by Paige North
But not Aubrey.
We went to the park the other day. I showed her my spot. And she held my hand and sat with me as we watched the ducks.
In that moment, I felt a peace, a stillness in me I’d never experienced with another woman before. It was fucking intoxicating. Addictive. Aubrey is my fix, and I want more and more of her.
I also want to fuck her so badly I can barely stand it.
I make my way out of the wooded area and back on the sidewalk toward my apartment above the bar. Just another mile to go until I hit home. Shower and get my shit together for work tonight. My whole body is drenched in sweat at this point.
Jax’s comment about the police nudges its way back to the forefront of my mind. Fuck. We have to do something about it. If we can get the bar to pull in more money, maybe we can prove why we deserve to remain here and we’ll be in a stronger position to not let them fuck with us.
I need ideas. Fast.
I cross the street and make it to my neighborhood. Kids are playing on small grassy lots in front of their homes, jumping in sprinklers, throwing balls, screaming and acting like little shits. I feel a grin lighting my face despite my troubles when I see a small boy tugging the hair of a small girl, and she hauls off and hits him on the ear.
When I turn the corner and make it to the sidewalk leading to my entrance, I find myself slowing in surprise. Aubrey’s sitting on my stoop, a plastic bag in her lap. I suck in several breaths and try to get my heart to slow down.
The pounding of blood in my veins isn’t just because of me running.
Aubrey’s wearing nursing scrubs. She’s either home from work or on her way to it. She stands when she sees me, a shy smile on her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and putting the bag on the stoop. “Hi,” she says as I near her.
I don’t say a word in response. I cup her face and tug her mouth to mine. All I want right now is to fucking taste her mouth. I need it so badly that the ache is a throb in my entire body. I need to sink into her, escape from everything, let her drift me away from the stresses of my life.
Aubrey gasps and opens her mouth to me without hesitation, and I slant my mouth over hers and glide my tongue on hers. She tastes like mint and warmth, that flavor that’s uniquely her. I thread my fingers in her hair, careful not to press my throbbing body and quickly rising cock against her clean uniform. But oh, I want to mess her up, make her leave her disheveled, feeling thoroughly owned.
Why the hell have I been holding back from her?
As I kiss her, I realize I have no idea. Can’t remember a single fucking good reason for it.
Aubrey whimpers, which makes my blood boil. I plunge deeper, possess her mouth, and she buries her fingers in my hair and kisses me in earnest. I can feel her shaking a little with her desire, which ignites my own hunger. My cock is so hard I’m sure everyone could see it. And I have zero fucks to give about it.
My woman, something in my head growls. I run my hand down to her side and squeeze. I am feeling animalistic, primal, and I need her so much right now.
Aubrey pulls back with a wide, open smile, panting. Her lips are swollen, her hair mussed, and I suppress the urge to gloat that I made her look this way. “Wow, that was the best greeting I’ve ever had in my life.”
“I want you so badly right now,” I tell her. My entire body is on fire for her. I want her hands and mouth everywhere.
Aubrey’s eyes darken and her chest rises and falls with her shallow breaths. “God, I…” Her lips part and she swallows. “I told myself I wasn’t going to, uh, that we could just… We’d be nothing more than…” Her cheeks burn a delicate pink and she presses her lips together and looks away.
Fuck. I know what she’s driving at. She’s hurt by how I slipped away from her that day. I want to kick myself again for hurting her feelings. Yet despite her embarrassment, she’s still been going out with me.
This woman is going to be my downfall. I know it right now as surely as I know my name. “I shouldn’t have left like that,” I tell her. “It was a shit move, and it hurt you.” I cup her chin and tilt her face to look at me. The vulnerability in her eyes, tinged with fear, makes a swell of protectiveness rise in my chest. “I won’t do that again, I promise.”
“I’m just…scared. I really like you.”
The soft admission makes my heart skip. I swallow back the response and make myself say with a cocked brow, “Do you like me like me?”
