I shook my head, figuring that Optimus had not invited me to this meeting for a reason and I began to step backward and head back to my room. The woman moved from Optimus and was taken into the arms of several brothers. I started to feel better, she was obviously someone who was important to the club.
Just as I turned to head back through the hallway door, I heard an excited squeal.
“Daddy!”
I frowned, I hadn’t seen any old ladies around with kids. “Daddy! Uncle Blizzard is trying to tickle me.” I followed the little girl with dark mahogany curls as she zipped through the patio doors. Blizzard was laughing right on her tail as she sped across the wooden floor. I knew all the club kids and I’d never seen this little girl before, but I also didn’t see any other visitors in the room apart from the woman with the orange hair, who I assumed to be her mother.
Who was she calling?
No.
As I watched the beautiful young girl leap into Optimus’ arms, it felt as though someone had kicked me in the stomach. The air rushed from my lungs and I struggled to breathe. Optimus swung her around, a broad smile stretched across his face. A smile that I now knew was not just for me.
“Daddy, save me,” she called, giggling as Blizzard tried to reach around his friend to grab at her feet and legs. Optimus laughed and tucked her into his side with a tender kiss on her cheek. I scanned the room. No one looked surprised; no one looked like this was out of the ordinary. They all smiled as they eyed the reunion.
Run, you need to run.
Tears clouded my vision as I tried to make my way backward, away from it all. My legs wobbled, obviously not getting the memo my brain was trying to send them, and I stumbled to the side, falling into a table and causing it to scrape loudly across the floor.
Several sets of eyes looked my way, but there was only one set that’s chocolate brown depths turned my insides to mush. They widened momentarily before he regained his composure and his usually stern face returned. The girl’s mom looked back and forth between us, clearly confused. I didn’t dare scan the other faces in the room. Knowing exactly what kind of reactions I would find—pity.
“Daddy, will you come play with me?” the little girl asked, oblivious to the tension that had filled the room. His eyes stayed focused on me as he adjusted her on his hip and took a slow step as if he was about to move toward me.
But I was already gone.
Run, keep running.
“Hey Chel,” Harmony chimed.
“Did you know?” I cried, attempting to hold my cell between my ear and my shoulder as I threw clothes into a bag.
There was silence for a minute. “Oh, Chelsea,” she whispered softly.
“You knew!” I gasped, feeling tears begin to burn once again.
Did everyone know but me?
“Kit only told me yesterday. He wanted to warn me.”
I scoffed. “He wanted to warn you that your best friend might be about to lose the plot.” I let loose a sarcastic laugh. “Thanks, Kit!”
“You need to talk to him, Chelsea. Let him explain.” I heard him call from in the background. I knew he’d be there.
“I’ve saved a room for you,” Harmony said softly.
“Harmony! Tell her to talk to him,” Kit growled.
I swallowed. Harmony knew me well. She’d been the only one I’d really talked to about what it was like for me growing up. She knew I wasn’t going to stop to talk to him, she knew I was going to run.
“I need to find Blizzard and ask if it’s okay that I leave.”
Club girls weren’t allowed to go away overnight without getting permission from Optimus or Blizzard first. It was important that they knew where we were at all times, just in case something happened and they needed to get a hold of us in a hurry.
“Do you want me to call him?” she offered.
I shook my head, stupid even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “I’m a big girl. I’ll do it.”
“Okay, I love you, Chel. Just hang in there and I’ll see you in a few hours.”
I sniffed. I missed Harmony more than I thought I did. She’d joined the club just before me, the attraction to the men and the parties and the lifestyle just too perfect to give up. We bonded straight away and never looked back. We both came from backgrounds, where relying on others to be there for you and care for you was just too much to ask. We’d learned to never expect anything from anyone. We were independent and while I had dreams of one day being swept off my feet, I didn’t need a man to run my life. I did just fine by myself.
I finished packing my bag and went in search of Blizzard. When he wasn’t in his room, I knew I would have to venture back out to the main room and risk seeing Optimus on the way. I took a deep breath as I stepped into the main room, blowing it back out slowly when I realized it was basically empty bar Wrench and Ham.
“Blizzard around?” I called over to them as they sat huddled at a table. Wrench looked up and gestured with his head to the opposite hall.
“Op’s office.”
Walking through avoiding eye contact, I knocked on the office door. But when it opened it wasn’t Blizzard.
Wrench that bastard.
I took a step back, but Optimus growled, “Stop it, Chelsea. Get in here.”
“I want to talk to Blizzard.”
“Well, he ain’t fucking here.” He stepped to the side, holding the door open and giving me space to walk past. My body shook. Every part of me was screaming run, go, run. Every part of me except my heart. My heart desperately wanted him to explain and had hopes that things were not what they seemed. “Now.”
I jumped but fell quickly into line. I’d let him say his piece, then I’d go. I stood awkwardly in the middle of his office as he closed the door behind me.
“What did you need Blizzard for?” he asked as he circled around in front of me.
“I want to go visit Harmony. I’m leaving now,” I said sharply.
“No.”
My head shot up in surprise. “What?”
