by Jan Drexler
Jacob waited while Daed drove the big blue wagon into the field. Hannah’s new husband, Josef Bender, drove the green wagon with the older couple from Ephrata, Daniel and Mary Nafsinger, riding with him. Behind them came the Hertzlers’ wagon, the final one in the group from the Conestoga Valley.
Mamm had chosen to ride with Magdalena Hertzler and the little children this afternoon, talking with her friend and sharing the care of Magdalena’s little ones. Mamm was suffering during this trip. She was showing the same signs of stress Jacob had been keeping watch for in the flock of pregnant ewes. Daed worried about her, but they couldn’t stop their journey if they were to arrive in Indiana before the ewes were ready to drop their lambs.
They had taken longer to travel from Lancaster County to Brothers Valley in Somerset than Daed had planned, and it was mid-April already. They could expect the lambs to come late in May. Jacob turned to watch the ewes in the small pasture, spreading across the grass as they ate. He had no idea when Mamm expected the new baby to come, but he couldn’t see arriving in Indiana until the middle of May, or even early June at this pace. Daed felt the pressure of fleeting time also. Jacob could see it in the deep vertical line between his eyebrows.
The three wagons filed into the meadow and formed a rough half circle, facing the Schrocks’ limestone house. Jacob helped the men unhitch the teams of horses and turn them into the field behind the house where a stream ran in a winding line through the midst of the spring grass. The horses rolled in the lush growth, ridding their backs of the feel of the harness, before they stepped to the stream for long drinks. Twelve horses pulled the three wagons, and when they left Brothers Valley, more wagons would be joining them, and more horses to care for along the way.
Jacob pulled a flower from a wild carrot plant as he watched the little children run in the soft grass of the meadow, playing tag around and between the wagons. William chased after Johanna’s brothers, four-year-old John and three-year-old Lias. The three little boys had been inseparable ever since they left home, just as he had been with his friends when he was little.
He hadn’t forgotten how cute Mattie Schrock had been back then. He remembered her pug nose with the sprinkling of freckles that appeared every summer, and he remembered how she liked to follow the boys around as they played, no matter how much the others teased her. He remembered her earnest brown eyes watching his every move as he taught her to fish. And he remembered the day their family had left the Conestoga Valley. Mattie had waited impatiently as everyone said their goodbyes, anxious to start on their way.
The little girl Mattie had been a wren. Never still for a minute. Always sticking her nose into everything and interested in anything that came her way. The grown-up Mattie? Jacob rubbed his chin, scratching the growing whiskers. The little wren had turned into a beautiful woman.
“Did the sheep get into their pasture all right?”
He turned to see Johanna Hertzler at his elbow. “They’re doing fine.”
She rubbed her nose before she spoke again. “I’m glad they are.” She shifted her feet in the grass. “We haven’t seen much of each other on the trip here, have we? You’ve been with the sheep the whole time.”
“I’m their shepherd.” Jacob shrugged. “I need to be with them.”
Johanna twisted her kapp string around her finger and chewed on her lower lip. Jacob kept himself from sighing aloud. Johanna was his sister’s best friend, and he tried to be friendly to her for Hannah’s sake. She was a pesky thing, though, especially since Hannah had married Josef. But she should feel better now that they had met up with the Schrocks. She would renew those old friendships and leave him alone, for sure.
As if she read his mind, she looked toward the Schrocks’ house. “Do you think they remember us? Annie, Naomi, and Mattie? And the boys? It’s been seven years since we’ve seen them.”
“You don’t have to worry. I saw Mattie a few minutes ago, and she remembered me. The others will too. You’ll have plenty of friends.”
She shot a look at him, her eyebrows raised. “You saw Mattie? Where?”
He gestured to the house across the road. “In the garden over there. She was planting peas.”
“I should go say hello.” Johanna shifted from one foot to the other, as if she was reluctant to leave him.
“You should do that.” He stepped away from her. “I have to get to work.”
