“So how will we live the rest of our lives? Hiding from everyone?”
He let go of my hand and sat back in his chair. “We will live quietly in the country. We will maintain a low profile and keep to ourselves.”
“I’m a writer, David. It will be pretty damn hard for me to maintain a low profile and sell books,” I asserted.
“You’re going to have to reconsider your career. I’m not saying you will have to give up writing, Nicci. I’m just saying you may have to change who you are as a writer.”
A queasy feeling gripped my stomach. “I don’t understand.”
“To avoid suspicion, you’re going to have to take on a new identity. We cannot be together if you remain Nicci Beauvoir. As long as you are David Alexander’s Jenny, we will never be completely safe from my past.”
The reality of what he was proposing washed over me like floodwaters overpowering a weakened levee. I had never considered the possibility of having to change who I was in order to be with the man I loved. I was truly comfortable as Nicci Beauvoir, and I was just beginning to establish myself as a writer. Self-awareness is a struggle plagued with the pitfalls of false introspections and gilded assumptions of who and what we really are. How was I supposed to start over and walk away from all I had ever learned about myself? Others could strip away fortune, physical ability, and fame, but in the end, we always had our identity. Who would I be if I couldn’t be me anymore?
***
Later that night, I was sitting in a chair by the door watching David sleep. He had settled into my bedroom, passing out on the bed almost as soon as his body hit the sheets. Being unable to calm down from the evening’s events, I did not curl up next to him, but instead decided to sit in a chair across the room. I watched the rise and fall of his chest as he slept and was comforted by the fact that I could look upon him at any time. But my mind was restless with worry. He had gone through so much to get back to me. How much more could his battered body endure? I got up from my chair and went over to the bed once more to check on him. I touched my hand lightly to his taped shoulder and bruised cheek. I walked to the door and decided David was all right to leave for a short while. Because what I needed more than anything at that moment was a drink.
I crept along the second story balcony trying not to the let the old floorboards beneath my feet give away my presence. I made it down the back stairs secure in the fact that no one had heard my retreat from the second floor bedrooms. And as I walked across the kitchen to Val’s liquor cabinet, I felt my body relax a bit.
I grabbed the bottle of vodka from the shelf, but when I opened the cabinet above the sink to find a glass, a shadow from the kitchen doorway startled me.
“I see I’m not the only one in need of a drink.” Dallas emerged from the darkness of the hallway.
In his hand was a glass filled with only ice cubes. He leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen entrance, raised the glass to his mouth, and drained the last dregs of liquid from his drink.
I reached into the cabinet for a glass. “Any particular reason you need a drink tonight?”
“Same reason I’ve had a drink every night since your cousin’s wedding. Why I drink shouldn’t matter to you. You have David, right? So why are you here?”
“I don’t have David. I’ve got Dan Goldvarg. I guess I’m still trying to figure out if I’m willing to accept that fact,” I stated, repeating his words from the previous day.
I poured a measure of vodka into my glass and put the bottle down on the counter beside me. I retrieved the orange juice from the refrigerator and added it to my drink. Dallas proceeded to the counter and picked up the bottle I had left there.
He filled his glass to the rim with vodka. “I was just trying to prepare you for what lies ahead, Nicci. At the time, I don’t think you really understood what you’re going to have to give up to be with David.” He put the bottle back down on the counter and looked over at me. “I think you understand now, don’t you?”
I lifted my drink in the air. “Completely.”
Dallas raised his glass of straight vodka to his lips.
I suddenly recognized that there were two of us in the room trying to come to terms with everything that had happened in the past few days. I had always considered Dallas tough and impervious to emotion, but it seemed I had been wrong.
I lowered my gaze to the floor. “I can only imagine how difficult this whole situation must be for you.”
“Difficult? Nicci, don’t try and be kind and understanding with me right now. We both know how I feel about you, so let’s just say it has been a hell of a lot more than difficult.”
“Then why stay?”
“I stay because if I left and something were to happen to you or David, I would never forgive myself. Despite everything between us, he is still my friend and I want to see you both safe.” He swayed slightly as he stood next to the counter.
“How many of those have you had?” I pointed to his glass.
“Not enough to help me forget.” He put his drink down on the counter.
“Look, Dallas, if David had not returned—”
“You’d never have married me, Nicci,” he broke in. “We both know that. You loved me, but not enough.”
“With time, I know my feelings would have been what you wanted and perhaps….” I let my words slip away.
“We would never have made it. Seeing how you are with him made me realize that.”
“How am I with him?”
“Really…happy,” he replied and then picked up his drink from the counter. “You were never that way with me.” He inspected the glass in his hand. “Perhaps it’s better this way. Losing you to him is a hell of a lot easier than losing you to some other guy. You were his first. I just never thought….”
“I wish I could go back and change the past between us, Dallas. I wish there was something I could say to make this easier for both of us. You deserve better than this. You’re the best of men, Dallas, and I will never forget everything that you have done for me.”
“The best of men?” he questioned, peering into his drink. “I’ve done a lot of things I regret in my life. Things most men would never do. I guess this is my penance for being what I am. I will never have a woman like you.” He lifted the glass to his lips and drained it.
