by Jayton Young
After Jerry left and I had unpacked my clothes, I was about to call my mom and dad when Ryan asked to speak with me.
“Can I please ask you a personal question?” He seemed hesitant, and I nodded and tried to calm his nerves. It seemed to work as his muscles relaxed; the tension that had been in them draining away. “Why are you doing this? Why not take your mate?”
I was shocked. That had been the last thing I expected to come from him. Had I done something to give myself away? Who else knew?
“Please don’t panic. You know I like to watch people, right?” I nodded, knowing this about him. “I have been watching out for you and your father for five years now, unofficially. I feel like you both, being a part of our pack, saved me when my Hannah died. You made it possible for me to raise my son in a semi-normal household. I have always been grateful, and asked Alpha Parker for the position of watcher. It’s not an official title or position, but it’s just me making sure there is nothing either of you need.”
I processed what he’d told me. I felt good that we’d been able to help him. I had always tried to send out good feelings to him and Eddie whenever I was around to try to help make their situation easier. I was touched that for all of this time he had repaid us by watching on the sidelines, not even asking for recognition, but that still didn’t tell me how he knew I had a mate.
I guess he saw the question in my eyes because he continued. “I saw it when you first learned that Trent was your mate. Maybe not the exact moment, but I knew. You couldn’t hide your true feelings as well back then, and then you all of a sudden withdrew even more from the pack. Whereas before, you’d at least attend pack functions for a few minutes, you then started finding reasons not to go at all. Anytime you saw him and Nikki you’d have a longing coming off of you. People thought it was because you wanted to find your mate, but I saw. I knew it was because you felt you couldn’t have him for some reason.”
I was amazed by this man. He really did observe everything. “Do you think anyone else knows?”
“No. You’ve hidden it well. Especially after you did learn your control.”
I sat and told Ryan the whole story. It was nice to be able to talk about it; relieve the pressure of keeping something so monumental to myself.
“Don’t you think he deserves the right to choose?”
“There are other factors than just him and I in this. There is the pack to consider. Nikki would be the better Alpha Female, not me. And then there is Nikki herself. She has already lost her mate; no one could save him or save her from that pain. I can’t take her love away from her again.”
We talked for a little while longer and he swore not to tell anyone. I believed him because he hadn’t told anyone to that point. It was nice to have another friend I could completely count on, but I didn’t tell him all of it, like the side effects. That I would keep to myself and the ones that already knew.
He called Eddie and I even spoke to him on the phone for a minute, and then I called Dad. He agreed with me that we should help Bolton, and promised to talk to Alpha Parker that night. By the time I changed and laid down, I was so exhausted that as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out.
Chapter 7
“Well I’ve talked with both Jeffery and Bolton this morning. I did a conference call with your Alpha, and he has approved of Bolton going with you to join your pack.” Alpha Burgess said.
I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding and smiled. I figured, especially with Daddy being on my side, that Alpha Parker would agree, but there had been no guarantees; at least not with the threat out there for Omegas.
“Are you alright with that, Damon?” I asked. He seemed hesitant about the situation for some reason. “I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you first, and Bolton didn’t ask; I offered, so please don’t be angry at him.”
His eyes softened. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m not mad at Bolton. I am worried because he is still somewhat of an unknown. I think we all fear for your and your father’s safety.” He turned to my three guards that were standing there against his wall. Billy, Jerry, who hadn’t found his mate, and Ryan all wanted to be there to see what was decided. Gary was still with his newfound mate.
“What do you three think?” Alpha Burgess asked them.
“He seems like an ok guy.” Billy spoke up. “Hearing his conversation with Crystie last night, and speaking with him a little myself, I didn’t detect any…maliciousness, I guess you’d say. He seemed genuine. And he asked me about training to be in the guard when we get back to the pack. He wants to guard Crystie and help protect her.”
“Yeah, he said as much to me.” Jerry said. “He said he has never been a fighter, but with what Crystie does for him, he would like to be able to contribute and give something back to her.”
“I haven’t done anything for him.” I interjected. “I just talked with him and offered a place in our pack to help him learn control.”
“That’s what he’s talking about, Crystie.” Damon said. “Though there has been more sympathy for him here than open hostility, he’s never truly been accepted by the members of this pack. Nobody but me and my Beta really includes him in anything, but you accepted straight away. Last night was the first real interaction Bolton has had with the pack outside of the acceptance ceremony we held for him.”
Jerry spoke back up. “He told me last night that that had been the first time he had really felt at peace with himself since the attack.”
“It’s just you being who you are.” Ryan said in his quiet manor. “You help a lot of people without even meaning to most of the time.” I could tell he was talking about what he’d told me the night before.
My face heated in a blush, and I nodded; letting him know I understood the reference.
“Just be careful around him. He’s never been a big problem, but his control is seriously lacking, which I know is what you want to help with, but you won’t have much time until you get home.” Damon warned.