She took the hint and started toward the road, looking behind her shoulder once, as if to see if he really was working. He shook his head as he walked back toward the wagons. That Johanna needed someone to take her mind off Hannah’s marriage. She should get married herself, and then she and Hannah would be closer than ever.
3
Jacob pulled planks out from under the wagon where they were stored for traveling and laid them out to make benches for folks to sit on. Setting up camp was becoming routine after four weeks of travel. Four weeks, when the trip should have taken no more than two. Heavy rain had delayed their passage through the mountains between Lancaster and Somerset Counties. Jacob had become as short-tempered as any of them during the four days that their wagons had been stuck in heavy mud up to their axles. After they had dug them out, they had waited another week for a flooded river to subside enough that they could cross at the ford. They had nearly lost one of the ewes on that crossing as it was.
Mamm’s strained face peered around the edge of the canvas cover of the Hertzlers’ wagon as he pulled out the last plank.
“Jacob, help me down, please.”
“For sure.” He held Mamm’s hand so she could balance as she reached with one foot for the spokes of the front wagon wheel. He averted his eyes from her stomach, grown so much larger during this trip.
When she reached the ground, Mamm squeezed his hand before releasing it. “Denki, Jacob. The climb down is getting harder every day.”
“Are you . . .” Jacob faltered. It wasn’t proper to mention Mamm’s condition, but she didn’t look well with her swollen and flushed face. “Are you feeling all right?”
“Ja, ja, ja.” She waved off his question with her hand. “Riding in the wagon is tiring, and the prospect of a couple days’ rest is welcome.” She smiled at him, but her eyes betrayed her exhaustion. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”
After he retrieved Mamm’s stool from the wagon and set it on the ground for her, he looked for Hannah. She was helping the Nafsingers climb out of the old green wagon. The older couple spent part of their days resting in the wagon but walked alongside the others during most of the mornings. From their slow movements, the two days’ rest would do them good, also.
As soon as she could, Hannah hurried over to Jacob. She leaned close and spoke in a low voice. “How is she?”
“I’m not hard of hearing yet.” Mamm smiled at them. “I’m doing fine. A little tired perhaps, but I know when I need to rest.”
Hannah met Jacob’s gaze and he shrugged. If Mamm said she was all right, it wasn’t his place to argue with her. But if she was a cow or a ewe and tired this easily, he would have shut her in the barn with good food and plenty of water until it was time for the calf or lamb to be born.
Daed had unloaded some small kegs from the wagon. Jacob joined him, setting the kegs at the right distance to make a bench with the planks. When they were out of Mamm’s hearing, Jacob asked, “Will two days’ rest be enough?”
“For the ewes? Ja, for sure. The lambs shouldn’t start coming for more than a month, and they’re in good shape.”
“I meant for Mamm. She looks awfully tired.”
Daed paused, a keg balanced on the rear wagon gate. “I know. She insists everything is normal, but it isn’t.” He pulled the keg down and set it on the ground. “You know she expects the little one to come in the summer?”
Jacob nodded. Daed must be very worried to mention the subject.
“I hope the rest of our journey is easier than this first month has been. She needs to be settled and rested before her time comes.”
“But won’t traveling at a faster pace be worse?”
Daed’s shoulders slumped. “Ja, for sure. If I had known how hard this trip would be for her, I wouldn’t have insisted that we come. But I thought . . . after Liesbet . . . and she wanted to make the journey . . .” He rubbed the back of his neck. “When you marry, you’ll feel the burden. Being responsible for a family is a great joy, but also a weariness at times.”
Jacob didn’t answer. He pushed down his concerns about Mamm. Daed would take care of things. Borrowing trouble never did anyone any good.
He picked up the box of brushes and curry combs and started toward the back pasture.
What if something happened to Mamm? Jacob pushed harder to keep that thought from surfacing again. Ever since Liesbet’s death, it was as if he was standing at the edge of a cliff. He could keep a distance between the little ones and himself. If something happened to Margli or Peter, he might survive it. Even William, who looked so much like Hansli. But Mamm . . . He teetered on that cliff. At the bottom lay something dark and brooding. He couldn’t let himself risk going over the edge.
