by Ramona Gray
“You’re kind of my boss now,” she said.
“Not really. Luke’s your boss.” He ate a forkful of pasta. “Besides, it isn’t like we don’t share at Al-Anon.”
She smiled a little. “True. I’ll probably share on Wednesday night, so…”
“From the look on your face, I think waiting until Wednesday isn’t the best idea,” Mark said. “Why don’t we have a mini meeting right now.”
She sighed. “It would probably help to talk about it.”
“It definitely would.” Mark sat back in the chair. “Talk to me, Chloe.”
“My sister got incredibly drunk Saturday night and basically destroyed most of my Nana’s house and all of her food. I was, uh, busy and didn’t get any of my grandmother’s calls until the next day. When I went over, Lori had vomited and passed out, and my grandmother had locked herself in her bedroom.”
“Was she okay?”
“Yeah. I guess Lori screamed a lot and threw a bunch of stuff, but Nana went to her room pretty quickly. She was really upset that I didn’t answer my phone though.”
“You’re not responsible for your sister’s actions,” Mark said. “You know that.”
“I know, but Nana was so upset… Anyway, I helped clean up the house and bought her new groceries. But, Sunday night Lori called me and she screamed at me for not buying beer with the groceries. I reminded her I wouldn’t buy her booze and she flipped out. She was screaming and shouting and then she started that fake crying thing she does, and then Nana came on the line and was angry because I wouldn’t support Lori.”
Chloe took a deep breath before standing and pacing the length of the office. “I feel so guilty and I-I shouldn’t. I’m allowed to have a life, right?”
“Yes,” Mark said. “You are, Chloe.”
“Only I fucking can’t, because my sister worms her way into everything that might be good and destroys it. Jackson and -” She stopped, staring wide-eyed at Mark who gave her a curious look.
“Are you and Jackson dating?”
“No,” she said quickly. “No… we were doing a work thing at my place and he overheard me talking to Lori. I’m embarrassed that he heard me. He’s my co-worker, and I don’t want him knowing my personal issues, you know?”
“I get it,” Mark said.
“Anyway, I feel terrible about upsetting my Nana. I hate Lori for being a drunk and not getting her life together. You know, the usual.”
“I do know,” Mark said solemnly. “But again, it isn’t your fault and Lori’s behaviour is not a reflection on you. Nor are you responsible for your grandmother’s decisions. I know it’s hard, I know you want to protect her, but she’s enabling your sister.”
“I know.” Chloe could feel the tears starting and she blinked rapidly. They slipped down her cheeks anyway and she swiped them away. “I’m just tired, I guess. Tired of Nana always taking Lori’s side, tired of having to clean up Lori’s messes. Tired of my life being ruined because I can’t walk away no matter how bad it gets.”
She sniffed and wiped at the tears again. “She’s prostituting herself out for booze.”
“Shit. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me too. It’s like she’s hit rock bottom and I can’t do anything to help her.” Her voice wavering, she said, “On Sunday when I went over to Nana’s, Lori was passed out in her bed. But I – I couldn’t tell if she was breathing, you know?”
She crossed her arms over her torso, hugging herself tightly. “For a moment, I really thought she was dead and I,” she gave Mark a stark look of despair, “I was glad. Part of me was relieved that she was dead.”
The tears were sliding down her cheeks now and Mark stood and crossed to her. He pulled her into a hug and she put her arms around his waist and rested her forehead on his chest. “I’m a monster.”
“No, you’re not.” Mark said.
“I am,” she whispered. “I was happy at the thought that my sister was dead, Mark.”
“I think that’s a pretty normal reaction,” Mark said. “Lori has put you through a lot.”
She lifted her head. “Are you sure? Because I think there might be something wrong with me.”
“There isn’t,” Mark said. “I promise there’s nothing wrong with you. I guarantee when you share this on Wednesday night, there will be other people who have felt the same way and won’t hesitate to tell you that. You’re not alone, Chloe.”
