by Amy Field
“Goodbye, my love,” he whispered against her lips before kissing her softly – and then he was gone.
“Goodbye, my love,” she repeated into the wind before she woke from the dream with tear stained cheeks.
Emma didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that she had just had a dream about her dead husband telling her to move on, but deep down inside she knew that was what he would have wanted. Rising from her position, she felt a sharp sting rip through her torso and she cried out in surprise and pain as she plopped back in her seat. The pain radiated throughout her body and lasted for at least five minutes. She remained in the position she was in unable to move.
“Emma!” came the worried voice of her sister who had been banging on her door for the past five minutes. She had gone into a state of catatonic shock and found it impossible to make words pass her airway. All she could do at the moment was groan, but she tried with all her might to make a sound that would alarm Elsie enough for her to reach for the emergency key under the flower pot on the porch. She heard the front door open and shut before she heard her sister rush up the stairs. When it was apparent she was not upstairs, she came rushing into the living room and Emma thanked God for her sister’s intuition.
“Oh my God, Emma, what’s wrong!” she exclaimed when she saw her curled up in the chair clutching her torso.
“My-my b-baby,” was all she could manage before everything became black.
When she awoke, she was in a fully white room with bright lights above her head. She looked down to see a tube sticking out of her hand and a machine that showed scraggly lines going across the screen.
Looking down she realized that she was in a very thin gown and that it had no back. She began to panic and tried to find a way to get the tubes out of her hand.
“Good, I see you are awake,” came the voice of the doctor she remembered from her last visit. This made her relax visibly and she looked up at the woman with greying silver hair that matched her silver-grey eyes. They were warm and looked at her with fondness.
“Why am I here?” she asked groggily.
“You suffered from pain to the abdomen and you also had some minor spotting.” Emma’s eyes widened in fear as the worst-case scenario flitted across her brain. “Everything is fine now. Both you and the baby are okay,” the doctor affirmed when she recognized the look of panic that transformed Emma’s features.
“You were just lucky to have been brought in when you were,” she said. “I must advise you that you will have to lay off of strenuous activities such carrying heavy boxes or doing any housework that requires heavy lifting,” she finished.
“Yes, I understand,” Emma responded, ready to agree with anything the woman said so that she could get out of there as quickly as possible.
“Is my sister here?” she asked as the woman held out her clothes for her to change after removing the tubes from her arm.
“Yes, she’s in the lobby waiting for you,” the doctor confirmed and Emma thanked her for all her help before heading to the lobby.
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re okay!” Elsie exclaimed in relief. “How is the baby?” she asked.
“The baby is fine,” Emma assured her. “I just need to be careful and not lift heavy things,” she confessed.
After Elsie thanked the doctor for her expert care the two were off. Elsie told her that she had to struggle by herself to get her in the buggy as she had taken it to come visit her. Michael was out on the farm and it would have been dangerous to leave her alone to get help so she had taken the initiative and driven her to the clinic herself.
“You know,” Elsie started conversationally, “You really should consider the option of getting someone who can help you out on the farm.” Emma threw her a sideways glance as she waited for her to continue. “I know I promised not to interfere anymore but I can’t bear the thought of losing you, Emma, and you won’t come and live with me so the only other option is for you to think about remarriage. What if I had not come along when I did?”
Emma thought about all her sister had just divulged and then her mind went back to the dream she had. It seemed everyone she loved wanted her to move on – to find love again. She didn’t think she would ever find a man that could compare to Josef, but then she thought about the fact that her son would need a man in his life to teach him all the things she could not and that the farm would need an extra hand to help in bringing in the harvest.
“You’re right, Elsie. Perhaps I do need to start thinking about remarrying so at least my baby has a father,” she replied. Elsie looked at her in surprise before her face broke out in a huge smile.
“Good,” she said pleased. “I have just the person for you.”
“And who could that be?” Emma asked suspiciously.
“Do you remember Brandon Schrock?” she asked.
“Mary Schrock’s cousin?” she asked, trying to remember the man who had visited Mary a few months back from the community in Ohio.
“Hmm hmm,” she confirmed.
“What about him?” Emma asked.
“Well, he is back in town and will be staying with his cousin for the remainder of the year. Michael invited him to dinner and I told him that you would be there as well,” she rushed out as she cast furtive glances towards Emma.
“I barely know him, Elsie,” she shrieked. “What would he have to do with a widow who is expecting?”
“Oh, don’t worry too much about that,” Elsie assured her. “Michael told him about your situation and he was actually ok with that. He’s actually looking to start a family soon and you being pregnant would only serve as a head start for him.”
“It seems you had this well planned out before I even agreed,” Emma mused. To this she received no reply. Elsie stared straight ahead as she manipulated the stirrup preventing the horse from veering off the path that was lined on either side by tall grass.
“Michael and I are simply concerned over your wellbeing, Emma, and he agreed that he would help me find a suitable match for you; that’s all,” she replied after some time of silence.
