The Other Side of Heaven

by Stan Mason

  ‘You’ve no right of appeal,’ stated a member at the end of the table. ‘No right at all.’

  ‘Am I to understand that you deny me the option of presenting my case to a higher authority? After all, it’s the most democratic way of dealing with the issue.’

  ‘This is not a democracy,’ countered the member in the centre. ‘We do indeed deny you that opportunity.’

  ‘You can’t do that!’ I pressed irately. ‘If you refuse to allow me to advance my case I’ll refuse to go back to the other realm.’

  ‘There are ways to force you to do so,’ snarled the member at the end of the table.

  ‘You mean like the Germans in World War Two,’ I mimicked. ‘We have ways of making you talk! Only in this matter it’s ways of making me leave.’

  The members conferred with each other, mumbling between themselves in low undertones. Then the central member faced me directly.

  ‘You may have your wish but I assure you it will make no difference in the end. Kovak will take you to him.’

  They all rose and left the room except for my guide who went to the door and beckoned to me to follow him. We left the room and walked some distance away down the roam in silence. Eventually, we arrived at another building and entered to stand alone in a small lobby.

  ‘This is the place of the Senior Officer who’s in control of the Committee,’ he informed me. ‘Don’t try to challenge him on any issue. I warn you... he’s formidable.’

  I wasn’t certain whether he was trying to fill me with fear. If that was his intention he was being very successful. My stubbornness was getting me deeper and deeper into trouble.

  We didn’t have to wait very long for a door suddenly opened in the lobby and Kovak indicated for me to enter. I went inside and noting that it slammed shut loudly behind me. Before I knew it, I came face to face with an enormous spirit sitting behind a broad desk. I estimated that he was at least eight feet tall, with an unusually ugly face and a very menacing stare. He looked at me as though I was a dirty rag ready to be discarded at the first opportunity.

  ‘Before you say anything,’ I blurted out, ‘let me tell you that I’m extremely impressed by what goes on in your realm. There are so many awful tales about this place on Earth and lots of pictures and paintings depicting horrible scenes. I realise now that they’re all untrue.’

  ‘I’m not interested how people view us on Earth,’ he snapped, angry at having been disturbed. ‘We don’t need promotion. Many of them will end up here anyway.’

  ‘But I’ve noticed you turn them from criminals into good-minded citizens,’ I commended. ‘You change them magnificently. Far better than the other realm which is revered by the living.’

  ‘You appealed against the decision of the Committee,’ he went on in a sonorous voice focussing directly on the subject. His voice sent a flow of terror running through my spirit.

  ‘Indeed I did,’ I replied lamely, wishing now that I hadn’t done so realising that I felt extremely inferior in his presence. He may have been Satan himself for all I knew although I had no proof of it.

  ‘You have no case to argue,’ he rattled sharply. ‘You’ve no idea what’s required to gain entry into this realm. We take the worst criminals and revise them to become excellent spirits.’

  ‘Is that the reason why you reject me?’ I gasped. ‘Because I’m not evil enough to be changed for the better.’ He did not reply and there was a pause in the discussion. ‘Why is this called the Dark Side?’ I asked, changing the subject in the false hope that it might turn to my advantage. ‘The other realm should be called that and you should be known as the Bright Side.’

  ‘No one has ever challenged the decision of the Committee before,’ he continued focussing on the main subject. ‘As far as I’m concerned their decision stands firm. Why do you refuse to leave?’

  ‘Because no one wants me,’ I bleated sadly. ‘They don’t want me in the other realm. You don’t want me here. I’m tired of being imprisoned in that awful jail in Purgatory. If you don’t reverse the Committee’s decision, I’m going to bring in the Soul Gatherer. He’d have a field day here. I met him once, you know.’

  I felt that the threat might be sufficient for him to change his mind but fortune was not with me for his eyes turned red and seemed to pierce mine as though I was facing a branding iron.

