Losing the Field

by Glines, Abbi

  When I finally had her out there with me, I was relieved but knew I was limited on time. I didn’t care about being late to class, but the moment her teacher walked up, she’d go inside.

  “My dad grounded me. I’ve been without any way to communicate. I’m sorry. And that shit with the girls, that was all over some vlogs of Haegan’s I was in. I didn’t ask for that. I just wanted to see you this morning.”

  Her smile was small and didn’t meet her eyes. “You should probably search yourself online. You’re more popular than you realize.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t care. It’ll blow over.” I reached for her hand. “Come over after school. Please. I’ve missed you.”

  She stared at the floor so long I thought she was going to turn me down, but she finally lifted her head and simply nodded. I could live with a nod. For now.

  We Were All the Same Inside

  CHAPTER 31

  TALLULAH

  “Tallulah.” Mr. Dace called my name just before I left his class. The other students were clearing out quickly, and, if I was honest, I wanted to see Nash, but I couldn’t ignore my teacher.

  “Yes, sir?” I asked, turning back to face him. He was still sitting at his desk. Today he looked younger than normal. He had on a football T-shirt that fit snugly, like the guys on the team wore, and a pair of jeans with the classic-style Adidas tennis shoes. He could easily pass for a college student.

  The girls in the class had noticed too. As if they needed any more of a reason to flirt with him. They all swore they were in love with the man. He was nice. He was a good teacher, and I was thankful to have the teacher’s assistant job this semester. It would look good when I applied to colleges this year.

  He glanced over my shoulder as the others left the room and waited a moment before responding. Then he moved his gaze back to mine. “Close the door. It’s loud out there.”

  I did as told, then walked back over to his desk. Hopefully this wouldn’t take too long.

  “I’ve got three periods’ worth of tests to grade, grade logging on the system to do, and study guides that need to be typed up and sent out via e-mail to all the students in all my classes. Then there is football practice. I really need your help after school. I’ll give you extra credit points for this. There is no way I am getting it done without you helping me.”

  I had already worked in here with him during the day. I didn’t want to miss my time with Nash after school. We hadn’t spent time together since he was suspended. With a sigh, I forced a smile. “Sure. I can work on it all last period and then after school.” I might need that extra credit.

  Mr. Dace gave me a grin that showcased his dimples. The girls in class loved his dimples. They talked about those all the time too. Most of the time they whispered when they should be doing their classwork. And tugged their shirts down to show off as much cleavage as they could in hopes of getting his attention.

  I figured that was why he had asked for me to be his student aid. I didn’t sexually harass him.

  “Great. I knew you wouldn’t let me down. I’ll show you everything I need last period. This is a huge help, Tallulah. I can’t thank you enough.”

  I smiled easier this time. I could see Nash after I helped Mr. Dace. He’d understand.

  “No problem,” I assured him, then finally got to leave the room. It was time for lunch, and the hallways were silent. I’d almost expected Nash to be out here looking for me, but I didn’t see him anywhere as I made my way down the hallway toward the closed doors of the cafeteria. The sound from inside could be heard the closer I got. I used to dread walking in those doors, and there was a point that I just wouldn’t do it.

  I started to smile as I reached them because I wanted to go inside now. I had someone I wanted to see. I belonged. To many, that was something they took for granted. But not me. I never would. I knew what it felt like on the other side.

  Squeals and high-pitched screams stopped me just before I went inside. I had just enough time to move out of the way before the door swung open, and a girl with dark brown curls bolted through them still screaming. She was covered in what appeared to be a blue raspberry slushie from the machine inside the cafeteria. Her hair was saturated with it, and the white polo shirt she wore was blue and dripping as she ran for the restroom across the hall.

  Laughter rang out from inside, and I looked in there to see Haegan Baylor in front of it all. With that camera in his hand. That small square thing the teachers hadn’t taken from him. It was almost as if they were scared to force him to stop filming in school. He made sure to blur out faces, distort voices, and the like, but it still seemed unfair that he was getting away with it.