“So when is this dinner?” Emma asked just before they reached the edge of her property that was completely bordered by a white picket fence.
“It’s tomorrow,” she replied. “I actually came to invite you.”
“And what if I had said no, what will you have told your guest?” Emma asked deciding to pull her sister’s leg for trying to ambush her like that.
“Please don’t do that, Emma. You promised you would give whomever I came up with a chance,” Elsie implored.
“Relax Elsie, I was only teasing,” she replied with a laugh. At this her sister humphed before staring straight ahead once more. Emma lightly tapped her on the shoulder before leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek.
“I love you, Elsie. Thank you for always being there for me,” she said. To this she received a slight upturn of her sister’s lips and a little shake of her head in acknowledgement.
As soon as they reached her gate, Emma alighted from the buggy before her sister could make it around to help her.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Elsie,” she smiled at her sister before heading towards the gate.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come inside and help make something for you to eat?” her sister called out.
Turning her head to her, she replied, “It’s okay. I’m fine, just go. Michael must be wondering where you’ve got to.”
“Oh, he’d understand,” she said, waving off Emma’s words.
“I know he would, but it’s not wise to have your husband working so hard and not feed him. He can only be so understanding,” she replied.
“Fine, I’m going,” her sister conceded begrudgingly before climbing back into the buggy. Emma waved her off before heading inside.
After making herself some supper she decided to take a long bath to relax her mind before releasing her hair from the bun and brushing the silky blond strands. After donning her cotton night gown she
decided to head straight to bed thoroughly exhausted from the day’s activities.
“Emma, you remember Brandon, Mary’s cousin from Ohio?” Elsie asked pleasantly as she made the round of introductions which was only for the benefit of the two extra persons at their family table.
Emma simply smiled at the man that she faintly remembered from a few months ago. She took in his features as Elsie continued the introductions. He was tall and of a medium build. He had a sharp chin and jaw and his blond hair was long enough that it covered his forehead and she could just see a hint of blond eyebrows peeking out from the thick strands. On either sides of his straight nose lay his sky blue eyes that stared at her with interest. He was handsome but it didn’t stir her.
“And this is my sister, Emma,” Elsie continued.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Emma,” he replied, his accent slightly different from theirs. He stretched forth his hand and she graciously placed her palm into his upturned one as she continued to smile. His touch was warm but the heat did not transfer from her arm to ignite her whole being with its thick flames – not like Josef had. She cursed her thoughts for comparing him to Josef. After all, no one would ever hold a flame to him. She was simply doing what she had to in order to assure that she and her child would be taken care of.
“Shall I see you to your seat?” he asked politely, still holding on to her hand.
“Yes, thank you, Brandon,” she replied, equally polite as he.
After seating her and taking the seat next to hers, Elsie began to share the dishes as Michael sat at the head of the table with observant eyes.
“How is the baby Emma?” he asked interestingly and it brought color to her cheeks. She dipped her head in embarrassment.
“The baby is fine, Michael,” she answered.
“Oh yes, I heard you are with child,” Brandon chipped, in looking at her with a pleasant smile that calmed her. “How far along are you?” he asked as if her answer would be the most important thing to him.
“The doctor says I’m three months along,” she replied.
“That’s good,” he replied as he placed a contemplative finger on his chin. “Do you have everything for the little one?”
As flattered as Emma was that he was so interested in her and her child’s wellbeing she didn’t want to discuss this at the dinner table let alone with a total stranger.
“I haven’t started getting the things just yet but I’m hoping to start further down,” she answered truthfully, praying the conversation would shift to something less personal.
“Well, if you need any help just let me know,” he stated. She felt uncomfortable. He was trying too hard to become a part of her life. Whatever happened to baby steps, she thought.
When she looked around the table, she noticed that the other two occupants were throwing hopeful glances in their direction and for their sake she tried to remain amicable.
“Thank you, Brandon, that is thoughtful of you,” she said, smiling politely at him. He too graced her with a smile that showed his straight, white teeth and caused his cheekbones to rise as the lines at the sides of his eyes creased. It was a hopeful smile – one you would expect from a child who had just been promised that he would receive his favorite toy come Christmas time.
“That’s great to hear, Emma,” he said after he had eaten a forkful of Elsie’s famous macaroni and cheese casserole. “Have you thought about the type of crib you’ll be getting?”
“Uh, not yet,” she replied honestly.
“Well, I can make one for you,” he offered. “It would be my gift for the little one.”
Emma felt as if she was being backed into a corner and if she allowed it to go any further there was no way she could crawl back out.
“That’s really kind of you, Brandon, but Elsie has a real sturdy one that I was thinking of borrowing,” she replied. She had not thought that far ahead but she remembered the crib because it had been in the family since the two were babies. Now that Elsie and Michael’s only son had gotten married, he no longer lived with them and the crib was quite possibly only collecting dust up in the attic.
