by Amy Field
“I can’t help it, I have always been like that.”
“What’s your specialty?” she asked curious.
“I am in the orthopedics division,” he said. “Bone division,” he added when he saw the blank look on her face.
“Ah, is that exciting?”
“It’s something. Exciting isn’t the word I would use to describe it.” Ryan said laughing. “Did you come from work?”
Maria nodded and she talked about her work. He seemed interested and after a few seconds, she was completely at ease with him. He was nice and handsome and something about him made her feel different. She couldn’t quite put her finger to it but she liked it. She didn’t realize how quickly time had passed until she saw that the tray was empty and that it was close to nine.
“It’s getting late,” Maria said.
“Oh, I didn’t notice. Sorry, I was getting off work too when I saw you,” Ryan explained.
“Well, I should go home. I am a bit tired,” Maria said.
“I’ll see you out.”
“You don’t have to.”
“It’s the least I could do. I feel lighter now, after having apologized to you. I kept thinking about it for a few days.”
“Me too but I found it funny afterwards,” she said giggling.
“At least I made you smile.”
They joked until they arrived at the hospital entrance. Maria was suddenly reluctant to go but she knew that she had to. She had work the next day and while it was nice taking some time off to talk to someone else, reality was waiting for her. It was unlikely that she would ever see him again and the baby was waiting for her.
“I’ll see you around,” Ryan said as goodbye.
She nodded and waved as she began to head for the bus station. She doubted it but somehow she wished that she would meet him again. Ryan was someone different.
Chapter Four
Five months later…
Maria walked slowly, careful to balance the files that she held on her hands. It was hard navigating her way through the office with the files on her hand but she was getting through it. The thing that made it tough was the heaviness weighing her down, especially around her midriff. She stumbled and a file slipped from the pile.
She cursed and was about to bent down when a co-worker picked it up for her and then took all the files.
“I’ll deliver them, you go to your office,” he said smiling.
Maria looked at him gratefully and she waddled back to her office, collapsing on her chair. Her feet hurt and her hips ached from the weight of the baby. She was just past six months but her stomach had swelled up quickly. She couldn’t figure out how the time had gone by.
She rested her head against the headrest and almost fell asleep. It was a good thing no one judged her around the office. She had been scared of that, when she had first come back to the office but they hadn’t batted an eye. They had gone out of their way to help her and even offered her three months maternity leave. Of course, there were whispers sometimes but she found it easy to ignore them when she had so many supporters with her.
Her biggest supporter was still Jaime, who went out of her way to help her out. Just the day before, Jaime had bought a crib for her child which had warmed Maria’s heart. She couldn’t believe that she had such a good best friend.
Still, Jaime couldn’t completely assuage the sadness in Maria’s heart. Sometimes at night, Maria would lie down and think about Matt. The pain was still the same as ever but she fancied that it had lessened somehow. The baby was helping her stay afloat.
She felt a sudden pressure around and her stomach and rubbed it gently. It happened sometimes and she wasn’t worried. The baby was probably moving around so it wasn’t that big of a deal. She looked at the clock on her table and saw that it was six, it was time for her to go home.
She packed up her things, said goodbye to her colleagues and went on her way. It was a long walk from her office to the bus station and Maria had to bear through it. She had save money for her child and she was ready to bear any consequences that came with it. Today, she was especially tired, her feet were dragging but she somehow managed to make it to the station and to her apartment.
The apartment had come together during the months, it now had a furnished living room and kitchen. Her bedroom was complete but the other bedroom was bare. Maria was planning on letting her baby be in the crib in her bedroom. She set down her bag on the couch and sat down for a moment, relieving the tension from her body. She had a hard day and she was looking forward to sleeping but she had to eat first.
From the time that she learned she was pregnant, Maria had taken the effort to eat properly. Before, she had been the type of person to snatch something on the go and leave but she was taking care of someone else now and she wasn’t going to let her bad habits affect her baby. She had taken to drinking a glass of milk every day and keep lean meat in her diet.
Tonight, she had a salad prepared for herself and she ate it slowly, her tired limbs taking a while to work. Maria didn’t know why she was so tired but she figured a good night’s sleep would help her. After she was done, she went to bed. She lay down and her eyes closed, tomorrow was going to be a good day.
Matt was with Celia and they were enjoying themselves. They were in Naples where the two of them were supposed to go and they had the widest smile on their face.
“I am so much better than Maria,” Celia said.
“Of course you are.”
She didn’t want to see this and Maria broke out of her dream, breathing rapidly. It had been the worst possible thing to see and in her state too. She didn’t want Matt back but the pain of him leaving her still lingered in her. She wished that it would go away so that she didn’t have to suffer anymore but it wouldn’t leave her. She hated that.
Maria wiped the sweat from her forehead and was going to go back to sleep when she felt the sheets stick to her legs. She hadn’t sweated too much and there was pain in her back that suddenly flared up. For a second, Maria was scared that her water had broken, she wasn’t ready! But when she drew back the sheets, she was horrified.