  Haegan winked at me with that annoying amused grin of his. Had he done that? Surely he hadn’t? If someone had actually poured a slushie on her, they’d be in the office with a ticket home for several days.

  “Where you been?” Nash asked, pulling my thoughts off of Haegan and the slushie.

  “Mr. Dace needed me,” I said, then pointed toward the restroom. “What happened?”

  Nash looked like he was trying not to grin. “Paige got spooked. Thought the rubber snake Haegan put under the slushie machine was real. No one else had noticed it, but she saw it just as she finished getting her drink and screamed, tossing the slushie in the air. Damn thing went all over her.”

  I didn’t think this was funny, nor did I see why he did. “Why would Haegan put a rubber snake there?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  Nash shrugged. “He does shit like that. Pranks and the like for his vlog. Gets more viewers. People laugh. It’s why he’s famous.”

  He was famous because he humiliated people? “That’s terrible.”

  Nash frowned. “She’ll get to go home early. It’s just a slushie. Won’t kill her.”

  No, she’d survive. But the whole student body would remember. The world would see it on his vlog. And she would be humiliated because, although her face wasn’t seen, the kids here would know it was her.

  “Have you ever been the one everyone laughed at? Do you know how it feels to hear laughter directed at you? Ever been humiliated?” I shook my head for him. “No, you haven’t.”

  “Aw, come on Tallulah. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

  Not to him. Not to Haegan or any of these other insensitive people still snickering and mimicking her. But to her it was. It would be. She’d never forget it.

  “I need to go help Mr. Dace. He’s got some work for me. I’ll be late after school, helping him get things caught up,” I said, and turned to walk to the restroom. I was going to see if I could help the girl.

  “What about after school? My house?” Nash called out.

  “I’ll stop by when I’m done.”

  He didn’t look okay with that. But I didn’t care. Right now I was being reminded of the guy who laughed at me last May. The guy who found humor in my pain. I didn’t like that guy. I liked the one from the water tower. But was that even who Nash was?

  “Fine. Go help Coach Douchebag. See if I give a fuck!” Nash called out, then stalked off as if I wasn’t there. He didn’t give me a chance to respond. But what would I say?

  I was seeing a Nash I wanted to believe didn’t exist. The guy who had been kind to me since elementary school, that was the one I was falling in love with. But this Nash … I didn’t think I could even like him.

  Going inside the restroom, I heard the sobs immediately. My chest hurt. I didn’t know the girl. I’d seen her before. She had a big group of friends. She was in the band. This wasn’t something she had experienced, until now.

  I walked over and got some paper towels. “I can help you get it out of your hair. Then we can get you to the office before they all leave the cafeteria, and you can go home.”

  Paige looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes and nodded. “Thank you.”

  In that moment I saw myself. We were all the same inside. Didn’t matter how we looked or who our friends were. We all wanted the same thing. To
belong. To be accepted.

  Jesus, You’re a Buzzkill

  CHAPTER 32

  NASH

  I could hear them talking, and Tallulah laughed at something the dickhead said. She was enjoying her time in there. She wasn’t at all concerned about missing our afternoon together. Why wasn’t he at fucking football practice? It was after three. He should have left her by now. I was coming to talk to her, apologize about earlier. She had been right. The slushie thing hadn’t been funny.

  “Are you stalking them now?” Haegan asked behind me. I turned my head to look at him and saw that damn camera.

  “Get that off me,” I grumbled, then looked back into the classroom. Coach D was leaning over her, pointing at something on the computer screen in front of her. He was too close. If any other teacher saw that, they’d agree it was out of line. The man liked Tallulah. He was keeping her here so she wouldn’t be with me.

  “Looks like we have a student-teacher romance a-brewing,” Haegan whispered. He then moved closer with the camera.

  “I said to turn that off,” I snapped.

  He smirked. “You said to get it off you. Not turn it off. Besides, this could end up being the world’s best blackmail. Do you know the grades I could get from this? Stellar, my friend. Stellar fucking grades.” Haegan moved closer to the window in the door.