“I feel alone,” she whispered.
“You’re not. You have me, and you have Amy and Jane now too. You’re not alone.” He gave her a quick peck on the forehead. “Any time you -”
“Am I interrupting something?”
She stepped away from Mark, staring at Jackson who was standing in the doorway. His usual affable tone was ice-cold and the look on his face as he stared at Mark, suggested he was about ten seconds from attempted murder.
“Nope. Just having lunch with Chloe,” Mark said.
“I didn’t realize you were friends.” Jackson walked to his desk. His cheeks were red from the cold and he carried a paper bag from a nearby deli. He set it on his desk and shrugged out of his jacket as Mark glanced at Chloe.
She gave him a nervous smile and Mark turned to study Jackson. “Chloe and I have been friends for a while.
“Oh yeah?” Jackson stared at her instead of Mark. Alarm crossed his face and before she could stop him, he was across the room and pulling her into his embrace. He cupped her face and touched her tear-streaked cheeks before glaring at Mark. “Did you make her cry, asshole?”
“Jackson!” Chloe gasped.
“Did you?” He snapped.
“He didn’t.” Chloe squeezed his arm. “Mark was being a good friend. He was comforting me, okay?”
She gave Mark an anxious look. ‘Jackson didn’t mean to call you that. He’s, um, it’s really busy right now at work and he’s under a lot of pressure.”
To her immense relief, Mark gave her a small grin. “Yeah, he’s calling me an asshole because of work pressure. That’s the reason.”
He grabbed his container from the desk and whistling softly, headed toward the door. “Talk to you later, Chloe.”
“Bye, Mark.”
She waited until he had left and closed the door before she whacked Jackson lightly in the chest. “What were you thinking? He’s the boss, Jackson. You can’t call the boss an asshole!”
Jackson stared at her. “You were letting him comfort you, but you won’t let Ian and me comfort you?”
“I – I’m sorry, I don’t want to burden you with my stupid issues, okay?”
“You’re not.” He was still holding her in his arms and he pressed his forehead against hers. “Just because we’re not in a relationship, doesn’t mean we don’t want you to talk to us or share stuff with us, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” She leaned against Jackson. She knew she shouldn’t, they were strictly co-workers now, but she couldn’t help it. Jackson’s embrace and the feel of his body against hers, comforted her in a way that Mark never could.
He rubbed her back and held her tightly. “Are you okay, honey?”
“Yes. I’m better now.”
“Because of Mark?” His big body stiffened again and this time she was the one to rub his back.
“No, because of you.”
He relaxed and pressed a kiss against the top of her head. “Ian and I are having dinner with my mom tonight, but will you come to our place tomorrow night?”
She stared up at him. “What? You want to keep, I mean... you still want to have sex with me?”
“Yes, if you want to. We’re offering dinner as well.” He gave her an adorable grin.
“Why?” She whispered. “I was – was awful to you last night. I yelled and…”
Jackson shrugged. “We could tell you were upset and honestly, we pushed you too hard and we need to apologize for that. We have an agreement about this not being a relationship, and we acted inappropriately. On behalf of both Ian and me, I’m sorry.”
>
She shook her head. “Stop it. You don’t need to apologize. I need to say sorry for being such a jerk and saying horrible things.”
“You didn’t,” he said. “Listen, can we forget about last night and start over? We promise we’ll keep this casual, no pressure to talk about personal stuff or anything like that. Just three people having a good time together. Sound good?”
She nodded. “Yes, I’d like that.”
“Good. So, then Tuesday night around six?”
“Sure. Should I bring anything?”
“Just your sexy self.” Jackson gave her a flirty grin before returning to his desk.
She studied his broad back and headed to her own desk. She wanted to believe that Ian and Jackson were being honest about it being casual, but Jackson’s reaction to Mark…
She sighed and picked up her fork. She would have to hope they meant what they said. She didn’t want a relationship. Even if she did, a woman couldn’t fall in love with two men, and there was no way she would ever try and choose between Jackson and Ian. She cared for both of them equally.
