary reaction? Children inspire devotion. Had it been an adult, the result wouldn’t have been the same. And she’s my daughter—her place is here with me.”
“He was a child,” he said.
“It was an animal,” was my mother’s response. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from cursing. She wasn’t the woman I remembered form my childhood. Not any longer. Why was it so difficult to come to terms with that fact?
“You didn’t know the boy was a shifter to begin with.”
She didn’t respond.
“She doesn’t belong here.”
“Of course she does. She’s a psyker; where else does she belong?”
“I don’t know, but not here, not like this, under false pretenses.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you have no interest in being her mother. You told me you wanted to reconnect with her, but that isn’t your goal here. You have no intention of being the mother she lost.”
“Inarus, tread lightly. You had no issue playing your part earlier. Why are you questioning my methods now?”
He didn’t respond.
“Remember, you’re supposed to sway her, not the other way around. Don’t be fooled. You’ve been with us for quite some time. Now isn’t the time to lose your faith when you have but one assignment left before your final acceptance.”
There was that word again, acceptance. What was he being accepted into?
I didn’t hear anything else after that. A part of me was thrilled to hear that Inarus wasn’t as committed to whatever my mother was up to as much as I’d originally believed. Maybe he wasn’t beyond redemption after all. As for my mother…she wanted me as a pawn in her army. If that were the case, she was in for a rude awakening.
My mother had confirmed that she was working with Irina. That was at least something.
Footsteps neared, and I stepped back from the door as it slowly opened. Inarus stood before me, his gaze questioning.
“How much did you hear?” he asked.
“Enough,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. He ran his hand through his midnight-black hair.
“She isn’t—”
“A calculating bitch?” I asked. He shook his head but looked away from me.
“She wasn’t always like this.”
“I know, she’s my mother. Remember?”
He nodded, but his eyes remained distant. I didn’t know what his relationship was like with my mother but he spoke to her as though they were equal and perhaps within the HAC, they were. I still didn’t know much about the ins and the outs of things.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Better. I don’t think I could call my fire even if it I wanted to, though. It feels like my abilities have retreated so deep inside of me I can barely tell they’re there.”
“That happens when you burn yourself out. It’ll come back to you, sooner than you’d think.”
I wasn’t concerned. It was almost nice not having the constant urge to stretch my fire. There was a fine line between being a pyrokinetic and being a pyromaniac. The urge to light something on fire was almost always there. It was nice not having that urge for a change.
“I forgot to thank you, for helping me out earlier.”
“I didn’t do anything, it was all you.”
I smiled up at him, silence seeming to stretch between us with so much left unspoken. I looked down briefly, staring at my bare feet. I still hadn’t changed out of Inarus’s shirt, though he’d found himself a replacement.
“I think its time for me to go.” Inarus looked taken aback.
“Go, why?” I laughed, the sound hollow even to my own ears.
“I don’t belong here. You said so yourself and to be honest, I don’t want to be here. If I see her again, I don’t know what I’ll do.” I wanted to make her suffer for the part she’d played in my father’s death. Could I though? She was still my mother. Still the woman who’d raised me. She was also the enemy. That much was clear.
“Aria, she didn’t kill him.”
“Yeah well she may as well have. He’d still be here if it weren’t for her.”
Inarus leaned towards me, his hand coming up to cup the side of my face. I turned into his palm, the touch eliciting a sense of comfort, almost as though it were a soothing balm along my frazzled senses. His free hand came to wrap around my waist, pulling me closer into the heat of his embrace. I didn’t want my mother’s words to affect me. I didn’t want her to have that power over me, but she did, and if I was being entirely honest with myself, what she’d said stung.
I just wanted to feel something good. Something that would help me shove down any hurt left over from my mother.
My breath hitched. He tilted my face to meet his, his piercing blue eyes boring into mine, giving me every opportunity to pull away. I didn't. I couldn’t. When his lips met mine, I shuddered. He took my response as an agreement and deepened the kiss, crushing my body against his chest as he angled his mouth over mine more fully. I gasped, giving him the opening he'd been searching for.
His tongue brushed mine and warmth spread through my limbs.
I returned the kiss, my hands coming to rest on his chest, the solid beat of his heart beneath my palm anchoring me. Without warning, a flood of rage came over me, so visceral that the flames I’d believed snuffed out for the time being threatened to reemerge. I pulled away with a startled gasp, my hand coming up to cover my lips as I struggled for the cause of the emotion.
"Aria, what's wrong?"