  I didn’t want either of them to see us. Especially Tallulah. She was already mad at me, and seeing Haegan there with the camera wasn’t going to help. “Seriously, move. I don’t want her to see you.”

  He ignored me. “I think he’s going to make a move. You want to go in there and throat punch him? Would make fantastic vlog material.”

  I shoved him out of their view. “Stop it,” I warned. I wasn’t protecting the slimy-ass teacher who needed to date girls his own age and leave mine alone. I was doing it for Tallulah. She was so naïve she had no idea what was happening. She truly thought she was there to help the man.

  “Jesus, you’re a buzzkill.” He finally lowered the camera and turned it off. “Fine. If you don’t want to get this on video, let’s go find something more interesting to do. Watching them dance around each other is boring if I’m not getting to record it.”

  I started to tell him to leave. I wasn’t going anywhere with him. His dumbass rubber snake had caused me to miss time with Tallulah. Haegan wasn’t going to ruin this for me. His life revolved around that camera. After seeing the shit he owned and finding out how much money he made from it, I understood. But I didn’t want that. I just wanted her.

  Coach D bent his knees and dropped to his haunches until he was eye level with her. She turned her head to look at him, and he was saying something very serious. Her brow furrowed, but she was listening. This did not look like her helping him. Nothing about grading papers was this serious.

  His hand went up and cupped her face, and I took a step toward the door. Haegan’s hand was on my arm immediately. “Wait. Don’t go in there yet,” he said in a quiet voice beside me. If he had that fucking camera out again, I was going to break it.

  Coach D leaned in closer, and I couldn’t tell if he was talking or not, but he sure as hell looked like he was about to kiss her. Going in there and stopping it was my first reaction, but I paused. Because Tallulah wasn’t moving away. She wasn’t leaning closer, but she wasn’t moving back, either. Would she let him do this? Did she like this man? Had I been missing something all along?

  “Oh, snap,” Haegan muttered just as Coach D closed the space between them. I was frozen. Unable to speak. Move. Or breathe.

  “Holy mother, why did I turn off my good camera? This watch camera isn’t going to be as good, but it’ll do.” He continued talking. I just stood there. In a horror film or nightmare, watching it but not believing it.

  Then I began walking. Away from it. Away from what all I’d seen. Tallulah wasn’t that girl. She didn’t kiss teachers. We weren’t exclusive, I guess. Or were we? Hell, I wasn’t used to good girls. I didn’t know what Tallulah considered exclusive. But in my head she had been mine. I’d had her topless in my arms. Didn’t that mean something to her? Could I have been wrong? Was this thing we had a joke? Tallulah getting her revenge? Had she fucking played me? All that sweet-and-kind shit couldn’t have been an act. But then I was a cripple. She was gorgeous. Why would she have chosen me?

  “We aren’t gonna stay to see if they do more? He might fuck her on the desk. Your revenge could be getting his ass thrown in jail.”

  I didn’t respond to that. But my entire body tensed. My chest hurt. My head was pounding. Everything I thought was … wasn’t. Tallulah wasn’t what I thought. She was in there kissing a fucking teacher. She wasn’t even cheating on me with a guy our age. She was with a teacher. Fucking hell!

  “I need to get smoked. I know you have some,” I said as I shoved the door open and stalked out of the school.

  “You want weed? Really?” Haegan sounded excited. As if his world was full of sunshine and rainbows. Seeing Tallulah making out with a teacher hadn’t twisted his gut.

  I went directly to his Porsche. It was new, completely loaded, and he’d paid cash for it. All because of that camera he had all the time. The lights blinked, and I jerked open the passenger door, then climbed in.

  Once he was inside, he reached over, opened the glove compartment, and there for anyone to find was a bag of weed. “Let’s get baked.” It wasn’t a suggestion. He was serious. And I decided so was I.

  “In the school parking lot?” I asked, looking around, although the windows were tinted and no one could see us.

