by Stan Mason
‘That’s extremely good,’ I commended without a great deal of enthusiasm although I was generally pleased. Duke had certainly captured the essence of what I had wanted to be written into the Great Chain of Being. I knew without doubt that I had appointed the right spirit to lead the project. ‘Is everyone of the team fully employed on their topics?’ I enquired gently, hoping to be able to release myself from the task ahead.
‘We’ve followed your instructions,’ he related freely, ‘and in some cases there are two spirits working on some individual themes.’
‘Good!’ I uttered briefly, floating swiftly towards the exit.
It was enough for me to depart. I had an irrepressible urge to speed back to the high black wall in order to determine what was on the other side and I started on my way. However, I hadn’t gone very far down the highway when I heard the sound of bells pealing loudly in the distance. I grimaced knowing by instinct that they rang for me. I had broken the rules again and there was no doubt that some high-ranking angel was considering the means of how I was going to be punished.
Without delay, I felt myself being heaved upwards for a very long distance before finding that I had landed in a vast region of icy waste. Everything about me was pure white; the snow was exceedingly thick. I could see a deep ravine in front of me while behind me ranged some high white mountains with sharp jagged peaks. It was a miserable, sombre and desolate place. I stood in the freezing cold on an icy plain which sported no less than three feet of soft snow all around me with no knowledge of what lay before me. Whichever angel had sent me to the Desert of Ice was deliberately making a point because he or she had been spiteful in establishing me in rigid form so that my reformed stiff body was standing in thick snow reaching up to my waist. I shivered in the icy cold facing a fierce wind which swept harshly across the plain. It was extremely uncomfortable especially as the angel who reformed my body ensured that some feeling had been returned to me. Clearly, I was being punished for my misdeeds which related to leaving the team to undertake the Great Chain of Being by themselves instead of managing the project and almost certainly because of my desire to find out what was happening beyond the great high black wall at the end of the highway. As I stood shivering in the freezing cold, I doubted that I would ever find out anything about the latter.
I tried walking forwards even though there was nowhere in particular to go but my legs failed to negotiate the thick white snow easily. It was too deep for me to move more than a few inches at a time and I struggled to get ahead. I had no idea whether to motivate myself downwards into the valley or to climb the steep face of the mountains behind me to try to find shelter in a cave... if one existed. I decided quite quickly to take the downward route in the hope of finding a cabin or a dwelling where I could rest and shelter more comfortably. It was a vain hope because I struggled down into the valley for a long distance until I was practically exhausted without finding any port of call. Eventually, I sat down in the snow wondering what to do for a while, trying to gather my thoughts as I shivered in the iciness. Surely someone would transport me from this utter hell to bring me back to where my team were dealing with the Great Chain of Being! If they didn’t, I wasn’t certain that my spirit would survive the punishment.
I decided that it was time to apologise for my misdemeanours and I stared upwards at the snow which started to fall rapidly out of a black sky.
‘I’m sorry!’ I shouted at the top of my voice against the wind. ‘I promise not to leave the team again! I promise never to go along the highway to the great black wall at the end. I will follow the rules in future and not become too zealous if only you’ll bring me back from this place.’
There was no reply and no reaction, simply the sound of the wind howling in my ears. I had no idea whether anyone had heard me or whether they wanted to hear me. It would appear that whoever had sent me to this horrid place wasn’t interested in showing me mercy on this occasion. I was being dutifully punished for my actions although I felt I didn’t deserve a fate quite so harsh. I could feel my face freezing in the icy coldness and I looked down to examine the clothes I was wearing. They were clearly insufficient for this kind of savage weather in the Desert of Ice but I was helpless to do anything about it.
The storm turned into a blizzard driving the snow which began to fall heavier as it came down thicker than ever. I rued the fact that I had upset one of the angels in the hierarchy to be left in such an awful terrain perhaps for the whole of eternity. My vision as to how the angels determined their forms of punishment came to mind in that instant. They were savage and cruel when it came to spirits with great consciousness. I had spent six months on the ledge at the Pit of Desolation. It was quite possible that I would spend even longer in the vicious Desert of Ice. At that particular moment, I felt that reincarnation may have been more preferable than being sent to Heaven after all. It no longer concerned me that if I went back I would become another personality with different parents, in an alternate region of the world leading a completely strange life. The only thing that scared me was the possibility that I might return to Earth as a dog or a cat. I don’t think I could stand being sent back as any kind of an animal be it feral or a pet.
I struggled blindly onwards through the blizzard for a while until the punishing angel felt obliged to show me a modicum of mercy. This occurred when I suddenly came across a small old wooded cabin made out of tree trunks which loomed out at me in the storm. I clambered through the snow swiftly forcing open the door before collapsing in a heap inside. Not surprisingly the cabin was empty and I peered around in the dim light to note that it was devoid of any furniture sporting only a large open fireplace in the single room. With the wind howling against me, I managed to close the door, wedging it under the handle with a slat of wood that I found on the floor before leaning against it with relief.
