“I’ve been thinking about what you asked me,” I said, realizing that my best bet for getting through this conversation was to just cut straight to the point.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want to do it, Avery.”
“I understand.”
“I don’t want to,” I said again. “But I have to.” I looked down to my fingers and found the courage to admit what I’d never been able to say out loud. “My brother owes someone a lot of money. He has no way to pay it, and it has to be paid.”
“And if it isn’t?”
“Life as we know it is over forever.”
“For him?”
“For all of us. My whole family.”
It sounded so dramatic to say it like that, but it was true. Daniel’s secret would devastate my mother. My father would never forgive him.
While Dad was always the most laid-back of my parents, it didn’t take away from the fact that he’d always favored his relationships with the boys. They were football buddies. Best friends. A team. Stephen wasn’t graceful, and because of that, Dad never got to see his oldest son do marvelous things on the field. But Daniel? Every time he put that uniform on, he was living out a dream for both him and our father. One day, Dad always said. One day, every little boy will strive to be you. You’ll be the standard they’ll fight to achieve.
And Dad might be right. All of those dreams could come true, but not if Daniel’s secrets were to ever become public knowledge.
He could destroy every dream they’d built together.
“Let’s do this,” I said, biting the bullet. “Let’s get it over with—work out the details of this thing.” I tucked my feet up in front of me and hugged my legs for warmth. “So, like I said, I’ve been thinking about it, and from the start, there’s already a glaring problem.”
“Like?”
“I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but your fans hate when you’re in a relationship. Whatever’s going on with you and Evie Lawson has not been well received. People are mad.”
“Scandals have a way of doing that.”
“But it’s not just the scandalous relationship. Look at your dating history. Fans are happy to sabotage anything if they can reason that it’s for their benefit. They want you, which means you have to remain unattached to keep their loyalty.”
“That seems like a stretch.”
“Please tell me you know that some of your most loyal fans were sending death threats to Bailey Thurman.”
“I know that, yes.”
“So it’s not a stretch. Death threats, Avery. And the two of you only dated for two months.”
“Is that all it was—two months? That’s oddly specific, Roz.” He nudged me with his shoulder. “Did you send death threats?”
“Funny,” I said, offended by the accusation. “I never cared what you did, as long as . . .”
I shook my head, and his grin only widened at what I’d almost admitted.
I’d never really cared what Avery did or who he’d dated, as long as he was happy. That’s all I’d wanted for him.
“That’s beside the point, I guess,” I said, forcing myself back on topic.
“And what’s the point?”
“If you’re trying to earn brownie points with your fans, announcing that you’re in a committed relationship is not the way to do it. I’m not a PR expert, but I have a fan’s perspective.”
“Yes, but . . .” He pushed his fingers back through his dark hair and forced a frustrated breath through his lips. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a jerk.”
“Say it anyway.”
“I care more about the show than the fans. And I know that might seem absurd to you, because without the fans we have no show, but . . . ” The rest of his sentence was jumbled up in thought, and he suddenly fell quiet.
“What are you thinking?” I asked.
“You’re going to go through with this?”
“I said I would. I have to. But I also have conditions.”
“Name ’em.”
“I don’t want to lie to my friends and family. I want them to know what’s really going on—at least, the reason I’m helping you.”
They couldn’t know about the financial agreement, so for all I cared, they could think I was doing him a huge favor out of the kindness of my heart. It wouldn’t be a stretch. None of them would be too surprised to learn that I wanted to help Avery, considering how long I’d had a crush on him.
He shook his head. “I can’t agree to that. Money talks. There’s always a price for the truth, and we can’t risk anyone blowing the secret.”
“They wouldn’t. People around here can’t be bought.” He looked to me, suggesting that I was perfect proof otherwise. “This is different. It’s a desperate situation.”
“You think you’re the only one in a desperate situation? I’ve seen people turn on their loved ones for much less than you’d think. What’s your second condition?”
“I want part of the money up front. Not a lot of it; even if it’s just a couple hundred dollars—something is better than nothing.”
I hoped Sara would see it the same way.
I wanted proof that I could make the payment, that I was good for my word. Once Sara realized Daniel wasn’t going to pay up, she’d turned to me with her demands, knowing I’d do whatever it took to protect my family. And now I had to. If I could hand over something toward the debt, then maybe I could count on her silence until I had enough to make the full payment.
“Next condition?”
“I won’t sleep with you,” I said, and he jerked back. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m sure it was implied when you proposed this whole crazy scheme, but—”
“Whoa, hey.” He held his hands up. “No. Never. It was never implied.”
I nodded. Right. Yeah. Okay.
Avery’s features pinched, and he gnawed on his thick bottom lip—a nervous tic, as far as I could tell. Had I made him uncomfortable again? I seemed to have that effect on him in the same effortless way he kept me wrangling to keep my hormones in check.
“So are we good? Do we have a deal?”