  “There’s a student-teacher make-out session going on in that building. Do you honestly think us smoking a little is gonna be the main concern here?”

  Being reminded of what I’d seen, I nodded. “Fine, but you want to smoke that in this car?”

  He inhaled deeply and then laughed. “Take a deep one, dude. It’s been smoked in here many times before.”

  He was right. I’d been too upset to think about how his expensive-ass car smelled when I’d gotten inside. Apparently he wasn’t worried about resell value or his mother taking a whiff. “What if your mom gets in this car and smells this?” My parents would kill me.

  He just chuckled and went to rolling up a smoke. On the freaking dashboard. Of a Porsche. He was insane.

  “I bought her house. What the fuck you think she’s gonna say?”

  Wow. I hadn’t realized that.

  “You first,” he said, handing it to me once it was ready.

  I looked at it only a moment, then decided what the hell and took it.

  He Doesn’t Know How to Love

  CHAPTER 33

  TALLULAH

  After the complete shock of what had just happened sunk in, I jumped up, tripping over the chair I had been sitting in, and moved back. Away. Far away. Had that really just happened? I’d been laughing with Mr. Dace about his bad computer skills; then he was down here beside me telling me how much he appreciated me. I had felt a little uncomfortable by the closeness.

  He had touched my face and told me I was beautiful. He said he wished he was younger or that I was older. I had no words and wanted to leave just as his mouth covered mine. This was definitely not okay.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just … I think about you all the time. I can’t get you out of my head.” He was talking again. Saying things that I couldn’t believe. He was my teacher. This wasn’t right.

  I shook my head and backed up, then decided I better run. He called out my name as my hands opened his door frantically. My heart was pounding in my chest, and tears stung my eyes. I realized I was scared. I wasn’t sure of what. He had just kissed me, but I was new to all this. To guys being attracted to me. I wasn’t ready to have a grown man’s attention. I didn’t want it. Had I done something to make him think I did?

  I stumbled out of his room after fumbling with the door in my panicked state.

  “Tallulah!” He called out my name again, but I kept run
ning. I’d left my book bag behind. In his room. My keys were in that bag. I had no way to get home. A tear rolled down my face, and I kept running. I had no idea where I was going to run. So I turned and ran into the women’s restroom.

  Stopping at the sink, I grabbed it for support and looked at the wide-eyed scared girl in the mirror. What had happened today? How had things gone from good to this? Was this my fault? Had I made Mr. Dace think this was okay? That I wanted it?

  I didn’t even have my phone. It, too, was in my backpack. I was without anything. I couldn’t call … Nash. That’s who I wanted to call. That’s who I wanted to run to. But I had no way to call or leave. I was stuck.

  The door to the restroom opened, and I spun around to see Mr. Dace standing there. He looked upset. He had his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and didn’t look scary or intimidating at all.

  I backed up anyway. “This is the ladies’ restroom.” I pointed out the obvious.

  “I’m sorry, Tallulah. I shouldn’t.” He paused and ran a hand over his face with a sigh. “That was wrong. I don’t have an excuse for it. I sure as hell didn’t mean to scare you.”

  Well he had. “Why did you do it?” I blurted out, then backed up more. I wanted distance.

  He lifted his head, and his eyes were sad. He seemed lost. In pain. Lonely. “Because I’m in love with you. I’ve fought it since day one. The first time I saw you. But you’re impossible to resist. I can’t help how my heart feels.”

  I shook my head no. “Mr. Dace,” I said.

  “Jack. Please … my name is Jack. I want to hear you call me by my name.”

  Was he serious? This wasn’t okay. Why me? I never acted like I wanted this. Did I?

  “Mr. Dace,” I said, refusing to say his first name. “I don’t think you know me enough to love me.”

  He chuckled softly. “What do you know about love, Tallulah? You’re so damn innocent. I’ve watched you, studied you, been fucking fascinated with you from the moment you walked into my room. So yes, sweetheart, I know that I love you. There is no question in my mind.”