by Cindy Stark
He considered telling her Paige was a pretense to get her back, but Krystal was already slipping from him. Knowing he’d lied wouldn’t help his case, and Paige seemed to be the only tool he had left in his arsenal. He couldn’t give it up. Not yet.
Short of that, there wasn’t a damn thing he could do except retreat and regroup. Krystal had left him with nothing.
“Fuck.” He threw the word between them like a gauntlet. “Why did you come back? You wanted the goddamn big city. Why didn’t you just go and leave me in peace?”
Tears rushed to her eyes, and it killed him that he couldn’t reach for her. Couldn’t pull her into his arms and soothe both of their hurts.
“I’m sorry. I mistakenly thought the years apart might have made things better between us. That perhaps we were now friends. But you’re just as angry with me as…”
As the day she’d broken his heart. Fuck. Double fuck.
“I’m sorry, Josh. I’m just so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I can’t deny I’m attracted to you, but we want different things in life. You know this.”
“The hell.”
She glanced toward the living room. “You should go.”
He growled and grabbed his jacket from the chair. Yes, he should go. He wouldn’t stay where he wasn’t wanted.
A huge black hole remained where his heart had once been, and he needed to find something, anything to fill it.
* * *
Krystal stood by her front door long after Josh had left, wondering what the hell she’d done. Where had she gone wrong in her life? Why did the fates continually throw him in her path if there wasn’t to be a good outcome? She loved him, no doubt.
It killed her to hurt him.
No, it was more than that. It was a complete annihilation of both their hearts.
Why couldn’t she be satisfied with less? Why did she have this overwhelming need to make something of herself? To become more? Why was she so afraid of becoming her mother?
Only God knew.
She certainly couldn’t explain it. But the need to grow and become more filled her to the depths of her soul. She’d often wondered if the death of her best friend’s mom and the following examination and parallel of both of their mother’s lives had something to do with it. Krystal had been thirteen, and she remembered vividly thinking what a waste of a life, being only a mother and dying so soon. But she could also remember wanting to play a pretend doctor when she’d been young, too, instead of a pretend mommy.
Either way, she was damned if she did, damned if she didn’t.
And there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.
She knew this though. She’d just kissed a man who didn’t belong to her. If she didn’t want something that would mess with her head, mess with her career, she’d need to steer clear of Josh Vansant like he was the plague.
* * *
Josh lowered the window in his truck in an effort to calm the anger that heated his blood. Of all the fucking… He released a growl that reverberated through the cab.
Then took several breaths of the crisp air.
Determination to forget Krystal slowly soaked through his veins. His reasoning returned. Hell, this was exactly what he’d needed to help him. For years, he nursed his love for her, convinced himself that he could change her mind if he’d had the chance.
But there was no chance, no changing her. She’d made that perfectly clear. Her all-important career meant more to her than he did, and he was done. So done.
He pulled into the fire station parking lot even though he wouldn’t be on shift until the next day. For sure, he couldn’t go home and sleep, not until he burned a shitload of energy. That left his trusted buddy, Levi, who could shoot hoops like a pro and was always up for a round of rough, physical basketball.
“What are you doing here today?” Doris called out as he passed her desk. The overweight, lovable older woman had gone beyond her administrative duties and had taken on the role of station mother to the guys. They all loved and respected her deeply. Normally, he’d stop and kiss her on the cheek, but not today.
“Need to see Levi,” he said without further explanation. He had suffocating testosterone he needed to kill first.
He found his lifelong friend in the weight room, running on the treadmill. They were about the same in height and weight, but Levi claimed lighter brown hair and always seemed to have a layer of scruff across his jaw. Levi was as loyal as they came and never failed to have Josh’s back.
“Get the hell off that thing and come let me kick your ass.” Josh grabbed his gear from a locker and went to change.
“You need to get a life,” Levi said when he returned. He bounced a basketball like it was an extension of his hand.
