by Barb Han
He captures my hand again and places it over his heart, which is drumming wildly against his chest. “How calm do I seem to you now?”
He’s nervous about being here with me? I realize how very little I know about Caius. He’s a clean slate, and I want to know everything, his favorite food, what he likes to do when he’s not at school.
Neither one of us says anything for a long time, even though my questions are mounting.
His eyes are so beautiful, but can I trust him?
Chapter Four
“How’d it go last night?” Adalynn blasts the question first thing the next morning at our lockers. I have no good answers.
“I had a great practice. I have a lot of work to do before I’m ready for nationals, though.” I hate lying to my friend as I plug in my combination. It doesn’t work. I take a deep breath and try again. This time, it clicks, and the door opens.
“Nice bracelet,” she says before adding, “and nice try.”
I shake my wrist. The silver catches the light. “A birthday present from my sponsors. They want me to come over for dinner Saturday night.”
“On your birthday?” Adalynn’s shoulders sag, but she tries to hide it behind my locker door. “Wish you could sleep over at my house for a change. We’d have a proper celebration with cake and candles.”
I appreciate that she doesn’t make me feel like a charity case. No offense to my best friend, but if I had a wish granted, I’d spend one night at home in my own bed.
“What about Mr. Popular? Are you going to tell me what he wanted or make me guess?” Adalynn isn’t ready to let that one go. Her persistence on the field makes her one of the best players.
Darn. I was hoping I’d dodged a bullet. Guess not. I glance across the hall, looking for a distraction. “Have you seen Jax yet? I haven’t seen or heard from him since he got caught with the note in class yesterday.”
Adalynn clears her throat.
“What?” I ask.
Her lips are a thin line, and her pale blue eyes dart in a panic. Her cheeks are flames. Someone must be standing behind me. And then it dawns on me. I don’t have to look. I’m going to have a lot of explaining to do with Adalynn later, and I’m going to be in trouble for not spilling first thing. Normally, I want to tell her everything, but there’s something special about my relationship with Caius. Something that makes me want to keep it between the two of us.
“Hey, Tori,” he says in that casual tone of his. He starts to reach for my hand but snaps the rubber band on his wrist. The move is so subtle that it almost doesn’t register.
I turn to face him. “Hey.”
He’s leaning against the locker next to mine, smiling, and I try not to focus on that dimple. He’s so tall. His eyes are that perfect shade of blue. And all I can think about at that moment is how very lucky I am.
“I can’t hang around. Just wanted to see you before class.” We don’t have the same schedule, so the only time we’re together is when we’re in the halls.
Out of the corner of my eye, a group of Legacy kids walk past. They don’t look thrilled, and I can’t say I’m surprised at the reaction.
I beam up at him. “I’m glad you came by. I didn’t think I’d see you until later.”
“I woke up thinking about you,” he says quietly so only I can hear.
“Same,” I admit.
Now, he’s the one beaming, and it somehow makes him even better looking. Although, to be fair, I’m not sure that’s even possible. Caius has always had easy charm and natural good looks. Getting to know the real him, the complicated him, is only making me like him even more.
“See you tonight?” he whispers. He means during my dance slot.
I should practice. There’s a lot at stake with this competition being the last one of junior year. Colleges have sent me letters of intention, but that’s not the same thing as offers. If I make a mistake or don’t do well, my future is in question. I’d be dropped as fast as Jolie Bangor after midterms.
“Yeah,” I whisper anyway, thinking about how nice it is to have this one selfish thing. His feelings aren’t based on me being smart or perfect or doing any one thing well. He likes me for me. And none of my imperfections bother him.
“Okay. Good. I’ll try to find you before then, too.” He gives me one last smile.
I turn back around and raise my hand to shut my locker. The bracelet snags on my sweater, my favorite one from Trevor.
“Morning, Adalynn,” Caius says as he casually walks past her.
She mumbles a greeting before turning to me, her cheeks blazing. “Okay, now you have to. Tell. Me. Everything.”
The fourth bell sounds.
I shoot an apologetic look. “Sorry. It’ll have to wait. I promise to fill you in, though.”
The secret is out. I may as well talk.
A strangled noise rips from Adalynn’s throat. “That stupid bell.”
I glance at Jax’s locker as we hurry past. I hope he’s okay. It’s not good that I haven’t seen or heard from him. Then again, he might be stuck in in-school suspension. A few days spent with in-school suspension teacher Mrs. Tilly, or Terrible Tilly as we like to call her, would straighten anyone out. When she’s not torturing kids for the slightest infraction, she’s our calculus teacher.
There’s no one we can ask, either. Easton has made it clear we’re supposed to mind our own business when it comes to being in trouble. Plus, with the pressure of always being pitted against each other—class ranks come out every Friday—the entire school is made up of people who look out for Numero Uno. Asking about someone else isn’t done. Besides, the administration wouldn’t tell us anything. If I don’t run into him today, I’ll find a way to reach him tonight.
