Losing the Field

by Glines, Abbi

  “It was definitely an interesting end to the evening,” I replied, not knowing what else to say.

  “Coach D is young and doesn’t know how we do things around here.”

  “He was doing his job.” I defended him before I had time to think about it.

  Asa shrugged. “I guess. You going to the game Friday night?” He changed the subject that easily.

  The truth was I had never been to a football game. I knew I should go. This was my senior year. I wanted to experience high school. All that I had missed out on by being a recluse. I wanted no regrets when I looked back. “Yes,” I told him. Although I wasn’t sure with who.

  “After the game, meet me on the field. We’ll go to the field party together. There should be no interruptions on a Friday night,” he said with a roll of his eyes as if Mr. Dace was ridiculous.

  “Um, I don’t know—” I was cut off from having to turn down his offer.

  “Not tardy, huh?” Nash’s voice came from behind me. I paused, and the guilt of my morning lie was back. Only Nash would know the truth. I had been with him when the late bell rang. Taking a deep breath, I turned to meet his gaze.

  “That wasn’t my idea. He surprised me. I didn’t … I didn’t know what to say.”

  Nash smirked. “You say nothing. Be glad you didn’t have to wait in that line.”

  He’d waited in line. I didn’t want to care about that. I wanted to be tough and jaded where he was concerned. But it wasn’t fair that I didn’t have to get marked as tardy. I should have said something to Mr. Dace.

  “I should have, though. It’s not honest,” I admitted.

  “What’s not honest?” Asa asked, reminding me he was there.

  Nash glanced over my shoulder toward Asa. “Nothing. I’m just giving Miss Goody-Goody here a hard time.” He wasn’t telling Asa about it. Not that I’d done something terribly wrong. I was making more out of this than there really was.

  “Were you late?” Asa asked me.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but Nash beat me to it. “No. She got in before the bell. I’m slow. I didn’t make it.”

  Hearing him lie for me made this worse.

  “It was a hectic morning,” I explained.

  “Burning stoves can stress one out,” Nash agreed.

  “Whose stove was burning?” Asa asked.

  I glanced back at Asa. “My mother forgot about a cake in the oven. It caught on fire.”

  Asa’s eyebrows shot up. “Damn.”

  “I’ve got to get to English Lit,” I told both of them. I didn’t want to be late to Mr. Dace’s class. Or any class ever again.

  “Better get to that one. The teacher will be looking for you,” Nash drawled. His tone made me feel uncomfortable. Like I needed to defend myself. My cheeks felt warm, and that just made me angry.

  “Bye,” I muttered at both of them without looking in either direction, then hurried away into the crowded hallway. Was it obvious that I had a bit of a crush on Mr. Dace? Is that what Nash was saying? I hadn’t said or done anything to warrant that. He was attractive and young. I would guess most of the girls had a crush on him. It wasn’t like I was going to start writing him love letters and leaving them on his desk.

  I reached his classroom door five minutes before the bell. I hadn’t even been close to being late. There was no one inside yet. No one but Mr. Dace. Now I looked stalkerish. Frowning, I blamed this on Nash. He’d made me concerned about something stupid. I was always early for my classes. I didn’t socialize in the hallways. My being at Literature early was normal for me. Expected.

  “Tallulah,” Mr. Dace said, smiling as I walked into his room and his eyes met mine. He appeared pleased I was on time. Not creeped out. I was going to ignore Nash’s comment and relax. I liked this class. Mr. Dace was a good teacher. At least based on the one class I had with him yesterday, he was good.

  “How has your morning been?” he asked, putting down the book in his hands and giving me his complete attention.

  “Good, and yours?”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “It’s getting better.”

  The way he said it made me pause. It was almost … No. I was being silly. Mr. Dace did not mean it the way I took it. “Oh, well, that’s good,” I replied, realizing I had just said good in my last response. I was nervous with him. I couldn’t relax.

  “Hello, Mr. Dace,” Bianca Valley said as she entered the room. Her shirt tight and her cleavage about to spill out of the top. She tossed her long black hair over her shoulder and batted her lashes at him. That was what I did not want to appear like to him.