That gets the laugh I was hoping for. Her eyes are light again, and she punches me on the arm. “You’re rotten.” With that, Aubrey spins around and grabs the bag that’s on the stoop. “I, uh, just swung by before going to work to bring you food. I know you said before that Thursdays are crazy for you, and I wanted to make sure you had something to eat. I went to Aunt Sylvia’s diner and she told me what your favorite meal is.” Aubrey thrusts the bag in my hand. “One cheeseburger, extra cheese, mayo, ketchup, no mustard or pickles. And fries.”
I go still, just staring at her.
She seems to sink a little at my silent scrutiny. “Sorry, was that a dumb thing to do? It was a silly impulse, wasn’t it. I hope I wasn’t overstepping—”
I lean over and kiss her hard before she can continue. My chest is so full right now I can’t think, can’t speak. I don’t know how to articulate what I’m feeling, so I let my mouth do it for me. I show her my appreciation and with my free hand, caress her nape. I slide my tongue along her lower lip, delve into her mouth, kiss her with a sensuality that has me rock hard in moments.
I want to fuck her, yes. But more than that…I find myself wanting something deeper.
When we pull apart, our eyes lock, and something passes between us. The same emotion that did when we last had sex, but even deeper. Like the past few days have bonded us.
She brought me food.
When was the last time someone took care of me, without any strings attached, without any other incentive but just to make me happy?
I can’t fucking remember.
I’ve spent the last several years being the one to care for others. Make sure bills are paid. Help them when they needed me. Give advice, keep the bar running. And here comes this woman into my life, and she brings me a meal before I go to work.
It’s so intimate and domestic of a gesture.
Aubrey strokes my chin, her fingers dancing along my beard. She sucks in a shaky breath and exhales, giving a shy laugh. “Shit. I gotta go to work. I’m on the night shift.”
“I’m glad I got to see you,” I tell her. I feel like the outer layer of my skin has been shaved off and my nerves are all exposed. It’s uncomfortable and strange, and I don’t know how to handle it.
Aubrey kisses the corner of my mouth, then leaves, hopping into a Corolla and driving away.
I make myself walk into my entrance, up the stairs to my cool apartment. It’s quiet in here, only the sound of the air conditioner whirring. The scent of the food is warm and makes my stomach growl. I can’t fight the grin that spreads across my face.
I finish every fucking bite of dinner.
In the shower, I scrub down, ignoring my cock, which is still semi-hard for her. Instead, I’m distracted by other things I’m feeling. Something distinctly akin to a romantic affection. I’m developing real feelings for Aubrey.
And I have zero fucking idea what I’m going to do.
Aubrey
“Mr. Dextry, I need you to stay still so I can get your blood pressure.” I try to gently cup his arm to get him to stop wiggling.
He turns to me, his face deeply lined and droopy. His eyebrows are furry caterpillars with wild hairs erupting everywhere, and I see gray hairs sprouting out of his ears. “What?” he yells at me.
I bite back a smile. “Please sit still,” I say in a much louder voice.
“Well, you don’t have to yell it,” he grouses, but he stops moving on his bed and lets me work.
I get his vitals and thank him, then move on to the last room I have to cover on the
floor. I’m doing a round to check on patients who have been ill or are currently sick. Mrs. Maze is a feisty woman when she’s sick—hopefully she’s in a good mood tonight. She seemed pleased with dinner earlier and ate all her food, so that should help.
I pause before entering her room and try to stop thinking about Smith. But how can I? Something happened between us earlier. Some kind of shift in our relationship, or whatever the hell you’d call it. I don’t know what is going on with us, but I felt a change in him.
Those kisses he gave me scorched my bones. Every encounter with him changes me on some kind of chemical level. I’m never going to be the same. Smith and I have been doing a slow, torturing tease with each other the last several days. I wondered if that challenge I issued him outside the diner would spur him into acting.
It didn’t. At least, not sexually.
But I can tell he’s feeling as sexually hungry as I am. Something is going to give between us, soon.