Jacob pushed again. Until last winter, Mamm had been caught in a trap of her own grief and despair. Since Liesbet’s death, he thought perhaps he understood the demons that had plagued her then. He glanced back to the wagon, to Mamm and Hannah setting up their camp with Margli’s help. She must feel that helpless pull into the darkness, but somehow, so far, she had fought against it. He would fight too. He wouldn’t let himself lose this battle.
As long as he had someone to hold on to. Mamm, or a bright little wren of a girl. That Mattie. He could face anything with someone like Mattie beside him. Meanwhile, he just wouldn’t think about it. Mamm would be all right.
When he got to the pasture, he reached out his hand to open the gate.
“Ha, Jacob!”
He turned just in time to catch Peter as he barreled down the hill, running at full speed.
“Watch it, there. You run into that fence and you’ll break it or yourself.”
Peter’s face was bright red from playing with the other children. “Come with me, Jacob. We’re playing tag, and some of the other men are playing too. You’ll beat them all, I know you will. You’re the fastest runner in the world.”
Jacob looked at his brother’s grinning face, like looking into a mirror. Peter was a smaller version of himself. A brother he could love, if he let himself.
“I’m too busy.” He went into the pasture, closing the gate behind him. “You go on and play with the others.”
Peter didn’t say anything. He never did when Jacob pushed him away, but only ran off to join in the game again. Peter’s yell came to him over the fields, carrying above the shouts of the other children. Jacob gripped a fence post, letting the rough wood bite into his skin.
Mattie hurried to finish planting the peas, turning her thoughts away from Jacob Yoder. If Jacob remembered her from all those years ago, perhaps his sister, Hannah, would too. And Johanna Hertzler. One thing that made this move west so exciting was to have friends along. If they could resume the friendship they had as girls, it would be such fun.
Of course, back then Hannah and Johanna had been Naomi’s friends, being the same age. Mattie had been the same age as Liesbet. She pushed the last pea into the ground and rocked back on her heels. But they were grown up now, and there was no reason for them all not to be friends. She counted on her fingers. Hannah, Naomi, Johanna, and herself.
Mattie stood, straightening her skirts and apron with a brush of her hand. They would have such fun on the trip. Unless the girls from the Conestoga were married. Mattie sighed. That would leave just her and Naomi the only spinsters again.
“Mattie! Mattie Schrock!” A young woman peered over the pea trellis. “You’re Mattie, aren’t you? I’m Johanna. Jacob said you were over here.”
A stab of jealousy surprised Mattie, but she ignored it. “Johanna! I would have recognized you anywhere.” She circled the pea trellis and Johanna caught her in a hug, and then Mattie held her friend at arm’s length. “You look like your mamm.”
Johanna’s nose turned pink. “Do you think so?”
“For sure you do.”
“Do you remember when she used to chase us out of the kitchen when we snitched pinches of her bread dough?”
Mattie laughed. “She would chase us out of the house, flapping her apron just like when she was chasing the hens off the porch.” She took Johanna’s hand. “I hope I didn’t make you sad by mentioning her.”
Johanna smiled and squeezed her hand. “I like to remember her. I don’t miss her as much then.”
“Did I hear your daed remarried?”
“Her name is Magdalena. You’ll love her when you meet her. She isn’t that much older than I am, but she’s a wonderful mamm for the little ones. And we have little brothers and a baby sister now.” Johanna looked at her, a grin on her face. “It’s so good to see you, Mattie! I’ve been so lonely on this trip so far, and I’m glad you and Naomi will be traveling with us the rest of the way.”
“What about Hannah?”
“Jacob didn’t tell you? Hannah is married. Her wedding was the day before we left the Conestoga.”
“Hannah has abandoned us, then. She’ll be so busy with her new husband, we’ll never get her to go berry picking or help with the babies.”
Johanna laughed. “She’ll help us, all right. But she’ll talk about Josef the whole time.”
“That must be what it’s like to be in love.”