  “Good morning,” he replied with a smile that wasn’t at all flirty. He then turned his gaze back to me. Most males didn’t look away from Bianca’s shirts. Her chest size was impressive. I had to give it to him. He was a classy guy.

  “I’ve got a book I think you’ll enjoy. It’s not your norm, but I found it last night on my shelf, and I believe it’s one that will keep your interest.”

  “Oh, okay,” I replied, trying not to look shocked that he had thought about me enough to pick me out a book.

  “I’ve been wondering,” Bianca said as she perched herself on the edge of his desk. “How old are you exactly? You don’t look much older than me.” She leaned toward him, and I dropped my gaze to my notebook on my desk.

  “That’s not relevant to this class.” His chair moved, and I lifted my eyes to see him stand up and put distance between them. “Sitting on my desk is also considered inappropriate. There are plenty of desks available in the room.” He turned his back to her then and started preparing for the others to arrive. I watched him a moment, surprised by how he had dealt with Bianca. Most male teachers forgot that anyone else was in the room when she chose to flirt with them.

  Mr. Dace was different.

  Score One for Me

  CHAPTER 14

  NASH

  I was waiting on her. Tallulah. I was outside waiting on her. I just needed to admit that to myself and deal with it. The past two days, she’d been hard to catch in the halls. I’d barely seen her. She hadn’t been on Asa’s arm like he wanted, and during lunch she was nowhere to be found. I tried not to make it obvious I was looking for her. Asa was less obvious. He’d asked around and would openly watch for her everywhere.

  The only glimpse I’d seen of her today was when she’d walked out of the library and gone in the opposite direction of me. Her avoiding me I didn’t like. I could deal with her smart mouth and anger as long as I got to see her and talk to her. It was Friday, and tonight was the first game. I didn’t want to be there. But the guys all expected me to be.

  Standing on the sidelines while I watched them all live my senior dream wasn’t exactly going to be easy. I had battled with it all damn day. Ryker fully believed I would be there on the field with him. He didn’t question it.

  My dad assumed I’d be there “supporting the team” and all that shit. I’d played ball with these guys since I was in elementary school. We had started this thing together, and I was expected to end it together. But I wouldn’t be playing. None of them seemed to care about that, though. They didn’t get how hard that was going to be.

  Tallulah appeared in the front doors of the building. The breeze caught her long blond hair, and it reminded me of a commercial. One of those shampoo commercials where the girls are hot and their hair is perfect.

  Her head turned, and her eyes didn’t seem to dwell on anything or anyone in particular. It was as if she were out here all alone, not noticing her surroundings. The attention she was getting from guys, and girls for that matter. She was hard not to look at. One would assume that she was enjoying the attention. Soaking it in and letting everyone bask in her beauty. Ignoring them all while walking through the parking lot knowing all eyes were on her.

  But that wasn’t the case. This was Tallulah. I saw it for what it really was. She still carried herself and acted like she had for the past eleven years. She didn’t want to draw attention. She was afraid o
f being made fun of. This was how she had gone around unnoticed. Ignored. Problem was, no one was ignoring her now. They were unable to look away.

  I had always noticed her. Sure, she had always had a pretty face. But that hadn’t been why. I liked her smile, the way she didn’t try to get attention, how smart she was. I liked hearing her laugh. She was genuine. It was rare.

  I was standing near her car and waited until she got closer before walking over to stand beside it. Her gaze found me. She paused a second, then continued toward me. I didn’t get a smile, which was a shame. I really liked her smile. A whole damn lot. Instead, I got an irritated scowl.

  She stopped as she reached me. “Why are you at my car?”

  “You’ve been hard to find,” I told her.

  She did a small shrug of her shoulders. “Trying to keep up with the advanced classes. The library is my friend. You aren’t. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

  I wondered if she’d been spending any extra time with Coach D, but I didn’t ask. I knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t get it. She was too naïve to see what the man was doing. I wasn’t, though. And I was watching. Someone had to look out for her.

  “Maybe I should try out the library more often. Could only help my grades,” I replied.