Bright red stains had spread on her bed sheet and the sight of them made her dry heave. She was suddenly faint. She was bleeding. She had to do something. Her baby was in trouble!
Maria reached for her cell and her fingers moved rapidly, calling emergency.
“Hello? Yes please send an ambulance! My baby is dying!”
The ambulance arrived in ten minutes by which time Maria had stopped bleeding but her legs were shaking. She somehow managed to open the door before collapsing in the arms of the paramedic who helped her into a stretched. Pain had spread around her midriff by then and Maria was praying that her baby would be alright.
She didn’t realize when they had reached the hospital, only that there were suddenly bright lights and she was being wheeled to the emergency room. She didn’t see anything, she only heard random voices around her.
“She is losing consciousness!”
“We have to hurry!”
Maria didn’t hear anything else after that. Her world collapsed into darkness.
It was cold.
Maria couldn’t stop thinking about how cold it was. She wished that it would become warmer or that someone would give her a blanket but when she tried to find a blanket, there was none near her. It was then she realized that she could move and so she opened her eyes.
The hospital ceiling was bland and colorless. Her first sight was towards her stomach and she saw to her relief that her bump was still there. Her baby was okay. That’s when she focused on her surroundings. It was silent, except for the beeping of the monitors but she was suddenly aware that there was someone beside her. She turned her head and saw, to her shock that it was Ryan and he was seated by her bedside, his hair in disarray with a wry look on his face.
“Hi,” he said quietly.
“Hello.”
Her voice was hoarse and her lips parched. “Could you…?�
�
As if he knew that she was asking for water, he poured her a glass and handed it to her. She tried to take it but her fingers wouldn’t obey her so he held the glass up to her lips, raising her head slightly. She gulped rapidly and he put her back down.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice clearer.
“You were in a bad state apparently,” Ryan said.
“Why are you here?” she asked.
“I was making rounds when I saw you in the emergency room. They had you there for a few hours before wheeling you into a private room.”
She suspected that he had a hand in that but she didn’t bring it to light.
“It doesn’t explain what you are doing here.”
“I was surprised to see you here and…” he looked at her belly.
Maria had forgotten that he didn’t know that she was pregnant. She rubbed her belly and saw that there was a flash of disappointment in his eyes.
“I am guessing it’s almost due,” Ryan said.
Maria nodded.
“I talked to the doctor who examined you, he said that it probably happened due to stress and that you should be careful. He said it’s a miracle the child is alive, you bled a lot.”
“My baby is strong,” Maria said softly.
“Where’s the baby’s dad?” Ryan asked casually.
Maria hesitated. She didn’t know what to tell him. Should she tell him the truth or lie? What would be the right thing to do? She made her decision in a second.
“The baby doesn’t have a dad.”
“I don’t understand. Is he….?”
“No, He isn’t dead. He left me. He was cheating on me with my sister,” she hadn’t meant to say that last line but it had come out. She didn’t know why she had but she felt lighter when she said it.
Ryan’s mouth dropped open but he closed his mouth int a thin line.
“I am sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter, it happened a long time ago.”
“So you are alone?”
“I do my best and this happened.”
“It’s not your fault.” Ryan reached for her hand.
Maria slightly moved her hand and he stopped before drawing back. For a few seconds, he said nothing. Maria didn’t feel any awkwardness and she appreciated the silence. But unfortunately it didn’t last long. The door opened and two people walked in.
Maria stared at them in shock and blurted, “What are you doing here?”
“Is that any way to talk to your parents?”
Her mother, Edith, glared at her. She had the same hair as Maria and looked as pretty as her in a mature way. Her father, Harold, was bald and had a potbelly but he was glaring at her as well. Maria didn’t know how they knew she was here but she knew that she didn’t have any way to escape. That was when she looked past them and saw Jaime. She was sheepish as she looked at Maria.
“They needed to know,” Jaime defended herself.
Maria couldn’t even glare at her and say that she was wrong. She had been avoiding them for so long and this was the time. Her parents had the same reaction when they saw her stomach and they both gasped at the same time.
“Maria, why didn’t you tell us? What happened? We only knew that you broke up with Matt but why? We asked Celia but she didn’t tell us anything.”
Maria gulped and she didn’t say anything at first. Ryan looked around awkwardly and stood up.
“I should go,” Ryan said.
“You can stay. I think they need to hear what I have to say.”
Maria looked at her parents and her heart began to beat, speeding up and she couldn’t find the words to speak. She knew that she had to say but she couldn’t say it. But then she remembered her baby and she took courage from the baby.
“Mom Dad, this is what happened….”
Chapter Five
It took her a week to leave the hospital.