You’re not supposed to care about them. This is sex only, remember?
She stabbed a piece of chicken. Yeah, she remembered.
* * *
For someone who was supposed to be keeping it casual, Jackson was way too excited about Chloe coming over. He checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror before walking to the kitchen. Ian had texted him that he would be late, and that he’d bring something home for dinner. Neither of them had even thought to cancel their plans with Chloe. After almost three days without her, both of them were dying to be with her again.
His cock was hardening at the thought of being in her tight pussy again, and he glanced at the small pink box sitting on the table. He had stopped after work and picked it up, and he hoped Chloe liked her present.
He adjusted the front of his jeans, trying to relieve some of the pressure. The doorbell rang, and he jumped up as eagerly as a kid waiting for Santa and almost ran to the front door. He opened it and smiled down at her.
“Hey, beautiful.”
“Hi, Jackson. How are you?”
“I’m good. Come into the kitchen.”
She took off her jacket and boots and followed him to the kitchen.
“Do you want a drink? I’ve got water, juice, beer.”
“Water is good.” She was staring at the box on the table. “Who’s the present for?”
“As a matter of fact, it’s for you.” He placed the glass of water on the table.
“Really?” God, her grin was so cute. “Can I open it now?”
“Well, I was going to make you wait for Ian, but he’s running late.”
“I know. He texted me,” Chloe said. “Please, may I open it now?”
He loved her sweet enthusiasm. “Yes, you may.”
She grabbed the box and untied the ribbon before lifting the lid. She pulled back the pink tissue paper and stared at the object nestled in it. When she glanced up at him, her cheeks were delightfully red. “Is this a…”
“Say it,” he said with a grin.
“Is this an anal plug?”
He nodded, and she burst into laughter. “You bought me a butt plug as a gift?”
“Best gift ever. Am I right?” He said.
“Oh, definitely.” She picked up the plug a bit gingerly. There was a small bottle of lube in the box as well, and she glanced at it before studying the plug in her hand. “It’s pretty small.”
“You want to start small, trust me.”
“I guess. But, I really want to…”
She flushed, and he gave her a flirty grin. “You really want me in your ass, is that it?”
“Yes,” she said with uncharacteristic boldness. “I want you in my ass and Ian in my pussy.”
Her face flamed an even brighter red almost immediately. “Sorry. I’m not very good at the dirty talk.”
He moved to her and put his arms around her, palming her ass. “Trust me, that was hot.”
“Yeah?” She gave him a pleased look.
“Yep.” He stepped away and leaned back against the counter. “So, slight change in plans. Ian will bring home dinner since he’s gonna be late. But if you’re hungry, we can have a quick snack while we wait for him.”
“Actually,” she dropped the plug into the box, stepped closer to him and ran her hands across his chest, “Ian said we should start without him. So, I was thinking that maybe we could go to the bedroom and we can try out your new present while you fuck me. What do you think?”
Panic washed over him, his erection fled for the hills, and he tried desperately to think of an excuse to wait for Ian. “Aren’t you hungry?” He pasted a smile on his face. “I think we should eat first. I don’t want you passing out on me in bed.”
“I’m fine.” She rubbed his cock through his jeans and more panic set in.
“What do you think?” She gave him a sweetly seductive look and rubbed a little harder.
“No.”
She had a look of confusion mixed with embarrassment, and he tried to smile again at her. “We should probably wait for Ian. It doesn’t seem fair to -”
“He was very clear that he didn’t mind.” She was starting to unbutton his jeans. “So, why don’t you take me to your room and -”
He pushed her hand away a little harder than he intended. “I said no, Chloe.”
She gave him a mortified look and stepped back immediately. “I’m so sorry, Jackson. I didn’t mean to…”
He couldn’t think of anything to say, and she gave him another look of shame. “I should go.”
“No, it’s not –
“No, it’s okay,” she said. “I, um, I’m pretty tired anyway and I’m sure with working late, Ian will be tired when he gets home.”