  Her eyes widened as if the idea made her nervous, but she recovered quickly. “I’m sure it would. I need to go.”

  This verbal battle was fun, but I wanted her to smile at me, dammit. She liked this too. She didn’t act like it, but there was something there. An energy between us. And it wasn’t just the anger she was still clinging to. When the words go out with me tonight came pouring from my mouth, I was as surprised as she was.

  Her eyes went wide, and her perfect pink mouth made a small O shape. As if that had been the last thing she expected me to ask. I had wanted it, but the words just coming out like that hadn’t been the smoothest way of asking. I was losing my edge.

  “The game is tonight,” she said after blinking away her surprise. No smart-ass comment this time. I’d thrown a curveball at her, and she hadn’t been ready.

  I nodded. “It is. I am expected to stand on the sidelines. It’s the last thing I want to do, yet I can’t imagine not being there. If you came … if you were in the stands waiting on me … it would make it a hell of a lot easier.” And that was the truth.

  “Why me? I don’t like you. I can’t imagine I’d make your night better.” Her words were meant to sound harsh, but it seemed she was losing her edge too. Her voice had quavered nervously. I bit back a grin.

  “Because you’re the only person in this town that doesn’t feel sorry for me.” As I said it, I realized that was part of it. My attraction to her.

  She took a deep breath and stared off toward the field. Her lips pursed in a distasteful pucker. Like she didn’t want to respond to this. If it wasn’t so damn cute, I’d be insulted. I’d never had a girl this pissed off that I’d asked her out before. When she finally swung her gaze back to me, she sighed.

  “Okay.” She said that one word as if it was the hardest thing she’d ever said. There was no pleasure in her tone or her expression. She didn’t like saying yes. But I didn’t care, because that one word made tonight and all the other shit in my life seem easier. Less painful. My chest felt light, and I was excited. It had been so long since I had been excited about anything.

  “Really?” I asked, grinning like an idiot.

  I watched as she fought back a smile to keep her annoyed glare in place. She was struggling, and I only grinned harder.

  “I don’t have to be here for warmups. I’ll pick you up at six thirty. We can grab a burger before the game. Then after we can go wherever you want. The field, to get more food, a movie.”

  “Fine,” she said. No excitement there, but I had enough for the both of us. She wanted to hate me still, but she didn’t. I could break through that wall. Or I’d go down trying at least.

  “Tallulah,” a male voice called out, and my skin crawled. She jerked her head toward Coach D as he walked toward us. He was acting like the teacher he was supposed to be, but I could see from the way he was glaring in my direction that his head was elsewhere.

  “Yes, Mr. Dace?” she asked, her voice suddenly nervous. Unsure.

  “The office was supposed to call you up earlier to tell you that your application for teacher’s aid was accepted. They’ve assigned you to me during your last period, and you receive extra credit if you arrive an hour early in the morning.”

  I stood there wanting to put my fist between that horny bastard’s eyes. I was unable to if I wanted to stay in school. And what was the office thinking? She was a beautiful teenage girl, and he was a young male teacher. They should have put her with a woman teacher.

  “Oh, okay. Did you need me today? I didn’t know.”

  He acted as if I wasn’t even standing there. Didn’t acknowledge my existence. “I’ve got to get ready for the game. Just be there at seven on Monday morning. I’ll go over all I need you to do this semester. Enjoy your weekend.” He then glanced at me. “I’ll see you on the field tonight.” That was his way of telling me I had to be there. Who the fuck did he think he was? He was never my coach. He didn’t tell me what I was going to do. If I was on that field tonight, it would be because I wanted to be. Not because he told me to be.

  I didn’t respond to him. I wanted him to know I saw it. I knew what he was doing. That this thing with Tallulah wasn’t going to be overlooked. If he stepped out of line, I’d make sure it never happened again. She was trusting and innocent. He saw that.

  “Good luck tonight,” Tallulah said, her smile more nervous than when she looked at me.

  He grinned. It wasn’t the kind a teacher gives a student. “Thanks. You better be there.”

