by Amy Field
“I don’t know if I’m cut out for this,” she said and before he could respond she clarified the statement. “The whole Amish thing - I don’t know if I could truly give up everything I’ve known to live like this.”
“Tell me about your world,” he requested.
“Well where I’m from, the weather is always hot and sticky but I loved it. We have electricity, we watch TV, listen to songs on the radio and we have hot water that comes directly form the tap,” she explained noting how he watched her with interest. “Most of the things that you guys do here have already been done for us, we just go to the supermarket and pick up the packaged goods. So take for example milking a cow - I only have to go into the grocer take up a carton of milk swipe my card and I have what I need instantly.”
“Sounds interesting,” Abel said, sounding intrigued.
“It is,” she affirmed.
“I guess you’re asking yourself: why would I want to give all that up to become a simple Amish girl?”
She realized her statement probably sounded shallow and superficial.
“I didn’t mean…” she started but stopped in confusion when Abel laughed out.
“Relax,” he giggled. “I was just playing with you. I know you mean no offense."
Mary punched him in the arm playfully and he howled in mock pain.
“I guess this is a choice that you will have to make on your own but I want to tell you that if you stick around everyone will start coming around,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
She offered him a grateful smile for his encouraging words and optimism.
“I can also help you to learn to be a good Amish girl,” he continued in a playful tone.
“Would you?” she asked, innocently playing along.
“Of course. First, you need to practice milking a cow,” he replied.
Mary’s face scrunched up in disdain at the thought of really touching the cow’s breasts.
Just then the front door opened and her aunt peered out at them.
“Hello, Abel,” she greeted lightly. “Did you come to see me?”
“Ah...” he started, but was interrupted by Mary.
“Actually he came to see me, Aunt Sarah,” she replied. “He offered to help me learn to milk the cow and I agreed,” she finished.
“Oh, okay,” her aunt replied. “Dinner will be ready in an hour,” she informed Mary before heading back instead.
“So when do I start learning how to milk a cow?” she asked Abel.
“How about now?” he asked and she agreed.
Together they made their way to the barn and Abel told her to get a low stool and a pail while he guided the cow towards where she had set up.
“First, you have to grab hold of her teats and ensure they are well secure against your fingers. Then you begin to massage the teats and allow the milk to spray into the pail,” he said.
Mary watched as he performed the action while he instructed her. After a few failed attempts accompanied by much laughter and milk spattered all over herself, she got the hang of it and could proudly say she had milked a cow successfully.
“See, that wasn’t so bad now was it?” he asked as he knelt beside her.
Mary turned her head to give him a triumphant smile but got caught by his intense stare. She could see that his pupils had become dilated and his breathing became rapid. Unthinkingly, she edged closer to him as his head descended. At the last moment, Mary pulled away and stood abruptly, causing the low stool to pitch over. She could see the disappointment that flickered through Abel’s eyes and it tugged at her heartstrings. However, she didn’t want what happened to her mother to end up happening to him. What if they had kissed and it went further than that? What if she decided to leave in the end? How would it affect them?
“I’m sorry, Abel,” she said. “You’re a wonderful guy, but I can’t do this. Not right now. I’m not even certain if I actually want to stay here and I don’t want to hurt you,” she rambled on.
Abel rose to his feet and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder that had a sudden calming effect on her.
“It’s okay,” he replied. “I understand and I am sorry for what happened there. It’s my fault,” he said, shouldering the blame. "At the very least, I should court you in the proper Amish way."
“I’m sorry,” she repeated.
“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault,” he reassured her once more. “I would like if we could continue to be friends though,” he replied in a hopeful tone.
“I would like that too,” Mary replied, finding it easier to smile up at him in that moment.
When Mary went back to the house she decided she wanted to give the town a try and she went to pray on it – something she hadn’t done in a long time.
For the next three months, Mary and Abel kept their relationship strictly on a friendship basis, but they were both aware of the underlying current that drew them to each other like a moth to a flame. They would joke around and make fun of each other and when it got too heavy, they would go on a time out.
Abel helped her to understand more about the ways of the Amish and she found that over time she came to appreciate the simplicities of life. There was less stress when you had less to worry about.
True to the words spoken by both her aunt and Abel, the members of the community seemed to be coming around as they greeted her more freely and the stares became less frequent. She still felt awkward whenever she went to the sing along as not all the girls had warmed up to her. Some made scathing remarks and continued to treat her as an outsider. The girls made her dread going and Mary only went for Abel’s sake.
Her grandparents still had not come around and refused to acknowledge her in public. Mary learned that her sister Anna lived with her father, John. She was just fourteen, but like Mary has never known their mother as Elizabeth had died in childbirth.
Anna was too young to stay back at the sing along and her father prohibited her from speaking to Mary. It made her sad, but she knew it was no fault of the little girl as she would often see her throwing tentative glances her way as if she itched to come and talk to her.
“Mary,” Abel called out to her after service one day.