I shook my head. I didn't know what was wrong. Rage consumed me, the anger so primal that if I’d had claws, they'd have been fully extended and eager to tear flesh from bone. The anger quickly morphed into pain, deep-seated and hidden beneath the layers of anger and frustration. There was so much hurt. The feelings weren't mine, though.
Realization hit that I was feeling Declan's emotions. That it was his rage affecting me, his anguish. I didn’t
realize that our bond would go this deep.
I looked into Inarus’s concerned gaze and pushed away from him. I was unsure of how to proceed, what the rolling emotions meant to me. I didn't owe Declan anything. He'd forced me into a bond I’d never asked for. That he was hurt and angry should have been of no concern to me, yet it was. A chasm had opened in my chest, a feeling of emptiness beginning to take root.
"Aria?" Inarus asked again, reaching out to me. I allowed him to pull me towards him, shoving down Declan's emotions as I tried to seek comfort in Inarus’s arms. I wanted this, I needed it. This contact. The sense of being cared for.
It didn't work. When the anger turned to grief, to a pain so deep my chest ached more than I’d ever thought possible, I pulled away once more. I couldn't do this. It wasn't right, regardless of how much I craved the contact. His touch had elicited a response from me from the very beginning but now, it felt wrong on a fundamental level.
I looked into Inarus’s confused gaze, his expression now tinged with worry. "I don't think I'm ready for whatever this is," I told him.
His eyes pleaded with me to change my mind. As the silence between us stretched and I made no move to resume our actions, he finally nodded.
"I understand. There's no rush,” he said. He gave me a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. I knew he didn't understand. How could he? He had no idea that Declan and I had formed a mate bond, and I had no intention of telling him. A part of me knew that this was for the best. I was a fool to start anything with someone I couldn’t trust, someone who’d already betrayed me. I knew that nothing could ever work between the two of us, but I was at the point where I was beyond caring. All I wanted was to feel good for one moment. To let everything go and just feel something, anything, that brought pleasure. I wouldn’t find that here, though.
The table split beneath my hands, the large pieces crashing to the ground, but it wasn't enough. Seeing the wood crack only fueled my anger further. I grabbed the largest piece and threw it against the wall. The crash made a satisfying noise. The chairs were next. Each met a similar fate, either being ripped apart or smashed against the nearest wall. I needed more. The smell of coffee wafted through the open door and I turned to see a younger Pack mate enter.
“Leave,” I snarled.
Her eyes widened and she dropped the porcelain mug that she’d likely been sent to bring to me. The cup shattered on impact as it hit the floor before ran, her blonde hair practically a blur in her haste to get away. The smell of coffee reminded me of Aria even more. I’d watch her as she’d make her way through the halls, looking like a zombie until she had her first cup of coffee in the morning. Her hair would be mussed, her eyes red, and her face devoid of any makeup. She was a thorn in my side but Christ I missed her. A growl rumbled deep in my chest.
My vision had gone red, and I sought to destroy everything in the room as images of her filled my mind. A roar of pure rage echoed throughout the room as my hands tore into wood and plastic and metal without thought or reason.
How could she do this? How could she let another man touch her? When there was nothing left in the room to break, I began punching the walls, and then resorted to ripping the doors from their hinges. But none of it satisfied my rage. My beast was on a warpath.
The sound of someone clearing their throat invaded the fog clouding my mind. I turned quickly, my eyes locking on James. The damn wolf obviously had a death wish. My beast eyed him with interest, eager for a fight. There was little left in the room for me to take my anger out on. I needed more.
“What?” I roared at him. His eyes met mine briefly before quickly looking away. That’s right, the tiger is pissed. Best not to make things worse. Now if he were a good little wolf, he’d turn right around and leave the room.
He didn’t.
Idiot.
My nostrils flared as I took in his scent, the slight tinge of unease that he tried to hide. It wasn’t quite fear, but it was enough. My tiger smiled. It wanted the wolf to worry.
I knew he wasn’t my enemy, but my beast knew that he cared for our mate, that his feelings for her went beyond simple friendship. He was a potential threat. If she would allow another to touch her, who was to say she wouldn’t let him? They were friends, had known each other far longer that I had known her. They had bonded in a way, and some bonds were unbreakable. Obviously, our mate bond wasn’t one of them.
I took a step forward and felt a smile cross my face as James became frozen in place. I watched with satisfaction as his muscles clenched beneath his clothing, bracing himself for attack. He may not have known why I was angry or why my anger was now directed at him, but his wolf sensed the threat and was putting him on alert.
“What’s going on with you?” he asked.
Stupid question. I stalked forward, my feet silent as they traversed the debris scattered across the floor. Small bits of wood and plastic embedded themselves in my bare feet, but I didn’t care.