“Fuck you,” was all he replied.
Levi eyed him for a second and then laughed. “Yeah? Bring it.”
It took them a few moments to move the engines out of the bay so they could play. Josh stole the ball on the second bounce, earning a chuckle from Levi.
“So, that’s how we’re going to play?”
Josh glared, not answering, which only served to make Levi grin.
“Okay, then. I hope you brought your A-game.”
“Oh, I brought it.” That and so much more.
The game was intense. Both of them heeded no rules. Josh took an elbow to the ribs multiple times, but said nothing other than a few harsh cuss words. Josh gave as good as he got, and Levi didn’t complain either.
Twenty-minutes in, sweat dripped down Josh’s face as he lunged for the ball. Levi grabbed it and rotated, unintentionally dragging a fingernail across his cheek as he did, his shoulder hitting Josh hard enough to knock him on his ass.
He grunted as he landed. Instead of climbing to his feet, he remained sitting. Air stung his split skin, and he could feel blood welling from the cut. Breathing hard, Levi held out a hand to help him up. Josh grabbed it and jumped to his feet.
“Made you bleed,” Levi taunted.
“I’m going to make you fucking bleed.” Josh grabbed for the ball and gained control.
“Hell, yeah.” Levi grinned and tried to block Josh’s shot.
They played another ten minutes, until Doris appeared. “Oh, good Lord. What have you done?” she said in her high-pitched, disappointed voice.
They both stopped, inhaling deep breaths as they struggled to fill their lungs with enough air.
“What?” Levi asked after a second.
“Josh looks like he’s been hit by a freight train.”
He exhaled and rubbed a hand over his face, smearing blood across his palm. “It’s nothing.”
Levi smiled at him, admiring his work.
“You’re both going to stop now, before someone gets seriously hurt. You’re grown men. You shouldn’t be acting like boys high on hormones.”
They looked at each other, knowing they couldn’t argue.
She lowered her brows, giving them a stern look. “Hit the showers and cool off. Both of you.”
“Yes, ma’am,” they both said. Josh handed the ball to her as they headed for the locker room.
“Good game.” Levi slammed his locker shut, a white towel in his hand.
“You, too.” Josh still hadn’t calmed his heart rate. Frustration over Krystal had certainly added to it. But at least, he could think more clearly now that he’d eliminated his aggressions. He glanced at his face in a mirror, surprised by the amount of blood that had come from the small cut. A trail traveled from his forehead down the side of his nose. Smears and splatters covered the left side of his face.
But really, nothing for Doris to get too excited about. Compared to what Krystal had done to his heart this morning, he looked great.
“What the hell got into you?” Levi asked after they’d both showered and were in the process of getting dressed.
“Nothing.”
“That…” he nodded in the general direction of the bay where they’d played, “wasn’t nothing.”
“
Krystal.”
“Ah.” Levi pulled his t-shirt over his head before he met Josh’s gaze. “That explains it. I saw her the other day at the medical center. Knew it was only a matter of time. When you didn’t mention anything, I’d hoped you were over her.”
Josh eyed him with a knowing look. Levi had been one of his best friends growing up. Still was. He knew the gory details of their breakup, had been the biggest proponent in trying to get him to move on with life. He was the only one on the planet beside Krystal who knew exactly what she meant to him.
On second thought, Krystal obviously had no idea how she literally owned his heart. “Doesn’t matter.”
“You’ve talked to her then?” He watched him as though he’d prepared for the fallout.
“Talked to her. Things seemed good.” He closed his eyes for a brief moment and shook his head, still unable to process what had happened. “I helped her with her car. She made me breakfast.”
Levi seemed surprised. “That pissed you off?”
Josh gave him a hard look. “From the first second, it seemed like old times. She’s still the only woman I can’t forget, and when we laughed, I thought maybe. You know?”
“Okay.” Levi gave him a nod, but his gaze remained skeptical. As well it should have. Josh should have done the same.