She turned to him, wondering why he was so excited.
“What is it Abel?” she asked.
“I want to take you somewhere,” he declared, immediately earning a perplexed look from her.
“On a picnic,” he clarified. “I prepared everything that we could take with us and there’s a wonderful place that I’d like to show you,” he continued excitedly.
“I don’t know if that is a good idea Abel,” she started hesitantly.
“Mary,” he said, taking a hold of her shoulders as he peered down at her. “We aren’t doing anything wrong.” “We are just two friends going out to enjoy a picnic,” he finished.
“But what if they get the wrong idea?” she asked, still concerned about the implications.
“Let them,” he replied simply.
“You are impossible,” she huffed. “Fine, but be warned I hold you responsible if this blows up in our faces.”
“Oh ye of little faith,” he replied with a short laugh that rumbled in his chest.
A shiver went up her spine at the deep huskiness of it.
“Let’s go,” she replied, turning her head away from him to calm her nerves.
He sprang into action immediately and helped her up into the front seat of the buggy. She would never get accustomed to the sharp zing that went through her whenever their skin connected. Abel happily jogged around to the next side and put on his straw hat before taking off. The bliss of being alone with Abel and being brought somewhere new overtook her and all her inhibitions flew out the window.
Unbeknownst to them was the girl looking at their departure with hatred in her eyes. She would make sure that whatever was going on between them ended before it even started. It was time she paid the Grabers a visit as a concerned member of the community.
Abel took them all the way across town to an abandoned farm. The farmhouse looked old and dilapidated as if it would fall down at any minute.
“You brought me here to die?” she asked skeptically as Abel removed the contents from the back of the buggy.
He didn’t reply. Instead he gave her a mischievous grin that caused her heart to flutter. She needed to get control over herself. She was too easily swayed by this man. No matter how much she tried to steel herself against his charms, she found it hard to resist him. She found herself fantasizing about how it would feel to be wrapped up in his arms. These were thoughts that were not befitting for a member of the Amish faith and she was sure glad they couldn’t read her thoughts. They would have probably rallied to have her thrown out already.
“Come,” Abel commanded and she reluctantly followed him.
They walked towards the back of the building and straight down a dirt path that lead into the woods behind the property. The area wasn’t densely populated enough with trees for her to call it a forest. Soon the trees thinned and they came to a luscious green meadow scatted with wild flowers and exotic looking butterflies searching them out for their nectar.
“This is beautiful,” she gasped.
“I knew you would like it,” he returned, his head tucked just above her shoulder.
His breath tickled her neck and she shivered involuntarily as the sensations overtook her body.
After spreading out the blanket and putting down the basket, he beckoned for her to sit beside him, which she did obediently.
He opened the lid of the basket, revealing all manner of delicacies and she began to salivate at the sweet aroma wafting up to her nose and from the presentation.
“This is really good,” she said after placing a piece of the chocolate cake he had brought into her mouth. It tasted very rich and melted as it came in contact with her tongue.
Abel didn’t respond and she looked up to see him staring at her with the same intense stare as the one from the barn three months ago. He didn’t speak. He simply took the fork away from her mouth and out of her hands. Then he bent and captured her lips with his.
The usual electric current sparked and became fire instantaneously. His lips were smooth and so soft, but they burned a trail through her lips and coursed throughout her whole body, culminating at her heart.
She couldn’t help the soft mewl of pleasure that left her lips and he took it as an opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. At the first contact of his tongue against hers she went wild, the fire within her roared to an insurmountable height. His tentative caress of her face became more pronounced and she ached for him to touch her other places. While their tongues clashed against each other she reached for his hand and placed it on her chest.
Abel instantly jerked away from her. She felt hurt at his sudden withdrawal and started to turn away in shame. Abel reached out and grasped the back of her neck bringing their lips back in contact.
“I want this to happen the right way,” he whispered against her lips.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice breathy and a lot huskier than she had ever heard herself.
Again he pulled away from her but it was so that he could stare into her eyes as he made his revelation.
“I love you, Mary,” he responded, causing the breath to catch in her throat.
“I... I... I,” she stuttered, not knowing what to say.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back but I wanted you to know how I feel about you. How I’ve felt about you for a long time,” he replied.
“I’m asking you to give this a chance to give us a chance to work. I promise I won’t hurt you,” he said.
“What about your parents?” she asked, unsure.
“What about them?” he returned with nonchalance.
“I don’t think they like me enough to want me to be a part of the family. What will they think when you tell them you want to court me?” she said.
“Mary, stop,” he cautioned. “This is about us, not them. I told you I love you because I am serious about this; about us.”
When she didn’t respond but continued to look worried, he attempted to put her mind at ease once more.
“Do you trust me?” he asked her seriously.
Did she trust him? The answer was a resounding yes – with all of her heart. She nodded her head in reply.
“Then believe me when I say I will protect you, okay?” he begged in earnest.