  ‘You dare threaten me and all the spirits in this realm!’ he savaged angrily, causing me to become extremely fearful. ‘I don’t think so!’ He suddenly grew tired of my presence and decided to end it quickly. His head went down slightly and before I could ascertain what was happening Kovak entered the room. ‘Take him to the egress and make certain that he passes through,’ he ordered the Committee member vociferously.

  I was marched out of the building and along the main road before being taken through the mountain range to the tunnel.

  ‘Go!’ ordered Kovak finally. ‘Leave this realm and return to the other one. You’re not wanted here!’

  ‘Do you have a torch I could borrow only it’s really dark in that tunnel?’ I asked bleakly as he started to walk away. He failed to reply and simply turned when he was some distance away to make sure that I was gone.

  Reluctantly, I entered the tunnel, feeling my way slowly along the curved wall. I concluded that, in part, I hadn’t wasted my time in Hell. My main regret was that I hadn’t been permitted to stay there. Now that was something I never envisaged before. I was a spirit that had actually been rejected by Hell itself. That fact must have been a first!

  As I made my way along the long dark tunnel, I recalled a song that had once impressed me greatly. It was written and sung by a musical group called The Beatles with the title ‘Imagine’. There were two particular lines that came readily to mind. ‘Imagine there’s no Heaven. It’s easy if you try.’ I had good reason to believe that John Lennon, the composer, may have put his finger right on the button.

  It was very regrettable that I couldn’t return to Earth to explain the reality of the situation to the people living there. They had their conceptions about Heaven and Hell the wrong way round. It was far more Heavenly to be taken to Hell... sheer Hell to find oneself in Heaven! But after reflecting on the matter, it was better that I was unable to do so. If I could return to Earth to tell everyone the difference, and I was believed to be telling the truth, the end result could be horrendous. People would suddenly turn to serious criminal activities in order to gain a better after-life in Hell... just as the Medicis and money-lenders in the Middle Ages in Florence paid to build churches in Italy believing that such acts would give them a free ride to Heaven. Regardless of my thoughts, there was nothing I could do to change the course of the after-life for the people on Earth.

  My body returned to its formal state and, in due course, I came to the end of the tunnel. After emerging, I looked back at the other side of the high black wall. I greatly rued the fact that I had not been accepted into Hell but I realised that one had to be exceptionally evil to be there in order to be changed into a decent spirit. Now I was back in Heaven and the situation was completely different.

  Before I could compose myself, my form became spiritual once more and I discovered that I could float again. The sound of bells could be heard in the distance and I wondered if they pealed for me as I entered the realm of Heaven. It wasn’t long before an angel without wings appeared, beckoning to me to follow her. I floated alongside her and we stared the journey back towards the citadel.

  ‘We would like you to sign a confession,’ she advanced as we sped on our way.

  ‘What would I be signing?’ I enquired with an element of disinterest in my voice.

  ‘Remorse for the three crimes committed by you during your life on Earth,’ she replied.

  ‘I can’t do that,’ I protested. ‘That’s tantamount ot me agreeing that I’ve done wrong in each case.’

&n
bsp; ‘It’s your last opportunity, Jeremiah, I promise you,’ she told me. ‘Let me add that you know far too much for a mere Seraph. However, if you reform your ways you may take on a new role and be promoted to the rank of Cherub.’ She paused at that point and silence reigned between us. ‘I can’t understand your reluctance... no, your abject stubbornness... to expiate your sins,’ she went on. ‘Every other spirit is only too willing to do so in order to gain entry here.’

  ‘As you probably realise by now,’ I told her, ‘I’m not like any other spirit. In any case, I wouldn’t stay in Heaven if it was the last place on Earth.’ I quickly realised what I had said and burst into laughter at my own joke. However it was quite obvious that she was less than amused by the anecdote.