I rap on Mrs. Maze’s door, which is cracked open, then peek in. She’s lying on her bed asleep. I gently touch her shoulder. “Hi, it’s time for me to get your vitals.”
Mrs. Maze blinks up at me. Her eyes are a little glassy still, but she seems better than she did yesterday. “Hey, Aubrey.”
I run through obtaining and recording her vitals. As I do, I ask, “How are you feeling?”
That opens the floodgates. She spends the next five minutes giving me a litany of things wrong with her, from how much she aches to how she’s constipated. Nothing to really be concerned with. I murmur in empathy in the appropriate spots.
“Well, your temp is greatly down. You’re barely registering a fever.” I give her a smile and pat her hand. “Try to get some sleep. It’ll help.”
“I could sleep if you guys would quit interrupting me.”
Ah, there she is. The sassy mouth I’ve grown to know and love. I laugh. “I’ll quit interrupting you if you get better,” I shoot back, then close the door to her earthy chuckle.
I head to the nurses station and rest my feet, which are already aching. It’s going to be a long night, but at least evenings are quiet. There are some fashion magazines spread out on the table, and I grab one and flip absently through the pictures.
After peering blindly at images of beautiful women for about twenty minutes, I tug my phone out and send Michaela a quick text saying hi. I don’t want to bug her if she’s up, but I miss my friend. Times like this, quiet nights on our shift, were when we got into the most trouble.
A moment later, my phone buzzes with a reply from Michaela. OMG you will not believe what just happened!!!! I AM SCARRED FOREVER.
Don’t keep me in suspense! I text her.
I caught Mr. and Mrs. Carter having sex in the activities room. He had her tied up to the chalkboard with two of his ties. Apparently he read Fifty Shades of Grey and decided to try it out, and he talked his wife into it.
It’s so hard to keep my laugh quiet. Don’t lie, I reply. You were so turned on, weren’t you.
I think Mrs. Carter wanted to crawl in a hole and die. LOL
A fresh wave of missing her hits me, and I stare at our texts. I made the right decision. I know I did. There was no way Roger was going to accept our breakup. He proved that loud and clear; it took the bruises on my upper arms almost two weeks to fade away. It just makes me kinda mad that I had to give up my life to find safety.
Though I have to admit, I’m starting to like Rock Bridge. When I saw Aunt Sylvia earlier while ordering dinner for Smith, she told me to come back anytime and said she’d save me a seat whenever I wanted to visit. That any real friend of Smith’s was a friend of hers.
It’s nice to feel like I’m planting roots.
I hope you took pics, I write Michaela back, then tuck my phone away. We’re allowed to use our cell phones during slow times, but I don’t want to look like a slacker. I need this job and am so fortunate to have found it on short notice.
Felicia and Tawny, two other nurses working the shift with me, stroll over and plop down at the table. They’re both older than me, with Felicia in her thirties and Tawny in her early forties, but they’ve been nice so far. I enjoy shifts with them.
Tawny groans and presses her hands to her lower back, stretching. “Fuck, I’m whomped already, and we still have hours to go before we’re done.”
“Living the glamorous life,” Felicia says with a laugh as she sips on her water.
“No, the glamorous life would include a wealthy husband and a pool boy,” Tawny replies, her toothy grin wide.
We both chuckle.
“I just want a margarita and a bar of chocolate right now,” I say.
They groan.
“That sounds divine,” Tawny says with a nod. “We should make that happen.”
“Foley’s Sports Bar serves the best margaritas I’ve ever had in my entire life,” Felicia says. She pats her dark red hair to make sure it’s still in a bun and eyes us both. “We should go soon and get some.”
“Oh, hell yeah.” Tawny pauses. “I work tomorrow evening and then I’m off Saturday. What about you guys?”
My heart jumps in my throat. I’m actually being asked to join coworkers for a night out. I’m making real friends. Deepening my roots. “I work Saturday morning shift, so that evening would be good for me.”
Felicia wiggles in her chair in excitement. “I’m working Saturday morning too. Sounds like we have a date, bitches.”