“I said no,” he repeated calmly as he walked around his desk. He placed a hand on the back of his chair but didn’t sit down. I clenched my fists, trying to remind myself that I needed to keep my emotions in check. “I know you, Chelsea. You’re scared. Your mind is telling you to get the fuck outta here. That’s what you do. Well, stop. Stop and talk to me.”
I hated that he knew me so well, and with the events of this morning it was evident that I didn’t know who he was at all. My mind wouldn’t work and my mouth felt dry. “She’s yours.”
He nodded. “She’s mine.”
“How old is she?”
I saw a smile tug in the corner of his mouth. I could tell just by that simple gesture that his love for his daughter was strong. “Harlyn is five.”
I swallowed, trying to wet my dry throat. “And her mom?”
His eyes met mine. “That would be Sugar.”
I coughed out a laugh and gripped a hold of the office chair that sat in front of me. “Awesome. Well, I wish you both the best.” I turned for the door.
“Sugar and I haven’t been together for a very long time,” he tried to explain. “My brothers are the only ones that knew about them, and they were never allowed to speak a word of it to anyone.”
I sighed but refused to turn around. “And you never thought that this was something that I deserved to know?”
“I don’t make a point of letting club whores know my business.”
I laughed and spun around to face him, pointing my finger accusingly. “And there it is.”
“That’s not what I—”
“No, don’t take it back now. Let’s just get it out there!” I beamed with fake enthusiasm. “You’re an MC President and I’m just a whore.”
He swung his fist and it slammed into the wall to his left. “Stop putting words in my fucking mouth, Chelsea!”
I flinched, but I powered through. There was no stopping now. I knew I was disrespecting him, I knew I was disr
especting the club, but the pain that this had caused was like a stab to the heart with a venomous knife, and slowly but surely the darkness was taking over my body. The logic in my brain told me that he really hadn’t done anything wrong.
He was right—I was just a club whore, and club whores had no business making demands or expecting information they weren’t entitled to.
But the pain in my heart wouldn’t stop. What had begun as a dull ache was now completely destroying me.
I was angry.
I was hurt.
I felt like I’d been deceived.
“Why can’t you just grow some balls and admit it?” I yelled at him across the room.
“You’re walking a fine line, Chelsea,” he growled over my outburst. He was furious.
“Just admit it. I’m not good enough for you!” Now the tears had started. They filled my eyes and quickly burst the small dam. I scowled through the tears, trying to hide the pain in my heart, behind the anger in my soul. “All I am to you is another piece of ass.”
Fake it till you make it.
Hide the pain.
Run.
I saw his face soften only slightly, and he moved around his desk toward me. “Chelsea, that’s not it.”
“Bullshit. I’m convenient, nothing more than that.” I shook my head. “I guess I’m not surprised. Three years we’ve been doing this ridiculous dance.”
“What do you want? You want me to make you an Old Lady?” he snapped.
“Have I ever asked you to make me anything? Have I ever asked for more than what you give me?”
He frowned at me. “You aren’t like the other club girls, I know that.”
“Exactly,” I said, my legs shaking and tears sliding down my cheeks. “I’ve never asked you for anything, Optimus. I’ve never asked you to give a shit about me. I’ve never asked you to show me a side of you that I know your brothers don’t see, and I’ve never asked you to spend every night holding me and telling me how beautiful I am, even though you could have just fucked me and left. Yet, you still can’t admit that you have actual feelings for me because falling in love with a whore is just so God damn beneath you.”
He reached out to me, wrapping his large hand around my slim wrist and pulling me close. The fire in me calmed as soon as I felt his body against mine. My thick hoodie and denim jeans did nothing to protect me from the warmth I always felt when his body was against mine. With one hand holding me close, the other gripped my jaw—almost too tightly—and lifted my face up so I had no choice but to look into his eyes.
“You mean more to me than any fucking woman I’ve ever met,” he whispered softly. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off. “No. You’ve had your say, now you’re going to shut that pretty little mouth and listen.” His hand moved from my wrist to my hip and his finger kneaded at the muscles there. “Yes, I am the president of this MC, which means people would do crazy things in order to hurt me. That’s the reason Sugar and Harlyn live so far away, and that’s the reason why it’s better for us to be this way. But that does not mean that I don’t care about you or think of you as some lowly whore. Because Blackbird, you’re so much more than that.” His tone was soft and his words hit me hard.
It was at that point that I knew, even with all the shit I’d been through in my life, Optimus was going to be the one to break me.
The office door swung open and I quickly turned away, brushing at the wetness on my cheeks and trying to hide my face.
“Dad! This place is awesome! Did you know you had a playground? Do you play on the playground? You should come play on it with me.” The little voice talked so fast I wondered where she found the time to breathe.
I didn’t even have to look at Optimus to know that he had the most stunning smile on his face. It’s like his mood could change the whole feel of a room, that’s just how powerful his energy was.
“Maybe soon, Harlyn. Daddy’s just talking to Chelsea.”
After a few minutes of silence, I felt a tug on my shirt and turned to find the most beautiful little girl standing at my side. Auburn colored hair framed her heart-shaped face that shone brightly up at me like I was her favorite cartoon character. “Are you, Chelsea?”