“Declan?”
My eyes narrowed as I debated my next move. My nostrils flared again, his scent all too familiar, reminding me he was Pack. I couldn't kill him, no matter how angry I was. Pack was Pack. Perhaps I could glean some sort of information from him. Figure out why she had done what she did, why she’d let someone touch her. He knew her better than I did. Maybe he’d have the answers to my questions. My tiger stretched beneath my flesh, a visible ripple just beneath the surface.
“She’s with someone,” I said.
James’s eyes softened, and in them I saw pity. I didn’t want his damn pity. I turned away. I punched my first into the drywall. She is mine. I punched the wall again, and again.
“Where is she?” I roared.
“I don’t know.” I glowered at him. How could he not know?
“I thought you were going to have her followed when she left.”
“I did. Robert followed her but lost her downtown.”
I snarled. “You sent the damn coyote.” James looked uncomfortable. Good.
“He volunteered. I didn’t think he’d lose her.”
“Bring him.” James left the room. How could they lose her? She was one person and Robert was a shifter for Christ’s sake. That fucking coyote better have a good reason for losing her.
Footsteps pounded in the hallway. I clenched my fists to my sides. There was nothing else left to take my aggression out on. James entered the room, followed by the Alpha of Clan Canidae.
“Where is she?” There was no time for pleasantries.
“With that psyker bastard that eluded us before.” James looked taken aback.
“She left with him?” She knew he was the enemy. Was she so desperate to escape this bond that she’d trust him.
“She was —” he looked uncertain. If the coyote took much longer to answer, I'd use him to take out my remaining aggression on.
“She was what?” I asked, “Out with it!”
“She was injured. Before I could help her, the psyker appeared and they vanished. There was nothing I could do.”
“FIND HER,” I bellowed.
Robert nodded and left the room. James hesitated.
“What?”
“She needs the space to come to terms with all of this.”
He had a death wish.
“She’s with someone else. She’s with our enemy,” I repeated. Was he truly that dense? I needed him to follow direction and find her, dammit. He was a Hunter. His senses had been honed to near perfection. If anyone could find her, he could, and I needed him to do that.
“It doesn’t mean anything. You’ve formed the bond, you know it doesn’t mean anything.”
I didn’t know that. She wasn’t shifter, wasn’t like me. She didn’t have a beast inside of her, driving her. What if the bond was one-sided? What if I was tied to her but she had no such connection? My stomach plummeted at the thought. Was that even possible?
“What if it does mean something? She isn’t shifter,” I said, putting voice to my fear. Whatever I wanted to believ
e, I needed to consider the fact that our mating wasn’t mutual.
“You can’t think like that. Give her time. She needs it. Eventually she’ll come around.”
I leaned against the wall and looked at James, wanting to trust what the wolf said, but it was a struggle.
“And how much time should I give her? A week, a month, a year? When has it been long enough?”
“I don’t know. Only you’ll know that.”
Well if that were true, I’d say it had been plenty long enough already. I wanted my mate.
Once inside the confines of my room, I pulled my cell phone free from my pocket and powered it on. The plastic felt cool in my hands. I stared at the screen for several minutes, debating what to do and who to call. I needed answers.
Ten minutes passed as I sat there on the bed, debating, before I finally just dialed his number. I brought the phone up to my ear and listened to it ring for several seconds, unsure if I wanted him to answer or not.
“Jesus, Ari, it’s good to hear your voice.”
My shoulders sagged and I heaved a sigh of relief at the lack of anger in James’s voice.
“It’s good to hear yours too.” I meant it. I hadn’t realized how much it sucked not talking to him these past few days. Right now, when my world felt like it was falling apart all around me, I needed my best friend.
“Where are you?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t want him coming for me, and I knew he would. At the very least, he’d tell Declan where I was, and then he’d come for me. Neither one of them would be okay with me being here with Inarus, let alone within the confines of the Human Alliance Corporation.
I heard an exasperated breath over the line. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I thought about that for a second before I corrected myself, “No, not really. I…I feel him. I thought that would go away once I put space between Declan and me.”
“It doesn’t go away.” Well I’d figured that out already.
“What did you do, Ari? Declan lost it.”
I shook my head, knowing full well that he couldn’t see me, but how did I answer that? I felt like I’d betrayed Declan, as though I’d done something unforgivable, and I didn’t know how to fix it. I didn’t know why I even wanted to fix it. I didn’t owe him anything, yet for some strange reason I felt like I’d really screwed up. God, this was such a mess.
blood and magic 02 - kissed by fire Page 12