“I haven’t been to Foley’s,” I tell them. “Is it good?” I remember the name though. Foley’s was the place Smith told me to go that first night I showed up at Outlaws. Where he said someone like me would be better suited.
“So have you been drinking out of town or something? Because that’s really the only place around,” Tawny says. She scrutinizes her perfectly painted nails.
“I’ve gone to Outlaws.”
Both women stare at me.
“The bar,” I add.
Felicia’s lips quirk. “Oh, we know what Outlaws is, trust me. But it…”
“Isn’t my type of joint,” I say with a laugh. “Yeah, I heard. They have good beer though.”
“And good-looking bartenders.” Tawny waggles her brows. “Those Beckett boys are hell raisers, but I hear they’re wild in the sack.”
I think about the night Smith and I had sex, the way he went down on me in the bathroom. God yes, he’s wild. I wish I knew how wild though.
“No fucking way,” Felicia says in shock, as she sees the look on my face. “You bagged a Beckett? Oh my God, you did!” she practically shouts, pointing at me.
My throat burns, a slow crawl that works its way up my cheeks. “I…” I swallow. “I’m kinda talking to Smith.”
“Sweetheart. No one talks to Smith.” Tawny lays a hand on my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic squeeze. “The Beckett boys are good for one thing. Fucking. Okay, two things—fucking and fighting. But they don’t date anyone, and they sure as hell don’t talk.”
It’s not true, though I don’t bother to correct the women. Smith and I have talked. I’m the new girl, though, so I know I’ll just hear how I don’t know enough yet. It’s like the script writes itself—I can almost predict it.
Tawny sighs and picks up a magazine near her. “I sure wish I could find out how well they are in bed. I’m far too old for them though. I don’t think they’re into cougars.”
Felicia laughs. “Please. I saw the way that guy at Foley’s was hitting on you. Remember him? The black-haired one who barely had enough facial hair to indicate he was out of puberty?”
They both cackle and talk about him, the Beckett Boys forgotten. But my stomach is unsettled now, uneasy. Am I really naïve as to think that maybe what Smith and I are doing is different? Or is this just me being blind?
Sometimes I can see every emotion on his face. Other times, I can’t tell a damn thing he’s thinking. Hot and cold.
The rest of my shift crawls by. I’m plagued by doubts, feeling a little silly, yet also t
rying to convince myself that I know what I know. I’m not just a booty call to Smith. There’s more between us than that. What that “more” is, I don’t know. But it’s there. Either that, or he’s the world’s greatest actor. Because the emotion in our last kiss was so strong it almost blew me over.
At seven, I wrap up my shift, tired down to my bones, and get in my car. The morning sun is peeking over the horizon, and the trees are awash in a golden glow. There aren’t a lot of cars on the road, just tree-lined avenues and quiet houses waking for the day. Rock Bridge is a lovely town, and for the first time, I let myself really start to observe it for what it is.
Really, does it matter what Smith and I are right now? We’ve only known each other a few weeks. I should stop hyper focusing, overanalyzing, and just let it be what it is. Enjoy his company, his kisses, the way I feel when I’m with him.
Smith isn’t perfect—he’s surly and abrasive at times, hard to read, and his temper is quite strong. But he’s also got this vulnerability underneath all of that. His kisses make me feel alive. And God, do I crave him again, despite my best efforts not to. I want him inside me so badly I could scream.
He’s spent the last few days showing me who he is. Slowly dropping his guard, giving me a hint or two about his life, his stresses. What he wants. And every bit of information I get is like a drop of rain on the desert. I soak it up and instantly want more.
I weave my way to my apartment, getting a string of green lights.
I’m in a good place right now. I need to stop being so on edge. Rock Bridge is turning into home for me.
I pull into my parking lot and kill the engine. Lock my car door and head to my apartment. There’s a folded-over note for me taped on my door with no text on the outside. Maybe Smith thanking me for bringing him dinner?
I rip it off and flip it open.
The words are stark and accusing.
