Myla-Zilla raises her arms. Light flashes in her palms as a supersized mallet and chisel appear in her hands. She kneels down. It’s a slow-moving business considering all her bulk. I extinguish my baculum and watch the show.
“What do you think I’m up to?” asks Myla.
“No idea.”
Myla-Zilla sets the chisel against the ground, raises her mallet high, and slams down on the knife-like instrument with all her strength. A massive pit opens in the ground below.
“How am I doing that, do you think?”
“My guess?” I rub my chin. “All the angelic soul power from so many effigies is combining to super-charge his gift from Aquila. The Tithe used that energy to create that Myla super-suit around him. Now he’s casting more spells with his extra power.”
“Clever. We’ll need to stop him soon, you know.”
“Yeah, I’m working on it.” Nothing’s come to mind yet, however.
Myla-Zilla then aims the chisel toward the empty hole, and strikes the back of the tool with the mallet once more. A bolt of white fire spews out from the chisel’s end, flaring right into the pit.
My stomach sinks. “I know what he’s doing.”
Myla lifts her brows. “Starting a barbeque?”
“No, he’s igniting the Echo Vortex. It’s in Antrum, right below our feet. And it’s what keeps all my people alive. He’ll use that power to break into Heaven.”
Myla nods. “Then he’ll take down the Citadel with his little Happy Carpenter toolset.”
“Sadly, I think you’re right.” I press my palms against my forehead. “Trouble is, if he ignites that vortex, everyone in Antrum will die.”
“That wouldn’t be good, especially how I was pulling to be their queen one day.”
I love the queen comment, by the way. Something to contemplate later.
“We better save them.” My thoughts race. I’m a planner. Someone who memorizes names, lays out schedules, and follows procedures. There’s no training manual for what to do when a maniac warlock creates an oversized version of your girlfriend in order to kill your underground realm. I look to Myla. “Any ideas?”
She tilts her head. “When I was floating around before, I saw this dissolus nest nearby. Could be handy.” A slow smile curves across her lips. “What do you think?”
I share her slow smile. Fire, ice, and metal all destroy rock. So does acid, especially the magically enhanced kind that fills up a dissolus.
“I think you’re brilliant.” And I mean it.
“Sha. Now let’s go kill that Mega Myla.”
“I thought we decided on Myla-zilla.”
She winks. “We can discuss along the way.”
And with that, we take off for the dissolus nest at a run.
49
Myla and I race across the ocean floor. Between the rocky ground, piles of seaweed, and massive Myla-zilla stomping around, the path is a bit of an obstacle course. The one good thing is that the Tithe sucked up all his other effigies in order to create his oversized Myla. There are no sentries left around to alert him that we aren’t dead.
Again, if the warlock had taken the time to get an actual education at the Citadel instead of deciding he knew everything and could just destroy it, then he’d know all about sentries. And there would certainly be some effigy guards running around.
But I digress.
Soon Myla and I run across the oversized boulder that’s actually a dissolus nest in disguise. At first glance, it looks like a massive brown lump of rock. But when I focus, I can again see that it’s actually hundreds of thousands of tiny white eggs, each one about the size of a sesame seed. And every one of those eggs can balloon into a full-sized dissolus, just like the one I fought in the royal stables.
Waist-high.
Slimy.
Murderous.
I turn my baculum over in my hands. “I could create a spear made from angel fire and stab at the nest’s center.”
Myla sighs. “No.”
“Ignite a fiery bow and arrow?”
“Nope.”
“Kick it and run?”
“You’d lose your leg, and that’s if you’re lucky.”
“I’ve said the same thing.” I groan. “There’s only one way to disrupt this nest. For the record, I hate this part of the plan.”
“It’s not my favorite, either. But you know how dissolus are.”
I nod. “They’ll hunt whoever disturbs their nest.”
“And no offense, but it’s not like the Tithe decided to take the form of Mega Lincoln.”
“Myla-zilla.”