“No,” he said without a moment’s pause. “No deal.”
“Where did I lose you? Was it the sex thing? Because I stand firm on that.”
The tension around his lips melted, and it was quickly replaced by a hint of a smile.
“No, Roz, I’m withdrawing the request. Deal’s off the table.”
“What?”
“I won’t let you do anything you’re uncomfortable doing, and you clearly have reservations about—”
“But—”
“Please forget it. I asked too much of you.”
Tears stung my dry eyes. “I mean, yes. You’re right. You did. The lies, the games, and the hurt it would inevitably cause . . . I don’t want any part of it.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry I asked, but thank you for your consideration, at least. It means a lot that you’d sacrifice yourself to help me—”
“I don’t care about helping you,” I said, maybe a little too bluntly. “This was never about you. I saw an easy solution to earn the money I needed, and now that opportunity’s gone as quickly as it presented itself.”
“It’s not, though. I’ll settle your brother’s debt. I owe you that much.”
“You owe me no such thing.”
“I hit your car, Roz. Totaled it. I’m the reason your job hunt stalled. And then I reneged on this offer, and that’s money you relied on, so I’ll stand by my word. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve toyed with your emotions enough.”
“I could never let you do that.”
It was a generous offer—considering the source. But then I reasoned that, despite all the negative attention he’d gotten lately, Avery’s kindness had never wavered. When the scandals broke, he’d handled the media with poise. And when I’d stood out in the woods yelling at him, he’d remained cool and calm. Even now, I was rude
ly forthright with him, and he’d taken my candid words with a smile. I didn’t like giving him any more credit than he deserved, but I had to hand it to him—he was a nice guy.
“Deal or no deal, I’d still like it if you could come to dinner tomorrow to work out the details with the car,” I said. “My dad’s counting on you to show.”
“Oh, of course.”
“Six o’clock?”
“I’ll be there.”
I don’t know how much time passed after that—ten minutes, an hour. It was hard to say, because the cold breeze made even a few seconds feel longer than they were. But Avery and I just sat there in the swing on the Barretts’ front porch, staring out into the night.
He didn’t say anything; I didn’t say anything.
It was as if there was this complete understanding that, come twenty-four hours from now, we would be out of each other’s lives. He would settle whatever debt he had with my father, and then he’d be on his way.
Just hours ago, that’s exactly what I’d wanted. But now, sitting only inches away from Avery, I couldn’t believe how quickly all of this would be over.
I had to give into that little of part of me that had never stopped caring about him—just for a second—because if this was the last chance I’d have to say what needed to be said, I knew I owed him the truth . . . even if he’d already heard this from his best friend.
“Huge fan, by the way,” I said, finally stealing a peek of him from the corner of my eye. “I love the show.”
The edge of his mouth turned up. “Yeah?”
“Never miss it.”
Again, there was silence, and an irrefutable look of guilt flashed in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said, tilting his head back to look at the porch ceiling. “I’m sorry if I let you down, Roz. This . . . everything . . . nothing’s gone the way it was supposed to go, and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“You’re telling me.”
I wished I could tell him how much I understood. Sometimes the problems came far too easily, and the solutions were few and far between. All I could do was offer him the same advice I kept feeding myself.
“Tomorrow’s a new day,” I said. “If you just focus on what you want, and you really fight for it, you’ll come out on top.”
“Yeah,” he said, like he didn’t believe it was that easy, and he was right. It wasn’t. Optimism could only carry you so far, but it was the only place I could think to start.
“Can I offer you an outsider’s perspective?” I asked.
“Sure.”
“You’ve been in the spotlight for years, so damage control is essentially ingrained in your DNA. You feel like you have to have an answer or a response for everything you do—whether it’s honest or even necessary.”
He nodded. “Can’t argue that.”
“But screw damage control. You don’t owe anybody an explanation.”
Not his network, his friends, family, or even his fans. Not even me.
I paused.
How had I not realized that before? I didn’t even know the guy! Avery was just living his life. How had I ever become so invested with the idea of him that I’d let myself believe his real life in LA was any of my business? I couldn’t believe I’d been so irrational.
My theory was that he was a hypocrite who’d abused the trust of everyone who’d supported him, and that made him the worst kind of human being.
I looked down, fighting a tear as the memory of my earlier thoughts haunted me. How had I allowed myself to be so angry about something that’d never affected me?
“You don’t owe anybody an explanation,” I said again, still fighting to understand how I’d ever convinced myself otherwise. “And if you feel like you have to say something, then the best thing you can do is own up to it. You were scared—big deal. Out here in the real world, most of us are scared every damn day of our lives. There’s no shame in running away when all you’re looking for is time and space to recover from your setbacks. If that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes—image be damned.
“So if you’re really trying to do better for yourself, and you really want to ‘fix’ things, then I’d advise you not to spend this next week focused on what everyone else wants from you. The world’s going to see what they want to see, anyway. So what good does it do to be something you’re not? Be you—the real you, whoever that is. Even if that person’s a coward. Own it.”