I couldn’t help but smile as Harlyn’s baby blues glittered. I shot a questioning glance at Optimus. A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth as he nodded, giving me permission to speak with his daughter.
I dropped myself to the floor on my knees and sat back, placing my hands on my lap. “I am. What’s your name?”
A grinned flashed across her face, her smile stunning even with a tooth missing. “My name is Harlyn! That’s my dad, did you know that?” She pointed over her shoulder, but her eyes stayed fixed on me.
I gasped and covered my mouth. “No, I didn’t! That’s kind of cool.”
She nodded enthusiastically and moved a little closer to me and whispered, “He’s the president.”
“What does that mean?” I whispered back.
“It means he gets to boss people around and they have to do what he says.” She rolled her eyes and I held in a laugh. “But not me. Because I’m his daughter. Mommy says I have him wrapped around my little finger, but he’s quite big.”
“He is, isn’t he,” I agreed.
“Will you come and play with us on the playground?”
I smiled at the young girl. “I wish I could, but I’m just saying goodbye. I’m going away to visit a friend for a few days. Maybe we can play when I get back?” I avoided looking up at Op, knowing I would get my escape now.
Harlyn held up her hand. It was in a fist all except for her pinkie finger. “Do you pinkie promise?” I tilted my head at the little girl curiously. “Daddy says you can’t break a pinkie promise. When he visits me he always pinkie promises me that he will come back and he always does.” Harlyn turned her head and grinned up at her dad. She looked at him like he was her hero—I couldn’t blame her, at one point I’d felt the same way.
“I pinkie promise,” I murmured, hooking my little finger around hers.
We smiled at each other for a minute before she jumped up and launched herself into her father’s arms. He caught her with complete ease. “To the playground!”
I pushed myself off the floor as they walked to the door.
“Three days. That’s all you get.” Our eyes met and I could see the warning that was laced in his stare. “You pinkie promised.”
With that, he was gone. His deep voice and the echo of a five-year-old’s giggles moving down the hallway until I could no longer hear them.
So I ran.
“Still making the club whores cry I see.” Sugar leaned against the pole of the swings as I pushed Harlyn gently. I glanced over my shoulder to see Chelsea packing her bag into her car. I turned away before I got the urge to run over and ask her to stay.
It was better this way. If we were being watched then hopefully they would think she was unimportant—letting her leave without someone to watch her.
What she and everyone else didn’t know was that there was someone watching her. Kit had already sent one of his boys, Lift, to tail her all the way to Troy. The kid was good and I knew she’d be safe.
“They know what they’re getting into when they come here.”
“That’s not a ‘kicked puppy’ look. That look is more like a puppy that you took home, played with, named, fed and then threw off a bridge a week later.” I glared at her, but she just stared me down. Sugar was sweet and soft and caring, but the girl was strong.
“It’s complicated,” I muttered as I pushed softly against Harlyn’s back.
I could see her frowning at me through the corner of my eye. She was studying me. “Oh, Optimus. Not again.”
I stopped the swing as Harlyn jumped off and ran toward the jungle gym. I followed after her hoping to avoid Sugar, but she shadowed me the whole way.
“Don’t do it.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
/>
“The reason you bought us here. There’s something big going down isn’t there?” She pulled at the sleeves of her sweatshirt, tugging them over her hands.
“You know I can’t talk to you about it. But yeah, it’s pretty damn big.” I could see the wheels in her head moving as she put together piece by piece just what was happening.
I felt her hand on my arm. “Don’t push her away.”
My body stiffened. “I’m doing what I have to do to protect my family.”
“And how did that work out for you last time, Op?” The strike was low and she knew it.
I growled and turned on her. “You and Harlyn are still alive aren’t you?”
She scoffed and met my gaze head on. “Yeah, congratulations! Because of what you did our relationship fell to pieces and you see your daughter once a year. Good work.”
“You never wanted to be a part of the club anyway,” I accused, jabbing my finger at her. “You’re the one who wanted out, refusing to come home.”
She looked hurt for a moment before shaking it off. “You pushed us out and you pushed us so far away, it hurt. And after everything that happened with your dad, I was young, pregnant and scared,” she sighed, “there was no coming back after that.”
“I did what I had to do to protect you and my daughter,” I muttered, watching as my beautiful girl scaled the climbing frame like a pro.
“No,” she whispered. “You made a mistake that hurt all three of us.”
I couldn’t look at her. Sending her away with my child had been one of the hardest decisions I’d ever had to make. She was right. I knew it wouldn’t have worked between me and Sugar, but I could have done more to fight for them, I could have kept them safe and been more involved in Harlyn’s life.
I’d made a mistake.
“And now you’re about to make it all over again,” Sugar said as she stared up at our little girl. “Except this time, she won’t have a reason to keep you in her life.”
“Daddy, catch me!” I moved under the jungle gym just as Harlyn threw herself off the top and into my arms. The girl had no fear. She had absolute trust in me. She knew I would catch her.
Chelsea (The Club Girl Diaries Book 2) Page 6