We both turn to look at the monster in question. The stone Myla-zilla stand over the newly created pit to the Echo Vortex, slamming the hammer against the chisel, over and over. Each time, another blast of angel fire pours out from the chisel’s sharp end and flows into the vortex itself. At some point, there will be enough of a charge to light the vortex and destroy my homeland.
We must stop the Tithe. It’s just … I really hate the idea of a hundred thousand dissolus chasing after Myla, trying to melt her with acid. I’m a protective boyfriend that way.
And don’t think I missed Myla’s comment about how she wants to be my queen. That’s a major relationship milestone. You don’t let your prospective wife say something like that and then let her poke a nest of dissolus.
Myla sets her hand on my shoulder. “Lincoln, this is my choice.” Stepping over to the nest, she arcs her tail over its peak. She lifts her chin. “Five … four … three … fuck it.” The arrowhead end of her tail punctures the nest. “RUN!”
We race toward Myla-zilla. Well, Myla races forward. A hand holds me back. It’s Cordelia. She’s left the water wall and is walking around on her nest of wiry legs. Think about a jellyfish’s bottom, only with scales, and that’s the general idea. Not sure where humans got the fish tail concept.
“Will you need much longer?” pleads Cordelia. “This requires way too much focusing for Dwyn.”
“Me, me,” exclaims Dwyn. In fact, her overlarge eyes do look rather bloodshot. This is really taking a toll.
“Any second now,” I tear my arm from Cordelia’s grip. It isn’t easy. Mermaids are strong.
Turning away from the mermaids, I watch the scene before me. My girl has climbed waist-high up her Myla-zilla counterpart. A long line of white blobs roll along behind my girl, creating streams of slime that stripe Myla-zilla’s lower body. There are thousands of dissolus. Beside me, the nest spews out a steady geyser of what look like white sesame seeds. Only when these tiny orbs hit the ground, they expand into waist high mayo monsters that take off for Myla. Or Myla-zilla.
For her part, Myla scales around the back of her massive counterpart. The process involves a lot of cutting hand and foot holds with her tail. Fortunately, Myla-zilla is all stone, so my Myla can hack away and it doesn’t cause any pain. And damn, but my girl is a sight. She shimmies, catapults, and somersaults her way around a giant version of herself like she’d been doing it her entire life.
At the same time, Myla-zilla is still hard at work, slamming the massive mallet against an oversized chisel. With each blow, fresh bursts of angel fire ricochet into the vortex. During the last few strikes, a few sparks erupt from the vortex below.
The Tithe may be a dip, but he has a solid plan.
He’ll destroy Antrum if we don’t stop him first.
Rushing away from the mermaids, I halt at the base of Myla-zilla and freeze. There’s no way I can climb after my girl. The entire lower surface of Myla-zilla is now covered in dissolus. The slime balls pulse and shimmy as they ooze their way towards my girl. If I climb now, I’ll activate their acidic defense for certain.
I step backward, hoping to get a better view of Myla. She’s now taken to scaling the Myla-zilla’s tail. The stone appendage moves with whip-like speed. Shock freezes me in place. I can only watch as Myla rides the tail in every direction. At last, she somersaults off and lands beside me on her feet because, after all, t
his is Myla.
She crosses her arms over her chest and grins. “That was awesome.”
“It was and you are.” I kiss her cheek. “Now never do anything like that again.”
Myla chuckles. “How long before we know if the acid works?”
I scan the dissolus. Some of the bulbous shapes are already flattening out and releasing their acid. Fortunately, Myla-zilla is still moving wildly about as she tries to ignite the Echo Vortex. Nothing pisses off a dissolus more than jerky movements. “The dissolus are starting to attack. Let’s hope they dissolve Myla-zilla.”
A long pause follows. “Mega Myla.”
This may be a near-disaster, but I can’t let that go. “It’s a massive you-shaped monster that’s tearing up the ocean outside New York. I think that’s Myla-zilla.”
“Two words: Mega Myla. And we need to stop flirting and pay attention.”
“Why? I like flirting.”