She left the kitchen. Shit, she could move fast when she wanted to. She had her boots on and was zipping up her jacket by the time he got to the front door.
“Chloe, it isn’t you. I’m just tired as well and –”
“No, no, you don’t have to explain. I was totally out of line and I should have stopped the first time you said no. I’m sorry. I, um, if you get some rest and want to get together later this week, let me know.”
“Chloe…”
She was out the front the door and hurrying to her car before he could say anything else.
He stood on the front step. “Chloe, -”
“Goodnight, Jackson. I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.” She waved, climbed into her car, and drove off.
He slammed the door shut and muttered a curse. Ian was gonna fucking kill him.
Chapter Eleven
“Are you fucking kidding me, Jackson?” Ian glared at him and dropped the bag of Chinese food on the table. “What the hell did you to say to her?”
“I didn’t mean to upset her,” Jackson said. “I was tired and I…”
“You were tired? You were tired?” Ian snapped. “So, you sent her home? I’m the one who worked late, I’m the one who had to chase a fucking drug addict on foot almost ten city blocks today, but you’re the fucking tired one? Do you have any idea how much I was looking forward to being with Chloe tonight?”
“I fucked up, okay? I’ll apologize to her tomorrow,” Jackson said. “Can we just forget about it and eat dinner.”
“No, we can’t,” Ian raged. “I want to know exactly what you said to her.”
“She wanted to have sex. You told her we should go ahead and start without you.”
“So what?” Ian said.
“You didn’t even ask me what I wanted.” Jackson glared at Ian. “Do you know how inconsiderate that is?”
“Am I in the goddamn Twilight Zone?” Ian gave him a look of exasperation. “We agreed on Sunday night that the only reason we were hanging out with Chloe was to have sex with her.”
“I know!” Jackson said.
“So why the hell are you not having sex with her right now?” Ian said.
“Because
I can’t, all right!” Jackson yelled.
Ian blinked at him. “What do you mean, you can’t?”
Jackson raked his hands through his hair. “I mean, I can’t have sex with a woman unless you’re there, Ian. I can’t even get my fucking dick to twitch. It doesn’t matter how hot the woman is or how much I want her, if you’re not there watching or joining in, I can’t get a fucking hard-on.”
He stopped, panting harshly and scowling at his best friend. Ian gave him a cautious look. “Since when?”
“What does it matter?”
“How long, Jackson?”
“I don’t know. Six months maybe.”
“Did something happen or was there some kind of incident that -”
“Don’t go fucking cop on me, Ian,” Jackson said.
“I’m trying to figure out why this is happening to you,” Ian said. “If we can figure out the cause, we can fix the problem. It’ll be all right, Jackson. We just need to -”
“I know what the goddamn problem is,” Jackson shouted.
He needed to shut his mouth, needed to stop talking, but now that he had started, it was like a dam had cracked in two and the words fell out of his mouth in a hot rush.
“I know you want to stop whoring around with me, Ian. I know you want a wife and kids and to start your life. I want you to be happy, I swear to fucking God I do, but the thought of us not doing, whatever the fuck this is that we’re doing, anymore, makes me feel like shit.”
He balled his hand into a fist and slammed it down on the counter. He ignored the pain that radiated up his arm. “Right or wrong, I don’t want to sleep with a woman without you. It’s so much better this way, and I can’t go back to regular sex. Which means when you find the one, when you settle down and have kids and get married and live a normal life, I’ll be fucking alone. I won’t have you or anyone else, and I’ll die old and alone and a goddamn monk.”
He slammed the counter again and Ian shook his head. “Stop. You’re gonna break your fucking hand. Sit down for a minute.”
His heart racing, Jackson sat down in a chair, staring at the table as Ian sat down across from him. “Jackson, buddy, you’re wrong. I’m not ready to settle down yet, okay? So, stop worrying about shit that hasn’t happened yet.”