All I have to do in order to dodge Adalynn’s mounting questions is avoid my locker for the rest of the morning. Unfortunately, that also means I won’t see Jax. We have an A/B schedule. Classes are different every day. He and I don’t have any classes together on B day.
The morning crawls by, and I can’t get any rest in my nap pod. I play the music for my solo and mark my steps in my mind. My biggest accomplishment so far today is that I’ve managed to avoid my best friend. I’m not sure that I should be proud of the fact, but I haven’t figured out exactly what’s going on between Caius and I, so how can I explain it to her?
By nine thirty that evening, I’m pacing in the dance hall. Still no message from Jax. The last time he got in trouble, his parents banned him from using his technology. It was the absolute worst punishment for him. Ten o’clock arrives, and I finally have the studio to myself. I set my bag down. Then, I take off the bracelet and wrap it in my sweat towel.
A few minutes into stretching, Caius steps inside. I’m not surprised this time because I’ve been watching the door.
We override the security system, slip out, and I can only pray that no one catches us.
He twines our fingers together, and warmth settles over me. This time, he sits behind me on the hill overlooking the cemetery—his arms are around me, his hands holding mine, and my back is resting against his chest. He has a surprising amount of muscle for someone who hasn’t completely filled out yet. One of his legs is propped up and the other is straight, casually resting next to mine. I like the feel of him around me, holding me. And for the first time in a long time, I’m safe. We lose track of time talking about the things we like—cheese pizza for both of us. Our favorite class, English. His favorite color is the same as mine, but a different shade. It must be late, but I don’t want to know what time it is. I’d rather sit here all night and forget about everything else.
“I wish we had more time together.” He pulls me closer, and I can feel his breath in my hair. We should probably head back, even though nothing in me wants to get up and walk toward school.
“Same.”
“Have you decided where yo
u’re going to college?”
“Not really. I haven’t talked to my sponsor about it yet.” I can’t wait to leave high school. I’ll still be Sponsored. The plan is to take that with me. I have to believe that I’ll have more freedom in college, or I’ll go crazy. I can’t spend another four lonely years without losing my mind. Although, Easton doesn’t feel as isolating now that I have Caius and part of me dreads the thought of leaving in a year. How’s that for confusing?
“Oh yeah, I forget about that. My parents are pushing for Dalton,” he says in a distant voice.
“You don’t like it there?” I can’t put my finger on what’s wrong, but I can sense his unease.
“I’d rather stay right here.” His arms tighten around me, and his words spread warmth down my back. “Do you ever think about running away? Taking off? Forgetting all about college?”
I stiffen a little at the suggestion. I’ve always been a rule follower, but I have so much more at stake than most people. “I can’t.”
“Can’t run away or can’t think about it?”
“Both, I guess.” And I’m reminded how different our lives are and yet how trapped we both feel in them.
“Do you ever wish you could?”
“Every day.”
He relaxes, and so do I. We just sit there, looking at the tiny bursts of light dotting the black canopy above us. I don’t dare let myself wonder if there’s anything else besides this, if there’s a better life out there than the path for which I’ve been chosen. I can’t afford to. My entire family situation is riding on me being successful here. Since I was Selected, my mother and brother have been taken care of. They have meals provided for them and a roof over their heads. Life before Easton was hard for the three of us. I especially felt it with my twin brother, Trevor. We always sensed each other’s moods. He was putting more and more pressure on himself to provide for us. Mom was doing the best she was able, but we went to bed hungry plenty of nights. It was getting harder and harder for us to find places to stay, since a lot of people are struggling. It was easy to see that my brother took it the hardest, and I came here to help.
An annual Birthday video tells me about all the great things the government has given them. They look good, healthy, and wear nicer clothes than I’ve ever seen. If I don’t follow through with school, they’ll lose everything and any hope of a real future.
“What’s it like at your house?” I turn the tables.
“Everything has a perfect place. My parents are always polite to each other. Anyone looking in from the outside would think we’re a great family. Two perfect kids, a boy, and a girl, in the best school. Peel back the layers, and it’s like living in a freezer. Sterile. Lonely. Cold.” His last words are quiet, like they’re hard for him to say.
The picture he paints makes me think about the Chaffees, so I think I understand a little better what his life is like.
“Everything’s planned out and my sister and I are supposed to go along. I’m to go to law school and then eventually take a seat in local government. The goal is to make it onto the council. My sister is supposed to be a dancer. Someone who only has to work if she wants to. I guess she’s supposed to end up like our mother. They don’t want to face the fact that she’s different, special.”
There was something different about her, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
He flashes his eyes at me, and I nod. I’m figuring they don’t notice that his favorite subject is English, not Government or History. He said nothing about interest in taking Law classes.
“Appearances aren’t everything, are they?” The question is rhetorical.
“No,” he answers anyway. And then he blows out a breath. I feel the warmth on the back of my neck.
I think I’m starting to understand why he would search for someone different, someone real, someone like me.
“I have to get back soon.” I hate the thought of leaving.