“Because.” Myla rubs her palms together. “The dissolus demons are finally spewing their acid. Even I can see that. The surface of Mega Myla looks all gooey. This is really something.”
Indeed, my girl has a point. Sentences like, the dissolus demons are finally spewing their acid don’t come along every day, even in my rather strange world.
Sure enough, huge chunks of Myla-zilla start to vanish. An elbow. Some hip. And each time something disappears, what looks like a white cloud rises up to the sky. I squint.
“Those aren’t clouds, are they?” I ask.
“Nope, they’re ghosts.”
As parts of Myla-zilla vanish, the entire body begins to shrink. Within seconds, the massive figure is down to five stories high.
Four.
Three.
It’s definitely working. And more ghosts are being released as well. I glance to Myla. “This is the most fun I’ve had …” I shrug. “Well, since you released those reperio demons at dinner.”
“I know, right? Your life pretty much sucked before I came along.”
There’s only one thing to do when your girl says something like that.
Lean in and kiss her.
Hard.
So that’s what I do.
Wrapping my hand around her neck, I pull Myla to me and press our mouths together. For a long moment, I do nothing but taste her. Cinnamon and sunshine. I break the kiss. My girl is breathless.
“I love you, Myla Lewis.”
“And you’re telling me this again in the middle of a huge battle against Mega Myla?”
“Myla-zilla. And that’s right.”
Her big blue eyes turn watery. “That’s the best.” She clears her throat. “I love you too, Lincoln with the long name I can’t totally remember. There was an Osric in there, right?”
“Yes.”
“Excuse me,” comes a low and snarling voice.
Myla and I look over. And it’s the Tithe, back to his regular size and absolutely mortal again. Which means he’s back to one arm as well. It helps to keep track of these things.
“Damn,” says Myla. “We missed the part where mega-you got eaten down by acid until you were regular size again. Although …” she looks at me and winks. It really was a good kiss.
The Tithe holds up his chisel. “I’ve ordered others kill you. All have failed. Now, I shall do it myself.”
Myla holds up her pointer finger. “One question first. Why aren’t you dead? I was really looking forward to seeing you get eaten by acid.”
“Fool!” cries the Tithe. “Nothing that lives may kill me. Which is why you shall now die at my hands.”
“Hand,” corrects Myla. “You’ve only got one now.”
The Tithe holds up the chisel and points it at Myla’s face. “You’ll die first, demon wench.”
Myla curls her fingers at him. “Bring it on.”
Now, normally I’d ignite my baculum at this point. However, while Myla and the Tithe were talking, I happened to notice a large black rectangle opening up nearby. A ghoul portal.
Walker now marches over in our direction. He does not look happy.
The Tithe lunges for Myla. At the last second, Walker steps between them. Instead of striking Myla, the Tithe embeds the chisel in Walker’s shoulder.
Walker glowers. “Ow.”
The Tithe stumbles backward. “How are you not killed?”
“Because I’m already dead.” Walker pulls the chisel from his shoulder and rams it into the Tithe’s chest. “And that’s what happens when you attack Myla-la.”
A flash of white light erupts from the spot where the chisel meets the Tithe’s chest. The brightness grows until it surrounds the Tithe’s entire body. His skin turns grey and withered. The chisel blackens. Strips of flesh fly away from the Tithe’s bones. Then the bones themselves crumple into ash.
Myla steps forward and toes the ashes with her boot. “Now that’s what I call dead. Thanks, Walker.”
“You’re most welcome.” Walker grins. “Looks like you cleaned out that dissolus infestation, too.”
“We’re multi-taskers,” says Myla.
“Yoo hoo!” calls Dwyn. “Mister ghoul guy!”
“Oh, no.” Walker winces. “How did she end up here?”
“Dwyn,” snaps Cordelia. “Stay focused.”
A great rumble fills the air. Wind rushes around the clearing. Alarm rattles down my spine. The water wall. Cordelia can’t hold it on her own. It’s going to collapse. We’ll be drowned.
I grasp Myla and Walker’s hands, then turn to my friend. “Walker, open a portal now.”