“A woman like me?” I shook my head trying to comprehend the meaning of his words. “What am I Dallas? Every man that has come into my life has been hurt because of me. You, David, and even Michael, have suffered from knowing me.”
“What a pair we would have made, huh?” He put his empty glass down on the counter beside him. “I was always afraid of losing you, and you were always afraid of hurting me.”
He gazed into my eyes and for a second I could feel my heart break. “I wish you would reconsider taking over Simon’s organization. If you return to that life again you will never walk away from it. We both know that.” I paused, remembering what he had told me of his former fiancée, Carol Wilbur. “You blamed yourself for Carol’s death and used her as an excuse to bury yourself in Simon’s world. Don’t use me as an excuse to go back to it now. I want you to be happy, Dallas. You deserve to be happy.”
He shook his head and reached for the bottle of vodka. “Some people are never meant to be happy, Nicci.” He poured himself another drink.
I took the bottle from his hand and placed it back down on the counter. “No, Dallas, some people don’t want to find happiness because they’re more afraid of losing what joy they may find than ever searching for it in the first place.”
He reached in front of me and picked up the bottle from the counter. Pouring the clear vodka into his glass, he filled it to the rim. “Like I said, some people are never meant to be happy.”
I emptied the contents of my drink into the sink. Staring into the shiny stainless steel basin, I thought back to all the heated discussions we had endured. Every encounter with him had always made me feel as I did now. It was as if I were standing at the f
oot of a great wall screaming to be heard without any hope of breaking through to the other side.
I turned back to him. “Promise me one thing, Dallas. If you ever meet a woman you care about, fight for her. Fight for her like your life depends on it. Don’t become one of those men filled with a lifetime of regrets because of what never was. You have a choice, Dallas. The past will only break you if you let it.”
I rushed out of the kitchen, leaving Dallas August to consider his future. I hoped with every fiber of my being that for once in his stubborn life the man would listen to me and change the dangerous path on which he was about to embark. As I made my way up the stairs to my bedroom, I thought about the elusive Dallas August. In the space of a few days, the cool professional I had once known had returned and the loving man I had shared my bed with over the past few months had completely disappeared. Leaving me to wonder, which one had been the real Dallas August, and which had been the facade.
I went back to my bedroom and climbed in the large four-poster bed bedside David. Stirring at my presence, he reached for me and gently pulled me to his bruised body. He sighed with contentment as I nuzzled my head against his neck.
“Where did you go? I don’t like waking up and finding you gone, Nicci.”
“I went downstairs for a little while. I couldn’t sleep.”
“You need to try, Nicci. You’ll need to be sharp for tomorrow.”
I thought ahead to the coming meeting with Greg and Dallas. I wondered what Simon was up to and where he had disappeared to in the city. So many thoughts and troubles filled my head. And somewhere in the midst of my anxiety, sleep overtook me. In my dreams I was resting in David’s arms without a worry. For a brief moment I was happy, and the world was free from the clutches of Simon La Roy.
Chapter Twenty
The next day the men were like restless soldiers waiting for battle. Uncle Lance had stayed the night in order to add an extra pair of eyes for our safety. He had spent most of the morning on the phone trying to get updates on Simon’s whereabouts from Carl Bordonaro’s people. After a few frustrating phone calls, Uncle Lance decided to head back to his condo for a change of clothes. Dallas offered to cook a luxurious lunch to get our minds off our circumstances. I only picked at the shrimp etouffee he had prepared. I noticed the men, however, cleaned their plates and even had second helpings of the strawberry torte Dallas had made. The heightened sense of alarm only seemed to fuel their hunger while it had simultaneously destroyed mine. Both men also leaned heavily on the alcohol during lunch. Even I had a yearning to numb my nerves for a respite from the nagging tension in the air. While the men sipped on whiskey and soda, I stuck with my vodka and orange juice.
After lunch had been cleared away from the breakfast table, we remained in the kitchen. I was still nursing my same drink from lunch while Dallas refilled his glass, as well as David’s, with yet another round of whiskey and soda.
“I thought you only drank vodka,” I said, watching Dallas swirl the liquor around in his glass.
“I do, except when there is a very fine forty year old whiskey in the house.” He nodded to David. “Besides, he hates to drink alone.”
I shifted my eyes to David. “He shouldn’t be drinking at all.”
“You’re in trouble,” Dallas voiced to David.
David held up his drink. “I’m always in trouble as far as Nicci is concerned.”
“She is a bit difficult to live with,” Dallas admitted.
“Stubborn as all hell,” David offered with a sigh. “Won’t budge an inch on some things.”
“Wants to debate you on every topic as well,” Dallas remarked, scowling.
I scowled at both men. “Will you two stop it? Shouldn’t you guys be coming up with strategies, or back up plans, or something instead of just sitting here and comparing notes on me?”
David grinned at me. “Hardly comparing notes, Nicci. More like reviewing your imperfections.”
Dallas shrugged. “Glad to know you were just as much a pain in the ass for David as you were for me.”