Ryan was there to help her. He was helping her into his car. Maria had declined the offer but he had insisted and she couldn’t refuse him any further. He helped her into the car and after he got in, he strapped the seat belt for her.
“You didn’t have to do that," Maria protested.
“It was my pleasure.” He looked at her with his liquid eyes.
Maria couldn’t say anything. She was too flushed and nervous, she didn’t know what to say. Ryan had been a big help for her, he had done everything for her and visited her every single day. He was nice and polite, always remaining in his boundaries but he never did anything to indicate any romantic interest.
Maria didn’t know how to feel about him but he made her feel calm and protected. For the first time in a while, she didn’t think about Matt. She was completely content being alone and she owed it all to Ryan. But it didn’t mean she didn’t think about Matt anymore, there were sometimes that he entered her mind but it wasn’t as hurtful as before.
She told him her address and he drove her there, chatting about random things.
“Have you talked to your office?”
“I did, they told me to start my maternity leave from now onwards,” Maria said.
“You should, you have to take care of yourself. You know what the doctor said,” Ryan berated.
“I know but there are only three weeks left until my due date.”
“I hope Jaime will take care of you,”
Maria looked at him, wondering if that meant that he wasn’t going to be around anymore but as if he detected her gaze, he turned and met her eyes.
“I am usually busy at the hospital.”
“Thank you for your help Ryan.”
“You don’t need to thank me. I am not doing it unselfishly.”
The words made her catch her breath but she didn’t say anything about it. She didn’t want to acknowledge it. She was scared that acknowledging it would mean that she owed him something and she didn’t want it to.
“Forget I mentioned it,” he said finally.
Maria didn’t say anything after that but she was worried about it for the rest of the ride. Did he expect something from her, was she supposed to do something? Say something? She didn’t know and she was too scared to actually pursue it.
Ryan showed no indication of saying anything but even she felt that he wanted to say something. It didn’t matter, she would get through it somehow. So far, she was sure he was only with her because he felt pity for her but the thought gave her pain and that made her thoughts even more complicated than before.
What exactly did she feel for Ryan?
She knew it was too early to think of that, they had known each other properly for only one week but she still remembered how her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. She recalled all of the things he had done for her in the last few days. How he had helped her, bringing food for her, making sure she ate and making her laugh by telling her jokes about the patient. Something she hadn’t done in a while.
When had she last laughed?
Ryan had stopped the car and she opened her seatbelt.
“I’ll see you soon,” he promised. “Don’t have the baby until then.”
His words were like a father’s but in his eyes, she saw the hint of affection for her baby which surprised her. Was he the type of person to like children?
Maria only nodded and left, waving at him as he drove off.
She was thoughtful when she got into her life but she wasn’t prepared for what was waiting for her when she walked into her apartment. Her parents were seated on the couch and they looked concerned as she walked in. Jaime was with them and Maria couldn’t look at her. She hadn’t quite forgiven Jaime for what she had done but she didn’t blame her either. She hadn’t wanted to tell her parents but after she had, they hadn’t said anything. They had merely looked shocked when she said it.
Maria knew they never thought that Celia would do such a thing which was what surprised her the most. Her sister, Celia, the one who had taken such good care of her when she was a kid had betrayed her in the worst way possible.
She didn’t think that she could say anything about it. It was something unimaginable and it was the same for her parents as well.
Maria knew they had talked to Celia but they hadn’t told her what Celia had said and she could see from the look in their eyes that today was the day that they were going to say something and she prepared herself for it.
“What is it?”
“Maria, how do you feel?” her mother asked carefully.
“Well enough to hear what you want to say,” Maria almost snapped.
Her mother twitched but didn’t say anything about her retort. Maria regretted it immediately, she had wild mood swings sometimes but it wasn’t something she should inflict on her mother. Her mother had moved past it so she couldn’t even say sorry.
“We talked to Celia,” her father said and looked at her mother. “You were right.”
“I know,” Maria managed to say.
Her heart was close to breaking and she was resisting the urge to cry. She knew this but she didn’t want to hear it. She didn’t want it to be confirmed but it had been and she didn’t know what to do about it. It hurt her deeply and not even the thought of her baby or Ryan could fix it.
“What did she say?”
“She is with Matt right now,” her mother said after a long pause. “They are together in San Francisco.”
Maria almost collapsed but it was a good thing she was sitting on a sofa. She didn’t want to worry them but even she felt the impact of the words. They were together, living together probably like he had done with her. How could they do that? Maria had asked herself that question a dozen times but today was first time that she was retreating back to her closing point.
That was when her cell beeped.
Maria picked it up and it said,
I’ll be coming tomorrow, we’ll catch some dinner?
There was light at the end of the tunnel.
“I am fine,” she said finally. “I hope they are happy together.”
“Aren’t you going to tell them about the baby?” her mother asked.
“No, they don’t need to know.” Maria said harshly.
“Maria, they need to know, this isn’t a small secret that you can hide,” her father said.