I then sat down on my haunches close to one of the walls with my legs up and my arms around them. The fierce wind battled outside the cabin in an attempt to blow it down but it was stout enough to weather the storm exceedingly well. It was my intention to stay exactly where I was until the punishment was deemed to be enough and I sat there bleakly with a dozen thoughts going through my tired mind. I doubted whether I could ever be considered as a model spirit in Heaven. I had too much consciousness to be honoured in such a way. However, there had to be other spirits who were exactly the same as myself. What were they doing in Heaven and were they going through the same kind of punishments as myself? It was too much to believe that I was the only spirit asking a multitude of questions and continuously breaking the rules. If only I could understand what went on in Heaven it would be a great help, especially if I could confront God or a Supreme Being himself to present my case!
3
As I sat wearily on my haunches with my back against the wall, the door suddenly burst open. A giant figure about eight feet tall appeared in the doorway covered in a black shroud from head to toe. He ducked to enter the cabin and I stared at him in the dim light fearfully but I could only see his face. The eyes were close together with thick eyebrows above them, large teeth stretched over his thick lips in an ugly fashion, he had a very long straight nose, while the colour of his skin was almost black. His eyes lit up as he saw me and for a moment I believed that his lips almost curled into a smile. Intrepidly, I got to my feet to face the monster pressing my back firmly against the wall. He walked across to the other side of the room leaving the door wide open and I felt relieved that he did not approach me directly. With some difficulty, I closed the door and turned towards him wondering whether he might be a friend or a foe. Indeed, there was nothing in the cabin with which I could defend myself if he was intending to attack me. He appeared to be most assured in his attitude and very confident at having come through the icy waste. I dwelt on what he might have done to be sent to this utter dismal harsh wasteland.
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ he greeted in a sonorous voice wit
h an element of a smile on his face. ‘It’s not often I come here and it’s very rare to find anyone else around.’
‘Who are you?’ I demanded curtly. I eyed him up and down in the dim light. He was the tallest person I had ever seen and he wasn’t fuzzy or blurry like other spirits, although I couldn’t make much of him as he was wearing an awful long black shroud.
‘You might call me the Cosmic Joker,’ he explained briefly, standing with his back to the fireplace which suddenly burst into flame as though by magic, allowing him to warm himself.
‘Have you been sent here from Heaven,’ I asked naively.
‘Heaven!’ he guffawed. ‘I don’t think so. I presume you believe that’s where you’ve come from. No... in your words... I’m from what you call the Dark Side. It’s possible for me to enter this realm because the Desert of Ice is common ground.’
‘Common ground to whom?’ I demanded, wondering what he was talking about.
‘It’s not necessary for me to explain that to you,’ he replied unhelpfully. ‘Anyone sent here for punishment is bound to end up within my grasp but I assure you it’s not my role to deliberately hunt for souls. As I said, I’m the Cosmic Joker.’
‘Hunt for souls,’ I gasped becoming more fearful by the second. Did this monster intend to take my soul and send me to the Dark Side? I began to shiver in the coldness, becoming even more terrified by the visitor. ‘What do you mean by the Cosmic Joker?’ I enquired eyeing him up and down. Although he was dressed in black, he didn’t seem to be a spirit from the Dark Side, wherever that was, but then I recognised that looks could be deceiving.
‘I am one of thousands of Cosmic Jokers, who span the universe,’ he continued. ‘As for myself, I am the Lord of all personal events that occur in the realm known as Planet Earth of which I am personally in charge. I am mean, malevolent, evil, malicious, spiteful, cold-blooded, venomous, malignant and heartless to distraction. Let me explain that everything that happens to affect the lives of the people on on Earth is my responsibility. I cause accidents of all kinds to occur when they shouldn’t. I drive misery, grief, sorrow and despair into people who lose loved ones by one means or another. I create havoc with the numerous stupid love affairs between men and women beyond the scope of their marriages which are quickly doomed. I arrange for people to borrow money far beyond their means and then smash their investments so that they cannot repay their loans and are left with substantial debt. The world is my oyster. My speciality is to establish fear, hatred, envy, jealousy, and despair into the lives of all innocents by virtue of events which are far outside their control. I am the master of deceit. At my whim, I can make millionaires so that people may live a very affluent and comfortable life, or I can force such rich people to end their days in disaster. I am able to drive a multitude of individuals down into the dust so that they verge on the edge of suicide. It’s within my power to make a person jump from the twenty-third storey of a skyscraper onto the top of a vehicle parked by the side of the road whereby the driver, who waits for his wife and three young children, is killed by the impact. My speciality is allowing gangs to undertake robberies and get away with the proceeds, or have them caught in the act and arrested by the police. There is no limit to the effects I can establish on the unwitting people who live on Planet Earth. I start wars, create heroes, identify cowards, and herald disaster. Oh, yes, there are a thousand-and-one ways by which I can change events to disturb the minds of individuals, of married and unmarried couples, of families, of states, of nations... even of the world itself. Each time I present the worse case scenario to manifest my presence. Indeed, it’s my constant work to play pranks on individuals in order to change their lives for no other reason that for my own pleasure. I feed on their abject misery. That’s why I’m known as the Cosmic Joker.’