“Why? I don’t think she’s that beautiful.” Walker sighs. “Or maybe she is.”
“Walker!” I cry. “Portal!”
“All right, fine.” Walker opens a ghoul portal behind us. Up ahead, a great water wall comes rolling over the ocean floor. However, Walker doesn’t take a single step toward exiting the area.
“Lincoln.” Myla gestures to the oncoming tsunami. “Do you see that?”
“I do.”
“Why isn’t Walker moving?”
“He’s under an enchantment from the mermaids.”
“Oh.” Myla turns around and sets her shoulder against Walker’s stomach. I see where she’s going with this. It’s a short shove to get into the portal. “On my mark. Go!”
With all our strength, Myla and I press against Walker. It isn’t easy, but with both of us shoving along, we’re able to get him into the portal just as the first water hits. A moment later, we tumble out onto Myla’s living room floor.
Camilla stands above us. “What is this?”
Myla blinks. “What do you mean?”
“Water.” Camilla gestures to the floor. “All over my rug. And you.” She points to Myla. “Should be in bed. And you.” She turns to me. “Are the single greatest man ever.”
Walker clears his throat. “Next to Walker,” adds Camilla.
“Hey,” comes a voice from the other room.
“And my husband,” adds Camilla once more.
“I’m honored.” And I mean it with all my heart.
After hours filled with dissolus demons, Myla-zilla, and the Tithe, I can think of no better greater honor than being grouped with Walker and the archangel Xavier. And let’s not forget my kiss with Myla, or the fact she wants to be my queen.
All in all, this is what I call a great day.
50
Two Weeks Later
I step into the back of the kindergarten at Purgatory Children’s School. Actually, the sign outside reads Ghoul Kids Education Camp GP-9170, but they haven’t had time to get a new sign made yet. Best to respect the reformed government. Today I’m in human clothes and wearing sunglasses. With any luck, I won’t be recognized.
Surprisingly enough, even though the country is still recovering from war, the tabloids are functioning perfectly. They’ve quickly figured out that they have a new local girl turned demigoddess. They’ve also discovered that Myla and I are dating. The theory is that I’m a spiritual gold-digger who wants some of My
la’s limelight. My servants get me copies of all the magazines. I keep copies of them in the royal archives. Cracks me up.
The classroom is a long space with a small circle time area up front. Myla sits on a chair surrounded by tons of adorable children, all with different kids of tails. Puppy. Kitten. Lizard. Every young face is locked on the Great Scala as she tells the story of her fight against Armageddon. Myla even wore her white Scala robes of the occasion. She looks especially lovely.
“So then I sent all the demons back to Hell,” says Myla. “And I had done it all from inside my soul column. But do you know who got in there, too? Armageddon. And he fought me hard, only he used his mind. In fact, he made me question what I could do. I felt so sad and empty. Do any of you ever feel that way?”
All the kiddo’s tails wag. Some raise their hands. Others nod. So sweet.
“Well, feeling like that isn’t fun. In fact, I was about to give up. And then, I thought: I am this fight. I can do this. I opened up a great pit to hell and—whoosh—Armageddon fell into it. And he’s staying there forever now.”
The kids cheer. So do the adults. I should know, considering how I stand with all the grown-ups in the back of the space. This part of the classroom is packed with parents taking snapshots of their children and the Great Scala. It’s fun to be near their energy. They’re so thrilled to see my girl.
“Now,” says Myla. “Do you have any questions?”
The girl with a kitty tail raises her hand. Myla points to her. “What’s your name?”
“Donna.”
“Well, Donna. What’s your question?”
“Are the new-old ghosts here?” asks little Donna.
“Always,” replies Myla. “Millions of ghosts come to Purgatory each month. It’s our job to sort them into their best afterlife. Then I move them to Heaven or Hell, assuming I agree with the choice.”
“No, I mean the new-old ghosts. My dad says these ones are really, really, really, really old.”
Lincoln: Angelbound Book 2 with bonus novella, Duty Bound Page 39