“I kissed her.”
“Whoa.” He lifted his brows. “Nothing like going for what you want.”
“It was better than I remembered.” He gave a sarcastic laugh. “Then she threw all her old excuses in my face and tossed me out like yesterday’s trash.”
“So, you decided to come beat the shit out of me?”
An unexpected smile lit on his lips. “Yeah.” His buddy, who was more like a brother, always had a way of talking him down.
“Except you look like you’re the one who lost.” Levi chuckled.
Josh had a nice cut across the bridge of his nose that had swelled shut. “Gives me a bad-ass look, don’t you think? Like don’t mess with me, or I’ll beat the shit out of you.”
“Yeah, or like someone already beat the shit out of you.”
“Ah, hell.” He threw his wet towel in Levi’s direction. “I’m going home to sleep while I can. I’ll see you in the morning during shift change.”
CHAPTER NINE
The sound of the doorbell roused Krystal from her sleep. She slipped from beneath the soft blanket she’d used to curl up with on the couch and stood, her vision tilting before righting itself. The sun had crept over the sky while she’d dosed, but she had never fully fallen asleep. She hadn’t been able to stand the thought of sleeping alone in her bed, so she’d settled for the uncomfortable couch instead.
She glanced through the peek hole and opened her door to find Chloe bundled in a furry winter coat.
“Sorry, hon. Couldn’t dig out my keys with my hands full. I brought soup. Chicken noodle,” Chloe said with an Irish accent as she pushed past, holding a sack in each hand. “Didn’t think either one of us would be up to cooking so I stopped by Mama Masie’s.”
“Thank you.” Krystal shut the door behind her and took the bags Chloe held out to her. “This is so sweet of you.”
“I knew you wouldn’t feel like fixing anything, and we both know the extent of my skills.” Chloe winked as she removed her coat and tossed it over the back of a chair. “How are you feeling, dear?”
“Headache’s still there. A little dizzy, but it might be from getting up too fast.”
Chloe’s gaze strayed to the couch. “You were sleeping.”
“Not really. Trying to, but it wasn’t happening.”
Her friend laughed. “After your treacherous drive and workday, I was sure you’d drop the second you returned home.”
Krystal led the way into the kitchen and placed the containers on the counter. “I had an unexpected morning.” She glanced at Chloe, wondering how many details she wanted to spill. One night over a bottle of wine, she’d mentioned her frustrations with a former love, but Chloe had no idea she’d been talking about Josh. And Krystal had had no idea Chloe and Josh were acquainted.
“Is that so?” She lifted a sculpted eyebrow before she turned to pull bowls from the cupboard.
“Remember the guy who asked me to marry him a few years ago?” She kept her gaze on Chloe. “He’s the one who helped me after I slid off the road last night.”
She stopped what she was doing and focused on Krystal. “The buck whose heart you broke? Interesting. Do tell me more.”
“He drove me home this morning. To thank him, I made him breakfast.”
“You didn’t.” A grin broke over her face.
“What?” The need to defend her actions flared. “He gave me a ride to the hospital, towed my car home and then came back for me after my shift ended even though I know he was damn tired. The least I could do was feed him.”
Chloe snorted. “That’s even worse, love. That lad is obviously still in love with you.”
Krystal placed a hand on her hip. “He has a girlfriend. He was just being nice.”
She shrugged, but kept grinning. “Sounds to me like it’s not truly over.” Turning back to the soup, Chloe ladled some into the bowls and carried them to the table.
“I’m sure it ended when I left him four years ago. I made my decision. He now has a girlfriend. End of story.” Why did this have to be so hard? Krystal frowned, her headache coming back full force. She needed to stop rethinking her decisions.
“If you say so.”
They both sat. Krystal lifted a spoon and took a sip, trying to focus on the flavor bursting on her tongue. Instead, thoughts of Josh crowded in.
“What’s the matter? Something wrong with the soup?”