Avery wiped a hand down his face. “Wes didn’t tell me you were a motivational speaker.”
“Oh, well, only on the weekends,” I said, cracking a smile, but then I looked down to my cellphone, realizing there were only a few minutes left before the weekend turned to weekday. It was nearly midnight. “Listen, I have to go. I took off tonight with the one car my dad owns that you haven’t wrecked, and I need to get back before anyone realizes I’m missing.”
“Okay, yeah,” he nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
I swept myself off the seat and down the porch steps.
“Hey,” Avery called down, leaning his forearms against the porch railing as he looked at me. “Just focus on what I want, right?”
“And be yourself,” I said, opening the car door. “Good night, Avery.”
Chapter Six
“Get up, get up, get up!” Carter bounced on my bed, rattling me from a deep sleep. “Lazy bones, let’s go! Move it!”
“Why?” I moaned, throwing a pillow over my face. “What did I ever do to deserve this?”
“Roz, come on, you’re gonna want to see this.” She pulled back the covers and ripped the pillow from my face. “Good morning.”
“I hate you.”
“I love you, too. Now come on. Up.”
“It’s Monday,” I said, hoping to remind her with the fewest words possible that we were off school for the entire week on fall break. There was no reason for early mornings. Vacation days were for sleeping in.
“Come on,” she begged. “I only have a few minutes before I have to be at work, and this is important.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“It’s Avery,” she said, and I bolted straight up. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“Avery?”
“He’s broken his silence. He posted a photo online this morning, and I knew you’d want to see it.” She turned her phone toward me.
I ripped the phone from her hands and stared at the photograph.
It was a black-and-white picture taken at the Barrett Farm, the focus on the empty porch swing at dawn. Beneath the post read: Most of us are scared every damn day of our lives. There’s no shame in running away when all you’re looking for is time and space to recover from your setbacks.
“What do you think it means?” Carter asked, and I read over the few lines of text again.
It meant that he’d listened to me; he’d actually heard me.
I shook off my disbelief and turned back to Carter. “It means our friends have been giving me crap for two years about liking the guy when you’re the one who’s stalking him,” I said, grinning. I passed her phone back. “Thanks for the update. Good night.”
“You can’t go back to sleep,” she said, taking my wrist to pull me up again. “And I’m not stalking him. It’s all over the news this morning. Roz, he’s alive!”
“Yeah, that’s great, but I’m trying to—”
“How can you think about sleep at a time like this?”
“At a time like what?”
“He admitted he was scared. He literally dropped his wall to the entire world. Who does that?” She stared at the picture again, letting a small sigh slip through her lips. “It’s not geotagged or anything, and he didn’t say where he was. But look at this place. Isn’t it beautiful? And all he did was run away to clear his head, to take a break from the world. He’s in a good place, Roz.”
She was happy, and that was awesome, but I couldn’t help but wonder how she’d feel if she
knew that I had something to do with Avery’s sudden breakthrough. It all boiled down to that weird jealous tendency his fans had—they wanted good things for him, but not if the source of that goodness came from another girl. Other girls were threats, and threats had to be eliminated.
Obviously Carter wouldn’t think to eliminate me, but she probably wouldn’t be too happy to learn that I’d sat with him for all that time last night, giving him advice without the tiniest consideration to call her up and invite her over to share in that once-in-a-lifetime experience.
“Good place, good for him,” I said, throwing my legs off the side of the bed.
There was no use going back to sleep now, and though I was seriously interested in discussing Avery’s reappearance on social media, I didn’t want to discuss this with Carter. I wanted to talk to him. I was strangely proud of him for letting his guard down.
I couldn’t imagine the amount of bravery it must’ve taken him to publish something like that so publicly. He’d exposed a small piece of his truth—a little part of himself that wasn’t built in a PR office or riddled with deception.
“You know your shift starts in fifteen minutes,” I said, glancing at Carter through the mirror above my dresser.
“Yeah, I know. But I couldn’t—”
A loud thump from the other room stopped her midsentence. It’d come from Daniel’s bedroom. It was a basketball or football. Maybe even a baseball or tennis ball. Some kind of ball. He was always bouncing them against the wall that separated our two bedrooms, and it was annoying as hell because it usually went on for hours at a time. But this time it was just one thump, which meant he was trying to get my attention.
“Hey,” Daniel yelled. “Your boyfriend’s alive.”
“Yeah, I got that, thanks,” I said, and then I looked to my friend. “Sheesh. Big news this morning if Daniel’s already seen it.”
“It’s all anyone’s talking about,” Carter said. “It was on the radio; it’s all over social media. You can’t miss it. Everyone thought he was dead.”
I scoffed. Maybe Avery was alive and well, and that was great, but I was as good as dead.
Where You Belong Page 5