His blue eyes stared deep into her soul, willing her to believe in the promise his words provided and she found herself smiling up at him as she once more nodded her agreement.
Abel reached down and gave her a brief kiss before raising his head and replying, “Good.” A smile graced his lips as well.
After that they share a few more kisses before it was time to head home.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Abel said lovingly to her as he deposited her on the porch of her home. They couldn’t share any more kisses now that they were out in the open, but the bright smiles on their faces and the twinkle in their eyes was undeniable and it would be hard to convince anyone that they weren’t enamored by each other.
“How was your outing with Abel?” Sarah asked as soon as she stepped into the foyer. She had been unaware of her aunt’s presence as she hung up her coat with the same gleeful look on her face. She jumped at her voice and turned crimson with embarrassment as it would be hard for her aunt to miss her overly excited mood.
“It was well spent, thank you,” she replied before realizing that she hadn’t told her aunt that she and Abel were going anywhere. “How did you…” she started before her aunt interrupted her.
“A neighbor visited to convey the news that you and Abel slipped away from evening singing and went on your merry way,” she spoke in a tone tinged with disapproval.
“Nothing happened,” she defended herself.
“I believe you, Mary,” her aunt said after some time. “But you have to be careful. Remember what I told you a few months back that people can change in the blink of an eye?” she asked.
“Yes, Aunt Sarah,” she replied, wondering what brought on the sudden urgency with which she spoke.
“Well, that day has come,” her aunt replied. “You are no longer to speak with Abel,” she commanded.
“But why?” Mary asked, surprised by her aunt's change of tone.
Sighing, Sarah took her hand and led her to the living room.
“Please sit,” she commanded, before pacing back and forth away from where Mary sat.
“I want to protect you Mary. I wasn’t able to protect your mother back then but I will not allow what happened to her to happen to you as well. We all believe in the true and living God and we live by the rules of the Ordnung, but it doesn’t mean we all interpret the words the same way. Someone came to visit me and the way she painted the picture of you and Abel gallivanting around town was quite shameful. Imagine if they spread that news around town! We would all be shamed by the result. Not just you. Then my parents would have more reason to question my decision to keep you here. I can see that you are falling in love with Abel but I’m asking you to slow down. Let the town come to accept you and decide whether or not you will become a part of the church. After that I will consider your intention seriously and stand up for you no matter what the cost,” her aunt reasoned.
Mary pondered her words and realized that all she had said was to protect her. Her actions were hurting her aunt. She hadn’t even made a formal decision to accept the faith and yet here she was making plans to have a future with Abel. She needed to ponder her next move carefully but first she needed to speak with Abel.
“I’m sorry Aunt Sarah, it was never in my intention to hurt you or the family,” she apologized.
Sarah reached out and cupped her cheek.
“I know,” she replied in understanding.
“I just need to speak with Abel, to make him understand,” she reasoned.
Her aunt recog
nized her resolve and granted her permission to go see him.
Throwing a shawl over her dress she made her way down the path that lead to Abel’s home.
When she knocked on the door, his mother answered.
“May I help you with something, Mary?” the woman asked, her voice sounding cold and detached.
“May I see Abel?” she asked in an uncertain voice.
“Abel is not available,” she replied in the same cold voice.
“Oh,” she replied, disappointed. “Can you tell him I stopped by?” she asked.
The woman didn’t respond. Instead she looked down at Mary in a condescending manner before offering her a tight smile.
“Goodnight, Mary.” With that the woman closed the door in her face.
She left their porch feeling despondent. She had never witnessed such a side of Mrs. Graber and it scared her that she had reacted with so much hostility towards her.
Instead of going straight inside she went to the barn and sat down pondering over the events. She heard the door creak and looked up just in time to see Abel step through it.
“What are you doing here?” she asked confused. “I thought your mother said you were busy,” she continued.
With long strides he came towards her. Pulling her from the chair he wrapped her in his arms.
“I’m sorry that my mother behaved that way to you,” he said against her temple. “I won’t allow her or anyone else to disrespect you like that ever again,” he promised.
Alarmed, she pulled away to look up into his eyes.
“What do you mean?” she asked the anxiety creeping into her voice.
“Mary, I love you and I don’t think I will ever stop loving you,” he affirmed. “I just need you to trust me okay?” he pleaded once more.
“Please don’t do anything stupid,” she begged, tangling her fingers in his shirt.
“I won’t,” he promised, looking earnestly in her eyes. “But I won’t stand by and let them take away our happiness,” he continued.
Kissing her forehead, he looked once more into her eyes.
“Be strong for me okay?” he asked and she shook her head in agreement.
That night her anxiety made it impossible for her to close her eyes. What did Abel mean when he said he wouldn’t let anyone take their happiness away? Kneeling before her bed, she prayed to God asking him for wisdom and understanding and to fix the predicament they were in. So earnest was her prayer that tears fell from her eyes as she pleaded with God. It surprised her as she had never prayed this passionately about anything – not even when her mother was sick.