Johanna’s face grew serious and she looked away across the road, toward the busy camp of wagons. “It must be.” The mood passed quickly and she turned back. “Let’s go find Hannah, and you can meet the others.”
Mattie followed Johanna to the three wagons set in a shallow arc in the back field. Children ran everywhere, playing and calling to each other. It would take the entire trip just to learn all of their names.
When they reached the smaller wagon, a green Conestoga, Mattie saw the young woman who had waved to her from the road making a bench out of two kegs and a plank.
“Hannah, look who I found.”
Hannah straightened up from her task. “Mattie Schrock?” She took Mattie’s hands in her own. “It’s so good to see you! How is your family? I haven’t seen Naomi yet, or your brothers. Is it true that Annie is married?”
Johanna stiffened before Mattie could reply. She followed her friend’s gaze to the next field, where Jacob was grooming the horses. So that’s the way it was. She should expect that Jacob would have a girl, or even be married after seven years. The hero of her childhood was someone else’s hero now. Maybe Johanna’s.
She forced herself to smile as she turned her attention back to Hannah. “Ja, it’s true. Annie and her family are staying here in Brothers Valley, though.”
Hannah sat on the bench, motioning for Mattie to join her. “That’s too bad. Your family will be divided, then.”
Mattie nodded. The family was divided already, with Annie’s husband following the change-minded deacon in his plan to build a meetinghouse. Once the families left for Indiana, they would probably never see Annie or her babies again. But, as Mamm said, that was in God’s hands.
“Look,” Hannah said. “The men are setting up tables outside the house. Supper must be close to being ready.”
“Is it that late already?” Mattie glanced at the sun, lowering toward the western mountains. “I need to do the milking. But you two go ahead and join the others. Naomi is inside the house, helping Mamm with supper. I know she’ll love to see you.”
She watched her friends make their way across the field toward the house. This trip was going to be just like old times as they learned about each other again. She would miss Jacob, though. She had been looking forward to renewing their friendship too, but she would never try to take Johanna’s place in his life.
Mattie went to the next meadow where their cow was grazing. Pet was the only one of their milk cows they
would be taking to Indiana. She was young and strong, with plenty of years left to provide them with calves and milk. Millie and Boss were continuing their comfortable life in Brothers Valley, so they would never know the adventurous life their sister would live.
Pet raised her head from the soft rich grass of the meadow and watched Mattie approach. Her long lashes blinked once, then twice, and she switched her long tail over her flank. The young Kerry often led Mattie on a chase when it was time to go to the barn, but not tonight. Whether it was because Mattie was late, or because of the strange horses and cows in her meadow, Pet stood quietly as Mattie came close and let her scratch around her white, lyre-shaped horns and stroke her neck.
As she patted the sleek brown shoulder, Mattie saw Jacob heading into the barn with the two cows from Lancaster County. It looked like he had milking duty too. Now she had the opportunity to find out how he really felt about Johanna. Did he like Johanna as much as her friend hoped he did? She gave Pet one last rub.
“Come on, Pet. It’s milking time.” Pet took one step and then another toward the barn. Mattie let the cow walk ahead of her. She looked past the meadow where the sun was dipping toward the horizon, its lower rim resting on the crest of the blue mountains. Soon. Soon she would see what was beyond those hills.
Evening came quickly, with the sun sinking toward the crests of the western mountains between one breath and the next.
With the camp set up and while the women were preparing supper, Jacob headed back to the pasture to find the black milk cow that had followed behind the wagon all the way from Lancaster. Even with the daily travel, she still had a good supply of milk. The Hertzlers’ cow was grazing nearby, and he took both to the barn.
He led the cows into the cellar, to the milking house. Eli Schrock had told him to use the stanchion there, and to feed the cows from the supply of grain in the bin. He wouldn’t be taking it west, he had said, so it might as well be used for a good purpose.
Jacob tied the Hertzlers’ cow to a post and put Schwartz into the stanchion. When he poured some feed into the trough at her head, the Hertzlers’ red-and-white cow mooed in protest.