‘It seems to me to be pointless to play such spiteful tricks on innocent people,’ I responded sharply. ‘How can you claim to be joyful at their misery. They have no way of stopping you... no way to protect themselves. It doesn’t make sense. Why not let them live their lives in peace?’
‘Why should I?’ he snapped. ‘I have over eight million people to play with. ‘I’ll give you just one example that occurs in that large continent which suffers great heat.’
‘Africa?’ I uttered.
‘Is that what you call it?’ he continued calmly. ‘Well I keep the inhabitants starving from lack of food and water, suffering from internal wars, having to become refugees travelling from one place to another, the women being raped, the population dying of disease, as well as suffering great privations at the hands of the armed military rebels and dictators. Can you imagine the despair, the woe, the numbers of people dying from starvation, the misery, the havoc, and the chaos? It brings tears to my eyes to think about it and joy to my soul.’
I was horrified at what he was telling me but he was obviously the Lord or the Power that caused so much depression and destruction to the lives of human-beings on Earth. There was no doubt that he was from the Dark Side wherever that might be located. He certainly didn’t come from Heaven!
Before we could continue our discussion, his hand delved inside a fold in the long dark shroud wrapped around him to emerge with a large black notebook. He opened it near to the front and flicked through the pages, stopping halfway through.
‘Let me see,’ he whispered to himself as his eyes scanned the notes. ‘Yes... I influenced you to falsely inform on your fellow teacher which caused both of you enormous problems... moreso him that you. Then I arranged for you to have an affair with a female teacher which totally destroyed the fabric of your marriage when your wife discovered your infidelity.’ He turned over a few more pages of the notebook, his eyes running down the contents. ‘Ah yes! I arranged for that pedestrian to step out in front of your vehicle so that you ran him over. Yes... I induced you to flee the scene of the crime.’ He slammed the notebook shut with a resounding thud. ‘Not much disturbance in your life but enough to concern you... especially the driving offence which haunted you for the rest of your days, eh?’
‘Why are you so malicious?’ I demanded angrily, having the worst parts of my past life thrust at me. ‘Surely you can’t get any kind of satisfaction from such perverse action!’
‘But I do, I do,’ he exclaimed triumphantly, jumping up an down with excitement like a child. ‘It’s my work... my job... the only thing that lights up my existence.’
‘Are you a spirit or a devil or what?’ I enquired, recovering my poise.
‘A spirit?’ he laughed loudly. ‘I hardly think so. Tell me, what’s a devil? I’m not aware of the term. No, in truth, I’m what you would call a God. A Supreme Power with total jurisdiction over the Planet Earth.’
‘Well if this place is common ground and you’re from the Dark Side,’ I ventured boldly, ‘then there is a Hell as well as a Heaven.’
He paused to consider my comment for a short while before replying. ‘If I were in your shoes,’ he returned curtly, ‘I wouldn’t presume anything. What might have been considered normal on Earth when you were alive doesn’t necessarily respond to anything that happens in this world. You have to believe what you see and yet ignore it at the same time otherwise you’ll be possessed of images that may or may not exist.’
His reply was entirely enigmatic and I had good reason to ignore anything he told me. Yet, at the same time, I knew that his logic was correct. Most of the things I had experienced after my demise were unreal, mainly due to the fact that there was no such thing as time in the spirit world. Things had happened which I didn’t understand and all that I had been told when I was alive by parents, teachers and priests about religion and Heaven were pure fiction. Now that I had died and gone to a place I considered to be Heaven, nothing seemed to be real. In fact, I was probably one of the most punished spirits in the place. I could not believe that I had stood for six months poised on the ledge at the Pit of Desolation tr
ying not to fall in. I turned my attention once more to the Cosmic Joker.
‘I’m intrigued on how you got here,’ I went on persistently. ‘I thought this was the kingdom of Heaven.’
‘It’s simple enough,’ he responded easily. ‘There’s a portal which allows entry into the Desert of Ice. I come regularly to find out who’s being punished.’
‘Then you’re not after my soul,’ I advanced cautiously.
‘Your soul!’ he spat. ‘I’m the Cosmic Joker. The one responsible for that is the Soul Gatherer and I should advise you that I communicated with him telepathically to tell him you’re here. He’ll be coming for you very shortly.’
Not surprisingly, I was filled with concern at the remark. ‘What happens when he takes a soul?’ I enquired tentatively dreading the answer.
‘It becomes a dead soul,’ replied the Cosmic Joker. ‘The live element belongs to him but the spirit from which he takes it is dead forever.’
Without hesitation, I hurried towards the door of the cabin and opened it. I didn’t wish to wait for the Soul Gatherer to arrive and fighting my way through the blizzard outside seemed a far better option than to end up as a dead soul. As I passed through the doorway into the icy cold wind outside, my body lost its form and I became a fuzzy spirit again. But it was only for a brief moment as, without warning, I was transported back to a small room facing an angel with large white wings tucked behind her. It took me a few moments to adjust to the change and I stared at her in surprise.
‘What happened?’ I asked gently. ‘And who are you?’
‘I am the Angel of Retribution who sent you to the Desert of Ice,’ she explained in a smooth golden voice. ‘However I didn’t expect you to encounter anyone else there.’