“I know.” He doesn’t immediately make a move. He lets go of my right hand and gently smooths my hair to the other side. His lips are soft and warm as they press against the nape of my neck. My whole body tingles, and my stomach flutters. I could stay like this forever.
The sound of twigs snapping underneath someone’s shoe behind us startles us.
Caius makes a low shushing sound in my ear before shifting position so he can see if someone is coming up the other side of the hill. He stays low and listens. Then, he motions for me to go down the hill.
I move as quietly as I can until I’m hiding behind a catacomb. There’s something strangely comforting about this cemetery.
We hear voices, and I identify at least one—Rhys.
Caius joins me, this time tucking me behind him. My first instinct is that he is hiding me from his friends because he doesn’t want to be seen with me. I hate myself for thinking like that. But then I remember that he doesn’t count Rhys as a friend, and it would be very bad for other Legacies to catch us here.
Rhys would have no problem turning me in. Would he do the same to his former best friend? Rhys has been clear about his attitudes toward anyone who isn’t Legacy and anyone else he just doesn’t like. I’m going to be in so much trouble if we’re caught. My heart pounds so hard in my chest that I can hardly breathe. I stand to lose everything.
My life is pretty much over if Rhys catches us, and suddenly, I’m grateful that Caius thought to keep me unseen. I’m also reminded how late I’m going to be and how easy being busted would be. I’m starting to fear that my priorities are screwed up. Getting sent home wouldn’t just hurt me. It would ruin my family’s lives, too.
I can’t afford this…any of this.
And yet when Caius takes my hand, my fears start melting.
The voices start to fade until they’re so far away we can’t hear them anymore.
“I’m late,” I say.
“I’m sorry. It’s my fault.” I study him, trying to decide if he regrets bringing me here. His parents could pull him out, force him to go somewhere else. They could cut him off from money and family. They could cut him off from friends. They could cut off his college funds and leave him with nothing. Sure, he’d sleep in his own bed, but he isn’t so different from me. His parents have complete control over him and his future, just like my sponsors have over mine.
And, suddenly, I realize that he stands to lose as much as I do if we get caught. And we will. My high school career has been too charmed up to this point not to despite the worsening fear in the pit of my stomach that I’m living in a house of cards that are about to tumble down around me.
Chapter Five
“What happened to you?” Jax is finally at his locker. It’s been three days since I last saw him and he hasn’t returned any of my messages. He’s roughly six feet tall, and he hasn’t filled out yet. He’s definitely taller than me. He has blond hair with loose curls and brown eyes.
“In trouble,” he says with a smile that dies on his lips.
He’s different, although I can’t figure out why. He won’t look at me. Does he blame me for getting in trouble?
“Did I do something wrong?” Maybe I should’ve taken the note so Rhys wouldn’t have gotten hold of it. More guilt slams into me. I hate the fact he was in trouble.
“No. Of course not.” His gaze is fixed on a spot inside his locker. “I just spent three days alone in a room with Terrible Tilly at school and without a single piece of technology at home.”
“Okay, that would put anyone in a bad mood.” When Ms. Tilly isn’t teaching calculus, she’s responsible for in-school suspension. “What else? Are you working in the technology lab again?”
“No. Thankfully not.” His back is stiff, and he keeps glancing around like he’s afraid someone will see us together. Who does he think is going to walk up?
His voice is strained, too. It’s like we haven’t been friends for the past three
years. Something is off with him.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah.” He tries to play it casual, and I don’t push him.
“Three days with Terrible Tilly, and that’s your whole punishment?” My shoulder gets bumped. I glance over, ready to shoot side-eye at someone. A Cerebral mumbles an apology and keeps walking. I think he means it. The halls are like an ant farm, thick with teenagers.
“Were you hoping for worse?” A little of his sense of humor is back. He shrugs, and some of his stiffness eases, too. “I had to sign an agreement that I wouldn’t do it again.”
“Like a legal document?” I’ve never heard of that one before.
“Yeah. I’m not supposed to talk about it, though.” He glances around again. His gaze fixes on something behind me, and he frowns.
Before I can turn around to see what he’s glaring at, a pair of arms encircles my waist, and I know the second he touches me that it’s my boyfriend. I’ve memorized the way he feels and his warm, spicy scent.
“Hey,” he whispers in my ear.
I lean back against his chest, and I can feel his heartbeat, quick and strong. And then I straighten up real quick when I think about how much he’s risking by touching me in public.
“I’ll try to come to see you this weekend,” he says in that low, quiet voice that makes the world shrink to just the two of us.
Today is Friday, and I have dinner with my sponsors tomorrow night. I have no idea how he plans to pull off a weekend visit. Legacy kids are never around on the weekend, and it’ll look suspicious if he’s here.
“Will you be around today?” I hope to see him at least one more time, in case. Monday seems like forever away with him.
“Not much. I’ll try to find you before I leave.” He squeezes my hand. A warm shiver runs through me. “See you later.”
“Bye,” is all I can say through the haze in my mind that is Caius.
As soon as he steps away, I feel the cold air on my back.
“Hey, Jax,” he says, holding onto my hand a second longer than usual.