“I was not—”
Uncle Lance unexpectedly sauntered into the kitchen. “Sorry, kid, but you’re a big pain in the ass,” he asserted from the doorway. “Even your father will attest to that.”
“Uncle Lance, don’t tell me you’re on their side!”
Uncle Lance walked up to the table. It was then I noticed the brown leather backpack slung over his shoulder.
“Wouldn’t dream of taking sides, Nic. Just stating the obvious. That’s all.” He carefully placed the backpack on the table and zipped it open. He removed a gun from inside of the backpack and turned to Dallas. “Sig Sauer P226, as you requested,” Uncle Lance stated and handed Dallas the gun.
Dallas stood up next to me and tested the weight of the pistol in his hand.
Uncle Lance reached into the backpack again and pulled out another gun. “.40 caliber Smith and Wesson compact pistol. It’s close to your .357 in stopping power, but a lot lighter and easier to conceal.” He placed the gun firmly in David’s right hand. “Ammo is in the pack for each gun. Both guns are untraceable. Serial numbers have been taken off with acid,” he explained.
I waved at the backpack on table. “When did you decide on this?”
“While I was out I went shopping for the boys,” Uncle Lance replied. “I figured we could use some extra fire power around here. All Valie has is an old shotgun in her bedroom. And David’s gun is registered to George Elliot. I needed to get him something that couldn’t be traced.”
Dallas and David inspected their guns.
“Excuse me, but shouldn’t we be looking for Simon?” I implored.
All three men turned to me. They seemed more interested in their guns than the man they needed to use them on.
“No, Nicci,” Dallas spoke up. “We need to wait for Simon to make his move.”
I waved around the kitchen. “So we sit around here and wait for Greg to go after Simon?”
Dallas shrugged. “We hope Greg goes after Simon. If doesn’t, we have to have an alternative plan in place to deal with Simon.”
“You were confident Greg would take the deal you’re going to offer him tonight? What changed your mind?” I questioned.
“You always have to take into account those uncontrollable variables, Nicci. You can never truly predict a person’s behavior and you need to plan accordingly. I told you once you never assume anything. It only leads to deadly mistakes.”
I rolled my eyes. “So what’s the alternative plan?”
David put his pistol down on the table. “If Caston refuses your offer tonight then I will call Simon and tell him I’m going back to New York with him.”
My throat tightened. “New York? You’re joking?”
David let out a frustrated sigh and repositioned himself in his chair. “Nicci, if Caston doesn’t take the deal, I have to go back to New York with Simon.”
I placed my hands on my hips. “Why?”
“Once I’m back with Simon, I will be in position to take over his organization. After that, I can eliminate Simon.”
I glared at David. “You said you didn’t want to eliminate Simon in case someone came after you. You didn’t want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder.”
“That was before he threatened you and your family,” David admitted as he rubbed his hand along the duct tape covering his left shoulder. “He wants me and I’m afraid he will hurt you to get to me. If Greg won’t help us, then I will have to get rid of Simon and take my chances.”
My stomach began curling into uncomfortable knots. “That’s crazy. What if Simon finds out what you are up to? How am I going to be able to help you in New York? No, you have to stay in New Orleans. We can control the situation better here.”
“You’re the one who’s going to be staying in New Orleans, Nicci. Out of the way and out of danger.” David pointed to my uncle. “Lance and his well-connected friends are going to protect you. I can’t go afte
r Simon if I have to worry about keeping you safe.”
“After you and Dallas have finished at Greg’s tonight,” Uncle Lance said as he came up to me. “I’ll take you to a safe house Carl Bordonaro has in the city. You can stay there until David sends the all clear for you to join him.”
I turned back to David. “When did you decide all of this?”
“After Dallas told me Simon had called and threatened you,” David replied.
“He could kill you in New York, or hold you prisoner?”
David motioned across the table to Dallas. “Dallas will be there to watch my back.”
Dallas nodded in agreement. “When David returns with Simon to New York, I’m going to be with him. I can monitor the situation and step in if David signals that he needs me.”
I waved a frustrated hand at my uncle. “Tell them this is crazy?”
“I have to admit it’s a good back up plan, kid,” Uncle Lance conceded.
“You’re all against me?” I shouted.
David slowly got up from his chair and limped over to me. “It’s because of you that Dallas, Lance, and I are doing this. It’s the only way to make sure you remain safe. We don’t have a choice here, Nicci. This is what has to be done.”
I examined his black and blue face. His lower lip was still puffy and his right eye had a large black circle beneath it. I couldn’t help but wonder what further calamity would befall him if he went through with his plan.
“I guess you guys have everything already planned for me. Fine. Just fine!” I headed to the kitchen door. “Just let me know if there is anything else you require of me,” I yelled over my shoulder.
“Nicci!” David called out.
I was already heading toward the entrance to the courtyard, and in no mood to talk to him. I was furious with all three men for planning my life without any input from me. It was as if I had gone back in time to my days as a New Orleans debutante. Doing what everyone else expected of me and not doing what I wanted. And what I really wanted, more than anything else, was to keep David here with me.
The Nicci Beauvoir Collection: The Complete Nicci Beauvoir Series Page 79