  ‘You don’t realise what a privilege it is to be in Heaven,’ she countered angrily. ‘We’re in total control of... ’

  ‘Too much so,’ I cut in sharply. ‘The laissez-faire attitude enjoyed by the spirits on the Dark Side are much more preferable to me. You don’t realise how much you’ve screwed up on this side. It’s the same on Earth. The religious priests keep making up their own rules destroying the true foundation of religion. The Christians split up into numerous denominations so that many churches are empty for most of the time because of worshipper’s indifference. The Moslems continue to use terrorism for their part often as a result of the doctrines of some of their delinquent priests. It’s hardly any different here in Heaven with all your rules and regulations.

  ‘You are so wrong!’ she accused blatantly. ‘You think you know everything but you don’t. We have a solid regime here.’

  ‘Which allows the Soul Gatherer to mop up all the spirits you don’t want in Heaven. Oh, I know the score all right. Do you know what’s happening in the other realm... Hell? Spirits are allowed to do what they like. There are no rules... ’

  ‘And no morals either,’ she cut in, interrupting me in my flow.

  ‘You have the wrong idea about what goes on there,’ I muttered irately trying to convince her although I had no reason to try to do so. ‘There’s no crime because there’s nothing to steal and no point in violence. I probably don’t have to tell you that they only allow the most evil people into Hell in order to turn them into decent spirits?’

  ‘As exists in this realm,’ she countered quickly. ‘We demand only that spirits expiate their sins which you seem too reluctant to do, Jeremiah.’

  ‘Why is this conversation going on as we travel to the citadel?’ I demanded curtly. ‘Am I not allowed into any one of the buildings any more?’

  ‘You will be allowed to on one more occasion,’ she replied candidly. ‘You’ll meet the Angel of Determination again who shall outline a final proposal to you. But don’t expect too much. You’re a delinquent spirit and, as such, you have no rights here.’

  ‘That doesn’t surprise me,’ I reacted with candour. ‘I had no rights in Hell either. The balance of the decision between the two realms is relatively equal.’

  We both held our silence until we reached the citadel. Once there, she took me to a small building and indicated for me to go inside. I entered to find myself in a tiny room which was entirely bare of furniture. The Angel of Determination stood before me with his wings folded and a serious expression on his face. At that particular moment, the portents for my future did not appear to be very favourable.

  ‘I have been authorised to offer you one last chance, Jeremiah,’ he began sonorously.

  ‘I’m not signing any confession,’ I riposted adamantly. ‘If that’s on your mind you can forget it!’

  ‘I’m not interested in that feature,’ he retorted, ‘although it would resolve practically everything if you did that.’

  ‘Practically everything?’ I repeated slowly. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You know so much more than any other spirit below the rank of Denomination,’ he rattled sharply. ‘Your perception has been heightened by your advanced consciousness and we want to make full use of it. That’s the only reason why you’re still here. No other spirit has been to the other realm let alone to return back here. You’ve created a precedent which was never foreseen by the angelic hierarchy and, I have to admit freely, they are very puzzled by your progress as a spirit. Subsequently, they’re willing to make you an offer.’

  ‘An offer?’ I echoed with surprise. ‘They want to make me an offer?’

  ‘It has a condition which may well go against the grain for you,’ he went on miserably, ‘but I surmise that it isn’t really that bad.’

  ‘Of course,’ I rallied cynically, ‘there has got to be a condition. All right, tell me what you have in mind.’

  ‘On Earth, in the near future,’ he explained calmly, ‘the ozone layer will be depleted over various parts of that globe. It will cause an increase in radiation and many males of the homo sapien species will find that they have become sterile. Subsequently, it will be necessary for the scientists to create more life by artificial means.’

  ‘Artificial means... you mean like cloning,’ I cut in sharply becoming interested in the venture.

  ‘Yes,’ he returned easily, ‘as well as by other methods.’

  ‘Is this for real?’ I challenged staring directly into his eyes. ‘It seems like a tall tale to me.’

  ‘I assure you,’ he returned, ‘it’s very valid. We know what’s going to happen in different galaxies all the time.’

  ‘Okay,’ I told him. ‘ Please carry on.’