“Nonsense!” exclaimed Elsie. “That old thing needs to be thrown out. It has outlived its use."
Emma doubted it really had but she didn’t want to argue at the dinner table.
“You know, Brandon is a good carpenter,” Elsie went on. “He is offering to make you a brand new one. You should accept his kind offer." She was almost pleading.
Emma felt like she had been backed in a corner once more and as she stared at the three hopeful faces looking back at her she found herself accepting the offer.
“Thank you, Brandon, that would be lovely,” she said with a gracious smile.
After dinner, the two were left alone in the living room as Elsie carted her husband off to the kitchen to help her with the dessert. Emma knew it was a ploy to get her alone with Brandon and as much as she wanted to strangle her sister she had to admit that Brandon was very personable.
“I’m sorry if I seemed a little intense back at the dinner table, Emma. It was not my intention,” he apologized, catching her off guard.
“Ohm, that is fine,” she replied simply.
“It’s just that you are a lovely woman and even though I have not known you for a long time you strike me as someone that I could see myself with in the future,” he replied honestly. “Of course the decision is entirely yours,” he rushed on, “and I’ll understand if you don’t see me in that light.”
“Thank you for your honesty. I am not quite ready to give my heart to anyone just yet but I must admit that your company has been quite pleasant.”
To this she received a broad smile and she couldn’t help but return it. If she was honest with herself, she probably wouldn’t get such an offer from anyone that she was even remotely attracted to in the community. The only people who had approached her were widowers who were seeking to remarry and here she had a man who had never been married that was quite young and was interested in her. If she were smart she would jump at the opportunity but her thoughts continually went towards her husband and made her cautious.
Shortly after that, her sister and brother-in-law made their way back into the room carrying a tray with sweet pastries, tea cups, and a kettle. The men became engrossed in conversation and she got the opportunity to enjoy her tea in peace as Elsie did not try to gain her attention. For this she was grateful.
When it was time to head home, she graciously accepted Brandon’s offer. She knew it was best to get better acquainted with him if she was truly serious about getting married again. She needed to know the type of man he was. Though she wasn’t planning to marry for love she wanted to know that he would be a good man for her and the baby and one meeting wasn’t enough to determine that.
“Goodnight, Emma,” Brandon spoke as he removed his hat from his head. He had walked her up the few porch steps and was now standing at the threshold of her door as she held it open and smiled at him.
“Goodnight, Brandon, and thank you for your company."
He smiled tenderly at her and she noticed his hand rise as if to touch her face. Her eyes widened in panic and he quickly dropped it as guilt and disappointment washed over his features.
“I’m sorry, Emma, I shouldn’t have…” he began to apologize.
“It’s alright,” she reassured him with a smile on her face. “It’s just that no one has ever touched me but Josef."
“Oh,” he replied before a smile graced his lips once more. “Well I hope in time I will have that honor,” he replied. Before she could respond he turned and walked off the porch towards his buggy.
She could faintly see him tip his hat to her once more by the small lantern hanging on the porch and with the help of the moon’s rays. She half raised her hand in farewell and then he was off.
The following week he showed up at her gate. Elsie had sent him to collect her for church. Her excuse was that she had an errand to run before she made it there and she
didn’t want to make Emma wait too long on her.
She didn’t object to going with him, but she had surely wished Elsie had given her a heads up. She was becoming comfortable with him and it shouldn’t have been an issue, yet it bothered her. It was as if they were rushing her into taking up Brandon’s offer. He had not said it in so many words, but she knew he was hoping to ask her to marry him as soon as possible.
Elsie and Michael arrived at the service a little after the preacher had started the lesson and Emma threw her a suspicious glance when she noticed she sat far in the back away from her.
“Why didn’t you sit up front when you came in?” Emma asked Elsie after service had concluded.
“I was late and I didn’t want to call attention to myself,” she explained, keeping her eyes away from Emma’s.
“Where did you and Michael go today?” she asked and noticed Elsie’s cheeks flush pink.
“We didn’t go anywhere; we just had something very important to do,” she replied vaguely.
“What was so important that you had to be late for church?” Emma asked, confused. “And why do you look so guilty like it was something bad?”
When she still didn’t reply, Emma took her by the shoulders and turned her to face her. “Tell me Elsie,” she commanded. Elsie’s face contorted in guilt and she hung her head as if in shame.
“We made love before we got here,” she blurted as her cheeks became even redder. “We have been trying to have another baby and today was a good time to… you know?”
“But why do you feel guilty? It’s not like you’re fornicating or committing adultery,” Emma replied, perplexed.
“Did you ever do this act before coming to church?” Elsie asked her.
As she thought about it, she realized that it had never once entered her nor Josef’s mind to copulate before heading to church. Her expression confirmed her answer.
“See,” Elsie continued. “It is not unheard of. If some of the other members ever heard of this I can tell you they would frown upon us.”