  She turned her head to look at me, and her smile wavered. “I will be.”

  I wanted her to say we had a date. Something. Just to piss him off and remind him she was seventeen years old. She held my gaze. There was something unsaid in that moment. She didn’t want his attention. After a moment of awkward silence, Coach D walked off, and she didn’t watch him go.

  Score one for me.

  This Was Not Disney World

  CHAPTER 15

  TALLULAH

  You know those daydreams you have for years … the ones you know won’t come true, but they get you through the day? The kind I shouldn’t have been having about Nash. The excitement I shouldn’t have felt but did. Instead of dreading my date with Nash, I was in a state of giddiness. All I could do was smile, feel wistful. The reality was it was hard to turn off years of those dreams. To forget them. Those little fantasies are what kept me going when no one spoke to me in the hallways. When I heard girls giggling about my weight or clothing. They were my escape.

  However, not one single time while I was in my little bubble of imagination did I truly believe it would come true. I knew it was just that, a dream. And this was not Disney World. Dreams did not come true. It was high school, and it sucked. Living in my head and my wistful thoughts was fine since I had that firm grasp on reality.

  The past three hours, I had changed my clothes seven times. Washed my hair and restyled it three times and had to fight the urge to chew off all my nails. Not bite. Chew those bad boys completely off to the skin. I was a nervous wreck. In my head, it hadn’t been this way. I had been charming and lovely. My clothes had been perfect. I had been confident and full of self-worth. But here in the real world, I felt like I might throw up.

  Girls didn’t get to experience their daydreams. That only happened in cheesy movies that didn’t depict high school properly at all. For example, if a girl is wearing a designer skirt that shows off her bottom when she walks, and her boobs are hanging out of her shirt while she flashes skin on her stomach, then she is not in a real high school. Only in TV land can that happen. Just like only in TV land does a girl’s crush who is way out of her league ask her out.

  But here I was. Getting ready for a date wit
h Nash Lee. When he had asked me, it had taken all my focus not to grab on to my car for support. My knees went weak, my stomach was so tied up in knots I thought I needed to bend at the waist, and I couldn’t remember how to use words. Luckily, Mr. Dace arrived and snapped me out of my shock. Given me a moment to process it all. I owed him one for perfect timing.

  Asa taking me to a field party, Ryker flirting with me, other guys winking and smiling at me in the hallways had all been fine. I had adjusted to no longer being ignored. It still surprised me, but I wasn’t swooning over it. I’d been so angry with Nash that I had been riding on that hate and assumed I’d be immune to him. Or I would at least be able to focus my energy toward him differently. But then he apologized. It wasn’t enough. That apology. But my dang silly heart felt something. Why was it so hard to still hate him? He’d hurt me. He’d been cruel.

  The truth was deep down I had forgiven him. I just didn’t want to. There was damage there he’d caused. Even if he made my heart flutter, he didn’t have to know. He didn’t deserve to know.

  I didn’t care if he limped. I didn’t care if he played football. I didn’t care if he started sitting in the library to read during lunch and became a recluse. None of those things would change how I felt about him. It was never his popularity that I was attracted to. It was his heart. He had been kind when others hadn’t. I’d loved him silently. His laughter at Ryker’s words, though, still rang in my memory.

  “Have you decided on an outfit yet?” Mom asked from my open bedroom door. I turned to see her with a glass of red wine in her hands and a smile on her face. She was entirely too excited about this. She knew my feelings for Nash. They had been hard to hide from my one friend in life. She was my mother. She corrected me, expected the best out of me, and didn’t let me get away with talking back or being disrespectful. She was also my best friend.

  “I think,” I replied, holding out my hands and turning in a circle. After trying on everything new in my closet, I had come back to the very first thing I had pulled out. A blue-jean skirt that hit midthigh and a T-shirt that had been bought with the worn look and a cut-out triangle on the chest, giving it a V shape yet keeping the neckline there. The faded blue made my eyes pop, and the word Dreamer on the front was perfect. Especially for tonight. I pointed at my boots. “It’s between either those or the wedges. I thought the boots may be easier if we end up at the field party.”