Krystal blinked and refocused. Damn it all. “He kissed me.”
“Bingo. I knew it. When are you going to learn not much gets past me?” Her lips curved in a self-satisfied smile. “You can’t deny he still wants you.”
Krystal shot her an annoyed look. “You’re taking far too much pleasure in my discomfort.”
Chloe grinned. “I do love a juicy love story.”
She stared at her for a moment. “How about this then, since not much gets past you. His name is Josh Vansant.”
Her eyes widened like saucers and then she grinned. “How perfect.”
“Perfect? Are you kidding me? He’s right smack in the middle of my life again, coming around to torment me with his seductive eyes and all those muscles.”
Chloe gave her a consoling look heavy with sarcasm. “He does have lovely abs.”
Krystal raised her brows, suspicion flaring. “How would you know? Did you and he…” She couldn’t begin to comprehend how much worse that would make her life, knowing they’d… God.
“No.” She laughed. “We’re just friends. Fundraiser for the Sheriff’s Department last year. The guys made a calendar. I can show you—”
“Stop.” She held up a hand, exasperation over the whole situation somehow turning funny. “No, please. I don’t want to see his or anyone else’s abs.”
“Are you sure?” Chloe seemed crushed. “They’re really hot.”
She pursed her lips together for a moment as though that would stop her. “Fine. I want to see it.”
“Yes!” Chloe jumped from her seat and ran into her bedroom. She came back with a calendar from the previous year and dropped it in front of Krystal.
“Oh…my…” she said as the full color image of Josh lay open for her view. She feasted on the image of him wearing low-slung jeans with ripped knees, suddenly no longer hungry for the soup in front of her.
It was a shallow moment that she wasn’t extremely proud of, but damn, he looked good. An impatient look hovered in his eyes. Knowing Josh, he would have posed for charity, but wouldn’t have enjoyed being objectified. Really, though, who did?
But those abs.
They were worth a second glance. And a third. “Can I keep this?”
Chloe hooted with laughter. “Oh, love. Do you realiz
e what you’re asking?”
Krystal narrowed her eyes at her roommate, but couldn’t hold back the smile. “Fine. Then just give me November.” Her birthday month.
“Hmm. I don’t know. I don’t really want to dissemble the beautiful piece of art, but I suppose since you’re my bestie and you cook all my food, I’m going to have to.”
“That’s right.” Krystal grinned. “You owe me.”
“Deal. But only if you admit you’re still in love with him.”
Krystal shook her head. “No. Not that, but he is beautiful to look at.”
“You drive a hard bargain. Give it to me.” When Chloe had the calendar in hand, she gently removed Mr. November and handed it to Krystal. “There you go. Enjoy it.”
She set the picture aside and tried to enjoy her soup, but the second they finished eating, she took the calendar sheet and headed to her room.
She played a dangerous game, keeping a photo of him so near, but she wanted secretly to enjoy him for a while. He’d been hers once, and she still loved him. Was that so wrong?
At some point, she would need to reconcile her past with her future, but right now, all she wanted to do was look at Josh and imagine a future where choices didn’t have to be so hard.
* * *
Krystal glanced at the clock above the nurses’ station and allowed herself the luxury of pausing for thirty seconds to roll her shoulders, trying to alleviate the stress that had accumulated over her shift. She’d been at her job for several weeks, but still fought to grow accustomed to the long hours.
“Sixty minutes, and we’ll be free,” Giselle said from behind her.
“Thank God.” From the moment they’d arrived, far too many cases of myocardial infarction, choking children, and car accident victims had bombarded them. Why couldn’t people stay home, take care of their health and their children? They could avoid so many problems with a little common sense, for the day or over their lifetimes.
“I’m going to grab coffee if you’re okay here for a bit.” Giselle nodded toward the hallway. “Want anything while I’m there?”
“No. I’ve had enough caffeine. If I have more, I won’t be able to sleep. I’ll check on the girl in Room Three.”