“Is it possible for Bolton to have a mate?” I asked, wondering if he could search while we were pack hopping.
“I’ve never heard of a changed wolf having a mate besides your father. Most changed wolves end up as rogues like their attackers.” He said. “Since your father found your mother, I guess it’s possible, but again, please be watchful.” Damon took out a legal pad and a pen. “Now, down to business. I would love to get those details about the programs you implemented in your pack.”
We spent a couple of hours together with his Beta, Liam, going over the different programs to help each group in the pack. I explained my reasoning behind starting the programs and the results. They decided to get several pack members to meet with me and get the advice on what to do. It was Alpha Burgess’ hope that everything would be set up by the time our little group left the following week.
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That afternoon I was with a girl named Kelsey, who was about a year older than me, and we were talking about the baking and different crafts that I did with the elders of the pack back home to help give them something to do.
“So what is the point of it?” She asked. I didn’t pick up any hint of derision in her voice or demeanor; she was just curious.
“Well in our pack, the elders can’t go on the hunts because they can no longer keep up, and it expends too much energy for them to shift too often, so they begin to feel useless to the pack. That’s what normally causes the depression that leads to an elders’ death. They give up; having no sense of purpose. I got the women to start baking for two reasons. One was for the sick, injured, or those mothers that have just had children and need the help. The men will whittle or do some other handcraft for the same person, and then they’ll go and visit with those people. The second reason is that if there are no sick or injured to tend to, we have set up a store that sales the baked goods and hand crafts to help earn the pack money for our different needs. It gives the elders th
at feeling of contribution to the pack, and the sense of purpose, they need to keep going.” I explained. “Young or old, if a member of a pack doesn’t feel like they are able to help in some way, they start to feel worthless and like they are a burden to the pack. I just try to eliminate those feelings by finding a way for each person to contribute.”
“I have seen that in our pack, too. I just never thought about it that way. I never knew how to help them.”
Over the next several days I did this with several members of the Starlight pack. They were all very excited about it and willing to do whatever they could to help. I told Alpha Burgess one day that he was very blessed to have the members he had.
“I know. We’ve always been a hard pack, but we are all family. That’s why I never try to expand my pack; I liked the small numbers, but within a few months we will be making the move to combine with your MoonBeam pack along with several other small packs.” He said. “My main concern is that we will lose the familial atmosphere.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, sir.” I smiled. “We may be a big pack, but we are still family to where everyone knows everyone. I don’t see that changing; even with new additions.”
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I had been walking around the community saying goodbye to the new friends I had made over the time I had been in Beaumont since we would be leaving the next day, and I was talking more with Bolton. We had become good friends over that time. There would be a run and a bonfire with our two packs as a farewell that night, and I had promised to stay with Bolton to try to help him keep control during his shift.
“I’m kind of nervous.” He confided.
“Why? It’s not your first time, and I’ll be there along with Jerry and Ryan. You know we will all help you.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you.” He said softly.
I turned to him and smiled. “Nothing that happens tonight could disappoint me unless you just don’t try, Bolton. You have said yourself how relaxed you are feeling; just carry that over into the shift.”
“Yeah, but my wolf takes over, and sometimes he’s…overzealous? I guess that would be the word.”
Ryan came closer to us to speak to him. They had become friends the past couple of weeks, too, which says a lot because Ryan doesn’t take to just anyone. “As calm as your wolf is now around her, it will be then too; even though he will be in control.”
“You’ll do alright.” Jerry piped in.
He nodded and we continued on. I could see that the tension in his shoulders had drained out, letting me know that he had indeed relaxed.
After finishing with the farewells, we were on our way back to the pack house and I decided to ask him about his life before. I had shied away from that subject because he seemed hesitant to speak about it, but curiosity was getting the better of me.
A look of pain crossed his face before he answered. “Well, I grew up in the system. I was orphaned when I was six and spent the years until my eighteenth birthday being bounced around the foster care system. The family I was with when I turned eighteen I had been with for nine months and they were more like real parents than anyone else had ever tried to be to me. They even paid for me to go to Indiana State to take some computer and web design courses. There I met the love of my life; a girl named Barbara. We were both nineteen…well, I was almost twenty. She was majoring in Business Management to be able to take over the running of her family’s business.”
He let out a shaky breath and I could tell he was getting upset.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I told him softly. I touched his arm, trying to share more comforting feelings and help him out of his pain.
“No, that’s alright. I haven’t really talked about this before. I really didn’t have the chance.” He took a couple of seconds to gather himself. “About ten months ago, Barbara went and had an abortion at some seedy clinic. I guess she went there so there would be no questions asked. She didn’t even tell me she was pregnant; only her sister who went with her. She didn’t want to have a baby until she was finished with school, so she didn’t bother giving me a choice.” I could hear the bitterness in his voice at that fact. “Anyway, the procedure went wrong and she bled out internally. By the time we knew anything was wrong, she was too far gone. I went crazy. I had lost the two most important things in my life, so I figured I would end it so I could be with them, but when I went out into the woods to kill myself, I ended up getting attacked. I figured I survived that, God must have plans for me, so here I’ve been; just trying to deal.”