  ‘We need someone... like yourself... to write a paper on the continuation of life on Earth following the sterility of most of the males there.’

  ‘I understand that,’ I related, ‘but what’s the condition you mentioned... the one that’s not really too bad.’

  ‘You’ll be given a room and an assistant to undertake the work but it will not be carried out in Heaven. You’ll be working in the place you know as Purgatory. Every feature there will be exactly the same as if you were in Heaven but you must realise that without expiating your sins you cannot be admitted here.’

  ‘I see,’ I uttered irately. ‘You want me to carry out important work on your behalf that would be of great value to Heaven but you refuse to allow me to stay here.’

  ‘If I’m being honest your words speak the truth,’ he told me candidly.

  ‘Forget it!’ I snapped angrily. ‘Find someone else to do the work. You either accept me in Heaven or I’m out. I’m not willing to prostitute myself just to satisfy your rules.’

  ‘Do you really want to end up back in that prison?’ he enquired with a strange expression on his face.

  I recognised that he would have to return to the angelic hierarchy to tell them that he had failed in his quest. However, my refusal was final and, if they didn’t change the rules to assist me in my endeavour they would have to find someone else to undertake the task. I reckoned that my spirit was unique in a sense and that they would have extreme difficulty in finding someone else to replace me. Nonetheless, they were so fickle about the rules that I doubted whether they would capitulate.

  Not surprisingly, my return to the prison in Purgatory was mandatory as far as the angelic hierarchy was concerned and I found myself behind the bars instantly. I certainly missed the company of my fellow spirit no name feeling satisfied that I had helped him to gain entry into Hell. Lucky for him I thought with a slight smile touching my lips as I recalled his reaction whenever I came up with difficult words. The other spirit in the jail, who hadn’t been taken by the Soul Gatherer, still sat silently on a chair in the cage. I went to the bars to look out into the darkness but some kind of force field prevented my spirit from passing through them. In despair, I turned to the other spirit determined to make him talk.

  ‘This is a fine mess we’re in, I muttered hoping to gain some sort of response.

  ‘It will go on for ever,’ he returned in a F
rench accent.

  ‘Why’s that?’ I asked continuing the conversation with a question.

  ‘I refuse to sign a confession to things which are not criminal activities,’ he responded miserably.

  ‘Me neither,’ I concurred. It was obvious we had come to the same crossroads together. ‘D’ou venez vous,’ I asked. ‘Where do you come from?’

  ‘Paree,’ he informed me. ‘I was an artist in Montmartre. A good one too.’

  ‘What did you do wrong to end up here?’ I asked delighted that he was continuing the conversation.

  ‘I was sponsored by a wealthy woman who made quite a lot of money from the sale of some of my paintings. I stole some of it from her home as well as her jewellery. I believed she owed it to me. Of course, being a Frenchman, I had many affairs with women even though I was married. But I do not consider I have done anything wrong.’

  ‘Pity,’ I told him frankly. ‘If you had you’d be enjoying your after-life in Hell. But that’s another story. What do we do to get out of here?’

  He shrugged his shoulders aimlessly. ‘Impossible... unless you sign a confession. We can never escape from ‘ere. But that is only one aspect of why I am ‘ere,’ he went on.

  ‘How’s that?’ I enquired inquisitively.

  ‘I refuse to deal with anyone until I come face to face with God himself,’ he explained. ‘It is my right!’

  ‘It might be possible if he existed,’ I returned.

  He reflected my comment carefully. ‘Are you saying I am a fool,’ he muttered with an element of anger in his voice.

  ‘Only if I’m right. Why should they deny your request?’

  ‘I am not going to talk to anyone else until I see him,& he continued adamantly.

  ‘I’ve been to Hell and back and the same situation exists regarding Satan,’ I informed him. ‘They’re controlled by a Committee under the auspices of a senior officer. I was there. I actually met them.’

  ‘Are you saying you’ve been to Hell?’ He looked up at me in surprise.