“I know it doesn’t help, but I am so sorry you had to go through that.” I felt so bad that I couldn’t make it better for him.
He must have guessed my train of thought because he grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop. “You are the one that’s making it easier to be able to deal. That is more than anyone else can do or has done.”
We continued to walk back, him still holding my hand, but I didn’t feel comfortable doing that, so I gently slid my hand out of his. He had a second of looking disappointed, but gave a small smile anyway. I was doing this trip under false pretenses and I felt bad enough for that as it was, I wasn’t going to lead someone on; thinking there could be more to our friendship than there was.
Chapter 8
“You have to calm down.” I told Bolton as we stood in the massive back yard with the others in my pack and all but a few of the Starlight pack. “The more agitated you are, the more your wolf will be. I’ll bet he’s begging to take over, right?”
“Yeah, he’s freaking out right now.” He said in a shaky voice.
“That’s because he’s in protective mode. He feels your agitation and wants to take care of what he sees as the threat to you. If you’re calm, then he’ll see that there is no threat, and you’ll have more of a say in what you do, even in wolf form.” I grabbed his hands to enforce the calming effect I was trying to project for him. “Look into my eyes, and match your breathing to mine.” I waited as he did it. I could feel the tension draining out of his limbs, but his heart was still racing. “Listen for my heart beat, and try to slow yours down to match mine.” My eyes never left his, trying to will him into a calm state.
“I can’t seem to help being nervous.” He kept his eyes looking down in mine, and whether he meant to or not, he was following my instructions. “This will be the first time I have shifted to where I wasn’t being attacked or in a reinforced room or on my way there.”
“I know, but if you can keep calm, you won’t be put in that room.” Along with Billy, Jerry, Ryan, Gary, and his mate Peyton, Alpha Burgess had ordered four of his wolves to help keep an eye on Bolton and make sure I didn’t get hurt if he went into one of his rages. “The rage only comes as a defense mechanism of your wolf. Again, it’s a way to protect your human side.”
The rest of the wolves had already shifted, so it was only the eleven of us left in the yard. It only took a couple more minutes before Bolton was calm enough that I felt it safe to shift.
“We are going to go slowly. There is no racing or hunting tonight, just having fun. Let’s get your wolf used to sharing his body with your mind. Now since you’re calm, you will be able to keep control, even after the shift.” I of course had ulterior motives for taking it slow, but Billy was the only one who knew why.
Jerry, Ryan, and two of the Starlight wolves decided to shift at the same time as Bolton and I. The others would wait to see how Bolton did after the shift; whether he had control or not, before they would shift to join us.
Ryan and Jerry both flanked me as the others flanked him, and when I nodded and let go of his hands we all shifted. I was always awed when I was around others that shifted. I had always been a small were, but I had actually gotten even smaller over the past couple of years. I was still bigger than a natural wolf, but not by much. The others were huge; all of them between the size of a pony and a mule.
Bolton was a co
mmon gray wolf about the size of a pony. He looked down at me and tilted his head, probably trying to figure out why I was different. We couldn’t communicate since he hadn’t been formally accepted into our pack by our Alpha.
‘Crystie?’ I turned hearing Ryan say my name. He was a handsome golden color, bigger than Bolton, him and Jerry being the same size. Jerry was a russet color. He kept his attention on Bolton to make sure nothing was going to happen.
‘I’m alright, Ryan.’ I said looking back his way to let him see that I would answer any questions later. I went over to Billy to let him know that it was okay for him to shift. Bolton had just been standing there, watching me, calm as he could be, and I knew he would be okay.
“Okay, guys,” Billy said as he clapped his hands together, and then looked to Peyton. “And girl, let get this party started.”
The rest of them shifted and we were all set to go. I went up to stand next to Bolton and nudged him to let him know it was time to go, and we took off. All of the guards kept pace with us in a large circle formation, surrounding me and Bolton. He seemed like he wanted to play. He kept crossing my path and then he would turn and crouch down on his forepaws, his tail wagging. He made me want to play back, which I hadn’t felt in a long time; at least not in my wolf form.
That was the difference between all of us. They had their wolves that would take over during the change; even if the human side was in control, the wolf was there with its instincts. I didn’t have that. I was a human in wolf form; period, but seeing Bolton wanting to play, and knowing he’d never done that before, made me want to show him the joys to be had. I still remembered, and I missed it.
We played for a while he would chase as I ran, but then I’d turn and pounce on him, taking him by surprise. We loped around, rolled in the meadow, even splashing through a creek that we passed. It was the most fun I had had in ages.
